What is normal?

Donna,
Great thread - and pretty darn applicable to me right now. I'm lucky in that I have been at an ideal weight as an adult (albeit once and for only a few months). I've been a up and down yoyo-er since childhood, but wasn't obese until I turned 30. I'm 5'7" and my goal is 166. That will still keep me in the BMI overweight range, but at that weight I'll be in 30"-31" waist jeans and have a body fat % somewhere around 19%. For a man my age those are good stats. I have decided that BMI is not going to be the measure for me. I'm going by BF% and LMB% and clothing size. (Men's clothes don't have vanity sizes, so if you're a 40 jacket, you're a 40 jacket, 31 pant, etc...)

My dad came by last night and took a look at me and asked if I was at goal. I chuckled and said no. He thought I didn't have much to lose, but when I told him my number he understood that yes I needed to keep going. I had a meeting with the superintendent of schools yesterday and she told me she didn't want me losing more weight. Yet, she's never known me as a thin man. (And....like she has any say in the matter! LOL - but she meant it as a compliment.)

I have promised myself that I would evaluate my weight loss at 175 (which is just a little less than 12 pounds away). If I look good, feel good and decide yes, that's the weight I want to be, I'll lose down to 170 and have a little wiggle room.

Most of the time I look in the mirror I still see a fairly short, stocky guy. Then sometimes I catch a glimpse in the mirror or in a window of a guy who looks sort of lean and far younger than I am. And Holy Crap! It's me I see!

I've read it takes the mind a fair amount of time to recognize what it sees in the mirror after rapid weight loss. I try to take a good look at myself everyday. I do my best not to focus on the loose skin, but look for the positive changes.

So I'm with you. I get where you're coming from. And I also know that for I'm kind of in this scary, rarely navigated area of my life and don't quite know how to deal with my thinness. It's a lot to cope with at first. But the more I'm here, the more comfortable I'm feeling.

I've been reading your posts since I've been here. You definitely know who you are and are a go getter. I want to tell you about my mom and her older sister and comparisons to maybe help you see how individual weight can be:
My mom was 5'2", built like a beautiful French pony,  and looked fantastic at 125 and wore a real size 6. Her sister is 5'6" is of a far slighter build and at 83 weighs 125  and wears a size 8. They both look great at the same weight but have a 4 inch difference.

Okay, so I've gone on and on, but your post really clicked with me tonight. Hope you don't mind the lengthy response. ;-)

I am so interested in the responses. I posted pics on here last night and I am 130, 5'5 and bought 2 pairs of size 2 jeans tonight. I have small bones. My legs are still thick -to me anyhow.

I feel like I can't stop thinking about losing weight. I have been trying for 18 yrs to get back to this weight. Now I am on the verge of the 120's and I don't ever remember being that low. I get that warm and fuzzy feeling when I lose weight. Right now life is stressful and this weight loss "project" is the only thing I'm really amped about.

I feel like I don't want the losing stage to stop.

 I know I have said this before...but you can't trust what your brain sees....if I could have one wish for everyone here it would be to bet butcher paper before surgery or wherever you are at in your losing process and have someone trace your body on it...now I know that sounds awful in some ways but somehow seeing yourself on that paper is different than looking in a mirror...then when you start losing - decide at what intervals to trace yourself again...and put them next to each other...some people actually  make a cut out and put it over the first one...and you will see the difference...I can not tell you the number of people I worked with, before I got truly overweight myself, that would look at those drawings and say...that's me???...I don't know...but I hope you will try it...it will give you so much insight into how far you have come.

I would agree with the folks who say get a little professional help....everyone regardless of who they are can benefit from a little counseling...you're right it may not be low self-esteem...it might just be the stinking thinking that comes a long with a major life change...it happens to the best of people.

I found this a very interesting thread, especially coming from the pre-op prespective. I'm wishing I had the issue of whether a size 2 or 4 or 6 is the ideal thin me. All I know is that there is no question whether the weight I am at now is ideal or not...224 lbs is definitely NOT ideal for someone 5'4"...I'm pretty sure everyone can agree about that.

I have a thought (for what it is worth from a newbie)... write down all of the issues you had before you lost your weight. I can actually do that part... my weight, BMI, health issues (like sleep apnea in my case), shame, can't move like you want to, can't fit places that the average person takes for granted, can't do things you really want to do, depression, uncomfortable all the time, boy is cloth shopping depressing, etc. Now make another list of the issues you have today post-op (I will let you know that list when i get there).

Compare those lists and I wonder if that won't give you a new perspective on how far you have come and what is really important. What was your original motivation for losing so much weight? There has to be at least one (likely many) reasons or none of use would put ourselves through a major surgery and all that goes with it to get there. 

Okay and then I also ask that you guys remember this post a year from now when I am feeling the same way you are right now (hopefully!) so you can REMIND me to do the same!

Thanks,
I know it's hard to fathom but after you work so hard (and it does get real hard that last 20 pounds) you are in a mode of "lose, lose, lose" so at some point you have to ask yourself...am I there yet?

Good luck to you,
I will of course direct you to this thread when you are where you need to be or not sure if you are there yet or not...LOL
donna

I'm looking at your pictures. I see one with a yellow shirt and white jeans and your are looking pretty damn good to me, very slender and healthy (and happy!). If you aren't "there" you are darn close! So impressive! I know I will discover a whole new world of issues that I can't predict but I can't wait to be where you are and see who I see in the mirror. You should take more pics and videos of yourself with other people around you...people you think are big and small. I think you will see what others see and find you look awesome!