2 or More Years Post-Op: Are You A "Normal" Person?

The subject line can only fit so many characters...I suggest the following additional critieria for response: You are currently maintaining a reasonable, healthy, and comfortable weight, and you plan to stay that way. Do you consider yourself "normal"? With regard to appearance, how would someone who is meeting you for the first time describe you? Are you different than people who are at the same weight and wear the same size as you, but did not have WLS? Do you have the same behaviors around food as those described above? Can you make the same food choices as those described above? I ask these questions as life after WLS marches on. When I was MO, I dressed to the "nines", had great hair and make-up, dynamic personality, etc., all in the hopes that nobody would notice that I was fat.  I was out there with the movers and shakers, but in my mind...I was completely marginalizing myself.  Having done that for so many years, it occurs to me that those negative thoughts are hard to banish...the negative messaging tapes in my head stuck with me even at 120#! So, just in case I am the only one on the grads board today, or the only one interested in my post, which is OK...I am a great self-entertainer...I will respond to the questions above: I consider myself a person of "normal" weight. Someone who meets me for the first time would likely describe my appearance as "could stand to lose a few" (clearly, still hard on myself). I am different than those who are the same size in that I live with the fear that I will get fat again. I tend to be a voyeur in public, observing how/what people eat...although I cannot know what is going on in anyone else's head, I believe I have the same behaviors around food, which mostly boils down to "just because some is good, it does not mean that more is better." I can make the same food choices as "normal" people.  I eat like a normal person.  I don't know what "pouch rules" are, the protein first thing was not in vogue with my surgeon when I had surgery...etc.   I eat normal food in normal portions.  I stick with foods I like, and stay away from those that don't do it for me. Hmmm...so I am pretty unique...just like everybody else. Karen

Ah Karen, An interested post idea...What is "normal" really and do I consider myself "it"... Question # 1 : at a reasonable healthy weight and planning to stay there : Yes, and you bet your butt I am doing everything I can to stay here, really like the way I look and feel better than I have in years and while I realize being thinner did not solve all my problems, being thinner and feeling good about how I look has helped eleviate many of my problems... Question # 2 : am I normal : Don't really think I am "normal", of course never have thought I was so whats different now, can say that people who are meeting me for the 1st time and never knew the other me probably think I am... Question # 3 : Regarding appearance :  Everyone I meet now, who did not know me pre-surgery or have not seen me since pre-surgery would think I am thin...People who find out that I had RNY are often stunned when they see pics of me pre-surgery and many completely deny that person and I are the same... it took me a long time to see how I had changed... Question # 4 : Different from people who are same size and weight :  Don't think I am different, except in respect to - see Question #5 Question # 5 : Same food behaviors as non-RNY : Somewhat...I do not think I am normal when it comes to my relationship with food... I do eat protein forward for the most part and still drink at least one protein supplement a day in addition to the real food I eat, I still limit my real sugar intake to less than 10 grams in a serving and only occasionally...but still eat sweets (love them   )just made with substitute sugars... I also go out to dinner regularly and snack off all the tempting things that cross my way...And I still make poor food choices sometimes, this may be the only "normal" thing I do when it comes to eating Question # 6 : Can I eat like a non-RNY : Yes, mostly...But I also know that other people wonder why I pass on the cinnamon rolls and donuts and taste testing the new drink at Starbucks, I know because they remark on it to me at which time I explain about being a RNY post op (hence my knowledge of how non-RNYers do not realize that I am not "normal")...Others also notice that I hardly ever eat most of what is on my plate, especially true at functions outside my regular group (who all know about the surgery) because servings are so large when you eat out and I think most normal people tend to clean their plates even the health conscious/thin ones - I don't even come close and don't try; when I go out if I want to order a full meal off a menu I do, eat what I want, take some home (sometimes) or just walk away from it, in this way I think I am different from the norm... I like your line about being a "voyeur" in public about food...I do this too, often looking around at what/how others are eating...I do it because if it looks good, I might want to try it there or take a shot at making it at home - kind of like watching the food channel in a restaurant... Anyway, I enjoyed responding, gave me some "food for thought" and will be interested to see replies from others...Have a great weekend

