I feel awful.. i feel DEFEATED!

I am having those awful this was  A HUGE MISTAKE feelings again! I am almost 7 weeks out on Tuesday i have lost a lousy 23 pounds and 13 of those pounds were the first 2 weeks. This means i have lost 10 pounds in almost 5 weeks. That is way tooo small of a number to me for such a huge surgery. Now before you say you couldn't have done this on your own... I HAVE DONE THIS ON MY OWN.. and i lost 104 pounds pre-op.. some weeks i lost more than i am losing now post op a serious surgery.  Maybe i had unrealistic expectations but i am depressed, unhappy, stressed out and just overwhelmed. I love the restriction though being able to not eat much is great.. would be better though if the scale actually SHOWED IT! I am sorry i am not yelling it's just my way of making my key points. I am dealing with ulcers now and still having trouble getting in all fluid. I am doing about 2 protein shakes day 23g protein each one plus 8oz of lactaid so 16oz total.. plus whatever i eat and i am also doing so sugar added fudgesicles and yogurt. I always eat protein first i am eating like no carbs meaning potatoes, crackers, toast.. all stuff that is on my plan. Once again the feelings come in that this surgery won't work for me. How is is that i have lost 10 pounds in 5 weeks? 2 pounds a week wasn't what i was expecting. Maybe more like 5 i thought was realistic for such a drastic surgery? Maybe it's my fault... with not getting in enough fluids.. or the fact i haven't been regularly exercising unless you count walking to the kitchen and back.. otherwise i go out like to stores and walk. Or i have gone to the park and walked a 1 mile trail there ONE day! It doesn't help i am in pain all the time from ulcers and i am depressed and don't feel like moving my butt off of the couch. I have seriously had days where i raise my arms in the air and i am just DONE! It's too much to show nothing for it. My self reflection still sucks! Everyone including co-workers can see a difference and i take a million pics to try to see a difference and i really cannot all i can still see is FAT AND HANGING SKIN NOW. I am so hard on myself and i know this. It seems to be an all or nothing with me. I am down to 274 from 401 and i know i should be jumping for joy but this surgery has really messed with my head worse than i thought. For the longest time i was sooo strong never really showing my weaknesses and now i feel weak, tired, and just sad.

Wasn't expecting to be the one with complications but alas i was and i am ok with it i am dealing with it best i can. I just don't know what else i can do at this point. I am feeling angry all the time lately if not angry very sad. I hate the scale and it apparently hates me too. What else am i doing wrong? I thought i had this but i apparently don't. I am seeing a therapist but i missed an appt with the psychiatrist because my brain is so foggy that they are now charging me $150 before they will book another appointment and going back to work 8 hours/week i can't afford it right now... i stopped my anti-depressants cold turkey about 2 weeks ago... i needed the psychiatrist appointment i need to get back on them NOW. I feel so lost at this point in my life i feel like i have no control over anything right now. Sorry for ranting and venting but i just had to.. losing my strength more and more each day.

People who lose a LOT like you pre-op seem to lose slower in the beginning. Not sure why. Just something i have definitely noticed in my 5 years here. You will lose more. And the beauty of this surgery is that it will give you a real fighting chance of keeping it off. I PROMISE you will feel better about all of this soon. Hang in there. The mental part is the hardest. You are doing a fantastic job!!

Hugs!!

First of all....breathe.  Seriously, take a deep breath or two or a dozen.  Freaking out will not help things.   I'm sorry you're having complications and struggling so much.   You are clearly disappointed and disillusioned and it's understandable.

But remember that you've already lost a lot of weight pre-surgery so two pounds a week is probably where you should be at this stage of the game.   Most of us didn't lose that kind of weight ahead of time so our initial weight loss probably does seem like more to you.

I don't know how often you are weighing yourself, but I really recommend just once a week.   I had my surgery on a Tuesday morning so that's when I weighed myself.   If you haven't been all along, start tracking your measurements.   There will be times when the scale will not move, but you've still lost inches.  It sounds like you're steadily losing and not stuck in a plateau, so celebrate that victory.    Take progress photos along the way and compare them to where you started.   Sometimes we just don't see the changes in ourselves because they are so gradual.

You cannot control the scale.   So focus on what you CAN control.   You can control how many fluids you drink each day.   You can control how much exercise you get each day.   You can control how much protein you eat each day.   You can't always control how your body will react to it.  You can also control your thoughts.  Just keep reminding yourself of the end goal and keep moving in that direction.   Beating up on yourself isn't productive and isn't going to help.   

Estrogen is stored in fat cells.   When you lose a lot of weight you release that estrogen and it causes mood swings.  Just realize it comes with the territory and try to accept it rather than fight it.  And stopping anti depressants cold turkey is also messing with your system, that is the worse thing you can do.  

I don't know you, don't know your past or your present - all I can suggest is that you focus on what you want vs what you don't want.  It's a big first step.   Then just follow up with a bunch of little steps - literally and figuratively.   Get off the couch more often.  Instead of walking right to the bathroom or kitchen, walk around the house first.   Keep adding more & more fluids until you're getting the 64 oz or more that you know you need.   Not everything is out of your control, so focus on what you can control and that might just take your mind off the rest.

I wish you peace of mind and good health.

First, don't beat yourself up about not exercising.  Many people lose weight just fine for the first 6 months without any significant exercise.  It helps, of course, especially after that 6 month timeframe, but it is not going to stop your weight loss.  Not getting enough fluids should also not affect your weight loss (but may cause other issues, of course). 

