Failing miserably

Once again I am letting myself down. My surgery was 9 weeks ago. I've lost 25 lbs since the day of surgery. 19 of those lbs were immediately after surgery. Whoop dee do, I have lost 6 lbs in 2 months and I've been miserable doing it. I've already had to have a stretch done, and I can feel a need for another cause my water is sticking again. I miss being able to eat without feeling like crap. I miss chugging my water. I am soooo dry. I miss NOT having heartburn. 

 

My biggest mistake was learning I could handle sugar. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm so ashamed and feeling guilty. My stomach can't handle the protein drinks I drank before. Anything with soy protein makes me feel horrible and that's about the only time I've thrown up. While I get some protein in from a whey protein shake or maybe 2 a day, I try to get the balance in from meat. I've been eating a lot of fish and seafood these last 2 weeks. 

 

The thing is, it seems to be either food OR water, but not both. If I try to get both in, I'm miserable. It's so hard for me to balance it. I'm having a hard time getting my meds in too. Does anyone know if I can take them all at once like I did before surgery? I have no problems swallowing a handful of pills at a time. I do have a problem getting them in if I have to space them out. 

 

The depression is setting in. It seems like forever since I first had my surgery. I have lost a lot of inches, but the scale isn't moving at all. I live alone. Nobody to cook for, so I eat a can of salmon or tuna, shrimp, scrambled eggs and that's about it. I'm sorry I'm just being a whiny baby here. I am a depressed personality, and those are the meds I'm not getting in. I know the right thing to do, but I just can't seem to do it. 

 

I think I need to go see a therapist. Part of my problem stems from a brain injury 11 yrs ago, part of it is just plain lazy. The lazy is a by product or the injury and depression. It's just a vicious circle. LOL 

 

 

 

 

You should definitely talk to a therapist!  It seems like depression is a pretty major player here.  

The ASMBS says that we can swallow pills from day one, and I've been swallowing pills since week 2 with no problem at all.  Clearly you should check with your surgeon, but you should be able to swallow your pills.  

I think your course of action should be to find a therapist and then talk to your surgeon and nutritionist to work on getting your head in the game.  You can do it!

Sorry to hear about your difficulties.  I think it's especially tough when you live alone.

Sounds like therapy would be helpful.  My therapist helped me get organized and moving.  A little bit at a time, but it made a big difference. Made me feel more in control and it helped with my depression too.

I know you want to see the scale moving - and it will.  Right now you're losing inches, so that's a good thing.  The weight loss will kick in again as long as you stay on plan.  With regard to cooking - I hear you about not having someone to cook for, it does make a difference. But recognize that you're bored and think about cooking up a few things and freezing them.  Eggface has great recipes for mini egg-bites and mini meatloaves.  You recognize the fact that you are "lazy" (believe me, I am too) so you have to push yourself to do good things for yourself.  Check out Eggface's web site and get some recipes and meal ideas.

Sending positive vibes your way.  PM me any time if you'd like too. 

 

I take all of my meds at once. I am able to swallow 4 pills at once. I have been taking my meds since the evening of my surgery without any problems. I know my meds are working because I am feeling great. Hope you're able to get back on your meds to help you with your situation.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling down. I also deal with depression, so I know how slippery of a slope it is when you enter that cycle. It is imperative for you to get your antidepressants in. You should be able to take all of your pills at once, as long as it is comfortable to you and as long as none of your pills have any negative interactions with each other that would cause you to need to space them out.

As for the sleeve-related things that you've got going on, SLOW DOWN. You're only 9 weeks out. Believe me when I say that this gets easier. I wasn't able to chug water either, I also had heartburn, and I had a fair bit of "feel like crap" after eating as well. The water thing got better for me around 5 months out (don't freak out, you're already almost half way to that!). The heartburn can be controlled with a PPI, so call your surgeon ASAP and ask for one. If you're already on one, ask to try out a different one. I had to try 3 or 4 before settling on good old OTC Prevacid. Accept that there might be a bit of trial and error before you find the right one. Heartburn is NOT a life sentence. I promise. And as for the "feel like crap" after eating, a new (better) PPI can help that as well. It sure did for me. I was having nausea after every tiny bite of food until I found one that worked.

