what to do when u lose urself

myownsunshine, i love your response. you made me laugh :-) i like that quote. i like having my independence, which is why i dont wanna move home. i'm young, but at the same time, im too old to have the parents down my back where ya going what ya doin who ya with be home by 2 let us know where u are always etc. at least i don't have to answer to them living away from home; BUT now i feel like i have to answer to the fiance. who ya textin where ya goin what time ya gonna be home. i guess i'm in a lose lose situation. i was in RN nursing school and failed the 2nd semester because i got sick and missed too many classes. so after recovering from surgery, and being a healthy new me, i'm starting back in january. i'm gonna get my associates in science from the local school w/ two degrees phlebotomy and medical record coding which will only take me 3 semesters cause ive done most of the classes already. then ill do the transition 2 more years of school to be an RN. i know what i wanna do with my life. i wanna be a nurse. always have. and i'm 1/2 way there. and i know where i wanna live, what kinda house i want, what i wanna name my children and how many i want etc. i have my whole life planned out. except i thought i had who i wanna share my life with. but the longer i stay, the more i find out, and the less i see myself w/ him in the future. his cup is always 1/2 empty and he's always putting me last. not to mention hes not romantic or intimate.

i guess ur right. i need to bite the bullet and leave. move in w/ my parents and deal w/ the nonsense until i finish school and can afford my own place. then date around and find my PRINCE charming, instead of settling just because i dont think i deserve the best. at least im realizing all of this now, at 23 instead of stayin on the unhealthy path im on and 10 years from now lookin back sayin what if what if what if.

and i wouldnt admit it before recently, but i tihnk i do need counseling to deal w/ all of the things i'm going through. this is not just a physical change, its even more of a mental/emotional change. but im ready for it. i'm gonna use this as a fresh start.

i'm gonna leave him a letter saying exactly how i feel and thats gonna be the beginning of the rest of my life.

thanks so much for your advice

The thing is you can't sit around and wait for the pieces of your life to just fall into place. YOU have to take control.

Another thing, and I mean this with the most kindness possible, is that NO ONE is going to love you, treat you well, respect you, all that., until YOU love you.

My very best advice is move on from this guy, seriously consider surgery, move back in with mom and get back on your feet and work on YOU! Make yourself the best you that you can be and I PROMISE you will be turning guys away.

Often times, us bigger girls will take whatever scraps a guy will throw our way cause we think "it's better than nothing" and of course we don't DESERVE anything all that great anyway, right?

Don't be a victim, be YOU OWN HERO!

{{hugs}}

i realize that. i have to love and respect myself for anyone else to love and respect me. and i guess this guy got the notion that i didnt love nor respect myself so he thinks its okay not to either.

ya'll are all right. move home, move on, and find out who i am. continue my education and keep searchin as long as it takes to find someone who is PERFECT. not the best looking ugly guy i will accept cuz im the fat girl.

i've taken this WLS journey into my own hands and taken my life back. in 3 weeks when i get my surgery, ill be on my path to a better me. one that HE wont deserve.

thanks :-)

I think that you have gotten lots of good advice. My two cents since you asked:
If I was 23 again and needed this surgery I would run not walk back to my parents house if I was in a crappy relationship with some guy who just wanted me as a "Shack up Honey". Right now you guys are playing house but he has no reason to be trully committed to you since he didn't put a ring on it. I know it sounds brash and politically incorrect but it's the truth. A man who wants to marry a girl does everything in his power to make it happen, and to make her want to marry him. 

I say leave, get the surgery and thank God that your parents are willing to take you back into their home. Make sure that you pull your weight around the house and put boundaries up as how much of your life they can interfere with. It's THEIR house and by moving back in you are in a sense agreeing to their terms. Just live with it and figure out how to get to your goal of becoming financially stable and a RN. My husband just became an RN a few months ago and all the hard work that he did to get there is soo worth it! His face lights up when he told me that he signs patients records with his name,RN he says its the best feeling because he did it after wanting that career for so long.

There is a really good book out there by Dr. Laura Schlessinger - "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" I know the title is a little offputting but I gave a copy to my BFF (who looked at me a bit crazy when I gave it to her) and she is loving it. It's not for the faint of heart but if you can get a copy and read it, think about what Dr. Laura says, it may save you a lot of heartache.
 
I read her book on marriage and it turned my marriage a 180 degrees. She tells the truth even if it's ugly and ****** us off, but once I put into play what she was suggesting my husband had no choice but to follow my lead and our marriage is as solid as Gold! 10 years married and we got married when I was 23!! ;-)
 
"Everything in life that is worth having, is worth striving for"--me
 Best of Wishes to you sweety,
EstherStar

I just want to DITTO everything everyone else said, plus, do you really need the aggravation of worrying about what this ball and chain thinks and does while you're recovering from surgery??

You are soo young!! You are lucky because you don't have to deal with 20 years of mistakes made because of caring too much about what other people think! It's time for you to be as selfish about YOU as he is being about himself!! Definitely get youself into therapy asap if you can -  a relationship with a mentor who is a neutral 3rd party, whose job it is to support you in your journey, will be far more helpful for you right now. 

Good luck!!

no i dont wanna have to worry about him or what his selfish motive is while im recovering. im having surgery in 3 weeks. its all happened so fast. and idk if i can leave him before then. i am stayin w/ my parents after that for a couple weeks. so maybe i can use that as my excuse to just not return back to his townhouse...