Learning how to say no (whiney rant)

Not a doormat .. just too nice :) 

You need to get your mean on.. lol

I'd order up some deli platters and ask them to pick them up on their way.

don't strain yourself, take care of you!

Nope- a doormat. I am the very definition of a codependent enabler type. I have been working on that. I clearly still need some more work!

I think that your sister's heart may be in the right place and she may think she is coming there to help you out.  The thing that would worry me the most is the fact that she is sick.  One week postop from surgery on your chest.  Your immunity is compromised and could you imagine coughing right now.  I would try to politely discourage her from coming if she is still sick.  Plus, it sounds like if anyone else in the house got sick you would be expected to care for them.  That should be the last thing on your mind right now.  Happy Holidays and hope you feel better soon.

We are both on antibiotics right now. The bigger concern was last week- when I got home from the hospital both of my girls came down with the flu, and my antibiotics cannot protect against viral plagues. Thank goodness my flu shot kept it at bay, or perhaps the fact that I banished them to their rooms for nearly a week straight :)

So sorry for your troubles.  First- deep breath.  I would order in and hubby can go pick it up.  Let everyone know there is chart of responsiblity and they are on it. Your kids get set up and clean up.  You need help and must ask for it.  If you don't want to order in, there is one pot dinner.  I am making chicken and dumplings. That is it.  No one could agree so I chose what my husband likes to eat.  

Your family is older.  If presents aren't what they usually are- so sorry this year. Everyone will survive.  You need to pull your large and in- charge pants on and say this is how it is.  ( I meant small pants for us!)

Best wishes.

Nancy

One word -- potluck. 

Another word -- delegate.

One more word -- relax.

Those would be some of the hungriest relatives on Christmas Day! I would provide NOTHING. Even ordering a pizza, deli platter, etc lets them know that this behavior is OK. You can not heal properly running after grown folks. I would sit there sipping my water and protein shake, content.

Have a wonderful holiday, whatever you decide to do.

I am so sorry! I'm feeling the burden of hosting everyone too and I'm doing perfectly well at 5 months out so I can't even imagine how you are feeling. Here's my advice:

1. CANCEL. Tell your family you simply can't handle hosting physically (doctor's orders) and let them deal with it.

2. If you can't cancel, go potluck. Have everyone bring a dish and throw a turkey in the oven. They're easy. Or get take out. And paper plates are a must!

3. Give your teenager's some consequences. No help, no presents.

4. Kick your husband's ass. Seriously. It sounds like he is not supportive when you need him most. Some counseling for the two of you or for you alone would probably help. One afternoon meeting the rest of your family's needs is doable. A lifetime with an unsupportive partner is unthinkable.

Hope things go well!

*teenagers*

Normally the hubby is a very supportive type. There is something about plastic surgery that totally mucks him up. I went through this last Christmas too- I had abdominosplasty done and he totally freaked out post op. Turns out it brings up all of his insecurities and he convinces himself I am going to leave him since I now look better. Entirely irrational of course, but he grew up in a house where his mom constantly threatened to leave/divorce dad. She would have too if she was able to be independent- something that I have down pat. 

I told him last night to freaking get over it and reminded him that he experienced the same issue last year. I normally am not one to dredge up past issues like that, but he needed to connect the dots so to speak. It actually seemed to really help.