Rant......I think my first ever.....Addicted to Food

When I was in a binge eating program, they went into the possible chemical reactions in the brain that leads to addictive behavior. It was fascinating!

I can see that..... but don't we all have some degree of that ????

frisco

Yes, as you said, to get to 100 lbs+ to need WLS one can't go blaming it on a thyroid problem forever!

I reread your post... To your point, yep, I bet almost everyone in this forum has some degree of that.  I think when I first read your post, I took the "we" to mean everyone out there in the public... Not "everyone in the forum" :)

 

In the binge eating program, it was fascinating to hear the different degrees to which people binged, and it was interesting to see that there are some skinny bingers out there.  One of my friends in the program is TINY... but in addition to her binging, she is addicted to working out.  So, she'll binge but then exercise for hours (so much exercise that it interferes with her ability to have a normal life). Most people there were "traditional bingers"- they would eat multiple pizzas, burgers, malts, etc in one sitting.  I was the oddball of the group- I didn't eat traditional binge size meals, or eat at weird times of the night- I would diet, then break the diet by having a very unhealthy meal at a restaurant, then buy an unhealthy snack to eat at home.  This would often happen on a Friday, so then I'd decide that I would just be "off plan" for the weekend.  Sometimes I'd start up the diet again on Monday, sometimes I would be off the diet for months.  While off plan, I would eat out daily (usually something like a quarter pounder cheese and fries), and have unhealthy snacks at home.  When snacking, I'd usually have 2-3 portions of whatever the junk food was.  Also, while off plan, I would stop working out.  This extra eating and no working out would cause me to gain from 1 to 3 pounds a week.

I cannot help but think that a label is often times a defense mechanism for lack of self discipline. I'm sure there are exceptions to that. But, many times people will hang a label on themselves so that they lessen their guilty conscious for whatever condition they have.

For me; I say that I am here because I am a glutton who allowed himself to get out of control. I am physically lazy and I allowed my fleshly love of food to rule my life for so long that I became accustomed to being obese and WAS content to die that way. I want to own my own condition rather than blame it on something else.

I'm sure that there are others who feel the way I do and those who do not. I just refuse to pamper myself by putting a label on my obesity that lets me off the hook for what I have done to myself.

I'm not mad about it. But, I am going to do something about it to reverse it. I got myself here and will do what it takes to get myself away from here.

I hope that makes sense!

frisco, I'm not sure I get where you are coming from and what has you so ****** off

 

are  you angry that people claim they are food addicts even though you think all obese people have some type of eating disorder?  I realize there is much debate about whether anyone can truly be addicted to food in the chemically addictive sense, although I suspect there is some validity to a true addiction to sugar or carbohydrates such as bread and pasta...I have some severe emotional eating problems, and I often use the terminology of being a "food addict" and "addicted to eating"...to me, most of the behaviors are quite similar to someone with a drug addiction, an alcohol addiction and even an addiction to *****graphy or gambling...compulsive behavior takes many forms and is certainly legitimate in the realm of eating disorders

 

no addiction is an excuse, justification or free pass for unhealthy choices and endangerment of your health or the health of others (as with smoking in public)...but I do think it is important for many in the recovery and healing process to admit to the addiction/compulsion and "own" it...that being the case, why does it anger you when others admit such a problem?

 

you are making some inferences that I would bet are off the mark in most cases...you say that you infer when someone says they have a food addiction that they are somehow claiming they will have a harder time than you in losing weight....why would you assume that?  if someone admits to a problem with food, it is almost certainly more about themselves than it is about a comparison to you...I just think you might find a little more serenity by not making these kinds of assumptions and letting anger seep in...I'm just sayin'

Agreed.  For me, I do choose to label myself as a food addict.  As a gutter eater, I hit bottom and just kept excavating.  Now, does this mean I can't lose weight?  No, I can lose weight and change for a while. But, my hope and prayer is that VSG and some new willingness will help me to be "In Maintenance" forever.  Won't that be an amazing and new experience?!  My past experience with being in Food Addicts Anonymous ("FA") is learning that  -- true to all 12-Step philosophies - one cannot recover without Higher Power.  So, I am not sure why others say they are a "food addict", but I say it to always remember where I come from, and where I could go very easily. And to ask God for help. I also say it about myself in the context of the FA 12-Step Program (was in and out of that Program since 1999! Long time!).  For me, I need to always remember that I am not a normal eater, and that a cupcake in my hand is much different than a cupcake in my husband's hand (he is a totally thin "Normie").  The cupcake itself is not evil, it is what happens when I put the cupcake in my body (cravings, obsession for more, and binge eating, etc.).  I agree with this poster Tigerbelle that the term and owning it helps me, personally, and it is not in reference or comparison to another's struggles with this journey (or should I say, this battle!).

