OT - My Dad's diagnosis and the long road before us. (long)

I'm just looking for hugs and possible information.

I just found out this morning my Dad has been diagnosed with dementia. In the past couple years, we've seen him change. He's had a lot of health issues, and we've been noticing personality changes as well. My Father is a 37 year Army vet and has experienced things in the military those guys didn't talk about back then. My Dad has always been stern and a "by the book" kind of guy, but he's always been gentle and loving to all of us. In the past months, he's been having angry outbursts, sometimes near violent. His care team at the VA decided it would be best for him to enter an inpatient PTSD support group.

Through the support group and observences, his behavior is getting worse, to the point where he's having violent outbursts. They did some cognitive testing and got some more information from my Stepmother, my Sister and Brother yesterday. His violent outbursts are getting worse and he is on pshycotropic and depression meds that are not having much effect. They aren't done testing him yet, but his prognosis is pretty grim. Unfortunately it may come down to sedating him heavily to dampen his outbursts to protect himself and those of us around him. They've advised us to all go visit him soon, since this disease is progressing very rapidly. I'm going to see him Sunday morning,
by myself. He hasn't seen any of us for a while at his request to the hospital. They will be supervising everyone's visits in case he loses it, and warned me, he's angry and finding everyones buttons to push and hurt. I'm mentally stealing myself for the visit, and I'll be doing a ton of research. If anyone has experienced this with a loved one, I'd sure appreciate some information.

Tomorrow is our WLS Day of Education and Gala. I've been looking forward to going to this since I heard about it in the informational meeting over a year ago. I told my Husband I didn't want to go now. He told me, "You're going! This is not a sudden event with your Dad and we all have to come to grips and know this could last for a long time. You worked too hard for this not to go. We're going to get dressed up, and I'm going to dance with my beautiful wife like I've been planning to."
I sure am glad I married this awesome guy!

Thank you to my OH family for reading this, I kind of just had to get this off my chest...call it OH therapy.

Heidi

I am so sorry, it is a horrible thing to watch your fathers health failing. Although my Dads mind was intact, I had to watch him slowly suffer before he passed away at the (young) age of 62. It was the hardest time in my life, and I know it has to be tough on you. Love and hugs........

Heidi, first I want to say that I am truly sorry for what you are going through.  I have deep empathy for you and your family.  It is so hard watching a parent slip away right before your eyes, whether it is mental or physical.  It can make you feel so helpless.
My father sounds a lot like yours.  He was in World Was 2 and was the only one left in his battalion and went through many things I will never know because he too never talked about it.  He also was very stern and a strict rule follower.
His health declined after he developed heart disease and then dementia set in and it was heart wrenching.  I watched a handsome, fit man's health and mind decline.
My only advice is to spend quality time with him, know that any thing that he may say that may hurt you, he does not mean intentionally and try not to let it effect you as much as possible.  Lean on the man who "wants to dance with his beautiful wife".  My husband was a God send for me and my family.  That love will see you through. 
Show your Dad any love and kindness that he will allow and say what will make your heart and mind at ease, you will be thankful for that.
With all of this said, go to the celebration and celebrate the life that YOU have, it is a gift and you and your husband deserve to celebrate, you deserve it!  You have done a wonderful job and given a new lease on this gift of life.....go and have a great time!!!
Best wishes and prayers to you and your family.

Heidi:
I am so very sorry that you are going through  this. 

We have gone through something similar with my Dad.  I may have some suggestions for you that may or may not help.  I am at work and just posted a lenghty post on here during my lunch break.  I will PM you later with some info.

Go to your Gala and let your husband be your comfort and support during this difficult period.  Mine was a God send and continues to be my rock.

Hugs to you. I know it is a rough road to see a parent go through so much. I will send prayers for strength and peace your way.

I too have recently been hit with the fact my father being diagnosed with Alzheimer's although in the early stages. I live several thousand miles from my folks, and it wasn't until my niece was here for my surgery that I found out. Now I have the guilt of being so far away and not being there to help my parents cope with the changes. But with faith and prayer we will find a way to manage and still be successful in our goals.

My father is in the late stages of Alzheimer's and we had to move him into a nursing home about a month ago.

In the earlier stages, my father became very agressive and violent with my mother. We went to numerous doctors, in-patient/out patient treatments to try to get the right combination of drugs and finally they put him on progesterone (a female hormone). It was a life saver and allowed us to keep my parents living together for another 4 years. They used a pretty high level of the hormone but it really calmed him down a lot without having a sedative type of affect. Maybe you can discuss this with his doctor.

You have a very difficult road ahead so please use the support groups that are available. They provide a great source for information.

Also, please remember to be patient and cherish the moment's you have in the meantime.

If you ever need to talk or have any questions, I am here for you.

Stacey

Wow, never heard of progestrone for a male patient! That's awesome that it could make such an obvious difference!

I wont say I can begin to understand what you are going through.. I will however offer *HUGE HUGS*  But your husband is right - go to your Gala - you cant lose yourself in your fathers journey.

Hang in there!!

Thank you for all your kind words and responses. I know as we find out more information, we'll have a better idea of what we can do to help him. The not knowing is always far worse than the known. I'm praying they can find something to help him, even if its to get his erratic rages calmed down. We'll just have to wait and see what this journey brings for him.

Love you guys and thank you for the much needed support!!
Heidi

I experienced this will a very dear family member and my heart goes out to you sweety. There are certainly stages...and, sadly, there is a stage in which the patient can become violent and hurtful. I think it is very important to try to remember "he knows not what he says/does" as when such things occur...that is the disease. It is not your Dad. Unfortunately, he is unable to control how the disease affects him. It can be a painful process....meaning, the entire progression of the disease....and, therefore, it is very important that you take things one day at a time. And, try to remember to take time for YOU.

Also, cherish EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. There will be times where Dad seems fine. Laugh with him, cry with him...be there for and with him. We only get one Dad. I lost mine when I was 34...miss him every moment of every day. Sending many virtual hugs your way!