"Sleeve? No thanks, I'd rather lose weight "the right way"
People do respond differently to being told what you are doing for your own health and being told or "sold" (not meaning that you tried to push her to a surgery, but sharing for her own good when she didn't ask, to her probably felt a little pushy.)
I know we all came to this decision on our own terms, but for any of us, if we were not ready and someone came up to us unsolicited and started telling us how great this surgery would be for our health- no matter how much kindness was behind the message, somewhere inside we would have likely felt: hurt, insulted, embarrassed, angry.. etc.
Just putting out a different perspective as I see we are all jumping on the person that said they wanted to lose it the "right" way, but we are mostly overlooking the reality that this person was approached without asking and was likely hurt in some way from that exchange and reacted. From the sounds of it- they just aren't ready yet. No crime in that. Unless we are really ready for all the changes needed after WLS, it can be the most damaging thing to ourselves, our psyche and our lives. That's why this needs to come from within.. unless someone is living in a cave, they are well aware there are surgical methods that have a great success record. When ready, they will ask, or they will start reading and researching on their own. We cannot lead them down that path no matter how much we care about them, we can only be there and be open about our surgery so that when they are ready- they can ask us to share.
I know we all came to this decision on our own terms, but for any of us, if we were not ready and someone came up to us unsolicited and started telling us how great this surgery would be for our health- no matter how much kindness was behind the message, somewhere inside we would have likely felt: hurt, insulted, embarrassed, angry.. etc.
Just putting out a different perspective as I see we are all jumping on the person that said they wanted to lose it the "right" way, but we are mostly overlooking the reality that this person was approached without asking and was likely hurt in some way from that exchange and reacted. From the sounds of it- they just aren't ready yet. No crime in that. Unless we are really ready for all the changes needed after WLS, it can be the most damaging thing to ourselves, our psyche and our lives. That's why this needs to come from within.. unless someone is living in a cave, they are well aware there are surgical methods that have a great success record. When ready, they will ask, or they will start reading and researching on their own. We cannot lead them down that path no matter how much we care about them, we can only be there and be open about our surgery so that when they are ready- they can ask us to share.
You are totally right. So, totally right. I almost never talked to one of my VERY good friends of almost 20 years again because of something like that even though she didn't mean any harm. I was just so hurt and embarrassed that she would say something to me about my weight as if I didn't know I was fat. I was telling her that I really wanted to find a boyfriend and whatnot and she said "well have you thought about losing weight? You would probably have more options." She totally didn't mean it in a rude way. It is the complete truth and we all know it but I was PISSED and didn't talk to her for a long time.
On the other hand, I have a friend who got RNY 3 years ago and when I first saw her she had lost a lot of weight and I saw her excitement and happiness and as she talked about it I was just naturally curious. She never pushed it on me at all and as I continued to see her get smaller and happier it made me look in to having surgery. The most she did was encourage me to do it if I ever asked about it but she never made me feel like I needed to. I know I would have been hurt if she had done that and distanced myself and I know at that time and for 2 whole years I did feel like I would rather do it "the right way" than to have surgery. I think we have to remember that just because we chose surgery doesn't mean it's for everyone and it doesn't mean that everyone should or needs/has to do it. It's not the only successful way to lose weight regardless of statistics. It just isn't for everyone. It took me a very long time to accept that I NEEDED surgery and that was only because I was in a very low place in my life and mind.
On the other hand, I have a friend who got RNY 3 years ago and when I first saw her she had lost a lot of weight and I saw her excitement and happiness and as she talked about it I was just naturally curious. She never pushed it on me at all and as I continued to see her get smaller and happier it made me look in to having surgery. The most she did was encourage me to do it if I ever asked about it but she never made me feel like I needed to. I know I would have been hurt if she had done that and distanced myself and I know at that time and for 2 whole years I did feel like I would rather do it "the right way" than to have surgery. I think we have to remember that just because we chose surgery doesn't mean it's for everyone and it doesn't mean that everyone should or needs/has to do it. It's not the only successful way to lose weight regardless of statistics. It just isn't for everyone. It took me a very long time to accept that I NEEDED surgery and that was only because I was in a very low place in my life and mind.
HW 380.8+ SW- 371.4 CW- 234.4 GW- 200 
My wonderful husband is still of this mindset. He doesn't say the "right" way but he is still trying to convince himself that he can just "suck it up" and lose weight by diet alone.
He's just not ready to have surgery even though he sees what a great result I've had. He just isn't ready to change the way he eats, what he eats and when he eats. If he just thought about it, that unwillingness for those very changes are going to keep him from being successful at dieting.
We were recently told he needs knee surgery. Probably a replacement. He could probably delay the surgery if he were to lose about 100 lbs. With his metabolism and his record of being able to lose (but not maintain) in the past, he could do that easily in 6 months. Knee surgery/recovery would go so much better if he were healthier.
