The battle is never fully won

Pam, Since I am one of the posters on that thread that you are addressing let me start by saying this to you. My feelings about my journey in NO way reflect how I feel about any one else on this site or anywhere else. I'm sorry that it affected you negatively it is never my intention to hurt anyone.

You went through a terrible time and I'm sorry you had to experience the pain of both an accident but also the emotional pain of what happened with your mother, I can only imagine and I'm very sorry you had to experience these things.

I'm trying to understand how a statement about "no matter what it takes" mentality affects someone else negatively, I'm sorry but I don't. I have to have that mentality for me to win this battle. My personality dictates that I have a I'm never going back attitude or I will most definitely go back. How do I know this? Because I am 21 years clean from drugs. I want them many days of my life. If you put a line in front of me today I'd be on a downward spiral, even though I haven't touched it in 21 years. I win this battle by saying "never again" "whatever it takes" etc. It is what works for me. I chimed in on Heidi's post because I knew many here don't like to hear the "gone forever" "never again" comments. They are quite vocal about it. I've read it enough times in the year and a half I've been reading here. I was showing her support, not taking away from you or anyone else who has had some regain. Some of us are successful because of those feelings and because we vocalize them. Each of us are individuals who have to battle our demons with whatever weapons work for us.

With that being said there is no reason for you not to come back or anyone else for that matter. We are/were in no way censoring you or anyone else. I will say a prayer/swing a chicken whichever way you prefer to look at it that you gain strength physically and emotionally and that you continue to heal and get better. I will apologize if my words hurt you, again that is not my intention. But like you said we can be confident, nurturing and empowering- but we need to remember all those words have different definitions for the person just like we each have different definitions of success. And you are right it is never fully won nor can it be put away- therefore we must be allowed to battle it with whatever way works for each of us and support each in their way.

Blessings in return. Blessed be.

Thank you Pam. You are an inspiration.  

I totally agree with you 'THE BATTLE IS NEVER FULLY WON' ...  I for one am very mindful of this and I am determined to stick to the goals I have set for myself. As I wrote in Heidi's post where I wrote very clearly that I will never go back IF I CAN HELP IT ...  IF I CAN HELP IT meaning that I am fully aware that there are cir****tances out of my control out there but as long as I can help it I will stay the course I am determined to TRY and give it my best shot EVERY DAY..one day at a time... It is what I have been doing for almost 7 years now... I have to do it this way by personal choice, MY CHOICE, I have to do it this way because I MUST... I have to do it this way because I am the head of my household and I cannot AFFORD to be sick.. not with a disabled husband and being head of my household ... I care for my husband with a transplanted kidney, peripheral vascular disease, partial foot amputation and macular degeneration... I have to because I WANT TO ...after having a very rough start and almost losing my life with a post op complication that landed me back in the OR on post-op day 2 after RNY and a lengthy recovery requiring me to go on short term disability after surgery and landing me back in the hospital after returning to work 3 months after I just cannot AFFORD myself to go back - IF I CAN HELP IT.  I treat my surgery the same way I treat and my husband treats his renal diet for his kidney transplant ...that kidney is a once in a lifetime opportunity that he cannot afford to let go bad IF HE CAN HELP IT ... so together we try to stay the course of our lives the best we can ... The other day I shared with Sarah how my beautiful daughter who manages her weight with diet and exercise experienced significant regain after being treated with high dose Prednisone and Imuran to treat her diagnosis of dermatomyositis ... despite her regain she has not given up and now that she is at a low taper has been losing again ... because 'the battle is never fully won'.. and no one knows what drives each one of us to make the determinations we have made over our lives.  I am not going back ... I have too few years left on earth and I want to enjoy my days without obesity related issues.

I am so glad that you posted your experience and I apologize if my course of action offended anyone in any way because it was not my intention, far from it and I was careful to write my post accordingly by stating IF I CAN HELP IT because but for grace, favor and mercy there go I.. I was showing my support to Heidi while encouraging her that being thick or thin is not a measure of success ...I have been posting on here for years and I have seen Heidi occasionally post things that make me roll my eyes so far back I get to see my cerebral cortex LOL sometimes I find it quite outrageous and I say to myself ''really?" and I just ignore the post because overall I know that there is a kind heart and a hurt little girl in there ...  today I saw a hurt woman tormented by the demons of her past and I decided to share my testimony on her thread and my testimony is that I AM NEVER GOING BACK, if I can help it... that is my life story and I own it.. I found common ground in MsLeach's statements and I posted Maya Angelou's poem to encourage ALL WOMEN no matter size, that we are phenomenal women indeed.

CONGRATULATIONS on posting and taking charge of your regain ... you are successful indeed ... SUCCESS IS BEING ABLE TO GET UP and starting over again IMO no matter how many times it takes ... ask me how I know...

That was well said. I am so sorry that you were afraid of coming and sharing with us. I don't want to regain but I also know that it is a very real possibility. You were in touch with yourself enough to know that you needed to use your resources and get back on track. That is a sign of a determined and strong willed woman