Selfishly I need help!

I was very active on this forum prior to my RNY in September 2012 and again after.  But I've let it slide since then.  Physically I've been doing great.  I lost just over 100 lbs and have been steady +/- 5 lbs. 

BUT...

That all changed last week.  In February I met an amazing man.  I loved him and I gave him everything.  Him and his 12 year old son became an integral part of my life.  When I looked into the future all I saw was them and us and happiness.  All that changed one week ago today when he told me he was "mentally conflicted."  Turns out he didn't feel the way I did and had been kind of hiding it.  He wasn't seeing our future together - even if his actions showed that.  He's been hurt by many women in the past and I think that has greatly affected his ability to see the future and love. 

With him I felt more alive and more like me than I ever did before.  It was liberating and wonderful.  Especially after so many years of feeling like I was the "scooter" the girl guys would ride in private but would never dare be caught with out in public. 

To that end, I'm sad.  So sad.  I can't hate him for staying true to his own feelings and telling me the truth, but it still freaking hurts.  Last week I literally thought I was losing it (I have a history of anxiety and depression currently being treated).  I had to have an emergency therapy appointment and literally thought I was going crazy.  Today, I'm better but I'm still very sad. 

And obviously eating is greatly affected, but unlike many when something like this happens I freak out and get PHYSICALLY ill.  To the point where I am so nauseous I can barely drink water.  Yesterday was my first good day and I had a couple strawberries, a mimosa (it was brunch!), a single protein shake, and a couple pieces of toast.  That's it... all day.  And that was my biggest day.  I've lost over 9 lbs since last Monday and that's scary. 

I guess I just need support.  I think my friends are sick of talking to me because I just keep rehashing the whole thing.  And what makes me the most nervous is that I feel like that was my chance.  I have come a LONG ways emotionally, physically and mentally but I still don't do well with relationships.  Very few guys want to take on my issues: 3 dogs, a single family home in a very expensive area (DC) that needs work, mental/emotional issues, and god forbid all the crazy baggage that comes with the WLS). 

I've been there. And you don't have many issues!  Sad is ok, sad leads to renewal, do very self care thing you can imagine. Dating is hard. Really hard especially after years of feeling like you described as a "scooter". Talk, journal, sleep, walk, get a massage, go swimming, listen to the waves, watch movies. And a sometime in the near future it will feel so much better and then someday you'll see the writing on the wall that this was just a gateway relationship!

I think you are probably right.  For years and years I was looked upon as nothing desirable.  It's not right, but our society looks down upon those overweight folks.  So I still have a lot of that kind of stuff in the back of my head. 

I worry very much that he was my chance, my forever, and because it's over nothing will ever happen.  It also doesn't help that he became my best friend and was amazingly supportive, more than I have ever experienced in my life (FROM ANYONE), so it's so hard to lose that as well.  And again, why I feel so blindsighted.

Loving someone is a high risk activity!  Fortunate for you, you sought help and have the capacity to move on toward a new chapter (some people barricade their emotions no longer willing to go through another hurt again).  You come across strong and your thought processes also sound very rationale; for example, you understand his honestly with you is best.  It may take months to get over the hurt;  in the meantime--make your health priority.  If you make yourself the healthiest possible it will show up in both how you feel about yourself and how a possibly-attracted man will feel about you, too. 

Thanks!  You hit the nail on the head.  One of the things I struggle with the most is that my rationale side and my depression/anxiety don't always see eye to eye.  I can be 100% rationale and understand the whys, hows, etc... But there is part of me that second guesses that rationale side.  That's the part that gives me the anxiety.  Where I cannot eat anything because my stomach literally feels like it's in knots, that I'm shaking uncontrollably or that I feel like I can barely breathe.  I've been taking low dosages of xanax to calm me enough to function (semi-well), but I can't control this crazy part of me.

Tryptophan and Multi taken together really helps my depression and anxiety,  

HUGS

He obviously wasn't that amazing, since he didn't commit to you.

You have got to be YOUR OWN BIGGEST FAN.

In life, I have found that men are a lot like busses.  There's another one every ten minutes.  

Yeah, he seemed pretty amazing to me, but as the days/hours/minutes go by I realize how much he was missing in committing to me.  Not that he didn't show it, but he obviously never mentally committed to me and our relationship.  His actions showed that he was, but mentally he wasn't there.  Kind of opposite of normal!

you have issues - o does he.

don't excuse his "He's been hurt by many women in the past and I think that has greatly affected his ability to see the future and love.  "that is BS. to make syou feelbetter and him less guilty. 

He is not that into you!!! simple hard true. 

You need to find someone that will be right for you.  take time to find who you are... take time for you... don't jump into  new relationship.. 

Value your time and your friends.  Learn to love you - just the way you are - with 3 dogs an old house - I bet it is charming? 

get some counseling...

BTW:  I have a BF right now and I "waited" for him all my life.  he is a great guy... but if he even decided to go on his own - I would really hurt - but - I know I will be fine.. . I know I am a wonderful funny woman - and he is very lucky I picked him and love him.   

At the same time - when he is coming over - and I have to chose if i put on makeup or vacuum the carpet - I put on make up.. I like looking good for me..... we can vacuum the carpet together.  At the same time - I don't always have makeup on when we are together... and have a few of my own WLS related issues.. (gas anyone?) 

With any such relationship you have to love yourself first.  And you have to like who  you are.

In your pics you seem relatively young.  You are attractive.  You have a great smile.  All of those are positives.  So love yourself.  A guy may or may not come along, but a guy should not define who you are.  You are a wonderful person now.  If a guy is not wanting a future with you, then he needs to move out of the way so you can find one that ad does.  The point is never settle.  

Maybe you were so into him because you felt this was your one and only shot to find the right guy.  But he was not.

So give it time, don't rush.  You never can tell when you will find the one, but find the one that has the same goals, and dreams and will be a partner through all life has in store.