Oooooh, goody, another good discussion topic.  I love it. First off, I do think I fit the criteria parameters.  I am at a normal weight for my height, have been there for at least  five months now, and plan on staying there. 1.  Yes, I consider myself normal.  One definition of this for me is that I do not stick out in a crowd of people now.  Having been 351 pounds for over 20 years, and MO for my entire life, I always stuck out.  I was always the fattest one there, no matter where there was.  Fattest at school, at work, in social situations.  I was always looking, hoping someone bigger than me would show up, so I wouldn't be the biggest, and therefor, most obviously the most "defective" person there.  Defective is only my term I resevered for myself,  not to be applied to any other SMO person.  You all know, when you're SMO, everyone knows your struggle without you ever saying a word. Now  people may notice me for my hair, clothes, my bad jokes, but mainly I like the invisibility of being a normal weight individual.  Add to that being a middle aged woman, I am pretty invisible, and I like it. 2.  See above, I am probably on the thin side for a Midwestern middle aged woman.  We tend to be a little on the bigger side here, with a size 14 as definitely about average.  I am now in a size 6-8, with very narrow hips and no rear end, but I still consider myself average. 3.  I don't look any different than those in my age, size, and height who've not had WLS when I am dressed in long sleeved shirts and long pants.  I have had a tummy tuck, so my stomach area is probably  flatter than my non-WLS sisters, but my arms are much, much worse than a non-WLS woman.  I have large amounts of drooping skin under the arms, the breasts, thighs, rear end, even the calves and forearms.  Sigh. 4.  I  would say my food behaviors are the same if they are a size 8.  By that I mean, most size 8 non-WLS women are watching what they eat and exercising.  If they weren't, they probably would be heavier.  There are relatively few naturally thin people here in the Midwest.  I am not sure I realized that when I was younger.  It is the rare individual who can eat whatever they want, in large quantities, not exercise and still stay thin.  I used to think all normal weight people were just lucky.  I didn't know how hard many of them worked at staying that way.  5.  This is a tricky one.  I make the same choices, yet probably obsess about it much more.  I mourn some foods so much sometimes, and feel sorry for myself.  I love junk food and sugar.  There, I admitted it.  I am very aware of how bad it is, and always was, for me, but I still enjoy the taste of it.  I believe the simple carbs worked wonders in brain chemistry endorphins for me.  But, the vast majority of the time I am able to walk away from it.  I don't aim for perfection, I have on occasion eaten at MickeyD's, or very, very slowly put away a piece of cake a few bites at a time.  But like the average, normal weight non-WLS woman, it is a rare occasion.  I never clean my plate at a restaurant, and I never, ever drink with my meals, so that might be different. One last thing, like most normal weight non-WLS women, I now love to shop for clothes and shoes, too. Debra M. 351/135  5'5"

I consider myself a person of normal weight, but I don't know if I'll ever truly feel normal. I still fear gaining weight and deal with emotional eating issues (doing counseling right now). Many people have commented after meeting me and eventually finding out I had WLS that they would have NEVER thought I was ever overweight and are shocked to see my preWLS pics. I don't know that I'm different from average weight people, but like you I am still very hard on myself. I also always try to look my best when leaving the house~I did this as an overweight person and I still do it now. I think I've always been worried about how people will view me, but  really why do I care? Who knows, LOL!  I'm not sure if I have normal behavior around food or not~sometimes yes and sometimes no. I try not to fall back into any old bad habits, but occasionally they rear their ugly heads! I also think that I am way more concious now of what I am putting into my body and probably more concious than the average person b/c I want to make every bite count~doesn't matter if I'm eating a salad or a cookie, I want to enjoy my food and consume it for the right reasons (ie not b/c I'm emotional eating).  I would say most of the time I eat like a normal person and someone watching me would never realize I had wls. I do leave food on my plate sometimes and it took me a long time to realize that's ok! You don't have to finish every bite and to  actually throw food away is ok too. I would say that one difference is I do tend to obsess more than a normal person about what I'm going to eat. I try to push protein and avoid junk food as much as possible. I still don't eat much bread, pasta or potatoes but that b/c I just don't have a taste for them anymore. I still do enjoy sweets occasionally though.