 

 

I may have missed the point entirely, but it seems as though the anger is due to people using that label as an excuse...? "I went off plan because I'm a food addict!". Blaming their label and excusing their behavior or using it as a reason to why they are not doing so well. I can see that. Food addiction is real and I am one to think that most people who qualify for WLS are in some form food addicts. There are levels of any kind of addiction including food. Some are worse off than others. Some (like me) buy a box of chocolate covered cherries and have them gone before getting a mile down the road. Or make sure the 2 king size candy bars are gone before getting home so no one knows what I just did. Either way, the addictions I have will not be my excuse, I will succeed despite my addictions and I will overcome them. I will be an ex-addict.

Totally agree. My take on this post is yep, we are all addicts or we wouldn't be here. Welcome to the club BUT now we have a way to get past it! No more excuses.

Let me preface by saying I'm a recovering food addict.  And I am not ashamed to admit it anymore.  If you are not a food addict Frisco, then I can't tell you how happy I am for you, because it's no picnic.  But let me share a little of my journey with you, and maybe you might think a little more about the subject.

Between the ages of say 12 and 32 I was 100 % unable to control how I used food, and I was dependent on it to cope with daily life. I ate food for comfort, for fun, for entertainment, out of boredom or in celebration.  Food was my one constant companion.  I ate myself all the way up to 522 lbs, because I was unable to put down the fork.  I would often think to myself while I was eating that I should stop.  That the food was killing me.  I woke up in the morning in agonizing pain because the joints in my knees and ankles were so swollen and painful under my tremendous weight that they could hardly hold me up.  I couldn't lay down to sleep because I felt the crushing weight of my fat on top of me and it felt like I was suffocating.  I knew I should stop eating.  I knew I should loose the weight.  But I didn't stop...  I got up in the middle of the night and snuck out of the house to get food, and ate it in the car before i went back inside the house.  Taco Bell did not invent 4th meal...that was ALL ME.  And 5th and 6th meal as well.  I kept mints and gum in my pockets at all times so that my food breath wouldn't give away my eating secret.  I lied about how much food I ate and how often I ate it.  I lied to my children, my parents, and myself.  I spent money to buy food that I should have spent for other things.  I would start thinking of my next meal, before I had even finished eating the one in front of me.  I rationalized my over eating.  I would say things like ..."It's a party!  You have to eat at a party, you know, just to be social! " ...." Oh, It's Sunshine's Birthday?  Here, I made a cake!  Lets go out to dinner to celebrate!"....  "It's my time of the month.  I'm craving chocolate.  It helps the PMS."...."I'm so lonely and depressed.  I'm going to make a cheesecake to cheer myself up".....etc. I continued to do the same things over and over and over again, even in the face of dire consequences (the very definition of addiction) for 20 years.

 

Now take out the words food addict and replace them with alcoholic.  Take out food and eating with alcohol and drinking, and you have the same condition.  It's addiction, plain and simple.  

Like any addict who wishes to overcome their addiction, I sought treatment.  First came the IN PATIENT eating disorders clinic at age 18 (Rehab?)  then some psychotherapy (out patient rehab?) to help me understand why I was choosing to make myself unwell, and to learn how to cope with life's ups and downs without Cake.  or cookies, or pie, or tacos, or lasagna or pretty much everything I have a weakness for.  Then I saw a nutritionist to help me learn what to eat, and how much, and I continue to talk with her even now, when I feel myself slipping (a Sponsor perhaps?).  Then came the support groups (like AA meetings)...  Lastly, and not one but twice, was WLS.  The alcoholic might need a liver transplant to fix the damage she's done to herself.  The only real difference between an alcoholic and myself is that the alcoholic must completely abstain from alcohol for the rest of her life in order to get well, but I can't completely abstain from food.  I have to learn what, when, how much, etc and follow the plan for the rest of my life.  I will take it one day at a time, or even one meal at a time, until I conquer this ***** because I know that If I can't do that, I will fall back into those old habits, and the best I can hope for is that I will have "been less fat for a year or two."  

It sounds to me like you are upset that people claiming to be addicted to food are making excuses, (and I believe it IS an excuse until someone steps up to the plate and chooses to change their life) and that their claims in some way diminish your struggle because you do not choose that label for yourself.  I disagree.  I don't think my experience has any bearing whatsoever on your journey.  How you (or me for that matter) got here is irrelevant.  The fact remains  that we need each other's support.  We need to find comfort and understanding and reassurance, and a swift kick in the ass in these forums, and among these strangers to whom we confess the most shameful of our weaknesses.  If on the contrary what we find is judgment, intolerance and loathing, then what the hell do we keep coming back for?  We can get that right outside our collective doors.

I am now and always will be addicted to food.  I struggle to make the right choices everyday, but so far, I am making them consistently.  

If anyone else identifies with my journey, please add me as a friend.  We can get through this **** together.

Jeannette.