Monthly office birthday parties

I've written on this forum before about several experiences I've had at work since my RNY surgery a little over a year ago.  One time involved a rant I had when I was looking to see what if anything I could eat at a work Christmas party and a co-worker came up to me and said "Should you be having any of that?" and how it made me felt.

Last month I commented about an acquaintance who I chose not to share personal surgical information with in a conversation in which she shared her own weight loss struggles.

I have another experience to share today. Each month we have a food buffet celebrating the birthdays of various employees whose birthdays fall in a given month. Today is the party for February birthdays. It is entirely optional for a person to bring a treat or eat a treat. The party coordinator knows I've had the gastric bypass surgery and that I have food allergies to wheat, soy, gluten, and dairy.  I've participated in the past by bringing treats and having a few bites. Last year I brought a RNY-friendly desert but it was before I discovered my food allergies.

So today I emailed the party coordinator Mary and thanked her for the team-wide reminder she sent around reminding them to come and eat treats and said that my birthday is next month and that I didn't plan on bringing or eating treats because of my dietary restrictions. I hoped that would be enough to satisfy her but she sent a followup email saying she wanted me to participate and asking what I could eat. I responded saying that it wasn't a big deal to me, listed the foods I need to avoid, and said that I only eat 3 meals a day and want to avoid buffet type party grazing even if I find something that is in compliance with my allergies and dietary restrictions.

I suppose I could be a team player and show up with carrot sticks just to say I participated, but since it's optional and I don't want to be tempted to graze or inadvertently eat a food allergen, I'd really rather just skip it. I'm not a party pooper and am glad others want to participate in monthly birthday parties, but my life doesn't revolve around food anymore and I am celebrating that.

Any thoughts or similar experiences?

Thanks! I just know that food buffets are a trigger for me to try things I shouldn't eat or wouldn't otherwise eat.

 I used to work in a very food oriented department, where there was a lot of pressure to participate. Sometimes I would bring something and not even eat anything just so I didn't get hassled. But that was awhile ago. I am more focused on me now and less on pleasing others (not saying you are people pleasing--just that I was).

Now I work in a much more health conscious department, and we might have one potluck a year. No one pressures anyone else. I say stand your ground with a firm, polite, "thanks but no thanks". I understand that some people bond over food (I used to be one of them), but that time is past for you. You should not be pressured into participating in extracurricular work activities of any sort. If she refuses to drop it, it might be time to speak with HR, even though that is a bit draconian.

And Happy Early Birthday to you!

I'm glad to know that you can relate! And I'm a bit of a people pleaser and it's hard for me not to disappoint people. Since the time I wrote this post, I had the chance to further explain my situation to Mary and tell her about my food allergies and my surgery. It was a good experience for both of us.  I have to do what feels best for me about the party. I could bring something healthy that many people would enjoy. I will give it some thought since I forgot about the bonding aspect you mentioned. Thanks for your post and the happy birthday wishes!

During any "office parties" I try to participate. I may just bring a cup of tea with me or my protein shake... and just hung around with people for a few minutes.... if they ask me if I am going to eat any - I usually tell them that I already ate, or that I will get some later... That usually allows me to be part of "office" party... even for a few minutes, and still eat -drink what I know I can.  Sometimes - just because I can- I bring some food to share even though I know I will not be eating that.  It is called: "team-player"

That's a great idea that I didn't consider. I just hope I can trust myself enough to not be tempted to nibble. Thanks for the idea!

Yeah, if you just show up for a few minutes, that might satisfy people and they'll feel you're being friendly and participating but you won't have to sit there for a long time or be tempted over and over again to eat stuff you don't want to eat.

That why I bring something with  me - to have my hands and mouth busy... that way - it is a reminder not to nibble...

I think it's fine if you don't want to participate.  She probably just didn't want you to feel left out.

If you do want to participate (and again, I think it is absolutely fine if you don't) how about having a cup of sugar free hot chocolate (you have some of that you can drink, right?) at the party?