husband finally said his feelings... long-ish

My husband has been very "mum" on things with my surgery, he lets me talk about it, seems happy for me when I tell him about all the great things the weight loss will bring. But i can tell there's something bothering him. I kind of thought that maybe it was the whole surgery idea, going under the "knife" or the worries that I've heard from others that I would lose weight and leave him. So he had a few beers in him yesterday so I casually brought it up. Then it came out (I asked for it lol). "if i were you I wouldn't do it. I'd try one more time to do it on your own" grrrr.  the one person I didn't think would say that.
So all I said was " if that's all that's bothering you I'm ok with that". He did say either way he "has my back". I'm thankful for that!

As we kept talking he said he's not afraid the surgery itself because people get put out all the time. and if I get thin and leave him that's something he'll deal with if it happens. (and it wouldn't) On one hand it bothers me that he's not worried about those other things, but on the other I'm happy about it too.

I think with surgery being a week away i'm getting to be an emotional mess. I'm having crazy dreams and not sleeping well, so I think no matter what he'd say id be bothered. lol oh, to be a woman!

At least he told you. Some men just keep it to themselves and then later on they just up and leave. Sending you prayers for a safe surgery and a speedy recovery.

Thank you so much!!

Hi there,
If you both have a strong marriage before surgery, then the chance is great for the both of you to stick together. This surgery can affect him too. It's a huge step to take ... your new eating habits, moods, everything BUT if you both want your marriage to work, you can both embrace the changes and work together.
Best of luck to you!

thank you jenn! I guess I'm just freaking myself out a little. But he's been good about wanting to go to the gym with me, and he's in a normal weight range so I'm sure when I'm able to be more active we'll be able to do more, and have a new chapter in our marriage. This is my first marriage and his second, so I know he doesn't want to go down the road again that he had with his first wife, I'm sure it'll all work out! thanks for your kind words! :)

Well at least now you know how he feels. 

But, it is you getting it and YOU know what YOU need.  As long as he isn't against it all it  well. (I wouldn't care it he was but it would make like harder.)

Good Luck with yout surgery, recover and a healthier you.

that's pretty much what a said, I have to do this for me.

My husband was very quiet too and FINALLY he talked to me about 3 days before my surgery.  His first wife passed away from breast cancer and he was living in terror that I would die from the surgery.  It doesn't matter what logic he connected... it was his fear and I needed to hear him and let him say his fears/concerns.

Now - 9 months later - I'm alive and doing VERY well.  I am happy, he is happy and he is now SO proud of my accomplishments.

Someone else said something about a strong marriage - it's true - need to have a good relationship, and "have each other's back" before surgery and after.

 However, the learned communication and struggles through this has strengthened our marriage and I am blessed.

BUT you will probably live longer and be together longer and happier together with the surgery!

thank you so much for the input!! and congrats on doing so well!!

Your post sounded EXACTLY like me and mine!  Mine told me a few days ago that "he" wouldn't do it... I kinda freaked but forged ahead.  Now, here I am, 3 days before surgery, 4 days of liquids behind me (and feeling GREAT) and I'm REALLY excited.  I'm ready and you will be too!

Now, the "strong marriage" thing kinda scares me.  We have been at odds for a long time and this is going to pu**** one way or the other.  I'm ready for either way it goes.

Good luck to you!  When is your date?