Did your husband worry you would leave him post op, if so what helped?

Jenn, really great point about him needing time for his head to catch up with my body.  Great reminder to be a little patient.  Our communication is normally very strong, and at the moment I think the biggest barrier is that he is not entirely certain why he is as upset as what he is.  Hopefully we can make some progress this weekend. 

From a husband's point of view I can help you understand everything you need to know about men......

Sex, and lots of it, cures like 99.9% of our issues up.  The remaining 0.1% involves sports.  The more assertive you are, the more crazy you get, just adds to the solution.

(any marriage counselor worth anything will tell you this BTW)

 

Lol, love the post.  And you are spot on that this topic is not helping things one little bit.  We are a very, very active couple- but with the PS surgery he is looking at a 4-6 week moratorium.  18 hours is painfully long for him.  I will try to get him to watch some football, lol. 

So, you've been married for "decades", eh?  Congratulations- I'll bet many more are to follow.  Continue to let your actions speak louder than his fears.  As for your daughter- bless her heart- she does not have to be in the middle of what is, in effect, only an issue for the two of you.  Reassure your sweet girl that you and Dad will work this out, and take the responsibility of his contentment and satisfaction off her shoulders- Do this verbally.  I know she is a grown up, but, being your child, wants everything to be ok-  Now, how do you keep from growing crazy with his temporary craziness?  Patience and time.  - You know, the beatitudes- I'm betting you will endure.  Well, maybe that and some cotton for your ears....

Men, eh? Can't live with them and don't always want to live without 'em?

While hubby unscrambles his brains and his ego,  encourage your daughter to go back to work and keep her life as normal as possible. This is putting a lot on her shoulders that is not her responsibility.  Accept her help with the medical stuff, but keep her from trying to mediate between the two of you. Reassure her that things will get sorted out and Dad will be okay. Remind Dad that as an adult and parent, he should not foist his issues on to the kids. They need their Dad to be a rock they can lean on, not a rock that drags them underwater!

Good luck!

Maybe, when you were larger, he felt that you were unattractive, and that gave him the confidence to be in the relationship. So now you lost weight, and he has lost confidence. My spouse did have a moment, but even the new body, and confidence, it did not override the fact that I am 45 years old,  some of you will understand what I mean, others will feel an explanation is due, (40 is not the new 30 with me).So like I told my spouse, get real !!!!  And after his benign negativity was ignored for a while, we moved on.

 

Wish you the best,

Take it as a great compliment.

 

 

There is nothing I can say to you which hasn't been said eloquently already.  There are some terrific people here.  :)

I can tell you that I've been in his shoes, i.e. seeing my husband get attention from other women or else imagining that he was when I was not feeling so great about myself or my ability to keep him.  He's like you -- committed and not looking. 

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, especially during what is a very rough week for you as well.  I think that things will settle down for both of you, but the points already made about communication are so important.  You might have to be the grown-up in your relationship right now and soothe him so that his imagination and fear don't run away with him worse than they already have. 

Wishing all the best for all of you. 

My SO has always been opposed to me having WLS - I've put it off a few times - but now I've made up my mind, and told him I'm doing it - period.  So he came, I thought.  Told me he would be supportive of my decision.  Now I'm about 1/2 way through the pre-op process, and he's getting "concerned" -- telling me every time you have surgery, you take 5 years off your life; you'll never be able to eat normal again, etc., etc., etc.   Told him I want to live healthy for whatever life I have left.    His insecurity is driving me crazy - no reason for it.  I have to do it for myself.

Hope all works out for you!

 

Thank you everyone for the varying perspectives- truly, I appreciate all of the words of advice.  I talked with the daughter, and off to work she went.  Talked to the hubby and he has backed off the kids.  He is still a mess, but at least making a brave effort to not meltdown in front of the kids so we can deal with this a bit more privately.  Broke my heart when he said that he knows he has a problem, has no idea what it is, or how to fix it.  We will be working diligently on this.  Thank you everyone for your thoughts.  

Is it possible to move your recliner up to your bedroom? I had a full TT in 2012 and I had my hubby put the recliner next to the bed so I could be upstairs in our room with him. My husband was supportive, so I have no advice for you there. Sorry. I hope things get better. Maybe after he is rested and thinking clearly, he might have a change of heart.