Marriage issues after wls?

ValB
on 5/28/11 3:07 pm
Has anyone else had problems?  I love my husband  = but find myself bored.  not neessarily bored with him but with 'married life' in general.  I don't want to go out and 'hook up' with someone else or anything - i just feel different..   he told me he liked me better when I was fat = i was less happy with myself but happier with my life..

suggestions?

Val

band 4/18/08 slipped band 10/15/09.  further band complications --revision from band to sleeve 10/21/10.  Starting Weight - 230 Rev. surg wt - 203 Current - 147 Goal - 130

          

  

NursieGirl
on 5/28/11 3:12 pm
This is very common!  Try the "singles" and "sex after WLS" boards.  They're full of people going through this same struggle.  It may be that you weren't "happier" but were more content pre-surgery, because you were settling for what you thought you deserved, and now you want a more fun, fulfilling, exciting life.  Does that sound like you?
                                                                
    
RaiderRob
on 5/28/11 3:21 pm - CA
Do the right thing and talk to your husband about what's going on in your head.
Southernsleever
on 5/28/11 4:54 pm
You may try seeing a therapist about it. It could be a phase or it could not be. I get whre you are coming from though.

 

5'6" Start-276 Goal-150  Weight loss   Preop=5  Month 1=25  Month 2=10  Month 3=14  Month 4=3 Month 5=7  Month 6=9 Month 7=7 Month 8=Month 9=9 Month 10=7 Month 11=5 Month 12=5 Month 13=3 Month 14=4    

 

Jenn H.
on 5/28/11 6:00 pm - Portland, OR
 Don't know how your partner's health is but mine has been convinced to join me on bike rides and hikes. Adds excitement to both our lives and we're both losing weight and gaining stamina for more intimate things.

Age: 32 | Ht: 6' | HW: 350 | Pre-op: 330 | SW: 311 | CW: 207 | My Blog: vsgjenn.tumblr.com
    
Monthly loss: 1,-24lb/2,-13lb/3,-11lb/4,-12lb/5,-11lb/6,-14lb/7,-9lb/8,-8lb/9,-7lb/10,-3lb/11,-5lb/12,-10lb/13,-3lb/14,-1

Paul5678
on 5/28/11 6:35 pm - United Kingdom
Talk to the man you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.  Make your life together less boring.  My wife and I plan to go out and visit somewhere or do something together once a month that we wouldn't normally do.  Better to repair than regret a loss for the rest of your life.  Good luck and warm wishes! 
Krazydoglady
on 5/28/11 9:47 pm - FL
If married life consisted of sitting around on the couch eating and watching TV, yes, you were probably content with that pre-op.  It's an easy, inert life.  If you wan't more than that post WLS you have to look inside yourself not to your husband or anyone else. 

Pick a goal a healthy, worthwhile goal, and work towards it.  I'm training for a very physicaly demaning 5K race with obstacles, fire jumping, etc., for example. My hubby  made a few comments about my time at the gym, etc., but has more recently said he'd better get started training if he's going to do it with me. If you are doing something valuable and feel good about yourself, he'll respond.  If he doesn't, that's the point where you have to consider the long term future of your relationship.

IMO which is not professional, btw,  women cheat physically or emotionally post WLS because they're looking for a way to feel like crap about themselves again -- a different reasont to look in the mirror and say, gee, I'm a worthless piece of **** Women are good at self-sabotage and that sometimes includes the men we pick. 

Carolyn  (32 lbs lost Pre-op) HW: 291, SW: 259, GW: 129.5, CW: 126.4 

        
Age: 45, Height: 5'2 1/4"  , Stretch Goal:  122   

 

Kim_M
on 5/29/11 12:46 am - LaPorte, TX
I feel you !!!!I told mine last nite I need fun lol.He laughed so yeah going through the same thing!!
                                                                                                                                                           
  First month since VSG 33  2nd 14 lbs 3rd12lbs 4th10lbs 5th10lbs 6th 9lbs 7th 13lbs 8th 13 lbs  9th 2 10th 6 11th bounced 175-180 12th  bounced  13th 2 lb cw(164)      
OldMedic
on 5/29/11 1:01 am - Alvaton, KY
The symptoms that you are describing could very well indicate depression.  This is NOT uncommon following weight loss surgery, especially f you have a history of depression.  Your hormones are "out of kilter", and will be for some time till your body readjusts to a "normal level".

In addition, being a lot thinner can be very threatening to YOU.  Even though this is something you wanted, and something that you medically needed to do, for a lot of people being fat is a protection.  It prevents them from many relationship problems, because a LOT of people simply can't or won't deal with fat people.

Give some thought to whether or not this could be depression at work.  Speak to your doctor about your lack of interest in anything (which is the single most common symptom of depression).

It could very well be that you were more dynamic, more of an engaged person, prior to your weight loss.  But now, if you are depressed and withdrawing into yourself, you are not interacting as you used to, which your husband would notice, but not necessarily know why that is happening.

A former Army Medic (1959-1969), Registered Nurse (1969-2000), College Instructor (1984-1989) and a retired Rehabilitation Counselor.  I am also a dual citizen of the USA and Canada.

High Weight 412 lbs.                    Date of Surgery 360.5                                 Present  170 lbs   

        
Southernsleever
on 5/29/11 1:15 am
Just wanted to add, even though I already posted, that it could be you have both changed and have grown apart. I would try to salvage the marriage if that's what you want. But if it isn't sure as heck don't stay in it just because.

 

5'6" Start-276 Goal-150  Weight loss   Preop=5  Month 1=25  Month 2=10  Month 3=14  Month 4=3 Month 5=7  Month 6=9 Month 7=7 Month 8=Month 9=9 Month 10=7 Month 11=5 Month 12=5 Month 13=3 Month 14=4    

 

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