Does losing the weight help you establish identity----

Thanks for the post

good for you to be thinking about this. I am five months post op so have not reached goal weight. I started at 257 (5'3") and am now at 172. I am also 59 (soon to be 60 in Feb) so maybe my age and life experience changes my perspective. I have always avoided mirrors but when visiting my son in NY recently I was in my bedroom and there was a full length mirror. I took the time to really look at myself and for the first time in SO LONG I didn't feel ugly! I could actual see the progress I had made. At that point I vowed to counter all the negative self talk that I do with positive self talk. My family and friends have been supportive but also some think this is the easy way out. At work, co-workers have generally been supportive however, one person that I really like had a look of total disapproval on her face when I told her. This bothered me for days until I realized that this is HER issue and not mine. She has not been in my shoes and doesn't realize what I have tried to be successful in weight loss. You may lose friends however, those that are left will be the ones with value. It will hurt but will be worth it. Whoever you are at your core won't change. You seem thoughtful and introspective which to me means you try to know who you are as a person and try to change that which you don't like. This means you are a person who will grow and find their way in life. good luck!

I am so happy for you!!  That is amazing.  SO you lost 80 lbs in 5 months.  Wow that is amazing.  I really hope I can lose that much.  Thanks for posting and for the encouragement.  big hugs to you.  Never too late to start enjoying the new you and the life you have head of you

My short answer would be NO! Not at all. I'm just me still. In every way shape and form but just thin. Every hang up, issue, emotion is the same. People do treat me a bit different when they meet me but not enough to matter. Losing weight is just that. I can run 8 miles now. I buy size 10 off the rack. I fight food demons all day everyday. I always get blue in January, it is here already. I don't like parties more than I did but I dislike going out to eat now. 

It doesn't make me happy or release me from my identity in the least bit.

Thanks for your post :)

I was born fat and was fat until last year... 42 years of being fat and 1 year of being "normal" - one year of blending into the crowd and being normal. It was the best most amazing year of my life. Sad but true. I was a very outgoing obese person. I was a plus sized model, I have a doctorate, two kids, a loving husband, I am at the pinnacle of my career and all of those things were accomplished at a size 22/24.  What is different now? I don't worry about what I look like. I love what I look like. I didn't hate myself fat. I never self-loathed or anything that drastic, but I had no idea how much obesity was holding me back. I have a gaggle of thin friends that would have never given me the time of day fat.  Well, maybe I would have been too afraid to bust into their social circle.  Chicken or the egg? I volunteer for things I would have never gotten myself into. I am having a blast. I have a lot lost time to make up for.  I don't care that I get hit on now by guys that would have never given me a glance before. Everyone has a body type that they are attracted to. I am still more attracted to big guys than small guys. My BFF had gastric bypass and never got anywhere close to goal. We don't hang out any more.  She can't deal with me.  

Good luck with your weight loss!!

Hello Brown,

I am 10 yrs post op (lap RNY) and have maintained my 100 lb loss.  I can tell you that other than the weight problem, it does NOT fix the other emotional issues that we have, such as rejection because of our size, discrimination, etc. etc.  I, too, thought losing the weight was going to be the cure all for all of the other issues I experiences, i.e. dating, socializing, etc.  It did not.  What it did do, is made me feel whole again; made me feel like a "real" person.  I am able to see the discrimmination that the world has against the obese and I still hate it!  I still stand up for anyone who struggles with their weight when I hear rude remarks or assumptions.  I don't always share my WLS story with everyone, because I do feel it's very private.  I am happy with who I am and don't care if anyone else doesn't like me.  It has taken a long time for me to get there, but let me tell you it feels great.  I have continued to see a therapist since my surgery, who also had WLS and has been successful with it as well, so not only can he guide me, but he actually gets it! 

JA