ONE YEAR, 100%, -113.2lbs. Lots of pics (it's a book)
Here we are. A year later. Expect this to be a lengthy post…but y’all should’ve guessed that by now. This is practically a book, but I tried to divide it so that you can skim through. I'll post the stats, then highlights/lowlights, a summary of my month-by-month experience, Bonnie's Bias on the FAQ's, and finally some before/after pictures!
Weight: 277 to 163.8
-113.2lbs.
From 42.1 to 24.9
From “Morbidly Obese" to “Normal"!!!!
100% Excess Weight Loss!!!!
Waist: 46.5 to 33
Neck: 15.5 to 13
Bicep: 18 to 12.5
Chest: 48 to 36
Hip: 49.5 to 40
Thigh: 33.5 to 25
Calf: 19 to 15.5
1st month loss: -27.2
2nd month loss: -12.4
3rd month loss: -8.4
4th month loss: -9.6
5th month loss: -8.8
6th month loss: -6.4
7th month loss: -8.4
8th month loss: -12.4
9th month loss: -3
10th month loss: -3.6
11th month loss: -6.4
12th month loss: -6.6
HIGHLIGHTS:::
Feeling like I had a hot little secret around 2 months mark
Size 18/16 and being able to shop in the normal part of Target woot!
Flying to Chicago, sitting in seat, and walking around the city (Labor Day)
Onederland for Christmas
Size 12 dresses, fitting in with beautiful friends in DC (Valentine’s)
Size 8 white coat
Shorts (size 8!)
Shopping ANYWHERE!!
Airplane seat Slack
Bathing suits (okay, not really, but in comparison!)
Crossing my legs—my God, it’s good
Size 10 Calvin Klein Jeans (9 months)
Pants not rolling down under the weight of my belly
Panties not rolling down under the weight of my belly
Towels wrapping around me
Getting told I was “too hot" to be a Math person hehe
Feeling like my family can be proud to stand next to me (they always were, but I still think they are glowing about their beautiful daughters)
People being nicer to me, in general. Like holding the elevator for me, and making eye contact, and talking.
DOWNSIDES:
Feeling like I’d lost my passion, food, the same week I lost my granddad
Feeling terribly sluggish around 4 months, something I still have bouts with today
Going behind “enemy" lines and hearing what stupid people say about fat people. Don’t know why this shocks me so much—I used to be the target of this kind of talk.
Recent stomach/back aches though I don’t know if they are unrelated
Lactose intolerance
PRESURGERY:
I did not seriously consider WLS until August ’09. Surgery seemed so drastic; I did not want to accept that I needed a drastic change. My aunt had stomach stapling in the early days (30 years ago) and it has since failed. But by August ’09 I was fed up. I tried nearly everything in my short life—fad diets, low carb, multiple times on weigh****chers, diet pills, appetite suppressants, liquid protein diets, HCG injections. At best I’d lose 20-30lbs. and gain it back just as quickly. My mother was actually the one to encourage me to attend a seminar on surgery. At that point I was only interested in the lap band. I attended the seminar with my sister (who decided she was unready for surgery), and made a first appointment. But after my first appointment I got cold feet and dropped the issue for the next 6 months. After another 6 months of not losing weight, I realized this was a battle I would not win alone. I shopped around and finally found a surgeon in Denton who performed the DS, which is what I wanted at that time. I’m still a big believer in the switch, but the sleeve has been sufficient for me. My sister undertook the decision to have surgery with me. I was self pay (ahem…parent pay) and it all came together pretty quickly. Didn’t seem so quick at the time. Having to wait a month or two to have surgery seems cruel and unusual in the moment.
What were my biggest questions presurgery? I questioned if I was really ready for change. Sure, it would be nice to have a smaller digit on the scale and a smaller number on my clothes. But would I really be prepared to change? Would I accept the change, embrace the challenges? Also, I was worried I might learn too much about the world and human nature. How would I feel about more positive attention when I lost the weight? What did it say about my self esteem that I felt it necessary to physically alter the body God gave me? As you can see these were not the surgical questions. Those were quickly, effectively, scientifically addressed by my surgeon and these boards. It was the psychological aspect that I knew would be the real difficulty.
SURGERY:
I had no pre-op diet. I know some people think they shrink your liver or whatever. My conclusion is that if I lost weight so easily in the past, I would clearly not be here about to undertake surgery! I had to have bloodwork, of course, the strangest part being the e pylori, an upper gi, and an abdominal ultrasound. Up until surgery I lived pretty normally. I’m not exactly proud, but I definitely had a food funeral and gained around 5lbs.
