I thought I was doing what was best but it all blew up.

on 11/6/20 7:48 am

So most of you know the story and its been a crazy and emotional week since the husband returned from his trip. I had taken much of the advice many of you gave and cautiously started planning on what I needed to do. As I stated in my last post I had a plan that I would stay with a friend when it came time to have surgery and I could easily keep things confidential about the surgery. My friend who I have known for years has my back but what I didn't count on was my twin causing more problems. While I did not tell her anything about my plans to move ahead with surgery (she was not supportive at all) she took it upon herself to tell my husband that he needed to be very aware of everywhere I go and what I do. She told him that she figured I would try to get back on his insurance and have the surgery behind his back. So, he went to HR and inquired about adding me back on to the plan (he had no intentions of that, he was using that as a way to see if I had made any moves on my own) and of course they told him they were in the process of finalizing the paperwork to get me back on. I have two people who literally are working against anything I do to get healthy and for that reason, I am going to be pursuing a divorce immediately. I had already taken most of the steps to ensure I was going to be ok after surgery so I am not worried about finances because I do have a job and I can get my own place. The main thing that is impacted is the ability to have surgery, again. I am going to take this as a minor set back. It is better that this happens now than after surgery and it throws me completely off. I will be on his insurance again for a short time until the divorce is final and that could be up to two months. I will get back on my own insurance for medications and routine office visits but surgery is out of the question. I have been numb since all this happened and I am not even living at my home right now. I am not in contact with my husband nor my sister. I am thankful to have friends that saw a need and immediately offered for me to stay with them until I get things lined out. I am also thankful that I am healthy enough to work and maintain on my own. I am having to deal with drama from the hubs on not speaking to him or letting him know where I am staying but oh well. The paralegal at the office said they should have papers to him by end of next week so to just continue with no contact until those are served. I will be won't be posting much over the next few weeks but I did want to update all of you who had offered such wonderful advice and showed concern.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I do hope to get back after things are settled and possibly approach this on my own but using the site for support if that is ok.

on 11/6/20 8:42 am - DC
RNY on 12/16/13

I am incredibly sorry you have to deal with this. I'm so impressed with your dedication to put YOU first and pursue surgery so you can be your best and healthiest self. It sounds like your husband and sister showed their true colors and you're staying strong! So proud of you! Surgery was the best gift I ever gave myself!

on 11/6/20 9:03 am, edited 11/7/20 8:37 pm
RNY on 01/01/14

You may be able to get approval for WLS in that two month window ..depending on your insurance plan's requirements and the willingness of your surgeon and his/her staff to expedite the paperwork.

I got tentatively approved the SAME DAY !!! I applied and got weighed and spoke with the surgeon - of course I still had to do the series of consults and a liquid diet and counseling and a bunch of blood tests and heart tests and stuff before he actually operated but I knew I would get it in the end .

I think once you're approved whatever he does ( and don't worry it takes a LOT longer than two months to finalize a divorce and he can't take you off his insurance UNTIL it is finalized ( make SURE you put that in your requests too the judge when you file your divorce package and mention it when you appear in court ) Just say you're waiting to have surgery.

Dont forget to ask for monthly spousal support until the divorce is finalized. Mine took almost 3 YEARS between my responding to his complaint ( 6 months after I was served ) and the final decree .


on 11/6/20 9:36 am - Putnam, CT
Revision on 02/04/15

First off I am so sorry you have not one, but two ******** in your life. Secondly your twin sister is plain and simple a ****cake. I would cut that rotten, jealous ***** right out of your life. I can't believe she had the balls to go to YOUR husband and tell him that stuff.

Is she by chance overweight? Maybe she has a thing for your husband and wants you two to get divorced so she can move in.

Dr. Sanchez Lapband 9/12/2003
hw305/revision w280/cw197/gw150

Revision from Lap Band to Bypass on 2/4/2015 by Dr. Pohl


on 11/6/20 10:19 am

She does have a weight problem as well. I am sure it is in our genes. You could very well be right because she has always sided with him on everything. You would think she would be more supportive of me since we are not only sisters but twins. If that is her plan to move in on him once this is over, more power to her. He has money so it could very well be the case. She is divorced and not dating. Lives in a small apartment and has an older car. Nothing at all wrong with any of those things but compared to what she could have it makes sense. Thank you for the support I love reading your replies. I laugh and I need that.

on 11/6/20 12:01 pm - Putnam, CT
Revision on 02/04/15

Hugs to you . Years ago I was in a real ****ty relationship and it has changed me a bit from how I was. I don't like it when men or even women take advantage of their spouse or try to control them.

Come here when ever you need to. You'll get through this.

Dr. Sanchez Lapband 9/12/2003
hw305/revision w280/cw197/gw150

Revision from Lap Band to Bypass on 2/4/2015 by Dr. Pohl


on 11/7/20 4:17 am, edited 11/6/20 8:18 pm
RNY on 01/01/14

( at Lady Godivas response - somehow it got posted later ) Almost spit out my coffee with that one lol!

on 11/6/20 9:43 am
RNY on 11/22/16

Stay strong! I was actually thinking about you the other day. sending you love and strength.

Melody P.
on 11/6/20 10:34 am - TX

Um...what a few ****ty folks you know. I have nothing nice to say about em so I'll keep my fingers still...

You just need to take care of yourself and you're doing the right things. I am glad you are leaving him but be sure to watch out for yourself(which I'm sure you will! You're already doing a good job getting out of there).

we will be here to support you along the way!

39 F and 6 foot 1 inches

VSG - 3-14-18 - - - Revision to RNY - 5-29-19

I coffee! Mels Chainmaille

on 11/9/20 11:20 am

Thank you so much. I am happy to say that since finding all of you I am feeling more confident that everything I am doing is RIGHT. Even if that means distancing myself from my family.

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