off topic: breakdown (infertility related).

 i truly am so touched by all the replies.  thank you all so much.  i just needed to get it out and that turned into 9 replies of amazing stories and support.  i think the feelings just took me by surprise because i havent' had them in so long (i work at a daycare and there are preggo moms all over the place and don't bother me).  

i know this is god's plan for me, and i know in his time i will become a parent.  i am open to adoption also, but would like to try to have a biological child first.  i am my mom's only biological child (my brother is adopted) and she had 10 late miscarriages (all 2nd trimester).  she's the only one that knows about our infertility issues in the family, haven't told anyone else.  it was just jealousy that i want her to be touching my belly and not my cousins.  

i always get emotional/sentimental during holidays and am also expecting my period any day which i'm sure is not helping-lol.  my husband has been such an amazing support person and i know without him i would not make it.  

on a good note, i actually looked in the mirror today and thought "damn! i'm looking good!".  well, maybe not "good", but i feel like an actual normal person now, not a ridiculously uncomfortable morbidly obese person.  

merry christmas to all.  

 i went thru 3 years of infertility with two miscarriages....  i so know how you feel...  hang in there...  my son is 19 now and is the joy of my life...  


jeris

I am where you are, and I understand every feeling and thought in your head. Me and my husband have been married for 8 years. 8 years of praying my period doesn't come, 8 years of pregnancy tests if I even had one symptom, 8 years of avoiding baby showers, etc. I know!  I have had multiple miscarriages and thought well at least I got pregnant - I will again. Only 1 pregnancy made it to 8 weeks. One year ago almost to the day of my sleeve surgery I had my 6th IVF cycle. I have been through it all. So one year later, and my last hope is the sleeve. Don't get me wrong it isn't the only reason I got the sleeve but it was probably 50% of the reason. It is the only thing I haven't done to get pregnant - lose the weight! I know I have some time before we can try again, I am only 6 Weeks out, but whatever is in the cards is in the cards. I am enjoying my shrinking and changing body. I just went in my dream clothes drawer (that drawer where you put the clothes that you can only dream of fitting into again) and I am in clothes from 10 years ago.

So yes, I know what every tear feels like, every heart break, every painful thought. Christmas is a hard time of year for us, as is Mother's & Father's Day. We have done the best thing we can for our bodies, we are healing them from the years of mistreatment. If we are meant to have biological kids, we can now say we have tried everything.

I won't try to say I know how you feel because I haven't been there but I will give you a great big because I feel the pain you are in. All I can say is there's nothing like WLS to get you pregnant! Seems like every week someone posts oops I'm pregnant. So hang in there and I'll say a prayer that God will send a little blessing your way!

 Merry Christmas Jess!  Ya gave yerself the GREATEST GIFT already....VSG!
It WILL change YOUR LIFE!  

If I had a dollar for EVERY post Ive read in 4 years...about women getting pregnant post VSG having HEALTHY post VSG babies... some even in their FIRST YEAR post op....and who suffered the same because of their weight, or other medical maladies....well....I'D BE ONE RICH *****!! (dave chapelle!) 

The fact that yer SMACK DAB in the HORMONAL HELL PHASE of VSG....don't help yer mental state!  Know that THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!  

check into supplementing....OMEGA 3, essential fatty acids...to HELP with this ...KRILL OIL A+  2 gs , FISH OIL B+  3-5gs,

EPO even will help!

START PRIMING YOUR BODY for BABY....  and when ya feel up to it....STAND ON YER HEAD ,-)  anti-gravity man!  lol  look it up!
n  IF doin BASAL.... female (girl)  sperm swim faster in an acidic state! 
male (boy) sperm...alkaline state  ....slows them girls down!  look that up too! lolol


CAN'T KEEP A GOOD VSGr DOWN...not for long anyways!  

Anyhow...   here's to "fertility craziness"  .......and you keep ventin away...its OK!! 
May wanna start checking out and maybe even posting on the PREGNANCY forum here...get some more specific info huh!   Lotsa VSGrs givin lotsa great info!!

Here the link   http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/postop_pregnancy/

 I am so sorry you are going though this, I have been in your shoes and I know just how it feels. I don't have any magic words to make you feel better, but I can tell you that losing weight helped me to get pregnant on my own (after years of fertility treatments). Good luck with your weight loss journey and may it bring you everything you want and dream of!

 Thanks again everyone.  I guess the frustrating thing is because of the control freak in me, I know i am trying to NOT get pregnant now which is just plain bizarre to me (haven't used birth control in over 5 years) and i feel lke i'm not doing anything but waiting now.  When in reality i know i am doing good things for my body, trying to be the best i can before trying again.  i'm down 63 pounds since pre op and want to lose another 70-80 before my goal.  i know i'm doing good things, just had such a rough day yesterday... 

appreciate how many of you have been in the same boat.  it's nice to know people know what you are thinking.  :) 

I can completely relate. Read My Story in my profile.

*hugs*