Do you consider yourself "normal"? I never have, don't know why I should start now.....LOL With regard to appearance, how would someone who is meeting you for the first time describe you? I'm told all the time that I don't look like I've ever been overweight.  Of course, I've had four rounds of PS since I lost 147#.  I'm also at a BMI that is considered overweight, but I wear size 6 jeans, and I'm very happy with that. Are you different than people who are at the same weight and wear the same size as you, but did not have WLS? Yes, I'm different because I still have food issues and I'm still, after 3 and a half years, getting used to not being MO. Do you have the same behaviors around food as those described above? No, I still worry about regaining my weight .  See comments below. Can you make the same food choices as those described above? I could, but choose not to.  I still do protein first, I don't drink liquids with meals, I usually stay away from "white carbs", real sugar, and junk food because it's easier for me that way.  I don't keep that stuff in my house.  Sometimes when I'm in a restaurant I'll have a few bites of something especially yummy, but I don't take it home.  This is how I keep from regaining.  Not everybody is as sensitive to white carbs and junk food as I am.  (Or maybe others have more control than I do.....LOL)  This also assures me that the vast majority of the time I eat plenty of  healthy protein and veggies and fruit.  I also feel better physically when I eat this way.  I also do exercise faithfully, both cardio (2-4 times a week) and strength/weight training (twice a week). I totally understand about being a voyeur, I do that, too.  Good thread, Karen, it's interesting to see what others do and think. Connie

Nope, I am not normal.  Never was, never will be.  I have a fatal disease, morbid obesity, that is currently in remission.  Or since 1994. But were you asking do I feel normal in public, for example?  Been this weight since 1995, now, so yes.  I'm the shape I am, so there are others shaped like me, but other of the same wt & ht often have more hips, less waist.   but I think that's normal, too. I watch food like the enemy it is.  I have to avoid certain things that are distinct triggers for me.  And of course, I take way more protein in supps and vites than other ppl. I absolutely WILL gain my wt back if I am not vigilant.  I don't have to be a fanatic nut case, but I've been doing things this way for so long that if others think it's odd, well, it's how I do it. I don't follow the pouch rules.  Those were invented after my surgery.  I eat what I like minus milk & sugar.

Hi Karen, What a thought provoking post, you look fabulous by the way.

Question # 1 : at a reasonable healthy weight and planning to stay there :  I had WLS in 2003, maintained at 120# and had a little girl in 2006 at the age of 41, a week before I turned 42. (I have 3 grown children).I quickly lost the pregnancy weight and stay between 115-120#, a normal weight for a small 5'3 frame. And yes, I plan and pray to stay at this weight. Question # 2 : am I normal :  I think I am normal with the feature of being a food addict for the rest of my life.... my thought is: once a food addict always a food addict. I deal with issues differently post WLS, I have lost both of my parents since WLS and dont eat a pound bag of M&M's to placate my emotions. I dont eat massive amounts of holiday foods or  while dining out ...Food doesnt rule me....but I do get to where I crave things and I give into them... just not huge amounts. Question # 3 : Regarding appearance :  I am a size 2. Pre WLS I was 280# and between a 20-22. I was heavy 8yrs of my life.  I always dressed well and wore make up in public, that has not changed. My 3 grown children were overweight when I had WLS and now all have normal BMI's and have maintained along with me. I am very proud of that. I havent had PS and am not saggy. I have 2 sisters and  1 brother who had  WLS and only one needed PS and she did it...... # 4 : Different from people who are same size and weight :  People are shocked to learn that I was once heavy. Those who knew me through the journey now say they cant remember when I was heavy until they see an old photo of me.. I dont know about you but it super burns me when other thin people make fun of a heavy person.... and it happens more than I care to think of.... But I tell myself, that someday it will catch up with them and they will get heavy... Question # 5 : Same food behaviors as non-RNY :  My pouch is still small I eat 4-6 oz a meal. I get the protein in first and dont drink with meals or after a meal.  I dont order meals for myself unless I have to...... I love to eat off the children's menu or hubby's plate.... I am a grazer... a little of this and that at a party or buffet. My plate contains  a teaspoon of this and that.....I always ask myself, is this something I am going to really love or is it protein that is going to keep me satisfied as long as I need....I used to be lactose intolerant and now love milk, cheese and cottage cheese.  For a shopping spree snack my 20 yr old daughter and I split a happy meal with apples and milk instead of fries and a soda..... I dont live for holiday meals, I live to see the kids and their friends come home for the holiday.....or to go visit family and friends.  When I was younger and thinner I ate only food I loved or food I felt I had to have to be healthy, so I think that is the similarity to the norms... Question # 6 : Can I eat like a non-RNY : Last time I was at the grocery store I was looking for the freshest loaf of Sara Lee low carb honey wheat bread, and a lady comes up to me and says, look at me getting ice cream and look at you, miss skinny girl getting low carb bread, you make me feel soo guilty. I just smiled at her....... I didnt tell her my hubby is MO and I am buying for him as well.... I am careful of what I eat ...... I still am grateful that I dump from excelling my sugar limit. And if I am going to have chocolate it is going to be the most expensive, finest chocolate you ever did see...... hehehee...... and just a few pieces.... that is all I can and will do. I see other thin people able to leave the candy alone..... I still dont keep it in my house...... I cant sleep with it there.... I used to unload candy onto the kids when they came home but dont do that to them any more..... I dont explain to food servers that I had WLS, I just say I am diabetic and it works..... suddenly food isnt so greasy or laden with extras.... I used to be diabetic, but I think that is for life as well as being a lifetime food addict. Sorry this is so long, thanks for making me think about things today....... 280/115/ RnY 2003

