"To tell or not to tell" with apologies to Shakespeare
This whole topic about "telling" or "not telling"...
I did not tell when we decided to conceive a child. It was, ah, personal. I don't care whether you tell or not, but people made their own decisions to not tell... not ashamed, not embarrassed, not seeking approval.
I made the decision to not tell - outside of my husband and a couple of very close family/friends - so I could deal with it. No one knew about it until my surgery was over and it was a "done deal"... on both accounts... conception and survery!!
Whether you tell or not, it's your decision. There is no right or wrong answer for everyone... it is YOUR decision and whatever is right for you... is the RIGHT answer!!!
Ok, I'll stop now,.. :)
I did not tell when we decided to conceive a child. It was, ah, personal. I don't care whether you tell or not, but people made their own decisions to not tell... not ashamed, not embarrassed, not seeking approval.
I made the decision to not tell - outside of my husband and a couple of very close family/friends - so I could deal with it. No one knew about it until my surgery was over and it was a "done deal"... on both accounts... conception and survery!!
Whether you tell or not, it's your decision. There is no right or wrong answer for everyone... it is YOUR decision and whatever is right for you... is the RIGHT answer!!!
Ok, I'll stop now,.. :)
Amen!! I was quite offended by the post that suggested we evaluate why we dont want to tell... how about because its NOBODY ELSE's BUSINESS??? that is quite enough reason for ME....
I dont feel the need to be a poster child or support person or inspiration for someone else struggling, thats why I joined an ANONYMOUS ONLINE MESSAGE BOARD...
if I decided to go get an abortion tomorrow, I certainly wouldnt be running out counseling other pregnant girls on the benefits of terminating the pregnancy... its a PERSONAL DECISION....
Im not embarassed about the surgery, I plan on getting a hysterectomy shortly but Im not telling anyone about that either....
and if I decide to LIE by omission or comission about my absense from work or any social setting, thats again, MY CHOICE!! no one has a right to know what I do with my body and if I choose to lie to keep my personal business to myself, It is no reflection of my self esteem or my self worth or does it mean I do not care about my friends and or family... its simply NOT THEIR BUSINESS
I dont feel the need to be a poster child or support person or inspiration for someone else struggling, thats why I joined an ANONYMOUS ONLINE MESSAGE BOARD...
if I decided to go get an abortion tomorrow, I certainly wouldnt be running out counseling other pregnant girls on the benefits of terminating the pregnancy... its a PERSONAL DECISION....
Im not embarassed about the surgery, I plan on getting a hysterectomy shortly but Im not telling anyone about that either....
and if I decide to LIE by omission or comission about my absense from work or any social setting, thats again, MY CHOICE!! no one has a right to know what I do with my body and if I choose to lie to keep my personal business to myself, It is no reflection of my self esteem or my self worth or does it mean I do not care about my friends and or family... its simply NOT THEIR BUSINESS
I completely disagree with this. Its important to examine your feeling - especially if there are shame or guilt issues involved. Those emotions lead to a lot of other issues that can cause you problems with either achieving your weight loss or maintaining.
Theres a lot of **** that gets put on us by society for being big people. it messes with our heads, regardless of who we are or how much we think we have it together. You have to be ready to look at yourself and yourmotivations critically - not just in relation to food and exercise, but about yourself.
If you are afraid to talk about WLS because you feel ashamed of being fat or are buying into the "its the easy way out" BS then YES, you NEED to work on that.
It May annoy you, but I don't care. Expect to see it ALOT.
Theres a lot of **** that gets put on us by society for being big people. it messes with our heads, regardless of who we are or how much we think we have it together. You have to be ready to look at yourself and yourmotivations critically - not just in relation to food and exercise, but about yourself.
If you are afraid to talk about WLS because you feel ashamed of being fat or are buying into the "its the easy way out" BS then YES, you NEED to work on that.
It May annoy you, but I don't care. Expect to see it ALOT.
