I should start off by saying I have been married for >20 years.  Though I struggled with my weight since my teens, I started off marriage at a relatively healthy weight, but gained fast and I was back to being overweight if not obese within a year or so.  My athletic, fit and handsome husband has seen me at all of the stages - and supported me throughout it all.  Never once did he say a word about my weight, even once I was well into the morbidly obese stage, and never was there any hint from him that my size made any difference to him.  We rarely, if ever, "matched" each other in physical appearance - I "married up" as they say :)

Now, flash forward to today.  I am seeing behavior changes in him that I never ever expected.  For instance, I took my eldest son to a rock concert last night, and I over heard my husband telling my son to "keep an eye on me" and to make sure "there weren't any guys flirting with me".  He said it partly in jest, but it was weird.  It also embarrassed the hell out of my son, poor kid - what kid wants to think of their mom like that?  He is so much more interested in conversations I have with male colleagues, who I talk to at the gym, etc.  I ran into a male colleague at the movies the other weekend when my husband was buying snacks (for him and the kids, not me of course) and he asked so many questions about who the guys was, why was I talking to him, how do I know him and so forth.  I brought it up with him this morning, and he seems to be completely unaware that he is doing it - it is kind of funny, but it also makes me kind of sad.  I don't want him to ever worry about me like that, that isn't who I am or who we are as a couple.

I am trying to be patient and understanding, and trying to pay attention to my behaviors to see if there is anything I am doing that might be... ambiguous.   I know he is having to deal with a lot of changes too.  Mostly this is just me "thinking out loud", but any words of wisdom or experience would be appreciated.  This forum is one of the few places I could talk about something like this - I am continuing to be surprised at the pieces of my life that have been effected by WLS, so many unexpected consequences.

I've been with my husband for 18 years and married for 14 and comments come out here and there with him as well. He too had no idea he was doing it. But we sat down and had a long conversation in which I assured him I wasn't going anywhere. Why would I? He's amazing and has stuck through thick and thin with me. I told him if I was going to leave it would of been when we gutted our house and I had no kitchen for Thanksgiving one year and had to wash the dishes in the tub!!! LOL that made him laugh, he finally got it and told me he knows I'm not going anywhere. But that little green eyed monster still pops up from time to time. So I just make sure I give him some extra attention when he's needy. It's the least I can do after all he's done for me!!

I think they sometimes see our new found higher self esteem and happiness as flirtyness, that is the only thing I could figure out. Just sit down with him and assure him and it'll be okay!

I would talk to him about it.  And if it continues, I would think about going to see a counselor together.  I don't say that because I think it's a sign that there is a big problem in your marriage, but because I think it could maybe become a big problem if it's not dealt with.  If he's feeling insecure or have some trouble trusting you to be faithful to him, well, that's a terrible feeling to have.  And if he starts drilling you about every guy you glance at or becomes too controlling, you're going to feel trapped and resentful, most likely.  And then you'll end up fighting over it and it can become a big thing.  So I'd try to deal with it now, before it becomes something really big.

I have been married for 37 yrs. When we married I was about 170 lb. Over the years I gained a lot of weight (up to 290) but he stayed thin. He has always looked younger than me. He never gave me a bad time about the weight unless the subject of my health was brought up. During the last 25 yrs I have not worn a wedding ring because the engagement ring that fit into it was missing the stone. About a year ago I noticed him being a little insecure and started wearing a ring he had given me when we were first dating. By joking with him about now being married and making sure I gave him some extra attention the jealousy has gone away. He just needed some reassurance and time to realise that all was still the same as always.

I think it is kind of sweet.My husband and I have been together for 26 years and when we used to go out we would be at different ends of the bar and people sometimes didn't even know we were married.Which when I heard that it kind of freaked me out.I think they are not jealous because of the only  weight coming off I think it is from us being more confident. We went to a business Christmas party and usually we don't tell people we are married because we are partners in a business.But he had a hold of my hand the whole time.I really enjoyed it.We always think that men have no feelings but I think they feel more than they show.I think relationships change to as we get older.This year both our kids will be out of the house so there are other changes that go on.Also television has so many crappy shows out there that they make it seem okay to cheat on your spouse. Which I know tv is not real.If he is a good man hold onto him as tight as you can.They are very hard to find.Keep communication open to.

I really wish there was a "like" button on here... Thanks for all the support.  He is a good man... A great man really... And I have always counted myself lucky to have found him.  It is nice to learn of others who have worked through this.  You hear so many stories of people breaking up, losing friends, etc...  

It is scary some of the stories that you hear.But I do feel marriage is a lot of work.Not that people haven't tried.But there are bumpy parts in the road.I do feel people that end up splitting up had major issues before the surgery.For some people breaking up may have been the best thing that ever happened to them.I do feel some people before the weight loss had lost confidence in themselves and they were controlled by their spouses.I do know one thing since the surgery I have lost my filter and will tell someone how I am feeling were before I would have went home and cried instead.

DH and I have been married almost 20 years. He will occasionally tell me some guy is checking me out. He got a tad insecure for awhile. I had a hard time understanding it, but it finally dawned on me that since DH finds me attractive he thinks other guys do too.

RosyKate!  I love your answer! It is perfect!

 

Everyone wants to keep "Their Precious!"

It might not be your OR your hubby...it might be the OTHER GUYS...out there.

Think about it.  When you are heavy, you are invisible (pretty much). Now that you are skinnier, you are popping up on EVERY guys radar ...even those that have their set theirs only to "hot women only."

And now these dawgs have you in their sites, their radars are going off, and they are doing their macho swagger towards YOU.

What is hubby supposed to do?  This is the modern day equivalent of a leacherous man approaching a lady [I read Jane Austin].  Decorum says your hubby HAS to intervene.  You are his wife, these guys have bad thoughts on their mind (or give off that vibe) so the good guy has to run interference.

 

Yep! I vote for the jealous husband. I say neither. I say it is scoundrels being attracted to your beauty which is the problem.