HELP What Can I Do -- Who Can I Turn To????
Thank you Kairk.........means a lot coming from you.
This journey was started to try to improve my kidney disease and Type II -- that is working already and I'm so grateful for that...........this weight loss is a huge bonus. At least that's how I originally though of it. Now, it's become much more -- mostly because I am finding out that I'm worth something and deserve better. I've always been the one people turn to, so learning to accept help, even asking for it ,is difficult for me. With the wonderful responses I've received from the good people here on OH, I see that my fears were unwarranted. People DO care.........I'm so appreciative.
And you're right -- I do try to find the silver lining and/or humor in as many thing as possible. I'd rather laugh than cry -- crying makes SUCH a mess of mascara!!! Hahaha
Again, thank you for your kindness
This journey was started to try to improve my kidney disease and Type II -- that is working already and I'm so grateful for that...........this weight loss is a huge bonus. At least that's how I originally though of it. Now, it's become much more -- mostly because I am finding out that I'm worth something and deserve better. I've always been the one people turn to, so learning to accept help, even asking for it ,is difficult for me. With the wonderful responses I've received from the good people here on OH, I see that my fears were unwarranted. People DO care.........I'm so appreciative.
And you're right -- I do try to find the silver lining and/or humor in as many thing as possible. I'd rather laugh than cry -- crying makes SUCH a mess of mascara!!! Hahaha
Again, thank you for your kindness
I literally got tears in my eyes when I read the cruel comment your husband made to you. I need to tell you that the support you are looking for is going to come from within. This is your journey, yours alone. This is not really about weight loss, although you will lose weight; this is about self discovery and empowerment. Your husband and those around you will only put you down if you allow this behavior. The next time your husband or your mom does something that is hurtful, try something new; try standing up for yourself. It might surprise you and them to see a new stronger, healthier you emerging from the cocoon of fat and depression. Many things are going to change for you and it might not always be pretty, but it will be for the best. You are growing and changing and those around you are worried that they will lose their power over you, and they are right; they will lose their ability to hurt and control you. Take those words and use them as energy to get healthier and stronger. You can use the negativity just as well as you can use the positive support; anger is one of the most empowering emotions we have at our disposal; use it.
Thank you Elina.
I never thought I'd be the person who needed support or assistance. I've always been the "go to girl" for everyone because I don't generally panic or get all frizzy-wigged over things........basically an easy-going person who takes most things in stride. Learning how to ask for help is hard for me to do, but I can see from the good people on OH *****sponded to my plea, I need to put more faith in others.
The husband is what he is -- after 42 years with him, I don't pay much attention to his attitudes and superiority complex. He has a mental illness that most people don't recognize. This doesn't excuse his comments and behaviors. I've tried to leave in the past -- not living in a community property state makes it harder. Being financially bound to someone doesn't make for the best relationship. Mother is the same way as far as attitude is concerned. Oh well............I just plod along until I can think of some way out.
You're right about finding myself. I never thought I was depressed -- usually happy and looking for the pluses in life. Maybe I am/was depressed??? I see that I have value -- always thought so because I could give to others -- but this NEW value is about ME. What a concept -- that something could truly be just about me!
As for using the anger -- YES! It's always considered a joke that we Italians don't get mad, we get even! Not sure I'll ever get even...........maybe I don't need that. But I know that using my emotions to go forward is possible.
The proof of how much I've grown already showed that when faced with this latest emotional situation, I reached out for help here rather than eating a bucket of chocolate or going to a fast food place for the worst food I could have eaten.
And guess what? For the first time in eons, I did NOT cook his dinner last night! Hahaha Hmmmm, maybe that's how I'll get even -- I won't cook for him! I'm an excellent cook, so depriving him of that sounds like fun! And there's the pot of gold/silver lining!
I think I'm learning one of the best things I could have from you -- to write it all out, work it though on this board and see what that noodling brings.
For that and many other reasons, thank you again.
I never thought I'd be the person who needed support or assistance. I've always been the "go to girl" for everyone because I don't generally panic or get all frizzy-wigged over things........basically an easy-going person who takes most things in stride. Learning how to ask for help is hard for me to do, but I can see from the good people on OH *****sponded to my plea, I need to put more faith in others.
The husband is what he is -- after 42 years with him, I don't pay much attention to his attitudes and superiority complex. He has a mental illness that most people don't recognize. This doesn't excuse his comments and behaviors. I've tried to leave in the past -- not living in a community property state makes it harder. Being financially bound to someone doesn't make for the best relationship. Mother is the same way as far as attitude is concerned. Oh well............I just plod along until I can think of some way out.
You're right about finding myself. I never thought I was depressed -- usually happy and looking for the pluses in life. Maybe I am/was depressed??? I see that I have value -- always thought so because I could give to others -- but this NEW value is about ME. What a concept -- that something could truly be just about me!
As for using the anger -- YES! It's always considered a joke that we Italians don't get mad, we get even! Not sure I'll ever get even...........maybe I don't need that. But I know that using my emotions to go forward is possible.
The proof of how much I've grown already showed that when faced with this latest emotional situation, I reached out for help here rather than eating a bucket of chocolate or going to a fast food place for the worst food I could have eaten.
And guess what? For the first time in eons, I did NOT cook his dinner last night! Hahaha Hmmmm, maybe that's how I'll get even -- I won't cook for him! I'm an excellent cook, so depriving him of that sounds like fun! And there's the pot of gold/silver lining!
I think I'm learning one of the best things I could have from you -- to write it all out, work it though on this board and see what that noodling brings.
For that and many other reasons, thank you again.
I am really sorry that you are surrounde by such an amazing array of piece of **** ********
I would encourage you to look at the obesity action coalition web site for other support groups in your area. Try not to be a wall flower or feel you can't reach out to these people in real life. In my groups there is not a person there who is not looking to both receive and give support.
I would also ask your surgeon and your therapist, if you have one, to help you with strategies for dealing with these people.
For myself, I haven't had anyone in my life respond in such a frankly offenive way. Everyone has been universally supportive. Some people have needed some education - they don't really understand just how hard your body fights to NOT lose weight once you make it past a certain point. If they refuse to listen, theres not really anything you can do. Just know that you did the best you could to inform them. Also, know that you have done everything right in losing the weight, and the numbers are the proof.
You can't let these people get in your head and throw you off your game. You have to take heart in what you know the truth is and not be distracted by ignorance. Let yourself feel the hurt, deal with it, and then move on. Theres an old saying in the south - "Two tears in a bucket, mother **** it" - or more politely, whats in the past is past.
You have a new life ahead of you, hold on to that tightly.
I would encourage you to look at the obesity action coalition web site for other support groups in your area. Try not to be a wall flower or feel you can't reach out to these people in real life. In my groups there is not a person there who is not looking to both receive and give support.
I would also ask your surgeon and your therapist, if you have one, to help you with strategies for dealing with these people.
For myself, I haven't had anyone in my life respond in such a frankly offenive way. Everyone has been universally supportive. Some people have needed some education - they don't really understand just how hard your body fights to NOT lose weight once you make it past a certain point. If they refuse to listen, theres not really anything you can do. Just know that you did the best you could to inform them. Also, know that you have done everything right in losing the weight, and the numbers are the proof.
You can't let these people get in your head and throw you off your game. You have to take heart in what you know the truth is and not be distracted by ignorance. Let yourself feel the hurt, deal with it, and then move on. Theres an old saying in the south - "Two tears in a bucket, mother **** it" - or more politely, whats in the past is past.
You have a new life ahead of you, hold on to that tightly.
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013
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