Definition of an Alcoholic- looking for opinions from those who have been there

I waited until my college years to drink. Be it peer pressure, experimentation, or something else I drank till drunk 3 or 4 times most weeks. Part of my abusing alcohol was not having a role model who drank. My family gatherings were 99% alcohol free and I'd never been around a drunk person until college (outcast in high school).

My parents were non drinkers so I didn't tell them anything about my drinking in college. Later, when working for universities, part of my job was educating students that they have a choice to not drink (actually the majority of college students don't drink and the vast majority don't get drunk), make sure they were aware of consequences that can come from drinking, impact of alcohol on your body - hydration, health, finances, hangovers, judicial/criminal record, making sure they were aware of how their social media presence could affect future employment (might be a good way to talk about alcohol w/your son in a way that's less judgmental).

Looking back at my college years, although I drank to excess, I also had friends and did things for fun that didn't involve drinking.

As an university employee the students I was worried about didn't enjoy anything w/o alcohol. One example from a group of students who got into trouble; two sneaked a flask into a movie theater as a 1 time it was fun, several in the group went 1x a monthly playing hooking and drinking during a movie, the outlier (abuser/dependent) thought going to the movie wasn't fun w/o alcohol - snuck something into every movie he went too even when not a part of this group of friends.

After college, like most do (immediately or eventually) I cut way back on my drinking. My priorities changed: not wanting to be hung over at work, not as much fun to drink, and I wanted to become healthier. I went a year w/o any drink and frequently a month w/o drinking. When I did drink it was often a 'party hard'. i.e. go to vegas and drink heavily, have a superbowl party and drink heavily. Yet, my next trip to vegas was for work and I wouldn't drink and the next superbowl party was at a friends and I had to drive home so I wouldn't drink. I did/do find drinking enjoyable yet feel I can equally enjoy myself w/o the booze. 

As an alcohol abuser, when trying to educate students at college (who got in trouble from drinking) the majority were not using alcohol to cover up an emotional issue but for fun and socializing. My concern was identifying those with underlying issues that drank to coverup a larger issue. If not dependent yet, they would be (like lots of us abuse food due to someother larger issue(s) - or speaking for myself - I'm working to understood what issues are tied to my abuse of food)

My uneducated opinion is that there is a fine line from abuse to dependency and I'm not sure there is much to be done during that transition. It seems that genetic trait might mean some keep drinking more and more no matter what. Others, through peer pressure (the reverse of drinking till plastered is cool in college) realize that it's time to grow up and cut back. 

On a personal note, as an alcohol abuser, I've done ton's of research on transfer addictions and brought the topic to my counselor. Not looking to trade one problem for another! Giving up drinking for 12-24 months pre/post op caused no anxiety for my in choosing WLS. Yet, thanks to others honesty and the education from sites like OH and my surgeons office I am questioning if I will ever have another glass of wine?

In my experience, if a person has to ask the question or needs a definition to see if they fit, they probably do. 

My dad is an alcoholic and he's been trying to prove to us since I was a child that he isn't. 

Good luck, hun. I hope you can open his eyes. 

While we can all worry and point to definitions of what an alcoholic is, the truth is that until your son believes there is a problem with his drinking, there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to change his behavior. Remember that he is still a few years off from his hyperthalmus being fully developed and also being a male at the height of his testosterone level that he is prone to making impulsive and not always sound decisions. My best advice is to let him know that you are concerned (which you have done) and let him know that you are there to support him should HE decide he has a problem and needs some help.

I did a lot of stupid stuff in my late teens, early 20s that I managed to leave behind, no problem. One point you might raise with your son if it continues after school is that there are some reports that alcoholism is like a switch, You might be OK for years, but drink too much too long and that switch gets flipped and no going back. Since alcoholism runs in my family, once by brain finished developing  I have enjoyed it with that in the back of my mind. I don't want to give it up completely, so I'm careful to limit my indulgence so that switch doesn't flip for me.

Lynda