Need some advice - trouble with BIL

This is I am sure very hard on you and your husband.You both need to support each other so this doesn't stress you and him.It is so hard when you want to help someone and they will not help themselves.You have children you have to worry about and your own WLS journey.You know that you have to be in the right mind set to start it.You have a husband who has a big heart for his brother.I would just be supportive and not push the issue with this brother.You only can do so much.I am a bit selfish when it comes to family I have two kids I am putting through school so I am not so sure what I would do.Just keep taking care of yourself and your family.Best wishes.

I was self paid RNY.  I had some complication after - i.e. hernia, GB issue. My primary insurance paid for all the other surgeries, since no doc in real world can say with 100% certainty that RNY caused my issue. Contribute - probably. 

Also - every new insurance - ( staring 2014) prevent any underlying condition to deny coverage.  WLS is not covered, but nay heath issue, including anemia - (iron infusions) is covered by my insurance. 

I would support him emotionally and encourage surgery.  You cannot define for him that it is "work" and predict success or failure IMHO.  All of us couldn't take the weight off prior to surgery, yet many of us still make it to goal.  WLS changes you metabollcally and it certainly sounds like he is desperate for some metabolic intervention.  He has a valid concern about insurance not covering complications, however, I wonder if as of January 1st if that is still an issue.  Obamacare law kicks in and preexisting conditions can no longer be discriminated against.  Also, if you do feel it is his disease making him so unreasonable, then all the more reason to take the time and reflect that it is entirely possible he is not trying to be so difficult and hurtful- it may be the disease doing it.  I have a schizophrenic sister, and when she is descending into a psychotic state there is always a phase where she is positively terrible and hurtful, and this is how we know she needs to be admitted.  I could construe it as her being a effing ***** but it is the disease- not her, and she needs me more than ever during that time.  I think Mexico is a great idea.  Find out on the boards the best guy- one of the A's, but I cannot say for sure which.  I think it is a great idea he is willing to use retirement money, as otherwise he may not even make it to retirement.  The clean eating after surgery may go a long way in clearing up his diseased behavior too.  Good luck. 

I was just going to add my two cents worth.  I believe if you can afford it, why not do it.  That is if it doesn't put a strain on your budget.  Perhaps tell him an amount that you could help with and MAKE yourself limit it to that and that alone.    

there are medical financing companies out there.  Just google.   As a grown adult, I would never even ask my siblings for money for literally anything.  sounds that perhaps he's looking for his "out."   Now he can say he "was going to do surgery, but ...."    (insert crutch/ excuse here).

What a rough situation your BIL is putting you in.  I would probably demand that he show me some proof of therapy for his mental health before I was willing to throw money at him.  Hopefully his insurance company has better mental health coverage than WLS coverage?