Dinner with friends, and rethinking thin...

Last night I went to dinner with friends, one who is morbidly obese, one who is obese, and one who is skinny as a rail.  They all three cleaned their huge plates of food and had dessert - and in our discussions about the day we talked about other things we ate today... and you know who ate the most?  The bean pole...  The MO drank coffee and had Ramen noodles (ick), the obese friend had pretty standard lunch but skipped breakfast, and the skinny pal ate three meals, two standard sized and the big dinner.  Now, admittedly there could have been some blurring of the truth, knowing their habits and lifestyles and spending a lot of time with all of them I think the report is pretty accurate.  Furthermore, the MO is the only one of the 3 that works out regularly, and had worked out that morning.

Got me to thinking of the book I just finished,

"Rethinking Thin: The New Science of Weight Loss -- and the Myths and Realities of Dieting" by Gina Kolata, a NY Times science/health journalist. 

Anyone who has EVER been on a diet, and in particular anyone who has ever called themselves a failure because of their weight, should read this, it is riveting. It goes into the history of weight loss, which in an of itself is fascinating; and also into the real science behind weight loss and how the societal mainstay - dieting - DOESN'T WORK. Although it is a bit distressing, it is also kind of liberating.  People are different and need different level of calories to get through their day, but we are quick to assign blame and assume others "aren't following the rules" - it isn't that this can't be a contributing factor, it certainly can be - but two people can be active and eat exactly the same and one gain while the other maintains.  Our biology factors in far more than we give it credit for -

Although she doesn't "endorse" WLS, just reports on the facts - it really showed me that I made the right decision.  This is the only way I could've gotten here.

I love this post, and I just bought the kindle version of the book and plan to read it!  It is so true that things are not always as people assume.  Sometimes people that are MO spend their whole life trying and never getting anywhere, and there are thin people that eat horribly and somehow stay thin.  You can never generalize or assume the real habits of people compared to their appearance.

This is such a self discovery process.  I am six weeks in, and am only able to eat a few foods at this point that I feel safe eating.  Truthfully, it does feel similar to a "diet" at the moment, but I hope to evolve through the process to being able to maintain without dieting.

I am a year out, and I still find myself fighting the "dieting" mindset.  I can tolerate pretty much anything, but get jumpy if I decide to eat carbs (even though I have been instructed to by my NUT)... and Lord help me if the scale creeps up a couple of pounds for a day or so...  it is amazing how ingrained the notion is -

You'll love the book :)

So many people associate obesity with gluttony and act like being overweight is some kind of moral deficiency. Mark Bittman posted recently: Saying "weight loss is simple; eat less exercise more" is like saying "beating the stock market's easy; buy low, sell high." It's very simple in theory, but reality is complicated and hard. Saying "eat less and exercise more" to someone who struggles with weight is something like saying "just stop taking heroin" to someone with a heroin addiction. Okay that's an extreme example, but the only people who would say that are those who have no understanding or compassion for those struggling. What is clear is that obesity is a disease with many causes and contributing factors. There's no surefire "cure" for obesity, but WLS is a powerful tool and seems to be the only thing, statistically, that works long term.

I had enough of the ups and downs. I realized I was always going to be too heavy without a big push in the right direction. I always ate healthy food and even at my heaviest was a very active person. Both of those things are helping me now. I like fruit and vegetables. I am a master stir-fry artist. I can go the rest of my life without another french fry and not care. But those things are helping me NOW, post-op; they did not help me be a lean person pre-op. 

Funny, for a time I lived with a woman who was, like your friend, rail thin. She was long-legged and thin and if she raised her arms over her head you could definitely see ribs. For every time she snapped at someone who made a fat-shaming remark in my direction, I had to correct people who would tell her to "go eat a hamburger," which is about as helpful and constructive as "put down the hamburger and go run" to an obese person. She didn't have any kind of eating disorder. She ate a ton of healthy food and got plenty of calories every day. She had a weakness for milkshakes. She was a runner, but did it because she enjoyed it. Everyone assumed because of how thin she was that she was starving herself and exercising to excess, but instead her basal weight was just low. I was surprised that people were almost as judgemental of her appearance as mine. Apparently we have body-shaming issues as a society, not just fat-shaming issues.

I'm totally agree with what you are saying. I've seen the same with friends and have experienced it myself. There is not always a correlation between diet and exercise habits and weight.

On a different note, I am currently attending a conference with a group of teachers and administrators and I am amazed at how many people are doing some kind of diet or another. I sat with four people at breakfast, three of whom were on some kind of diet "plan", and one of them was actually selling the supplements to fund her program. I completely understand where they are all coming from, but just felt so grateful to be off that hamster wheel of trying everything I could to get the stupid weight off. I do understand that I am still in the honeymoon period, but feel like I am building habits to last a lifetime. As a matter of fact, instead of spending time in my hotel room tonight planning where I will have breakfast, I am researching running trails in this area and have found one that looks interesting and safe for first thing in the morning. That is a huge paradigm shift for me.

I know, it's crazy isn't it?  I think I notice more now - but it seems like EVERYONE is trying to lose weight!  It is kind of sad, really... most are unlikely to be successful AND many of them are probably just being too critical of themselves.  I am particularly moved by my obese friends who are struggling - and feeling like failures.  I wouldn't be so bold as to start a conversation about WLS, it is an individual choice, but I do feel glad when they ask me about it.

There are thin people who can eat a lot and not gain, there are MO people who work out, don't eat a lot and can't lose. But most MO people either eat too much or the wrong foods. And most of my thin friends may have free days, or even weeks, but ultimately they limit what and how much they eat.  

Some people with insulin resistance can gain weight with not a lot of food, or the wrong food. I know that i can eat a lot if I don't eat most carbs. But i gain weight on 1000-1200 calorie diet if i eat carbs. 

I used to be the very fit fat person. But my body would store any carbs, so one day of carry eating may neglect 1-2 weeks of dieting and calories restriction. 

I don't think doctors or scientists understand the food- weight connection. Why one person can gain up to 600or more lbs, when someone else may still get big but the gain will stop at 200lbs,and the third one will be normal.  Genes, hormones, food allergies, intolerance, etc. can really mess things up. Add food processing, additives ~the chemicals, all really changing how our bodies deal with food and weight.