The Answer None of Us Really Want to Read is "There Is No Answer."

Seriously.  I saw great clothes for winter and asked people what size I might wear at a certain height and weight and the answers I got were all over the map, and essentially, it depends on the manufacturer, the cut of the style, your body shape, etc., etc.

Well, right now, at 162 pounds and 5'7" I have a merino wool turtleneck that fits and feels great and is a size SMALL.  I have a pair of Danskin bike shorts to work out in in size EXTRA LARGE and they could not be smaller and feel comfortable.  I have several MEDIUMS that feel and look great.  I figured out yesterday that I was wearing a S, an XL and two Ms all at the same time, and all fit.

Let's look at some others.

"How long will it take me to lose XX amount of pounds?"

Same thing. People will post who have lost quickly and others will post who have lost slowly. None of us want to be the ones who lose slowly, and yet some of us will, and guess what. When slow losers post their pictures and they look great, we finally realize, it makes no difference. YOU STILL LOSE.  YOU STILL LOOK AND FEEL GREAT.

"When will I be able to eat XX again?"

Answer one: "Eleven days after surgery." (Me, tender pot roast, my doc said I could eat anything I wanted as long as I chewed it up thoroughly and I did and I could. I do not recommend you try this unless your doctor has told you the same thing. And I didn't eat much of it.)

Answer two: "Never." (Some people have recognized that either because of their restriction or because of some weird changes in their bodies, or because of their own addictions, there are some things they can never eat again comfortably.)

Answer three: "It all depends on your doctor, your own body, your own psychological makeup, and nobody can tell you in advance for those reasons."  Good answer! Even if it's not the one we want.

"How often should I weigh?"

"What should my goal weight be?"

The questions go on and on and there is no one answer. There are generally answers that are true most of the time, which is why general rules and guidelines work most of the time. But nobody can give definite answers no matter how much we might want to hear them so we can, Buy that coat we LOVE and know it will fit when it gets cold, stock up on protein powder while it's on sale or buy it before preop starts tomorrow and not end up with stuff we can't stand the taste of, reassure ourselves that someday we will be able to anything we want in small amounts and not gain weight and not trigger the same cravings that got us obese too begin with.

And guess what.  I'm not at goal yet, but I can tell you this.

IT'S OKAY.

It's okay that sometimes--even most of the time--the answer is, "I don't know, it all depends."

Because seriously? YOU CAN DO THIS. Your path may not be my path. Your choices may not be my choices. The things that trip you up may not be the things that trip other people up.

Read these boards. Ask for help. Know that not every bit of advice is going to apply to you or be helpful to you. Know that what ends up working for you isn't the answer for everybody else.

I'm learning this myself. Others have learned it ahead of me. Others will learn it after me.

As for my own approach to all the uncertainties--I chose the answers and goals that felt most comforting to me, and changed them as I found better ones.  In my case, I was inspired by someone who had the surgery, ate normal foods without weighing and measuring--just ate small amounts of foods she loved, making sure she got protein first, and lost 80 pounds, got to where I am, and when she realized she was going to have to weigh, measure, etc. to get lower, decided she liked where she was. She liked her lifestyle. She liked her diet. She felt that if she changed her eating habits in order to lose more weight, she would begin yoyo-ing the way she had for the previous thirty years, and she'd much rather stay a little bit overweight (and very active, very healthy, very comfortable, very happy) than keep going.

That felt comfortable to me. It also felt reassuring. I could not imagine myself getting truly slim again.  I could more easily imagine myself being frustrated and angry and confined by sticking to a calorie-counting regime. Seeing her success--and I do consider it a success even if it's not everybody's definition of success--made me think how wonderful it would be to live the rest of my life without this extra fat, to do what she's doing.  And I got the sleeve.

But guess what.  Once I got here and started reading the boards, and joined myfitnesspal, I realized that counting calories and weighing things didn't bother me. That sticking to the diet didn't bother me. That losing weight was great, and unless I choose to slack off for a couple of weeks (which has happened a couple of time--a trip to Hawaii, a stint living in a hotel while construction was going on in my house) losing weight is actually pretty easy.  I have no desire to stop losing now.  I may even drop my goal weight lower. 

And guess what else. My friend is the one who told me about OH.  She read the same boards and made different choices. And she's been maintaining easily where she wants to be for two years.

We're all different. We'll all make different choices. We'll even define success in different ways.  I won't define mine by plastics and the ability to wear a bikini, but I appreciate those who do. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't care about bikinis, and I'd rather spend that money on other things!

I'm just rambling.  I'll shut up now. 

But I guess my advice is, set a target that gives you the confidence and security to move forward.

Be ready for it to change because your body is different, or your psychological issues are different, or you find yourself wanting something different before it's over.

Know that you can't be perfect, and you can't be sure that you'll be able to wear that coat this winter, and that you might end up spending too much money on protein drinks you don't like. And if that is going to be a crisis, don't spend the money. Wait. There will be other coats.  There will be other opportunities to buy protein powder.

 

One of the best posts I've read in awhile! We are all different and there is no set answer to everything- you have to find your own path.

Aw, thank you. 

I think we usually need some sort of "definitive" answer to make us feel secure, but we have to accept that eventually we all have somewhat different responses.

Great post!  I wholeheartedly agree!

Thank you.

Great post!  A good friend and I were discussing something unrelated to weight loss and she said I think "Tom"  is upset because "Dick" is not living the way he thinks Dick should live.  I've really been giving that a lot of thought.  We have no control over someone else's actions; only our own.  We may not agree and sure their might be a better plan...but frankly, I have enough trouble keeping my stuff together. I'm loving this journey.  I'm blessed and thankful...

I'm loving this journey, too.  And for my post, I wasn't even talking about what others do--just that as much as I might want some sort of concrete guaranteed definitive answer, there really aren't any.  I have to find my own, in the end.

Sorry!  I didn't mean to make the post about something it wasn't...I guess when I read it...that was my take on it :)  Great post!!!!

I wasn't "correcting" you. What you say is very true!  We just each were responding to different sides of the issue in that moment.  But I agree with what you said, too.

I know you weren't and if you were...I might have needed it!!!!  LOL