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
That's the crux of it - the shame/guilt issues. If you spend any time on a fitness site like MyFitnessPal you will see that bias is rampant (as it usually is when humans are involved, sadly). My husband and I actually argued over this - he says it's so much more accepted and I asked him if he'd read comments to articles about new scientific discoveries about obesity. No matter the facts that come to light, it's still a personal weakness to be fat and you should be ashamed.
I agonized over the decision to do this surgery. I felt like a failure, like I obviously just didn't want to lose the weight enough, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah. Every time I put a bite of food in my mouth in public I felt I was being judged.
Nobody's saying you HAVE to tell anyone (although, you know, a spouse might be a requirement). I think what rhearob and I and some other blatently honest people are saying is if you feel shameful for having to have this surgery then that is something worth looking into. Fat folks hide stuff allllll the time. Hide how we feel, what we eat, our clothes sizes.... This is a pretty damn hard thing to hide.
Finding out that your primary motivation for not sharing beyond immediate family is shame and fear of judgement is worth the finding out. Still doesn't mean you have to tell any one, but you give yourself a little time in the therapy chair, which is never, ever wasted as long as it helps you move forward.
I told my co-workers this morning because I didn't want them to worry. If other people at work mention "Wow, you're losing a lot of weight" I feel pretty confident that I can say why. No one should think I'm doing coke or turning into an anorexic or battling cancer because none of those are true. What's true is I had a surgery which will help me lose the 120 pounds that is hindering my life.
Nothing shameful about that.
I agonized over the decision to do this surgery. I felt like a failure, like I obviously just didn't want to lose the weight enough, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah. Every time I put a bite of food in my mouth in public I felt I was being judged.
Nobody's saying you HAVE to tell anyone (although, you know, a spouse might be a requirement). I think what rhearob and I and some other blatently honest people are saying is if you feel shameful for having to have this surgery then that is something worth looking into. Fat folks hide stuff allllll the time. Hide how we feel, what we eat, our clothes sizes.... This is a pretty damn hard thing to hide.
Finding out that your primary motivation for not sharing beyond immediate family is shame and fear of judgement is worth the finding out. Still doesn't mean you have to tell any one, but you give yourself a little time in the therapy chair, which is never, ever wasted as long as it helps you move forward.
I told my co-workers this morning because I didn't want them to worry. If other people at work mention "Wow, you're losing a lot of weight" I feel pretty confident that I can say why. No one should think I'm doing coke or turning into an anorexic or battling cancer because none of those are true. What's true is I had a surgery which will help me lose the 120 pounds that is hindering my life.
Nothing shameful about that.
On June 25, 2012 at 8:41 AM Pacific Time, morgans wrote:
That's the crux of it - the shame/guilt issues. If you spend any time on a fitness site like MyFitnessPal you will see that bias is rampant (as it usually is when humans are involved, sadly). My husband and I actually argued over this - he says it's so much more accepted and I asked him if he'd read comments to articles about new scientific discoveries about obesity. No matter the facts that come to light, it's still a personal weakness to be fat and you should be ashamed.I agonized over the decision to do this surgery. I felt like a failure, like I obviously just didn't want to lose the weight enough, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah. Every time I put a bite of food in my mouth in public I felt I was being judged.
Nobody's saying you HAVE to tell anyone (although, you know, a spouse might be a requirement). I think what rhearob and I and some other blatently honest people are saying is if you feel shameful for having to have this surgery then that is something worth looking into. Fat folks hide stuff allllll the time. Hide how we feel, what we eat, our clothes sizes.... This is a pretty damn hard thing to hide.
Finding out that your primary motivation for not sharing beyond immediate family is shame and fear of judgement is worth the finding out. Still doesn't mean you have to tell any one, but you give yourself a little time in the therapy chair, which is never, ever wasted as long as it helps you move forward.
I told my co-workers this morning because I didn't want them to worry. If other people at work mention "Wow, you're losing a lot of weight" I feel pretty confident that I can say why. No one should think I'm doing coke or turning into an anorexic or battling cancer because none of those are true. What's true is I had a surgery which will help me lose the 120 pounds that is hindering my life.
Nothing shameful about that.
because YOU are ashamed and fearful and maybe some others are too, does it mean EVERYONE else is...
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