WLS forums, FB "support" groups, blogs...how do vets continue to...

I am in no way trying to be mean, criticize, or hurt anyone...just trying to understand, maybe vent a bit, about how people can go into, or be ALLOWED to go into such a life changing, body altering, major surgery with such unrealistic expectations of the outcome?  Are doctors just performing the WLS for their own benefit with no concerns with educating the patients prior to, and after, the surgery?  Is it that "we" are so desperate to lose weight, that the educational information goes in one ear and out the other, with the only goal to get thin? 
Maybe because it took me over 15 years to decide to have my WLS, I had plenty of time to research, think things through, and my main goals are to be healthier and live to see my daughter grow up, and not die at a young age like my mother...I am thrilled to lose a pound or two at a time.  If I lose more, great!  But, to EXPECT the weight to just fall off like fat melting away, is not something that I ever thought to happen.  WLS is not a quick fix.  Nothing is a quick fix for something that took years, often a lifetime, to happen. 
My question to potential WLS patients would be, "What is your primary goal of WLS?"  If it's anything other than to be a healthier person, I'd have to either deny or do LOTS of education regarding the surgery. 
It seems that from comments on forums, facebook groups and blogs, that MANY WLS post ops, as early out as a few weeks, are terribly disappointed that they are losing weight so slowly. Some are losing 40-60 pounds in 3-4 months and whining about it!  I don't get it!  Then there are those who are suggesting methods of increasing weight loss, rather than simply suggesting that they contact their NUT or surgeon with the concerns. 
I am no expert, but in the time that I did research the surgery, I learned that the "honeymoon" period is when *I* must learn, and incorporate into my life, new and healthier eating habits.  To expect the weight to fall off without my doing anything differently besides eating smaller amounts of foods, to "experiment" with poor choices of foods to "see if I can tolerate" them, to not exercise as much as I physically can tolerate, and in other words to purposely sabotage my weight loss progress is a waste of time and money.
When I was younger, I did EVERY imaginable diet and method of weight loss that you can think of.  I certainly understand the desperate need to be thin in today's world.  But, I think the surgeons and their staff NEED to make sure that patients fully understand what is being done, what to expect afterwards, and provide adequate follow up and support systems. 
It seems that some do more research when purchasing a car than when choosing WLS, from some of the comments/questions that are asked on these sites. 
How do the "vets" (WLS that are years out) continue to read, and so often politely respond to these unrealistic, often VERY uneducated comments?  I have great respect for many of you...as I'm not sure I could be so nice.  Maybe if I were at, or near my goal, it might be easier for me to give advice or read the posts.  As it is now, I just want to slap some of these people...not necessarily the ones asking questions, but the ones who give silly advice to the '2 week post op who is having a "stall" and wants to know what to do to speed up their weight loss'.  Or the WLS person who is still in the honeymoon period doing a pouch test, or a cleanse, cutting out certain foods, increasing certain foods, or something else that's no different than a quick fix, fad that got most of us where we were prior to surgery...instead of sticking with their plan and allowing their body to adjust to changes.
The thing that I find difficult to understand is how people can take advice from someone that they don't know, have never met, and probably will never meet, and go with it.  Someone who is, in most cases, just beginning their own weight loss from WLS giving advice that could be detrimental to the success of many.  Is it that they are hearing what they want to hear?  What sounds like a quick fix solution?  
I dunno...smh.  Maybe I'm just a bit "hormonal" today...or stir crazy from recent gallbladder surgery and not being able to do much other than read posts all day :)  Whatever the reason, I am ready to remove myself from the facebook groups, stop reading blogs, and stick with OH and pick and choose subjects that I read...at least until after my recovery, and I am having a life outside of here!  :) 
Thanks for letting me vent/rant?  

Janet 

 

I understand your frustration. I am still pre op and get frustrated at people whining about the amount they have lost in a short time. What are we suppose I think about the fact that I have not been able to lose weight on my own no matter what kind of diet I have tried. with that being said I can understand how others would feel that this will not work for them. I will be having surgery soon and even though I have done a lot of research and know what to expect I am sure there will be fear along the way. I'm a recovering addict and have learned that depending on others that have been where I am at helps to teach me what may work and what may not. I have also learned to take one applies and leave the rest alone. My goal for having wls is to be healthier and to be able to enjoy doing things for my children and my husband. Realistically I will never weigh 120 pounds. I would be happy just not being almost 300 pounds.