I started to F-REAK the day before surgery. I always tend to do that when things are going to change. I was hungry and scared. I began to wonder: what if I don’t awaken? I think everyone does this. It’s totally natural. I think what brought on the most anxiety was realizing that I’d be naked. I don’t care how immature that sounds, to this day I don’t care to be naked, not in front of myself, and certainly not in front of people I’ve never met. People assured me that they were medical professionals. Not helpful. People told me that I would be under by that point. Especially uncool. Because we all know it’s so much better to be naked around strangers when we are out? Rolls eyes. I still don’t like it. Not one bit.
By the day of surgery I felt calmer. I resigned myself to the fact that I was having surgery. My biggest fears about the surgery actually had been starting the IV and the stomach shots (to avoid clots) because I hate needles! Yes, I was aware they were cutting me open. But I figured I’d be pretty shot up by that time. They did a great job, though. Now, you may not have guessed this about me, but I am a boss! Seriously, I hate people telling me what to do. I hate not being in control. So I was having a serious anxiety attack about other people being in control of my body. In the pre-op room I remember the lady telling me I wouldn’t even remember the color of the walls. The spiteful part of me made sure to prove her wrong and I can tell you the walls were a tacky oatmeal color. I remember being instructed to move onto the surgery table, and beyond that the first thing I remember were people yelling at me to wake up. You must have to go through special meanness training to work in the post-surgical area. I know it’s all to keep us well, but I am amazed at how mean they were. You just put me under all this fog, now you want me to breathe? And there was forced air and I have asthma. Blah. I just remember feeling groggy and having a hideously sore throat. My sister went in after me. By that evening I was feeling more alert, not too sore, no gas pains! Honest, the worst part was my freaking sore throat. I also hated having to pull myself out of the bed all by myself for the first time. It seemed that someone could’ve helped me a little that first time. After that it was pretty smooth sailing. I basically felt like I’d been in a bar fight. Just overall “cloudy" stomach pain with only the major incision spot really hurting. The next morning we found out that my granddad was going into the ER and so we were released early and drove the 3 ½ hours back to Okc. That drive was not the most pleasant. Especially once the pain medicine wore off and we had not yet filled our prescriptions. I stopped at the hospital.
I wish I could tell you more about those first few days. But sadly my life would be consumed with the tragedy of losing my granddad. I wish I could go into more depth, but I have neither the space nor the emotional energy here.
Not being able to guzzle water was extremely frustrating. And I was very hungry straight out of surgery. I dreamed about cheeseburgers. I could imagine a wonderful cheeseburger soup in my mind. When I was cleared for full liquids I tried to satisfy that some cheese soup. It was not the same. French onion soup was pretty amazing, though. The first month was very difficult. I was still hungry. I was still fat. For about the first 2 months I had 2 gears: be hungry, or eat and then feel like you’re going to be sick. Neither was comfortable. Between that and what was going on in life, I felt like I’d made a HUGE mistake. I felt like I was playing Russian roulette—for what? A chance to wear a pretty dress? There was definitely a stage of reassessing my decision. I was not happy with it. I felt I’d lost both food and my granddad in one week. I felt sick and sluggish all the time. I was no smaller in terms of clothing size. My bonus was the bite or two of canned tuna. It sucked. I’ll be honest.
MILESTONES:
By about week 6, I started to turn the corner. I had been eating real food and tolerating real food much better. I started going out again. And clothes were beginning to fit loosely. By the start of the third month, my self confidence started to really shoot through the roof. I finally realized how awesome I was. And even if people couldn’t see it, it was there (it also helped knowing that I was a soon-to-be hottie they were missing out on!). Hit -50 at 14 weeks. At 15 weeks post op I went to Chicago. It was my first time in an airplane since surgery and it was no prob! I also felt good walking around the whole city. Size 16 at 16 weeks. My fatigue really started to show up around the beginning of month 4. I don’t know if I really began to feel more tired, or if it just seemed unacceptable to still be tired after surgery. I went to a football game in late September and fainted. That was eye opening. Trekked to Denton to see if my surgeon had any ideas on the fatigue, but no. I hit -100 at 41 weeks.
It's just SO AWESOME to not have this burden, this game that I must play again and again only to be humiliated when I lose every time--we would be talking about dieting fyi. It's just so much nicer to me. My sister and I were talking about how *everything* can be so different after wls, and yet not everything changes. No, wls cannot change the world around you. But it does change you...or at least us. We likened before to wearing uncomfortable heels or clothing ALL THE TIME. You know how that is to not be comfortable all day long. Clothing grating into your skin, or irritating shoes. You want to race home and get comfortable but with all that weight, you cannot. I'm not even talking just about the physical strain: the emotional strain is bad too. To never feel good in your own skin is a terrible thing. Maybe that's hyperbole--I occasionally felt okay or even "good" prior to WLS, or so I thought. But even on a bad clothing day, I still feel better now. Like I say, it's more of a psychological thing too. I'm kinder to myself. I'm excited about my future. I'm excited about the day and who I will meet, where I will go. Everything feels so new! Maybe this newness will wear off. For example, I want to travel...everywhere! I've always enjoyed traveling, but this time I have a list a mile long! First, I can sit in an airplane. Secondly, I can sit anywhere else I need to sit. Third, I can walk for longer stents of time.
