Coping...

Hey All,

Just had my one year Surgiversary on the 23rd. To date, I've lost 237lbs. I'm finding I don't  fit in. I now have "currency" and a perceived value to the opposite sex. Something I never had before. I was always a "Heavyweight", even as a young boy. I've been on a few dates, but just can't help but see the 500lb. man in the mirror.  This detracts from my self confidence. As I've been told, Women find confidence a very desirable trait in a partner. I've got everything else in spades. Just can't get past this. I am "the boy next door" and can pass for 35, even though I'm 42.  Never thought the psyhcological part would have been so huge. Thought I was stronger than that.

You know what? Your awesome! You have lost 237 lbs, that should give you a big boost of confidence. whenever you doubt yourself, just think of your accomplishments. Also, try to let thing's just happen because they will. Don't over think it. Cheer's to your weight loss! 

I really like the mental imagery you conjured by saying you know have "currency" or perceived "value". That is a perfect statement for what many post-op WLS patients feel.

I wasnt a heavyweight, but I am still struggling, trying to grapple with having this new value to the opposite sex..maybe its not the same but I can still identify..

Our minds are so powerful, and they have been conditioned to expect certain things over many years..I just wonder if our minds can ever catch up.

this part of the weightloss makes me push everyone of the opposite sex away.

im sorry you are dealing with this, and thanks for posting this, it will help alot of people.

 Bravo on your awesome loss - 237 is amazing!  

You just lost a full size person in one year - it isn't shocking that your brain hasn't yet caught up with your body.  If you grew a foot taller in that amount of time, you would probably be bumping your head because you weren't used to that change - right?  Cut yourself some slack and realize that you are NOT weak, you are just transitioning and it takes a little time!

By the way, you say you now have "value" with the opposite sex - time to get value with yourself too!

Even though I was a 'heavyweight' at my highest, I was confident and successful.   I have also had a disfiguring disease for almost 20 years. It was pretty unhappy at one point in my life. Being sick and having a visibile manifestation of my disease was devastating to me when I was a young, single woman.  I felt like I would always be alone, that I was going to be looked down upon professionally, etc.   

What changed things for me was advice I got from a counselor at a woman's shelter where I volunteered:

"Attitude follows action."  

IF you treat yourself with respect and behave with confidence other people will respond to it EVEN if you don't believe it.  Your head will come around eventually.  It may take more time. You may feel like a 'fake' or a 'fraud' at first, but eventually, those thoughts will slip away. It's something to consider. 

WOW! I just want to say congrats, you have done an amazing job!