Feeling Meh.

Last night I just felt so blehhh. and pretty much all day too. Im not sure if im slipping into a small depression or what. I took a hot bath with all the lights out and just a candle lit. And just started worrying about everything. Im so scared that im going to fail myself and gain weight back. Im scared all my hair is going to fall out because I don't get enough protein because Im scared eating more than 3 times a day will make me fat again. From the outside looking in I can see myself slowly sinking in to an eating disorder. And although I know its good that im recognizing this now, Im still scared I wont be able to change anything. I feel guilty everytime I eat a bit of bread, or a miniature reeses cup. I just feel like having this surgery has given me a full time job JUST to keep after my Vitamins and Protein....this ish is hard, Rewarding, but hard. and mentally challenging. Sometimes when I look in the mirror i love what i see. The other day I came out of a restroom and looking in the mirror literally did not recognize myself and had to do a double take. And then yesterday I just felt fat, like I haven't done enough....and then that diet mentality kicks in. Eat Less...exercise more. And I know I dont need to eat less...because then id be eating nothing. Im going to start going to support groups here, I need a buddy that i can go talk to, and physically see that I can go to for help. I also think I still need to look into that Therapy i was talking about....

I would also suggest finding a counselor because you do, indeed, seem as if you may be headed for an eating disorder and I don't think that a buddy (while helpful in other ways) is going to be able to help you with the psychological issues. You likely are not feeling good because you aren't eating enough.  What you eat really DOES change how your body functions and how you feel.  Of you don't properly feed your body, you will eventually notice it.

Lora

I can sympathize with you...I am so afraid of regain.  I did develop an eating disorder which was made worse by the anxiety that came from having so many complications.  I see 2 counsellors who have been so helpful.  I am having a revision Sept 4 for an ischemic anastomotic ulcer.  Hopefully that will help decrease my anxiety and I can move forward.  Good luck to you...kj

If you are feeling depressed, please seek out therapy. Depression is nothing to trifle with.  Finding a buddy is a great idea. Someone who understands the process you are going through and can sympathize with your struggles.  I have not had the surgery as of yet but from what I have read and heard from going to support groups....This surgery is HARD WORK! But then again, life is hard work.  Anything worth having requires hard work!  Becoming overweight was hard work...we just didn't consider it hard because we were feeding our addiction.  But if you take a realistic look at it....it requires consistency, commitment, effort, stubbornness, dedication, brain power.....all of the tools you need to be successful with your new journey. 

Support groups are a FANTASTIC IDEA.  Being surrounded by people who are going through or have gone through what you are dealing with gives you a reference point.  Maybe you can even get someone's number (I did) who has had the surgery and is successful so you can talk with them and air out your concerns, doubts, fears etc....

Change is hard.  Change requires commitment. Just remember: YOU ARE WORTH IT!

GOOD LUCK fellow buddy....