Had the Oh em gee moment today!
Today was my last appt and they submitted to my insurance for approval. I had every thought going through my head after that. I mean all was ok when i still had appts but now this is really real. Im scared, im not gonna lie, im really scared. For me to give up control and let myself get this far is a miracle. I have battled panic and anxiet for my whole life and through counseling have finally been able to realize i just cannot control everything. 2 years ago I said Heck no I would never let them put me under and rearrange my plumbing, im not sure whats changed but today it all came flooding back, that OH CRAP moment, like what have i done? my mom said "well no one is holding a gun to your head" and of course I got mad, afterall she is supposed to be my cheer leader. but yes someone is holding the proverbial gun to my head .............ME! If i didnt do this, I would surely eat myself to death, but im still scared. please someone tell me these feelings are normal. help me! :(
Hey there :) I too have battled anxiety issues for years, and its all due to me being a bit of a control-freak (to put it lightly). I even made a comment saying that if I could be awake during the surgery (without pain) I would opt to do that so I could know exactly what was going on at all times. I get the same type of anxiety when flying in an airplane.. hate it. Now I'm still two appointments away from them sending my letter to insurance, so I can not say how I will react at the point it time, but let me act as the calm version of you. We chose to start this journey because we got to our breaking point. We recognized that no matter how much control we tried to have that weight loss was simply a journey we could not do alone, and we sought out help. So in essence you are controlling your weight loss journey by opting to have the surgery :) My suggestion? Read back on some past posts, look and before/after pictures, and remind yourself why you want this, and why you have been so excited to have it! I think everyone goes through pre-surgery jitters, it is a big deal after all, but its normal. Even this early on I have moments where i freak out a bit, but its all part of the process. Take a deep breath, and hang in there :)
thankyou, that does help alot. i did choose this for a reason. Im so scared of the "what ifs" and while iv came really far from thingking that way, its always looming some where in my head. im scared I wont be able to handle the pain and think everything means something is wrong and my anxiety will be uncontrollable. BUT I could do really well and none of what i fear could happen. I hate throwing up and I know that is part of this and its usually ok. i just get so panicky like what if somethings wrong.my Dh works nights so its just me and my 8 yr old son and I worry i will get sick in the night and have him be scared. I gotta snap the heck outta this, all this could happen now before surgery. Maybe i have more work to do than I thought. :( i hate being in such despair and moaning while there is people who would give anything to have this surgery. sigh...
The best comfort I can give is that I, too, have had significant anxiety (both anxiety and panic attacks) for most of my life. Over ten years of therapy including meds. I've been on my own without assistance since 2006 and only rarely have problems BUT the night before surgery, I was outside late watering my plants and had a very stressful event that triggered anxiety attacks all over. It was horrible as with me, and likely you, once they are triggered it is like your brain arranges the wiring to allow for them to occur with relative ease. Auuugh! This is what I can tell you...
1. Most, or perhaps nearly all, of us have anxiety and fear before the surgery. So let's just realize that everyone is going through it and some of us have our wiring a little more sensitive to it so we feel it more quickly and intensely but the fear is normal before surgery.
2. Because some of us are wired this way, having greater fear is normal for us. It's not abnormal, it's just plain normal. Now, you might not think of it as "normal" but it is major surgery like you said and that will likely be an anxiety trigger for us anxiety folks.
3. Use therapy techniques. My favorite is distraction. I busy myself with everything there is. Talk to a friend, talk to us, talk to a therapist. Write down some thoughts and find a way to do a little self-analysis.
4. If you feel it is getting out of hand, see a therapist and ask for medication for the time being. Just explain that your excitement and anticipation for this surgery and all the stress of getting to this point has triggered your anxiety. There is nothing wrong with asking for help with it.
5. I can tell you that I did have a few fleeting thoughts afterwards that were anxious, they are completely gone. Maybe only occured during the first two months when hormones were high.
6. Always remember that when you go in for surgery, you can request (even before surgery date) that the anesthesia doctor to be available to help you handle your anxiety as early as possible. Mine was ready early to help me as I had a horrible night before. He was great and gave me my "relaxing" meds early so I could calm down.
I hope this helps. Don't forget to take walks. Exercise is great for anxiety. Helps to get the stress hormones out of your bloodstream!
Thanks for talking me of the proverbial ledge. I do see a therpaist every 2 weeks and I do take daily meds. ( id be a bigger mess if I didnt) All of your advice is so good and helpful. I just need to remember Im having surgery in a great hosptial and they deal with this stuff all the time and even if something does happen after im onl 20 mins from hospital. I have prayed and ask God if I am to do this show me the way and each day I feel better about doing this so wit that being said if all goes well with my insurance I know what I gotta do to live a healthy life. it helps to write this stuff out and have feedback and advice, thanks so much.
I have suffered from anxiety in the past too and I can tell you I still have it but I am headed to St. Louis right now for surgery. I have struggled for five years with 2 lap bands that gave me severe reflux, terrible heartburn and chest pain. i think in a few weeks I will be happy with my decision to convert to an RNY. Don't give up on yourself, have faith and pray and all will be ok. I keep telling myself in 8 hrs my greatest fears will be behind me and the healing can begin. Yours can too.
Every time I start to second guess my decision to pursue RNY, I think, "But then what will life be like next year? Or 5 years from now?" or I think about my obese parents, aunts, grandparents, etc. and know that genetics are NOT on my side. Even when it hits me that RNY is so "drastic," I keep thinking that a life of medications, morbid obesity and low-self esteem is not what I want, even if it means I have to eat differently forever.
I mentioned to my husband that I would never be able to "eat normally" after the surgery, and he said, "I don't know what that means because you don't eat normally now."
So true.