On questioning the decision to have surgery:
I questioned why I was having surgery. I have always been pretty content with myself. And those who have a problem with me?--well, they don't matter! Then it begged the question: Was I truly l the person I'd always been, or was I acting out, and did that matter? And if I was, indeed, acting out, would I lose this person I'd always pretended to be--because I've grown fond of that person!!
I ultimately decided that this weight loss journey would be an opportunity for growth, much like any other big life change (ie graduate school or whatever!). People change. People grow. I would always be a part of the person I was. That was my story. For better or worse, I have lived as a fat person. Those experiences and lessons are part of me. This weightloss is now a part of me too.
FAQ’s—Bonnie’s completely biased take on them:
STALL—you may not lose weight every week. In fact, you may show a slight gain some weeks. Honestly, people, how is this shocking? I never wigged out about it. I knew I was eating tiny amounts. I had faith that, eventually, the pattern was that I was losing weight. Furthermore, I guess I realized that if I could not lose weight eating as little as I was, then nothing would have ever worked any better. So I just remained calm, for the most part. What were my other choices? Surgery was done did! What was I going to do? Try to fit in melted milkshakes?! So, chill, people. Unless you have a reason to think you are truly gaining, just accept it. This is still so much better than anything else I’ve ever done to lose weight.
HAIR LOSS-I can understand wigging out on this one (teehee, get it? Wig!). I loooove my long, blonde hair. And it did start coming out around 2 months-4 months. But I have a lot. And it wasn’t a big deal. Kinda strange to be shedding so much, though. I’ve heard different theories about how to avoid it, but I think it just tends to happen. The worst part is actually now, where my new hair growing back is about 2" long wispies that make me look like Alfalfa!
WHICH SURGERY—I’d be willing to bet that a large majority of us *****search surgery are predetermined to want lap band. DON’T DO IT!!! Yes, there are successful banders out there. But I think the statistics overwhelmingly show that it has the worst odds. All I’m saying is: give yourself the best shot. That’s actually why I wanted to go with the switch. Anyone who hasn’t heard of the duodenal switch, I encourage you to investigate it too. I think it’s an excellent surgery choice, especially for those with lots to lose. But it does take a lot more maintenance insofar as you need to take many vitamins and eat lots of fat because of the malabsorption aspect. VSG was good enough for me, and I’m very happy with where I’ve come and how little my world actually had to change. As far as RnY goes, my personal opinion is that it’s easy to stretch back out (as my aunt’s experience shows) and it is the best of neither worlds. If it’s malabsorption you want—you with DS. If it’s restriction—go with VSG. I am willing to agree, though, that in the cases of insurance covering you, or resolution of diabetes, RNY may be a valid option.
ALCOHOL—Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the perfect world you wouldn’t drink empty calories or eat anything that wasn’t 100% nutritious. I also don’t think you’ll find any of those 100% perfect people on this website. I had my first drink at 5 weeks out. Chalk it up to social pressure. And in the haste of the moment I ordered probably the worst thing ever—a rum and coke. But I sipped it over 2 hours and was fine. My first time to do some real drinking was around 12 weeks at Labor Day, and I think my surgeon’s recommendation was to wait 12 weeks, anyhow. I will say use caution when drinking. Things do affect me differently. Probably the biggest difference for me is there is no real warning or scale for when it goes from fine to not so fine. I might be fine after 1 drink and 3 sheets to the wind after 2, with no real warning.
TIME OFF—Ideally you work someplace where, heaven forbid, you need to take off for longer, you can. I suppose I could have crawled in somewhere a week after surgery. But I was pretty drained for the first couple weeks, so keep that in mind.
LOOSE SKIN—It happens. Whaddaya gonna do about it? I think age, where you stored your fat, genetics, all that dictates the degree to which you’ll have loose skin. Mine hasn’t been too bad. I definitely have loose, jiggly, inner thigh skin, and some on my belly. My belly bums me out the most, but it’s riddled with stretch marks, anyway, so I would need to have a tummy tuck before showing my stomach in public as it is.
About 9 weeks post op:
13 weeks, (-50lbs.)...starting to feel really hawt!
16's Fitting at 16 weeks!...
6 months post op, about -90lbs.
Reaching the century club @ Spring Break
5'6" ~ Loving a size 4 ~
Plastics Apr 17th, 2012 with Dr. Sauceda ~ BL, BA, LBL w/ flap aug & mini thigh lift!
Gina
If you fear nothing, then you love nothing. If you love nothing, what joy can there be in life?
VSG-3/3/2011 HW-308 SW-298 CW-152 GW-160
156LBS. LOST