It's hard to watch someone you love suffer (knee pain, ankle pain, severe GERD, sleep apnea) and KNOW that there was a way to make them better. But like all of us, we have to be ready. Like any other addict, we have to get to that point of rock bottom, have an epiphany, have a meltdown, etc or all the preaching, prompting, gentle urging, promise of rewards, threats, and so fortm will not work.
While my husband is not thinking of having surgery, I'm planning for him to do so. I have convinced him to have a complete physical, upper and lower GI scopes, cardiac work-up, tons of labs and see the ortho about his knee. Once all that is done, if he decides ot have VSG, all the pre-op stuff will be done. He'd go to Dr. Alvarez so he won't have to have a psych exam. We'll be ready to schedule once hubby decides it's time.
He's just not ready to have surgery even though he sees what a great result I've had. He just isn't ready to change the way he eats, what he eats and when he eats. If he just thought about it, that unwillingness for those very changes are going to keep him from being successful at dieting.
We were recently told he needs knee surgery. Probably a replacement. He could probably delay the surgery if he were to lose about 100 lbs. With his metabolism and his record of being able to lose (but not maintain) in the past, he could do that easily in 6 months. Knee surgery/recovery would go so much better if he were healthier.
It's hard to watch someone you love suffer (knee pain, ankle pain, severe GERD, sleep apnea) and KNOW that there was a way to make them better. But like all of us, we have to be ready. Like any other addict, we have to get to that point of rock bottom, have an epiphany, have a meltdown, etc or all the preaching, prompting, gentle urging, promise of rewards, threats, and so fortm will not work.
While my husband is not thinking of having surgery, I'm planning for him to do so. I have convinced him to have a complete physical, upper and lower GI scopes, cardiac work-up, tons of labs and see the ortho about his knee. Once all that is done, if he decides ot have VSG, all the pre-op stuff will be done. He'd go to Dr. Alvarez so he won't have to have a psych exam. We'll be ready to schedule once hubby decides it's time.
Never, never, never give up!...though she be but little, she is FIERCE...
A Midsummer Night's Dream
I have to remind myself that as excited as I am and how happy I am to talk about all I have learned, not to come across as pushy or "selling".
The "journey" is so much work, we pretty much immerse ourselves in the process, and yeah we're enthusiastic!
It's easy to forget it's a dicey topic for overweight people and sometimes we (me, too ;) can be overly sensitive.
The "journey" is so much work, we pretty much immerse ourselves in the process, and yeah we're enthusiastic!
It's easy to forget it's a dicey topic for overweight people and sometimes we (me, too ;) can be overly sensitive.
Wow! Thanks so much for all of the replies...SO MANY GOOD RESPONSES!
INgirl...I totally understand what you are saying and I would never, EVer just randomly tell an overweight person that they should try this thing or that thing because *I* did it and it worked for me. This online friend was actually posting publicly on FB about how sick she is of having this weight problem and how her health and kids are being affected. She said she was going to start the same weight loss program she tried (and failed at) many times in the past. I felt compassion for her and PRIVATE messaged her just mentioning about the sleeve in case she had trouble losing at WW or in case she wanted to learn more. It was a real hands off approach, no pushiness (what do *I* care if she chooses it or not? Other than wanting her to be happy with herself, I don't!) She wasn't offended or hurt at all about my telling her about it but instead of saying, "yeah, no thanks. I'm not interested in something like that." she had to throw in the "I"m going to do it the RIGHT way!" Ugh just sort of caught me off guard at how judgmental she sounded.
To each his own though. *THIS* GIRL JUST WENT INTO A DRESSING ROOM TODAY AND PUT ON SIZE LG CLOTHING THAT FITTTTTTT!!! (coming from a size 2x that large feels pretty darn small.)
INgirl...I totally understand what you are saying and I would never, EVer just randomly tell an overweight person that they should try this thing or that thing because *I* did it and it worked for me. This online friend was actually posting publicly on FB about how sick she is of having this weight problem and how her health and kids are being affected. She said she was going to start the same weight loss program she tried (and failed at) many times in the past. I felt compassion for her and PRIVATE messaged her just mentioning about the sleeve in case she had trouble losing at WW or in case she wanted to learn more. It was a real hands off approach, no pushiness (what do *I* care if she chooses it or not? Other than wanting her to be happy with herself, I don't!) She wasn't offended or hurt at all about my telling her about it but instead of saying, "yeah, no thanks. I'm not interested in something like that." she had to throw in the "I"m going to do it the RIGHT way!" Ugh just sort of caught me off guard at how judgmental she sounded.
To each his own though. *THIS* GIRL JUST WENT INTO A DRESSING ROOM TODAY AND PUT ON SIZE LG CLOTHING THAT FITTTTTTT!!! (coming from a size 2x that large feels pretty darn small.)
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