I think I am ready to start dating....I had my surgery on 10/30/13. I've lost 105 pounds. I look great and more importantly I feel great!! I haven't dated in 10 years. I don't even think I know how. Lol. Typically I would think a first date would be dinner. A good way to get to know someone right. Problem is...as we all know my eating habits may seem a little weird to those that haven't had the procedure. I don't eat much and my fear is that the guy may think "why did we go to dinner if she didn't even really eat". I don't keep my surgery a secret. I feel like I'm a success story so I tend to share, however it's not really the first thing I bring up when I first meet someone. Any suggestions??

HI.  I can say something about this. My fiancee dated me fat and he is dating me thinner.  IN both situations I am not eating a lot or have some kind of weird diet going on! LOL

Anyway, what I basically told him when I was heavier was that I was "into experiences."  What this meant is that I prefer to do interactive/unusual things, like hiking, going to a muesuem, the symphony, seeing a play, a jazz festival, and history stuff. It has lead to a lot of interesting car trips, fun, discussion and memories.

My fiancee understands that I am a bit "cautious" of restaurants. I am afraid of getting into something that is going to make me unexpectedly dump (which happened on a date and a poor geriatric lady had to weight a long time for the bathroom on the main floor because I was crazily puking and pooping at the same time).

You dont have to tell the guy right off that you had surgery. Just tell him that you really arent much of a foodie and prefer experiences.

Right now is perfect beach and boating weather.  Paddleboarding.  You can do a lot of fun outdoor stuff now.

On intimate stuff, I had a bit o a rocky road after surgery. My fiancee did not "touch me" for 8 months. I thought he wasnt interested and he thought I wasnt interested.   Although I only have 6 tiny marks from teh surgery on my stomach (and a huge zipper on my back from 2 back surgeries), I am hypersensitive about these scars (on both sides. I think I look like an alien in a human suit).   So I was probably sending off "stay away" vibes.

Do you have hanging skin or stretch marks. I have stretch marks but one can only really see them if one is super critical and stares. I thought I didnt have hanging skin but I found some on my upper inner thighs in yoga. I briefly thought "Wow. Hope he doesnt linger here too long."  Later on, when things got back on track, I dont think he even noticed. I dont know what men see in the heat of moment...I think God must be using supernatural photoshop for us WLS patients.

;)

So..in summary, ask or suggest to do THINGs..not food.

Dont worry about intimacy, I am pretty sure they dont notice and give us passes.

PS..you can always pass off the scars as having your gall bladder/appendix out or something.

Skinny

Supernatural photoshop

You can pass off the scars as having your gall bladder out, if you think lying is a good thing in a relationship.

Sometimes...it is!  I think they are called "white lies" and they keep the peace.

My fiancee routinely says " I dont know" when he doesnt want to give me an answer that he thinks will upset me.  But I know that he DOES know.

...

I'm not sure why telling the truth about having surgery would disrupt the peace in a relationship, especially a healthy relationship.  But when I don't want to tell someone something, I don't lie.  I just say "I prefer not to talk about it."

Usually the first meeting for me is something just to see if this is a guy that I really want to spend more time with.  Meeting for coffee or something that doesn't require a huge time commitment in case you realize you are not a good match.  Then, if you are going to eat on a first date, offer to make a picnic lunch so that you decide what's on the menu, and have it somewhere that you can go for a walk after and continue to get to know each other.  That will probably be the opportunity to mention you've had the surgery so that he knows for when you do go out to eat and it won't seem weird that you're only ordering an appetizer or only eating a small portion of food.  Good luck to you!

You advice is spot on!

I had my surgery two weeks before yours.  Congratulations!!! I agree with the above message.  I am all for grabbing a coffee and going for a walk, light picnic, bike ride, etc.  When I do go out for dinner, I choose two appetizers, something light and enjoy both, take the rest home. 

Good luck!

Don't go to dinner then.  Go to Starbucks for coffee or to a park for a walk or something.