We all have those days that make us want to cry and just curl up into a ball and hide.  I had one today complete with a twenty minute lecture from my ex about what a horrible person I always have been.  

I fell back into an old coping method and ordered a ridiculous amount of pizza.  It may not seem like a big deal to some but despite all that happened today and ordering the food I was able to stop myself in time from the binge eating I use to do to make myself feel better.

It is more than apparent that I have a long way to go still on my path to recovery from my "food addiction" but I'm thrilled that the WLS gave me such a powerful tool toward that goal.  The support this forum supplies has been huge and for the first time in my life I can almost start to believe there is a future for me past food addiction.

Angel

So my question would be, "why did you listen to it for 20 minutes?"  After 5 minutes, he would have been outta there, hung up on or walked away from.  No one, and I mean no one needs to be degraded for any length of time at all.  Frankly, the minute he started would have been the time to stand up for yourself.  

This may not be about your "food addiction" but about your ability to stand up for yourself and fight back.  Sorry if this sounds harsh but you are worth more than being berated by some guy who gets his jollies from degrading you and you took it for 20 minutes.  

You can do this, hang in there.

Thank you. My y thoughts exactly. 

Obusive relationships are very hard to break. Abusers know exactly what to tell us to hurt us. 

You may need therapy to find out how to stand up for yourself and stop taking it. 

It is not easy... But the damage can be limited... Hugs..

Congratulations on your will power to stop the binge. This is an important skill to learn and one I am always struggling with.

Good luck to you

Hi Angel,

I was in an abusive relationship when I was in my 20s (i.e. holes in the walls and etc).  Today, people would NEVER believe that I "took that."  I guess a new monster replaced the timid mouse that I was!  ;)

If you dont have kids with this ex; it might be time to cut them out of your life totally. For me to do that, I moved from the Deep South to Minnesota and changed my phone number and email addresses  That worked well!  :)

I acknowledge that you might not be able to do that (i.e. the cross country move) but you CAN control your space and who has access to it.  

I also understand how hard it is to give up the dream of what you two "could have had."  The problem is: the ex clearly doesnt share that dream of happiness with you. Otherwise they would do/behave in a way that would EDIFY, STRENGHEN, and BUILD your relationship. Instead, the ex is tearing you to pieces. You dont need that now...or ever.  I understand that it may hurt that your ex doesnt want to build a calm/safe/stable relationship with you but that is YOUR EX's problem..NOT YOURS.  YOUR EX is the one that doesnt want the normal, happy things in life.

Congrats on giving up the pizza. SOmetimes, I still struggle with my food crutch as well. The other day a lady at subway gave me a cookie (free!).  I could smell it in the bag, I was shaking so hard; I was like a heroin addict near a fix.  

I walked into my bosses office (the only person at work around) showed him the crazy shakes, and told him he HAD to take it. He could throw it away in his bin after I left, but I could NOT have it in my "possession" anymore or I would slip.

You are not alone and you did great because you STOPPED your pizza fix.

You will also be MORE PREPARED IN THE FUTURE by realizing that this ex ISNT your friend and ISNT helping you. In fact, the EX IS HURTING YOU by tearing into you.

Please find someone who will LOVE YOU and work to build a HAPPY union WITH you.

Life is too short to waste it on those who don't appreciate the investment/love/time/shared history you put into them.

Hi from other MN transplant!

I appreciate all the warm supportive words that I received.  It helped a lot toward keeping strong on both fronts to stay away from the binge eating and the ex.  I am always overwhelmed by the amount of caring support people give on these forums.  

Thank you so much.....

Angel

I understand where you are coming from. I have bought a ton of food and ended up throwing it away.

I would not even talk with him I would talk to him via email. You don't deserve to be talked to like that. You are someone who deserves to be treated with respect.

If you don't have a therapist already it might be time to look into one. I know not everyone needs therapy but it would not hurt.

Feel good that you stopped yourself from eating all of that crap. 

This might be a good time to remember why he's your "EX".  Don't let him talk to you like that.  You are worthy of respect and kindness;  if he doesn't know this he shouldn't be in your life.

Don't talk to him again.  Change your number, give it only to your closest family members and friends.  Tell them not to share it with him.  Change your email address;  don't share that either.

Cut him out of your life.  He's a cancer and he's toxic and you don't deserve either.  Let him go make some other poor woman's life miserable.  Although I hate to wish that type of creep on anyone else.

As my favorite columnists says "DTMFA".  I won't print it out but you can google it!