HElP PLEASE JEALOUS HUSBAND
I'm out a year now and feel wonderful. I've lost 108 pounds. I've got my self esteem and self confidence back. I've haven't been this happy in along time except now my husband is very jealous, insecure and can't trust me. I started to go out 1 day either on the weekend or week day with my friends for happy hour, shopping ot just hanging out and he doesn't like that. He doesn't understand why now. He tells me he wants me home at a certain time and if I'm not when I get home we get in fights and have these long talks why am I crapping all over him and the kids. He's brought up may times for me to leave or he'll leave. I'm not happy anymore not sure what to do.
ARE YOU NUTS???
"If you are not happy Follow your heart (and leave)...if not get out..."
Sorry to tell you folks but a good marriage takes Work. Any one can take the easy way out...true strength and love occurs from working thru the rough times.
My question to the Original Poster is 'Were you going out 1 night a week before WLS'? Was it over to a friends house or was it to Bars and Happy Hours? [While leaving him home with the kids.]
Damn straight he's insecure; wouldn't you be if the roles were reversed? One of the other posters is correct in that you need to spend at least that much time with him reassuring that his love for you is returned.
On the other hand...take the easy way out and just walk out on your family and kids...afterall YOU are the most important right? Not those who've loved and cared for you over the years.
Have you 2 gone to marital counseling? It might help to have a neutral 3rd person intervene to help make sure you are not actually being selfish (I am NOT saying you are selfish...) and to help him see that you going out with friends once a week is a normal and NEEDED thing for a mom! Moms need some time out.
You both need someone on your side.
Love,
Melanie g.
Just curious. Do you spend one day a week alone with your husband? I'm NOT saying that he is right in his actions. It sounds like he is frustrated, maybe even scared of loosing his family. I've noticed in my own marriage that when we spend time together, when we connect, our relationship is better.
Believe me, I know how important that time away is. I like having a life outside of being a wife and mom. I need those outside connections. But when something comes between you and your spouse, there's a problem.
This last year has been a huge change for the both of you.
I wish you the best of luck in your family. Know that I'll be praying for you all.
I have been married 31 years. I was thin when I met and married my husband, although I had issues with my weight for many years, I Lost and gained weigt so many times I can't count. My husband would complain about my weight, then when I lost it, the insecurities would start in. I have always been a very social person and enjoy doing things with my girl friends. In 31 years of marriage I have been faithfull. Giving my hubby no reason to ever not trust me. I totally understand the need to be with friends. You have lost 108 pounds and now you feel more comfortable going out with friends and socializing and there is nothing wrong with that. As much as my husband complained about my weight I think he was happier when I was fat. We finally had to go to a marriage counselor so I could have a 3rd party tell my husband it was perfectly normal for me to hang out with my girlfriends. It was not normal to be with him 24-7 So far it has helped a lot. I suspect that when I get to my goal, I will probably see the jelousy monster again. Don't let it ruin your life. Make him go to a counselor so you will be validated. Otherwise he will win and you will end up never going anywhere and resenting him for it. Trust me, I have been there. If he truly loves you, you will get through this and be stonger.
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