You have explained, in a nutshell, the reason why most vets do not answer posts from early out'ers.   For my mental health I have to skip over A LOT of posts! 

Whenever I see a 3 week stall post, I KNOW that person hasn't read jack on here - because if they were interested in all aspects of this journey (and not just the here and now), they wouldn't have to ask.

This morning Phentermine post is a classic for the annals of the RNY board - absolutely shocking!!!!!!

There is nothing wrong with getting advice here from people who have lived it, but posters really should look at a reply'ers history to determine - particularly if there is a conflict of advice - and then make their decision as to how to act on it.    Surgeons, NUTs etc are NOT always right and we see time and time again, outright LIES given by doctors and their staff.   Again, we must question them if something they say seems a bit iffy - they are not Gods and they don't live with this, so be judicious (and intelligent) - call your surgeon - is NOT always the best advice!

Oh Janet, I agree with you on many points. You have the advantage of maturity. I don't mean in how many birthdays you have had, but in your ability to be realistic about life and the power of patients.Sometimes it is difficult to re-read the same questions and sometimes I do need to "step away from the keyboard" because I may not be kind in my responses. I think that I had the advantage of finding this web site about 9 months before I had surgery and had many of what would be concerns answered by just reading, reading and more reading. When I couldn't find an answer, I would ask, but not ask any medical question nor any that I just wanted someone to validate something that I knew to be wrong.

I feel like I was well educated in my pre-op at my surgeons office, but think that it would take months of full time study to cover everything that I learned here by reading and using the SEARCH option. Like in so many things, people have come to expect instant gratification without the work part involved. I mean not only the quick weight loss, but also just asking the question without trying to research the answer first. There are then those that want the attention of replies but don't want to hear the truth.

They are several who post here often that they aren't eating, drinking or taking their vitamins or something for some reason (excuse) or another but want to be coddled with a "That's OK honey, just try to do better." I try to be kind, but won't say that to anyone! It probably would have taken less time to take their vitamins then it did to type the post. 

As for picking and choosing what you read, do it! I don't knowingly read posts about poop or periods, my choice. If the "I'm not losing fast enough" posts bother you, skip them. There are a few here that reply in a nasty (or sanctimonious) way who themselves made a post or 2 of their own on just that subject when they were a newbie. I encourage them to skip the posts on that subject. I have to admit that I have a cut and paste page on my computer for a few topics because they come up entirely too often.

Finally, I still have no idea if I would dump. I never tested the waters and still shake my head at those that want to find out. 

I think that you have so much to offer this forum as a newbie or a vet. Stick around :)

Martha 

Thank you so much!  I will skip subjects that irritate the heck out of me, as well as the facebook "support" groups that seem to be filled with mostly people looking for a quick fix and/or someone to validate their poor choices. 
The lack of education regarding WLS just makes me want to scream!  Noncompliance also makes me crazy.  I don't mean being "human" and making mistakes, I am talking about blatant "I will do whatever I want" noncompliance and then whining about the complications or outcome of it. 
But, thank you.  It was a bit cathartic to type that post

 

Preach it sweetie. I've had the same thoughts and am newer

Well I have to agree with everything you said Janet. I am less than 3 months out so not qualified to make too many judgements or give too much advice. I am constantly amazed at the medical questions asked when one would think a person would ask their doctor and not some unknown person out on the ether. I did seek vitamin guidance but know Kelly, Lora, Martha, Sin Kim and perhaps a couple more will be able to answer my specifics. My doc just said keep taking your multi - not much of an answer there.
I loved Larry's response to someone this morning. He said the point of all this is to create a new healthy lifestyle and train yourself to eat nutritionally for the rest of your life. Weight loss is just a by product of that training. Of course he said it in 25 words or less and I ramble on but he said it so concisely. Just a by product. I will always remember that. With his few words I felt a huge shift in my thinking. It really seared into my brain. Weight loss is just a by product of the healthy life we are creating.

Yes, Larry's response was very straight forward and nothing near what I was thinking! 
I look to the above mentioned for sensible advice, also, in addition to a couple more folks on blogs and other sites. 
Just crazy what some people recommend, or what some people will accept as good advice.