So you cheated, now what?

This is a response I put in another thread, but I thought given the holiday season and all it was worthy of it's own thread.  Happy holidays!

  I cheated.  In the beginning when I cheated I felt the same way as what you probably do..  It triggered a tremendous amount of guilt, shame, and self-doubt that I would ever be even a little successful with the surgery.  Thankfully, as I worked the process I accepted that I do not need to be perfect- no small feat since I am a bit of a perfectionist IRL.  Here is the process that helped me to realign myself emotionally, deal with the trigger food, and find the path that lead to goal.

1.  This journey is about consistency- not perfection.  My NUT told me during one of the appointments post op when I was lamenting about a cheat that this process is about consistency- not perfection.  (Yes, that is worth repeating because it is so important!).  Realistically, if you are on plan a minimum of 90% of the time you will make goal.  Please do not interpret this as being a license to eat whatever you want, whenever you want.  Rather, the point is that perfection is not mandatory.  Strive hard for consistency.  

2.  Take time to deeply reflect on why the cheat happened.  Don't BS yourself either- it won't help you.  Was it situational- something easy in arms reach that you couldn't resist?  Then make a plan for next time that situation in the office comes up again.  Avoid that area, whatever it takes.  One thing that also helped me is exercise. I am not talking what my daily exercise goal was, but rather if I had a cheat I decided that instead of feeling like crap about it (which leads to NOTHING good) I would spend a little extra time on the elliptical to burn those calories off.  It was a way to make the calorie intake more real for me and not a type of "punishment".  Please note that with my daily exercise goals I never "ate back" the calories.  

3.  Take note on how you are feeling.  Was it worth it?  Be gentle with yourself, the goal is not to be punitive or inflict further guilt- but rather raise your mindfulness about the chocolate.

4.  Sometimes I just had to have it.  This is where practicing mindfulness in eating really, really helped.  Early out I would eat a hershey kiss lets say, but I would positively take time to savor.  Let it rest on the tongue, note changes in texture, flavor, etc.  The idea is that it increase significantly the satisfaction level and many times I would not reach for another.  I was good.  Again, the point here is not to give "permission" to cheat- rather a strategy to reduce.

5.  Track EVERYTHING.  Look for patterns.  Did the cheat lead to cravings that you had to deal with for 3 days?  Did the carbs affect you?  If not, note how many carbs it was... keep a digital trail.  This way you can identify specific nutrition targets that you will know if you exceed (like carbs) will lead you down a path of hunger and cravings, and make it overall more difficult to make the right choice.  

6.  Practice strategies to significantly reduce or eliminate those cheats.  Delay- if you really want it tell yourself you can have it in 4 hours, the next day, whatever.  You will find many times it will no longer have the same grip on you by the time that period is over.  Distract- I kept a list of 100 things to do instead of eat on my refrigerator for quite a while.  When I wanted to eat, I would intentionally do something else- especially, especially for head hunger or emotional eating periods (my 2 weakest points).  Finally, distance- get yourself away from the situation or avoid going near the situation to begin with.  Here is a post on this that has a list of things to do instead of eat.   http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/vsg/4619819/The-Three-Ds-D elay-Distract-and-Distance-List-of-101-things/

What are your thoughts and strategies?

You are not doomed to fail.  Don't waste all that energy being negative and beating yourself up- it will do you no good.  Instead, learn from it, keep it positive, and keep yourself positively on path!

"This journey is about consistency, not perfection"

 

YES. A thousand times YES. 

Totally agree!

Great post HappyTeacher!  And it got me to thinking about the word "cheating".  We use it all the time to talk about our diversion from our plan, but the definition says something different.  From Wikipedia, Cheating refers to an immoral way of achieving a goal. It is generally used for the breaking of rules to gain unfair advantage in a competitive situation. Cheating is the getting of reward for ability by dishonest means. 

So we're not really "cheating" when we eat the candy/cookie/carb laden food, since by doing so we're not helping ourselves get to goal.  But cheating has such a negative connotation for us (at least it does for me from my school days) that the term fits because of the shame it induces.  

If we were to use the word correctly, we'd have to say things like "I cheated on my diet today by having nothing but carrots and celery".  That kind of cheat will certainly help us to lose weight quickly, but we're breaking the rules of 'protein first' to get there.  