Second, how many calories a day are you getting?  It is possible you aren't getting enough calories and your body has dropped your metabolism down.  

It sounds like your expectations were realistic, and losing only about 2 pounds a week does seem slow.  I would probably be very frustrated, too.  Keep in mind, however, that even though you aev lost weight before (and lost it faster), you have never KEPT it off before, and this surgery is your best chance at finally being able to keep it off once you GET it off.  So please don't just focus on how much you have lost.  Try to focus more on the long term benefits of surgery.

Have you talked to your surgeon about your weight loss to see what (s)he says?

Hang in there.  It WILL get better.

Lora

Yes!! Even my dietician said at my last appointment the weight loss has slowed down but she didn't say it was abnormal or anything. To me it is though!! I did just get admitted this past weekend for fluids, etc and i know that can cause temp weight gain but still... Also i am bleeding/spotting every other day i have the IUD i am getting it checked out tomorrow so i know that can cause water retention/mood swings as well. I am really trying hard to find reasons for it... but i still can't 100% find reasons for the lack of weight loss. I am getting in almost all of my protein now. Calories are mostly from protein shakes so between the lactaid and protein powder about 390 calories maybe? Then i eat 1-2 meals a day usually like cottage cheese, hummus, and a couple tbsp of chicken. Or mashed carrots, chicken, cottage cheese. Anywhere from 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup most times cannot eat 1/2 cup though. I concentrate so much and it takes  all day for fluids/protein it's hard to find time to eat anything unless it's liquid i can have with my water/protein shakes. I am also hypothyroid but recently found out i am now hyperthyroid. My thyroid is producing too much hormone now while on my 125 mcg synthroid dosage.. so it got bumped down to 112 mcg. Also with overactive thyroid i hear lots of weight loss and high metabolism.. yeah i guess the boat missed me there. My body is fighting me hard on this.

Track your food for a few days see where your calories truly are. Too few can cause starvation mode and make your body hang on to whats there.

So, I am two months out already...as of Saturday...and you are doing better than me! I cannot get in my fluids or my protein. I'm close on the protein some days, but I am sucking on the 'water' intake.

 

I understand needing your medications, my BFF takes meds and without them she is a hot mess. Gotta love her though. I just hope you realize that YOU were not a happy person at 400lbs and YOU DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You didn't just sit back and cry boo-hoo. You struggled and worked hard and didn't give up. THAT is commendable. You ARE still losing. We can only control what we can control and we have to accept that there are things that we can't control-we may not like it, but in the end, the sun will still come up tomorrow regardless. We can choose accept the things that make us unhappy and BE unhappy...or we can CHANGE the things that make us unhappy. You were brave and did the latter. This is just your transitional period, hold on for the ride with both hands and take it all with a grain of salt...keep your eyes on the prize. Remember, you can always come here for support.

 

Thank you! I know i did this surgery for all of the right reasons. At the time i felt in the right place but now i am a mess. My expectations for weight loss were WAY off! Sick of seeing other people losing 30+ lbs by now and i just just seeing anywhere from 274 to 274.8 the last 2 weeks almost. The scale always made me happy before when i was 401 pounds and losing more rapidly all though it did take me 1.5 years to get down to 297 the day of surgery. It's hard to get off my butt and exercise when all i am is depressed and angry all of the time. I have managed to go through losing a best friend since surgery and some support through this process too. I think some people are my friends then boom they are gone. Sick of the mood swings one day i am happy and optimistic and the next day deeply depressed,  followed by soooo angry.  I know i need to restart my antidepressants even if that means having to swallow a little bit bigger pill than normal i need to do something because i cannot do this to myself anymore. I just want to succeed and be happy and not fat anymore i never thought it was too much to ask.. i thought i was working hard at this but apparently not hard enough. My head is fighting me every step of the way but i have still almost always made good choices. I just don't want this all to be for nothing.... i just want to be happy and not feel like giving up every other day because of how terrible i feel... i vent so much that i think people closest to me have stopped answering there phones on purpose i can't help how bad i feel... and the therapist is only after their $$$ you would think they would work with me more on that. I had a no call no show... i totally forgot i had my appt that day with everything going on with my health, other appointments, etc.. i understand they have to conduct business but i wished they could have worked with me on payments or something i truly didn't skip the appt on purpose..i really need a psychiatrist and my therapist right now and now once again i have to start at step 1 and probably look for another center to see me.

Get in somewhere soon get back on the meds going cold turkey can be very bad. Does your health dept offer mental health services? Most do. Call and explain and see if they can't get you in stat.

You are telling my story. I'm so thankful to hear I'm not the only 1. I am 4 months out and lost more weight before hand and have trouble regretting the surgery. It's done tho and I know eventually things Will change. I also have an ulcer and am back on liquids again. I also have been bleeding for almost 2 months straight. I got an iud after surgery with complications they had to take it out and now i have a  nuvaring it hasn't evened out yet but i will keep working on it. The physical pain is ridiculous but the mental pain is just as bad. I'm thankful for God in my life. He is the only reason I function at all. I'm not able to walk right now either. Keep in touch with your Dr.'s. Also I'm here if you want to talk more. I have a giant history of depression and anxiety and a pretty interesting story. I will pray for you. Just hold on.