Old habits sneaking back...night snacking after fairly decent day of eating. Need a therapy...

Wow, just when you think you've got it all figured out....
Yesterday started off pretty good, gorgeous weather, meals planned out.  Here is what I had up until bedtime.  That's when the %&$# hit the fan!

B1- Protein shake mixed with coffee (allowed one a day)
B2- Egg scramble w/leftover Chinese veggies
S  - Protein Beef Pasta soup
L  - Leftover Chinese veggies w/2 med shrimp, 3 small scallops
S  - Protein shake
D - 2 sm Salmon patties, 2 brussel sprouts, 4 cooked carrot slices, 2-3 Tbs corn/lima mix
S - 2 slices deli ham, 1 slice turkey (both very thin sliced), 1 cheese stick (I was hungry)
In between the meals and snacks, I had TONS of hot teas, a few broths, lemonade, flavored waters...

After the last snack is when it went downhill.  I don't know if I was truly hungry or if it was just old habits, boredom, self destruction...whatever.  I was like a bottomless pit.
It started with Unjury chicken protein soup mixed with a cup of chicken bouillon, trying to fill up with lots of warm fluid and thinking it wasn't really such a bad choice.  I waited a bit...still feeling unsatisfied. 
I then got  sugar free jello, pretty much inhaling it.
Next, about 1/2 bag of Healthwise BBQ soy chips (roughly 7-8 chips).
Still going with 3 Triscuits spread with Boursin cheese spread. 
Lastly, 4 more Triscuits with very small slices of sharp cheddar cheese and one slice of deli ham. 
In between the "snacks", I would wait the 30 minutes and drink flavored water, thinking that would be the last of the eating for the night, only to get the next food item. 

I think I could have gone on eating, but it was after 2am and I had to get up this morning to see my daughter off to school, then to take an elderly woman to the grocery later this morning, so I had to make myself go to sleep. 
What the heck is wrong with me?  This is the exact behavior that got me at my heaviest weight!  I went back to the gym yesterday, after being out with the gallbladder/hernia surgery for 2 weeks, so I kind of justified my eating to compensate for the good workout.  THAT is the sort of thing I would do prior to surgery, too!  I would work out, or walk, or some sort of exercise and then "reward" myself with food. 
I see a visit to the therapist in my near future!  Arrgh!  Why couldn't I be one of those people who eat just to nourish their body? 

Janet
 

That has been happening to me lately also. Sometimes I feel like I have no control!!! I have tried chewing sugar free gum, brushing my teeth, drinking hot tea, I stay in my bedroom and watch tv, but I find myself being pulled into the kitchen. It is a matter of will power is all I have come up with. I would tell myself that "they are healthy snacks, it's not like I'm eating a bag of chips!!" But I was still going over my calories for the day.
I had asked the PA about the snacking and she told me to add a 4th meal. And still have my snacks. So what I have started doing, since dinner is my "bigger meal" is only eating half and saving the other half for when I feel hungry later. I still have my snacks but I plan out all of my meals and snacks for the day the night before. Also I notice you still do protein shakes. I myself just can't stand them anymore. I personally would like to eat/chew my calories/protein now instead of drinking them. I personally just feel the drinks don't fill me like a protein bar does.

I really like the protein shakes.  I use one to mix my one cup of coffee, making it last a longer time.  The other is just to carry along with me, as I run errands or whatever.  The bars aren't my favorite things to eat. Occasionally, but not on a daily basis.  I feel satisfied pretty much throughout the day.  Also, if I have the protein from shakes, I can eat a meal of just veggies (that I love) or some fruits, etc., and not have to worry about protein in the meal. 
It's night time, when I'm bored, watching TV and everyone is asleep or quiet.  That used to be "my time" to unwind, eat, relax.  I just need to go to bed, I suppose and make a new "my time" in the morning when everyone's gone or quiet. 

I don't think many people eat just to nourish their bodies.  Food just means more than just fuel to most of us.  And I think it's OK that food is about more than just fuel.  I think it's OK that I can make a healthy cheesecake flavored dessert with Greek yogurt to celebrate something and get a lot of protein in at the same time.  I think it's OK that food is fun for me, that I enjoy going out to lunch with a friend and that it's a social event as well as nourishment.  I think it's OK that I can make myself some healthy vegetarian chili and be comforted by it as well as nourished. 

I just think it's important to be honest with ourselves about how we use food and to make good choices when we use food for things other than fuel for our bodies.

If you think a visit with a therapist might be helpful, I encourage you to go ahead and see someone.  I think a little therapy would be helpful for most people on this journey, really.  The mental and emotional parts are the hard parts, I think.

I think it's ok to appreciate food as more than fuel, too.  I just sometimes wish I didn't appreciate it SO much!  I want to be where you are with food and not using it to fill whatever void I was filling last night. 
I've been reading a book about replacing old "bad" habits with new "good" habits.  Hopefully, this will help, as well. 
Thank you for your encouragement.

Clearly, you are seeing the rationalizations and unhealthy patterns creeping back in and completely recognizing that.  At least it's not six months from now and you are like "what happened????"  You need to change up a few things and break the snacking cycle.  Consult with your nutritionist would be a good idea.  I have also been starting to feel hungry at night . . . and have been asking myself "am I really hungry or is this just 'head hunger??"  I try to only eat (a healthy snack such as some of the choices you made) if I am truly hungry.  Sometimes it's just best to GO TO BED!!!

I think the "GO TO BED!!!" is probably the best thing for me.  I was on a fairly routine schedule right after surgery.  Slowly, I've gotten out of that routine and am just not getting much sleep.  I need a job!  I've been staying at home, and enjoying taking care of my family, but I really do need to get my butt out of the house, have some routine and purpose, and a schedule!
I also plan to return to school, part time, in the fall.  Hopefully, that will help with a routine. 
  I just hate that I let this old habit slowly return!

I fight with that every single day.  The best thing for me is to cut myself off cold turkey after my last planned snack.  Sometimes it is really hard, but I have found after several days of sticking to my planned snacks the urge goes away.  Then, after a few weeks,  I give in and have an extra snack and the urge comes back.

I also have to watch mindless eating and grazing.  I constantly want to grab something to eat and have to remind myself I am not really hungry.  Those are the times that I drink something like hot tea.  A few days ago I was giving my dog her heartworm medicine.  It is one of the big chocolate looking pills that they chew up.  I almost put it in my mouth.  WTH?   It is pretty sad when my mindless grazing is so out of control that I eat dog medicine.

I am two years out from surgery and have been eating healthy for almost 3 years now.  This tells me I will never be finished with this journey.  I will always have to be watchful or those old habits will come back.

 

The dog medicine bit, just about made me choke on my drink.  ROFLMAO

That is too funny!  LOL  I can certainly see that, though.  If it looked good enough, I'd probably have eaten it last night. 
I've been doing pretty good with the drinking hot teas, broths and protein soups, up until now. 
Guess I'll go back to writing everything down, and planning ahead for everything that goes into my mouth. 
I am thinking, too, that this is much like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, but maybe even a tad worse because we cannot just cut food out of our lives forever.  A lifetime of keeping one step ahead.