As for the fact that you're eating sugar... Please, please, PLEASE DETOX NOW. For the next 48-72 hours, eat as few carbs as possible. You will find that the cravings and the pull to eat sugar will be GREATLY diminished and it will be much, MUCH easier to get back on your eating plan... Speaking of your eating plan: you are not the only one who can't eat and drink at the same time. That's pretty much all of us VSGers :) It's best (just my opinion) to drink as little as possible while eating so that you eat less at meals (drinking causes food to go through the pyloric valve much faster, which means you can eat more at meals...). I can't stick to this all the time. Sometimes I just NEED to wash food down. I'm almost 10 months out and I have to walk a very fine line. I take TINY sips while I'm eating, just because I feel panicky if I don't. But I don't EVER chug water at meals any more because it just isn't physically possible... Speaking of water, are you having trouble with straigh****er? I did and found that using sugar-free water flavorings like Mio made water go down MUCH easier. If you don't want to go the artificial sweetener route, I often drink water with lemon or lime when I'm out. I've also read (and tried it a few times) that a pinch of salt will alter the pH of your water just a smidge and make water more tolerable.

Please continue to track your measurements. This is something that I didn't do during those first few months and it really makes me mad at myself. During those pesky stalls, it would have been nice to see proof that the sleeve was still working even if the scale didn't reflect it... (Disclaimer: I do NOT think you're in a stall. I think you haven't quite figured out how to work your sleeve yet... AND THAT'S OK. This is a learning process, and you will get there!)

Do consider seeing a therapist, and I highly recommend that you consult with your surgeon and nutritionist to get a better eating plan. They can recommend protein shakes that don't turn your stomach. I, personally, recommend Syntrax products. I became sensitive to protein powders post op, and these were actually tasty!

Best of luck to you, dear. Take care of yourself and stop beating yourself up this minute. This gets easier EVERY DAY. Feel free to PM me if you need any support along the way.

This was a really awesome post Chrissy. You are an asset to this board! 

you are an incredible support person!!! Loved your post!!!

Thanks everyone. It helped me a lot just to put my dirty little secret out to the universe. 

I am going to start work on positive affirmations today. Tomorrow I'll call my therapist. I haven't seen her in about 4 years, so I'm due anyway. 

I started this morning off with a warm protein drink. I'm trying the Syntrax cappucino. I had some samples, just hadn't tried them for fear of getting sick after I drank them. You all know what a crappy feeling that is. 

Thanks so much for commenting on my pity party. That's exactly what it was! It was me, giving the community and myself an opportunity to kick myself in the arse! Chrissy, I have read so many of your comments before. You truly are an intelligent, caring individual. Thanks for posting. So many looked and didn't say anything because they saw it for what it was. I was whining!

I'm an intelligent person, I know what needs to be done. It just consumes me sometimes and becomes too over-whelming. It's back on the meds, get my head out of the sand and get my arse moving day! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. 

Other than my daughter, you guys are all I have!!!

Nancy

Thank you for the sweet compliment. I'm so glad that things look better in the light of a new day! I can tell that you're a smart cookie, just by your writing style (sorry, English Teaching background here!). You'll get this thing straightened out before you know it. Beware the extra hormones that are surely raging in your system right now. As we lose, the hormones that are stored in our fat cells pour into our systems and can make us feel pretty batty. And when you've got that going on on top of depression, it can make you feel like crawling into a hole (can you tell I've been there??).

Get things back together and stay the course. Let this surgery do what it was designed to do! I'm telling you that if you card-detox, you can (for a good part) sit back and watch the scale zoom down! Just listen to your body and don't let those cravings get the better of you!

Good luck, hon. You'll get this thing figured out!