Do you consider yourself "normal"? Define normal?  I am maintianing fairly well with 5# fluctuations like many others.  I am over weight by my bmi which is 27, but my body fat measured at 23 % which is considered on the low end of average for a woman my age ( average is about 23- 30somthing percent  for my age) With regard to appearance, how would someone who is meeting you for the first time describe you? I have been told they would never guess I had ever been obese. I would hope they would think I am fairly attracive and in good shape for my age which is 46. Are you different than people who are at the same weight and wear the same size as you, but did not have WLS? I think I am more like others than different, but I am more careful about my diet and my exercise - so I am more like a normie who is interestred in being healthy and fit - so I guess with 60% of tyhe general population being overweight i am not sire I am the same as "most"  Also most women who are my weight & height are not the same size. i work with someone who is a good 20 pounds lighter than me and we wear the same size. I  have a lot of muscle and she does not really work out at all. Do you have the same behaviors around food as those described above? I eat quite a bit and often the same or higher volume but my choices are usually different.  I am picky, I avoid junk most of the time but occasionally i have something like the guacamole and doritos I had tonite - but I measured it out on a plate and didn't eat  out of the big bag or the bowl. Most people just pick up chips and eat from the big bowl and dont coun tit out or keep track of how many they eat.  I eat tons of veggies and a couple pieces of fruit everyday and It seems like most of the people I know both normies and wls peopel dont eat many veggies. I also see at work normies with a bowl of fruit that hold probably 6 cups and eat it all, and I "could" if I took  my time with it but I try to measure out a portion and stick to that.  Can you make the same food choices as those described above? I generally make better chioices than most of the normies I know.  I can choose any thing I like, I just choose not to have certain things. nothing is forbidden, it is MY choice. ( choosing to have or not have is far more empowering than say I "can't" have it. )  There are time I choose to have  a few cookies, and with that I know full well I may be choosing to dump as well, but it is my choice. I eat all food groups and eat carbs - just not many refined simple carbs.  I do eat a lot of protein as I feel it will help me with working out and being stronger. and i like protein rich foods - chicken, eggs, fish, etc. I the negative messaging tapes in my head stuck with me even at 120#!   losing weight does not change the negative messages in our heads. Only we can change the self talk. when it starts reason it out. think it through. write it down and answer it back with positive messages. I carry a card in my wallet with positive things about me to refer to  in times of trouble. (suggestion by my therapist)  It has been edited and added to and rewritten a few times but it is nice to reflect on our positive points. Size and weight do NOT determine our value  as a person unless we let it define us.

Karen thanks for starting the thread, but I can not find the time are patience to answer in detail every thing.  I look good after losing 132 lbs and being at goal today, at least.for today.   I do not consider myself to be normal, but that is good.  I look good, feel good, eat and drink protein, and exercise a lot.  I wear  size 8 pants and am thankful for the new life i receives 2 years ago with wls.  I get up every morning, take off my PJ's, weigh and write it on a calendar.   That is not normal, but it keeps me on track.       

If someone meet me on the street I think they would say I was normal.  If they spent the day with me I don't think I am normal in my eating habits.  Then again I may be eating like a thin person eats.  I have never been around one. I have maintained my weightloss for almost 2 years.