OT- problem with my mammogram

There is a cluster of what they initially thought were small benign calcium deposits in my left breast.  Six months ago, they said that is pretty common and they didn't think it was anything to worry about.  However, six months later, it has become more prominent (whatever that means) and the shape has changed and it is an abnormal shape.  The radiologist that read the mammogram and my PCP recommend seeing a surgeon for a biopsy as soon as possible.

I explained to my PCP why that was not going to happen right now.  She suggested calling my therapist and asking her to prescribe something for anxiety that I could take before going to see the surgeon.  I explained that A) my therapist can't prescribe anything, she's not a medical doctor, she's a licensed professional counselor and B) I don't think there is anything that could be prescribed that would be strong enough to relieve my anxiety about seeing a surgeon.  I tried to explain my reasons for not wanting to do a biopsy but I don't think she got it.

I finally told her I would think about it and let her know if I decided I wanted a referral to a surgeon.  She had me sign something saying I did not want a referral to a surgeon at this time and that I understood the risks of not following up on this.

I am so very sorry to read this.      

For the last few years I have been traveling the country doing speaking engagements about the prevalence and impact of post diagnosis PTSD.  Mostly I talk about parenting children with illness and being able to advocate while dealing with forms of PTSD.   While this isn't the exact situation you are in, I do know a lot about what you are going through.  I wish I could be more help than just another name on a screen.   The greatest irony is that those that you are most anxiety ridden about are the same people you will need to get through this.  And if you don't go for the biopsy your anxiety about not knowing what this is and what it means is just going to heighten.  

Sending you vibes of strength and wisdom and the power to push through the hardest days to do what you can to survive.

(((hugs))))

I'm going to be real honest here.

I would like to know what's going to happen.  I would like to know what to expect.  I understand, though, that to get those answers, I'd need to get a biopsy.  Yes, there is some anxiety about not knowing.

The anxiety about the thought of going to see a doctor I don't know and having a biopsy is much greater, though.  I really believe I have PTSD as a result of the experience I had in the ER last November.  I had PTSD before that, as a result of things that happened during my childhood, but I have new symptoms following that ER experience that I did not have before.  I have nightmares about the experience three or four times a week.  I had to stop seeing my therapist because it felt unsafe even to see her.  I'm in the process of going off medication I've been on for more than ten years because I just can't go see my psychiatrist anymore.  And I was never afraid of seeking medical care before when I needed it.

And this is not just feeling anxious about going to the doctor.  It's having severe panic attacks when I try to go.  I had an appointment in February with my psychiatrist and really tried to go.  I panicked.  Couldn't go. 

The bottom line, I guess, is that I think it would be easier for me to deal with the anxiety of not knowing than with the anxiety of going to the surgeon for a biopsy.  Also, I am afraid that another negative experience with seeking medical care would be more than I could take.  For instance, I am afraid a biopsy would be  painful and that I would not get adequate pain relief.  Part of the experience I had in November was having a painful procedure performed with no pain medication at all.  Mentally, emotionally, I am not strong enough to cope with something like that happening again.  I'd rather cope with cancer, if in fact that's what it is.  And maybe it's not anything bad.  But I can't cope with the having a painful procedure performed without knowing if I'd get adequate pain relief.

NO judgment from me, Kelly.  I'm just so sorry you are going through this and that your health issue is so complicated by your PTSD symptoms.  I wish there was a way to get you some help.

So sorry you are having to deal with this.  I really hope something can be worked out that will ease your stress and allow you to follow up with this; power is in knowledge and you need to know exactly what you are dealing with in order to take the next steps.  That being said I do understand your dilemma.   Wish I lived near you so I could go with you and be there to help you out.  Keep us posted and know we are thinking of you and wishing the best.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this Kelly.  You have been such good support for all of us over the years, I hope we can provide some in return.  

Hopefully, its nothing too serious.  Remember, the goal of the biopsy is to rule out anything bad.  

I understand where you are coming from in terms of the stress level with doctors, I also know that I am new here but I always look forward to you comments and honesty.  That being said, please reconsider your decision and seek treatment as soon as you can.  I would hate to see you come this far with RNY and how you've changed your life to have it all turned upside down because of something like this.  I know thing are frightening but there are things you can do to fix it I'm also sure if you need a reup on you meds that the doctor you see for your breast would give you good ones to get you through.  We are all here for you just like you are for us.  

Hi Kelly, perhaps the hospital has a nurse advocate that can work with you to help see you through your biopsy. There are many compassionate nurses out there who would be supportive and help guide you through the process. Maybe a call to the hospital would get you a referral for one.

Actually, after posting this, I realized I have gone through something similar. I had a painful procedure unexpectedly done with no pain meds. Results were inconclusive and I was told to go back in 3 months to have another. I have not. And that's been 2 years ago. However, my symptoms let up.

None of us can know exactly how another person feels. I hope my post didn't sound judgmental, and that you can find your way through your fear and anxiety to protect your health.

I'm still pretty new here but I'm chiming in because I care! Kelly, I'm sorry this has been thrown at you. There is no worse feeling than those freakin' panic attacks, I've been there. If you don't have family that would go to your appointments with you for support, is there anyone online that lives near you that you would trust enough to go with you and talk you through each step of the appointments? I'd be there in a heartbeat to help you if I were closer. It's imperative you get more information on what is going on with the abnormality. I'm praying things work out for the best for you!