Extremely frustrated
Explain to him that this is YOUR surgery, YOUR post op life and you'll take charge of YOUR eating and exercising habits. Tell him that you value his support, but if he's going to try to control your every move (is he a control freak in other aspects of his/your life?) then you don't want him involved. YOu will let him know your weekly progress but beyond that your weight loss and post op care is going to be up to you. State emphatically that you chose to do this and you alone are responsible for it's success. Also mention that there will be no more fighting about the adult decision you made. Period. The divorce rate is high after surgery because many women (and men) find their self esteem, realize they don't have to "settle" for someone less than supportive and know they deserve better. The surgery doesn't cause divorce, it makes people realize their worth and that they deserve to be treated better than they are by their current spouse. You can work out your problems with communication but if he's that controlling, you'll have to take steps to be your own boss.
Jen RNY 2001
I would tell him that you value him and his advise but that this is something that you need to do for yourself, by yourself and that because you feel this is an issue that might be harming your relationship that you have decided that for now weight, food, anything to do with weight loss is off limits. Stress that your relationship with him is of paramount importance and because of this you are setting limits and will get your support from other WLS persons. Ask him to respect the boundaries you are setting. If he does not, that will tell you something important. I agree with getting a scale that doesn't report your weight to him or anyone else. Sometimes when folks are scared or insecure they become more controlling. I think counseling is something you should keep in the back of your mind. If he won't go, go by yourself if it becomes necessary. Good luck!
SHARON
