I am new to this

Hi. My husband will be having his surgery on Feb 13, 2008 one day after our 3rd anniversary. We have been together for 9 years. I love him so much. But frankly I am scared of so many things since he has begun this process; I want him to be healthy. But there is just so many things that I am just worried about. I have prayed. I have not talked to anyone not many of our friends would understand the fears I am facing. They would tell me "oh he loves you would not leave you" "oh he is going to be ok". They would just dismiss them but those 2 are 2 of my biggest ones. The fear of losing him ether through complications from surgery or from him getting smaller and deciding I am not what he wants. I know others are facing and have faced this. I just need to get it off my chest so I can be supportive of him and make his dream to come true of being healthy. I am sorry to have my first post to be so sad. I am happy for him just scared..

Georgia, I hope everything will be ok for you. In my case, my husband and I both had WLS in August and September 06. We had a good strong marriage and I thought we would be ok. Unfortunately, as he lost weight his whole personality changed. Last May he started acting funny, distant and looking for everything he could find to start fusses with me.We split up in June and I later found out he had been having an affair well before we separated. He is not the same person at all, and not in a good way. I don't even like the person he has become, although I used to love him more than life itself. So I really do wish the best for you, and hope yours doesn't change like mine did. GW

Hi Georgia, My hubby had his surgery Jan 5, 2006. I went to everything with him. Yes, he had some complications after surgery - his stoma kept closing up due to scar tissue so he had to be scoped twice to stretch the stoma, but after they got that under control he has lost 160 pounds. He is healthy, he is off all medication except the vitamines that he needs due to surgery. He is healthy, happy, and going to be with me a long time. I lost weight along with him when he had his surgery, unfortunately I have a metabolism that sucks and have gained it all back even though I still eat like a bird and no amount of exercise keeps the weight off. His faithfullness to our marriage never faltered. He is as faithful now as he was when he was over 300 pounds even though women pay more attention to him now. Our marriage is just as strong if not stronger, I continue to fall in love with him more deeply every day and he the same for me. We will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this coming Friday. So for me and us this has been a wonderful experience one that has brough us closer together, and if you both remember this WLS is a family changing event, enjoy it, savor it....it is wonderful to see your soul mate and partner get healthy and you know they will remain with you a very long time Good luck with your surgery - and always remember if you feel like something is happening go to therapy as a couple. My hubby is a family therapist and is working on a thesis of WLS and how it effects the whole family not just the person going through the surgey

GOOD LUCK!! The statistics of this surgery are high for divorces. I have read "divorce at all costs" by "supportive" patients. I have read "I kicked out on the basis of a trial separation but he doesn't know I am filing for divorce." All of a sudden they are all that and a bag of potatoe chips. Again good luck. The score is high & you have been together "a long time" after they have lost a lot of weight and the spouse seems to be the surgical spouse's problem & fault for and in everything. That seems to me more critical here than anyone's health to them after the surgery, is finding someone else cause they can do better or something. Do research & find out about counseling together from someone who is a psychologist, oh sorry that may not work either because one of the women involved with my "someday ex-spouse" and she led a group was intimately entertaining & being entertained by each other. GOOD LUCK!

I wish I had good news to share, but unfortunately my marriage of twelve years is ending very soon.  He had gastic bypass surgery at the end of March and ask for a divorce in May.  He had been communicating with women all times of the day and night on this sight, I believe he didn't have an affair, but an emotional one maybe.  He has been communicating with another woman who had the surgery and was also married for six hours some days.  She is also divorcing and tearing apart a family.  He became someone that I don't even recognize emotionally.  He is angry and aggitated, irritable and makes horribly hurtful and nasty comments to me.  I had thought this would be a celebration for our marriage and has turned into a nightmare instead.  Be supportive and love him like you may never have the chance to again, don't be afraid to seek help.  Best of luck.