Ugh- don't get me started on the "Mommy truths" I learned about my eating habits through therapy. IE-- My Mom would always comment "you're to young for all that weight"....imagine my confusion when I was grown and she STILL bothered me about my weight!! I was like but I'm grown...where my obesity free-pass! It scares me how much my mothers words/habits and action drilled some **** poor attitudes about eating, health and nutrition into my head. 

My mom sent tons of mixed messages i had to sort through-- sounds like you were subject to much of the same. It sucks. 

She's a lot better now, even though she still wants to be thinner. I still get defensive around food (like if she makes a comment) but she is better. She's on Zoloft now, which helps a lot

You need therapy... and your own place... 

Cheremiste

According to a pastor...one of the best things I ever did for myself was to put half a country between me and my mom.

Sounds like your mom and my mom could be friends. My mom woudl do the same thing about an excessive amount of sweet treats. At breakfast lunch and dinner we were told to eat up because "this is breakfast" or "this is lunch" or this is supper. But then she would rag on me about my weight.

She is also a goal post mover that practices the N+1 rule. The problem is..she never tells you what the +1 is...so...of course one continues to disappoint.

In the end, space was the best thing for me. It doesnt mean I dont love her. It means, we have a sick dynamic in which only ONE of two parties is interested in fixing. The other person thinks the sick dynamic is quite fine...

Ok so let's think about this.

WHY are you eating all these things ahead of your surgery? I'll start there. Warning: More questions to follow.

I'm eating I think because

A. I feel that surgery will solve all of my problems so I don't have to be careful before hand (Stupid, I know). That's the 8 year old kid in me.

B. I'm afraid I'll never taste those foods again once I have surgery

Awesome! (Your honesty that is)

Ok so...I asked that first because I find that a particular behavior is often not as damaging as the thought process behind that behavior. Behavior is fluid. It can change. But it's also dictated by your beliefs. Asking why gets to what your core beliefs are around this stuff so that you can begin to see where you should make changes.

My immediate reaction to your answers is:

A) What's your back-up plan if surgery does NOT solve all your problems? And how does that affect what you are doing now?

B) How will eating a lot of the things you love help you after you have surgery? Whether you eat a lot or a moderated amount, when the moment passes it's over. So why do you think doing so will in any way help you after surgery? (That sounds like I'm making a judgment there but I'm honestly just wording the question the best way I know how!)

Warning: There possibly may be MORE questions!

A. I don't have the expectation that surgery will solve all my problems and give me rainbows and puppies :) I suppose if for some reason I couldn't have the surgery, I'd go back to strictly counting calories and weighing/measuring my food. Even if I don't end up "thin" at the end of gastric bypass, if I could just cure my sleep apnea I'd be happy.

B. I know, I have to learn and practice just sitting with and experiencing uncomfortable feelings until they pass, not eating over them. Growing up as a sensitive child who was bullied for being different (looking back I believe I was somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum) and fat, I had so many negative emotions coming at me at once that I think I subconsciously try to avoid them as much as possible.

I don't think anyone expects rainbows and puppies. I do think a lot of folks expect that food won't be a struggle (even if they are hesitant to admit that out loud...I was!). Truth is you don't know how you'll react to food until the surgery is done. You may be one of those folks who can tolerate anything after surgery or you may be one of those folks who gets violently ill. Even within that, you may be a person who gets violently ill but that wears off. I'm big on sustainable thinking and sustainable plans which is why I asked what the back up plan is. The ONLY thing constant in this process is change. As soon as you get used to how you think your body works, it changes! It's a bit maddening at first but when you decide on a core set of beliefs that will guide you, it helps. For instance, I don't do the never thing. I tried to for a hot minute in my first year. But it's not sustainable. To say I'll never eat a cookie again, never eat cake, never have a piece of fried chicken? That's not sustainable for me. What is sustainable is to say that I am going to try to create a lifestyle where those are occasional treats but that the majority of my eating will support my healthy lifestyle.

I think the second question was aimed at the fact that we think of food differently in the context of having surgery than we do in general. When I think back on past eating experiences, eating a lot of a food at one time didn't make me crave it less later, nor did it make it any easier for me to not choose that food when I decided to give it up. So eating a lot of unhealthy foods now isn't going to do much for you after surgery. You said one reason you are eating a lot of those foods is because you are afraid you won't be able to eat them after surgery. Does this mean you think eating a lot of them now will help you with that feeling after surgery? I'm here to tell you it may very well not. I still missed foods terribly after surgery (even though I didn't want to eat them because of my physical reactions, I still wanted to want them, if that makes any sense). So that is to say your food decisions last as long as the food does in your system. So knowing that, you just need to decide if you are eating them because you simply want to eat them (which, by the way, is a perfectly valid choice) or if you are telling yourself some sort of story that will bite you in the butt later.

I am not opposed to the last hurrah. But do it because you want to do it. Do it because you like eating and you know you won't be able to eat that much after surgery. Do it because you have a love of these foods and you want to have one last stint with the part of yourself that can indulge and overindulge. Those are perfectly valid reasons. And if they are your reasons own them. But doing it because of what may happen after surgery...it's not really going to help, I don't think. 

That's my three cents.

Thank you Nik. Your answers make a lot of sense. :)