I agree with all of your tips you posted, especially the delay tactic.  I learned that if I can wait 20 seconds my craving is (most of the time) gone or lessened.  20 seconds!  I only wish that I was as religious about following your tips - winter, especially the holiday season has historically been tough on me.  But I will pick myself back up and start practicing a healthy lifestyle again today!

Love this post!!!  Cheating on our plans by eating celery and carrots- brilliant!

Great Post!

I started a weight loss challenge at work and while 5 of us have loss weight (I loss 4.8lbs this week, YAY!), one of us has actually gained.  I didn't want her to feel left out so I mentioned to all of the ladies that the part of the challenge is to be mindful.  Even though the one lady had gained, she'd mentioned the things she had eaten to probably get her to this point and will probably avoid those things next time.  Being mindful is an important key to weight loss and maintenance. 

I also agree with consistency, while I don't have the eating part down pat, I have prided myself with my consistency with my workouts.  I am a member of a Sorority and I post on Facebook a check in at the gym and my Sorority sisters constantly commend me on my dedication to the gym and ask what my secret is.  I always comment that it is about staying consistent and making exercise a part of your life.  Despite what I have going on, I manage to make it to the gym at least 4 times a week - no excuses!  One thing I ask myself when I don't want to go is, "Can you afford not to go?"  Whether in the weight loss phase or the maintenance phase I think the answer to this question will always be "NO!", I mean unless you have already made it to the gym.  I once read a quote that said "My only excuse to not going to the gym, is that I've already been" 

Thanks for the link to the 101 things to do besides binge eating, here are 5 of my favorite and 5 I'd like to adopt.

1.  Drink a cup of tea ( I do this every now and again - especially at work)

2.  Read/Write a Blog.  I love reading different blogs on weight loss and I've even started one

3. Clean out my closet, I constantly have clothes that are getting too big.

4.  Read, I prefer this over watching a movie (to prevent binge eating that is).  Something abou****ching movies that makes me want to snack.

5. Download MP3's, well I do enjoy creating playlists on my iPhone

5 I'd like to adopt

1. Make a recovery quilt out of my old "Fat Girl" clothes

2. A letter to my future self

3.  Drink a glass of water (It's not like I can't use the water for my intake)

4.  Set personal goals for the week

5.  Scrapbook

Again, great post and thanks for sharing!

I love this response.  It shows a clear plan of goals and strategies- I cannot encourage this type of thought process enough!  I think the recovery quilt idea is absolutely brilliant too.  I am not even minimally crafty, but if I were I would have done that!  The letter to my future self- a stroke of genius.  I think it would be fantastic if people wrote down how they are feeling overweight, the trials and tribulations of how they are working to change for the better, and what their goals are for when the arrive to the place they are working toward.  Then, read that letter to help spur the journey and keep in touch with why you started in the first place and what your hopes are versus falling into the trap of rationalizing and compromising those goals.  

Beautiful response!

Great Post!  Thanks for sharing! 

Such a great message and one I have to remind myself of constantly!  One of my character defects is "perfectionism".   I'm trying to live by the 90% rule myself, in fact I'm pretty happy with 80% consistency because - if I'm honest - I could never reach  that level in the past.  Whether it was exercise or a food plan.   My Fitness Pal has been invaluable in helping me track this.   I can go back and look at the last week, month, 90 days and see if I've hit 80% consistency on getting my protein, my carb goals, my exercise goals, etc. 

The past couple weeks I have "cheated" (I define that as eating sugar) more than once or twice.  The old me would have said "f*ck it" and it would have been an eating marathon from now until New Year's.  The new & improved me knows that falling down (even face-first into the sugar) doesn't have to equal failure.  I've put strategies in place today to avoid the sugar cookies ("crack" cookies) that are sitting up front and by all that is holy, my new boss overlooked my birthday and failed to bring in the obligatory birthday ooey-gooey-treats that they love so much around here (thank you lord!).  So I'm on Day 3 of carb de-toxing and doing well.  And I have strategies in place to deal with the next couple days of food challenges. 

Love this. Thanks for posting it. It is really reinforcing to read through this list and say, yep, check, check, check...

I haven't blown it often so far, but there have been a couple of times I have jumped the tracks. And, the mindfulness bit? 100000% agree. It IS all about the mindfulness.

Thanks again for posting this. It deserves to be a sticky, I think.

Laurie