Evolving Emotionally Post-Sleeve

Woah, heavy subject, right? Here goes a little ditty on Changes...

 

Before I got my surgery, nearly 4 months ago, I made the mistake of saying "I won't change, I'll still be ME". That was the old me talking, of course. Not a lot of time has passed since I was rolled into the OR and my innards were changed literally and figuratively. So much has changed, and along with the changes on the scale there is an introverted, reflective shift in my psyche. My focus shifted from food to fitness, but not just for my physical well-being; when you take the focus off that one thing that drags you down, you have so much time to explore things you felt were beyond your reach before. Life-fit. I'm living more than I used to. I'm daring myself more than ever. I'm even considering taking karate classes, for gawd's sake!

 

It is fact that a great percentage of marriages/relationships end after bariatric surgery. I am at this precipice currently and it is quite a sad period in my life as well as being one of the best I've experienced since CHILDHOOD! While love is the main predictor of two people sharing a life, sometimes love turns out not being enough, especially when you feel the relationship is no longer on the same page. I'm not one to make rash decisions, I'm going to sit in my new skin a while and think things through, but I can't deny that my world has changed and things are so very much different than I saw them 4 months ago. This sleeve has given me new sight.

 

For those of you considering WLS, here is a good piece of advice: don't make promises you can't (or are not sure you can) keep. You will change. Your tastes, taste buds, emotions, hobbies, interests will change in ways you'd least expect. Plan nothing major around your early post-op phase. And never say, "I'll still be me".

 

Trust me, there is a whole new you waiting to come out :)

 

 Amen!  There is a penchant for people to think that weight loss, whether surgical or not, is just about weight.  That the only thing that needs to change is the scale, or the food, or the exercise.

For me, its been about building a whole new me from the inside out.  I didn't realize that at the beginning.  I had to open my mind to the real possibilities and face some painful truths.  Now I can have a healthy relationship with food, and exercise, and the others in my life.

 I'm actually scared i'm not going to be me afterwards....I like me...I'm fun, outgoing, have great friends and a wonderful hubby... This "change" is really starting to worry me :(

teenuh, don't fret. If you and your hubby have a good, solid relationship, it will remain that way after your surgery.

I really liked me, too, the old me - but this new me, well, I like her a whooooole lot better!

Embrace any changes that come. They signal growth in some way or another. Everything happens for a reason.

The kinds of changes that happen are different for everybody.  I think Generally, people who do the heavy mental work come out happier and better adjusted.

Its not going to change you from Holly GoLightly to Hannibal Lecter.

For me it was about facing the issues that drove me to eat compulsively.  To facing the emotions that I didn't want to feel and was covering up with food.  Then once I let myself feel these things, i could start learning to deal with them.

The other things that change are your self-image.  As you start to lose and your body starts to change, people start dealing with you differently.  You have to learn to deal with that as well as learning to deal with yourself differently.

I am sure in maintenance there are other challenges.  The weight loss, though, is not just about weight.  Its about changing your life so that you can be healthy and happy.

Thanks for posting and understanding :) As I was being rolled into the operating room, the last thing my mom told me was, "you'll be fine, honey. This is the beginning of your new life". I took it lightly then, as I had through the pre-approval process. All I knew, or thought I knew, was that I had to lose weight if I wanted a life in my 30's, and to be healthy well into my 40's and 50's. I never expected or even conceived of so many psychological/emotional changes, but all in all they've been positive! I'm focusing on ME and in the process many others are! My VSG makes me feel like a conversation piece some days. People that never approached me at work have and continue to come up to me and talk, smile at me in the hallways, compliment my weight loss or something else, and acknowledge me. That, in itself, has been challenging to accept. To realize that society DOES prejudice against people of size. I've always known that, but to be living it and experiencing both realities is a completely different story.

 

Yea, VSG (WLS for the matter) is NOT for sissies!  

You are wise to wait a bit and see what other changes are coming your way.  If I could, I would make it so that people could not make any major life altering decisions for about two years following WLS.  I am kidding of course, but the thoughts behind this are real.  You haven't finished changing, you are right in the middle of this process and it takes a long time to really figure this out.  I am sorry that you are hurting and that your marriage is in possible trouble, but I believe strongly that in the end, all things happen for a good reason and you will grow stronger and healthier as you go this journey.  Good luck to you.

This is good timing. Since I was a little girl I figured that I would grow up, get married and be a mom (just like my own mother who was married at 21). Wellllllll I'm 37. I can't begin to calculate how many nights I've cried over being single. Now I realize that I'm changing, I haven't been sleeved yet but I'm tired of being trapped in this body and I want to be active and do fun things. I'm realizing that despite what I wanted, God knew that I'd be changing and that I deserve to be loved as the real me - not the me that hides behind "being fat".

Thank you for posting this! I actually went into it with the minedset of making a lot of changes. My marriage is great, I have me an amazing man. :) But we have not been connecting for a long time. I wasn't enjoying our beautiful boys. I just was not happy. And I got fatter and fatter, unhappier and unhappier. I did not like myself. So for me this surgery was never about just weight. It was about coming back and joining the world again. To be happier and play with my boys, have fun with my husband.

I have done so much soul searching. And...I am 3 weeks out from surgery now. My life hasn't made some big dramatic change, and of course I never expected it would, it takes work!

But in 3 short weeks I am down 22 lbs. And as I get lighter I am taking control back. I had a big fight with my husband, demanded attention. And I got it. We had the best weekend together, it has been so long since we connected like that. We are going to be ok, not just ok. We will be great together again.

I had a horrible day at work yesterday. Some gossip came down about me thru the entire office, before it was repeated to me by my best friend, who works with me. Supposedly to warn me about something I was doing wrong. I was beyond furious. Normally I would have either stewed, *****ed and *****ed and *****ed to my friends and hubby about how unfair I was treated. And that is it. I did plenty of *****ing last night, but I pulled my big girl panties up today and asked for a meeting with my boss. Where I demanded respect for myself. I told her that what was said was not at all true, and that in the future if there is an issue with me or my work it comes to ME from her or whoever has the issue. Not everyone in the office first. And...I got that respect I demanded as well as appologies.

My friends and family are telling me I was really fraying at the edges, and right now they are seeing more smiles and laughter from me. I FEEL emotionally lighter. I am a work in progress, aren't we all? But not a single one of us "just" has a weight problem. I love my sleeve, and I am beginning to love life again.