Happy New Year...and Over a Year (14 months)! First Photo Update...

A little over a year ago I was sitting inside a private bathroom at work crying, singing the song “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths. I had jumped through all the hoops and I was waiting to have surgery; it was finally within my grasp, and I was terrified. I was terrified that something was going to go wrong and I wouldn't be able to finally have a chance at daring to have a dream of not being SMO. I wasn't scared about the surgery itself or after surgery, I merely just wanted to chance.

 

If you're not familiar with the lyrics, the most meaningful to me are:

 

Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time

 

The lyrics resonate with me on many levels because I hadn't had a dream in a long time, either. I had given up the elusive dream of ever actually losing any significant amount of weight. I mean, I had tried and failed more times than I could count; pills, high carb, low carb, high protein, hours of exercise, prescriptions, commercial diet plans...the list goes on and on and on, while I grew bigger and bigger and bigger and the pit of despair widened and the dream faded with each passing year.

I would lose 20-40 pounds in maybe 6 months, but let's be honest, that is a mere drop in the bucket for someone that needs to lose over 200 pounds. I've never actually written those words; I've thought them a gazillion times, but to see them written...”needs to lose over 200 pounds”...powerful and emotional, but I digress. To see that little loss in a long period of time, knowing the effort I was putting forth, being questioned about cheating on a physician supervised weight loss plan that I was paying for, by the physician, because I wasn't losing like he thought I should, and then, he has the balls the ask my husband at his physical “Come on, tell me the truth, she's not following the plan, is she?” To say I was furious is putting it mildly. That was the final straw; losing 28 pounds on the physician supervised high protein plan. I knew many nurses at my hospitals I worked at had had bariatric surgery, so my husband looked carefully at our policy and whadyaknow, they covered it.

It's been 14-months and I am more than thrilled to have lost 178 pounds. Me. I lost 178 pounds. I was secretly terrified this wouldn't work for me, but convinced myself that the physiological process DOES work. After marrying my husband, going to college and choosing my profession, this has been the best decision I have ever made. Once I set my mind on having surgery, there was no changing it and I was focused.

This year has been pretty easy, physically. Petunia and I get along pretty well. I do have an umbilical hernia from one of the trocar sites that limits my ability to exercise how I'd like, so I will probably have that repaired sometime in the spring. The silver lining to this is, my surgeon believes I will be ready for an abdominoplasty by then and we can do both at the same time! Woot! I've had no problem with dumping, although, I watch my carbs and sugars and have never gone above 15-20'ish sugars that I am aware of. I do get a bit nauseous if I drink milk too quickly, certain meat textures skeeve me out now for some reason, otherwise, no problem. I still can only eat 1/4-1/2 cup of most foods (meat, salad, etc.), a little bit more of sliders.

I would say the hardest part has been the mental adjustment; I thought I had prepared, but I don't think you ever really know what is going to come up until you are at that place. It's been a strange trip, for sure, but a very necessary and essential one. I'm a tough chick, I handle it...my nickname isn't “Irrepressible” for a random reason.

It's been awesome rediscovering, or for that matter, discovering my body. Since I was a young girl, I had an image burned into my brain of what my shape was. I always thought I was husky, looked like a line backer, a “bull moose in a china shop,” but I am discovering that is NOT true.

I am so shocked by my collar, shoulder, rib, hip, thigh, and scapular bones! I truly had no idea my face was this shape as it has been a “moon face” (that's what an asshole ex-boyfriend called it anyway) for at least the past 20 years. It has been fun/strange/fascinating watching peoples reactions when they see me for the first time in awhile – some scream “Oh my god!”, other people don't recognize me (a nurse from the floor above me asked one of our managers who the new SLP was and what happened to me, hehe).

The other night we went to our favorite restaurant where they know us by name and what we like to drink, etc. We haven't been there in a few months because we've been trying to be better about eating at home. Anyway, we'd been there for about 20 minutes and the bartender came over to say hi (he usually comes over within 5 minutes). He apologized for not coming by sooner but said he didn't recognize me; people were blocking his view of G and he could only see me. Once he saw G and realized it was me, he had to come over. He apologized to G and then said “Oh my God, you look ******g amazing!” and then he went on for about 5 minutes. Let's just say, G loved it! ;)

I've also really enjoyed stepping outside of my box a little bit, such as discovering I should have been born a redhead, and it's been amazing watching myself finally transform into the way I have always seen myself in my mind. That, however, is a strange thing...to look at a picture of myself before and now...I have a very difficult time relating to either person (yes, I realize they are both me). So, obviously, I'm working on that in therapy.

This year has also been extraordinarily busy for me professionally, which is why I have been MIA from the boards for the past 6 months or so. I read pretty regularly, but I find OH makes it very challenging to easily respond on an ipad, so I haven't responded much at all. My first year and a half year I read daily and contributed a lot; I miss the banter, the wit a lot of folks bring, the accountability, and the learning from people that have paved the path before me. I hope to get some help soon at work, or that something changes, so I have more free time to pursue my personal interests...like spending more time here.

Happy 2015! May this be our best year yet...now go forth and kick some asses, *****es!!!

XOXO,

~ H

 

The before was taken 11.13 and the current 12.14

 

 

 

 

 

 

These were taken about a year apart:

 

 

And finally, some obligatory pictures of me eating medium rare steak for Grim and Sonja....Happy New Year!!!

 

 

Congratulations!Job well done! I have to agree with others, after looking at those pictures. You positively DO NOT look like the same person! You look absolutely AMAZING 

 

Thanks for sharing this inspiration! 

Thank you very much!

It's so weird to think that I don't look the same. I mean, I see the difference most days, but I never really saw the exterior me anyway and just saw...well, me! I will admit though, when I look at the side by side pics, my smile is much bigger when I look at the pics on the left. 

Bravo to you. You look awesome. My 1 year is coming up in a few days. Have come a long way but still a long way to go.

Congratulations to you, too! Look how far you have come...you'll get there.

This is the way I have looked at my journey in life, not with just weight loss, but with school, too (I didn't go to college until I was 26) - it is a journey and I am going to have the same amount of days regardless, so as long as I spend the majority of days doing something positive to make my life better, I am on the winning end. I may not be perfect every day, but the majority of days I do what I need to do to have the life I want.

Keep at it...you'll get there in your own time.

Your toes in one photo helped prove it's really you!  Freed-from-obesity photo of the (new) year!  

 

What is so funny is that my poor feet in the before pic were HUGE! Those were take about 10 days after surgery and I was still so swollen from all of the fluids...it wasn't pretty. My husband said last night "Wow, I didn't realize your feet were so small; I can see all of your boney bits." They really aren't small, size 11 is far from small, but they are definitely smaller.

Thank you for your lovely comment. 

How you doin?

Fantastic! How you doin'?