Loose skin rant and take me for what I am, buster :)

I had a relationship with a dude who was a real horses's ass about all things superficial. He also didn't comment costantly but he DID comment and it was more than I was comfortable with. It turns out years later that he had some other issues (porn, etc) that was leading to this problem in our relationship. It wasn't me at all, it was him. No real woman would ever be "good enough" for him. I had this female intuition going off and ignored the warning signs. I would say to you, don't settle! If you feel any sort of issue NOW, run. Any time you say "I like him so much BUT..." it's a sign. You are an amazing woman evidenced by tackling morbid obesity. Let's face, most americans are moving to that range of weight problems. How few actually honestly tackle it? It's courageous and noble to do so. A man who loves you, really loves you like you deserve, should see your skin as a sign of your courage. Sure, we would all like to be in relationships with perfect people but perfect people don't exist. I'd much prefer someone who sincerely cares about me WITH skin than a perfect looking dude who sneaks in the loo to look at naked pics all day. Honestly, maturity is about knowing what's really important in life. Extra skin? Meh, not such a deal breaker.

I relate to your feelings about the skin. We see the skin as another problem resulting from our weight. Even after we lose, we have the skin thing to deal with. We want to be svelte and firm after working our sleeve and losing the weight. You are entitled to feel that way. But the person who loves you? I contest they do NOT have the right to feel that way or to voice it. We all have things we'd like to change about the person we love (booger picking, flatulence, skin tags on the eye-yep I dated a guy with that lol, or something else) but the day we make them aware of that and make them feel pressured to change it is the day we compromise our right to be in that relationship. You deserve to feel like your man thinks you are the sexiest beyotch in the room, regardless of what room that is. Skin, no skin, blonde hair, blue hair, purple hair...you are the hawtest. If he doesn't feel that way, find you a man who does cuz sister, they are out there! :)

Of course, I'm all amped up from ending a MISERABLE relationship recently and prancing around feeling all free so I admit to a bias.

Word, my sista! Go tell in on the mountain! Amen.

Have you told him how you feel?  Proud of your work and your weight loss, and embarrassed about the skin, and hurt that he mentions it?

What's wrong with him?!  I'd give him a warning.  You need to love and except me for who I am...because that's what I need from you.  We are ALL going to get saggy skin and wrinkles.  Love me for my inside.  My boyfriend thought I was HOT at 351 and he does now too...even with the skin.  I say how does that not gross you out?  He said he doesn't focus on it.  He's a BUTT sometimes but on that part, he's got the right attitude.  Who does this guy think he is?  I wanna punch him in the face...lol sorry.

I'd be blunt and tell him how you really feel...and then give him a chance to see/say something. If he doesn't shape up IMMEDIATELY, ship him the heck out.

My current boyfriend knows I was obese as he has seen pics of me preop (I was pushing 280...), but he doesn't know I had surgery. He has never ever commented on my skin and tells me every day how wonderful I look, despite the fact that I'm self conscious as all heck about my body. Yes, some day I will have plastics because my tube socks for boobs and my sharpei belly need some major work, but for now...meh.

You deserve someone who loves you for you...every single part of you!

DMTFA!!!!!! LOVE IT. MORE IMPORTANTLY, DO IT.

I hope this isn't your first 'relationship' out of the box so to speak, but honest to god there are people out there who aren't going to mention your loose skin enough times (or oh, how about NEVER) to make you feel bad...the idiot probably doesn't even realize that it's a huge concern to you already, even if you laugh about it, know what I mean?

He's not worth another moment of your success. Period. You need to take pride 360*, 100% of the time and clearly he is not worth it. If he cannot be part of your success NOW he certainly doesn't deserve to be part of your future.

Cannot stress this enough.

Curious, what is it exactly that you adore? Does the adoration outweigh or underweigh the other feelings that you have? I always, always advise people to literally write out the pros and cons of your entire relationship. The pros BETTER be a bigger column or you're done for.

Once you decipher that, it might suddenly become crystal clear.

I'm not a counselor, I just play one on TV. The TV in my head. ;-)

Lisa

******BLUNTNESS WARNING:  ATTENTION!!!  BLUNTNESS AHEAD!  If you are sensitive to unminced words, DO NOT continue reading!****

OK, if you're still here, I can't say I didn't warn you.

I'm confused...how on Earth is this "a great guy" if he's letting something so superficial overwhelm him?  Seriously, he's bugged that you WERE obese, as in, you aren't now and he's never known you that way?

*knock knock* HELLO??  What's he so bugged about?  It's your fight, not his, and he apparently didn't have so much of a problem with it when he was buzzing around your flower in the first place, now did he?  Didn't think so.  And if he did, and chose to overlook that, he should continue to do so.  It's poor form to change directions mid-courting.

Listen to me and listen good:  THERE IS NO REASON YOU SHOULD HAVE TO COVER YOURSELF FOR HIS COMFORT.  None.  Period.  He doesn't sound like a nice guy to me.  He sounds like a petulant, manipulative prat.  Mark my words...if it's not your skin, it'll be something else, until your self-esteem is the size of an amoeba.  Tell him only once more that he needs to get the eff over the burr up his butt, and if he doesn't, it's curb kicking time.

I'm so sorry you feel anything less than absolutely beautiful.  You've fought one hell of a war and won it.  That's worth a whole lot more than this crap.  ((((HUGS))))

 This. Is. Awesome.    That is all. 

Right? He is bothered by the fact that she was fat... that's silly. I will say this though, the fact that someone was fat leaves a high probability that they will be fat again therefore the fact that it bothers him so much means she probably shouldn't be with him. What happens when she gains 20 pounds? Is he going to leave? He's a dick!

Moxiecowgirl:
LOVE LOVE this post!!!!!! right with ya sista!