Is it sabatage or me being paranoid?

I have a friend that had wls about the same time I did.  We confide in each other our trials regarding the whole process.  She has done remarkably well.  She's below goal.  I've not done as well as she but I've still done well by my Drs opinion.  Anywho--I told her that I'm having trouble with gain and I need to pay attention to what I'm eating-the why-the when.  She's been bringing me all this nasty FOOD!  She's brought me sweet rolls, dips, chocolate, you name it!!   I've asked her what her point to doing this is--she says she's cooked all of this stuff and doesn't want it  to spoil.  Now granted she does bring things for myself and my family (she has a baby that is 6mo) so it could be legite BUT it just seems like she is bringing so much over now that I'm trying to loose again.  Yes I am jealous she's done so well but I always compliment her-we work together on issues--Oh heck---am I going crazy with all this or what?!  ANy thoughts?! I'm going insane Penny 

I don't know your friend, so it could be sabatage--she wants to remain the "successful" one--or just you being sensitive.  But I would wonder about someone who has made healthy choices for herself and her own family bringing unhealthy items to anyone else.  If rolls are bad for me, why wouldn't they be bad for someone else?

But regardless of her motivation, the key is how you chose to respond.  You can take the items and be frustrated, not take the items, or take the items and not be frustrated.  What works best for you?  If you don't want to seem ungrateful, take the stuff and run it under the tap, ruin it, and throw it away.  Just because she gave it to you doesn't mean you have to eat it!  If that doesn't work for you, be honest with her about not wanting such tempting items in your house.  Have some place else to suggest she give it to--a local shelter perhaps?

While she may be presenting the temptation, it is up to you to decide whether to give in or not.

Good luck,

Sally

Hi Sally Thanks for the response.  I like your advise about running water over the food and just getting rid of it that way.  I've actually addressed my friend regarding her bringing me food.  It doesn't stop.  You're right though.  I'm trying to make good choices and she knows it---but it could be that I'm just a little crabby right now too.  Just needed some insight:)  Thanks Sally!! Penny

I truly believe you should TELL her, nicely but firmly, that  you don't want her to keep bringing you food you don't want to eat AND don't want in your house (if you truly don't want it in your house).   Linda D

Hmmm, that's a tough one b/c I don't know your friend. It could be a sabotage thing, not sure, but I think since you've asked her not to bring that kind of food over anymore, then she should respect your wishes. As a friend, I support my friends in whatever they are trying to accomplish and I don't think that her behavior is very supportive. People do things for all sorts of strange reasons~have you come right out and asked her why she keeps bringing this kind of food to your house?? Have you told her how you think this behavior could be considered trying to sabotage someone success?? Regardless of whether there are other people in your home that can eat the food it really isn't necessary for anyone to be eating it all of the time~occasionally is a personal choice, but it sounds like she's bringing it over quite a bit. Good Luck and Congratulations to you for getting back on the wagon and taking control~you'll make it to your goals,  just don't give up!

Maybe my thoughts are really odd, but how about, "Susie, that is so nice of you to think of me/us, but would you please share the lovely rolls/cake/chocolate/etc with someone else today?  We won't be able to eat it and I would hate to think of it going to waste". People in my department at work bring things in to share.  I thank them and (usually) don't partake.  One woman gets forceful about me trying it.  I ask lots of interested questions about the receipe but move on.  If she persists, I say no thank you, maybe another time.  If she brings in things I can and will eat, I take a small bite and thank her.  The funny part is........she is ok with one woman in the group being a vegetarian and not eating any meat protein, but she seems agitated if I won't eat the desserts.   Why people may or may not do things ...... and spending time worrying that aspect...........is not necessary.  Say no and DON'T.   Don't let anyone make you miserable.  Being miserable is YOUR choice to make. Just my two cents.

Sabatage

I'm with Carol.  Sabatage.  Period.  This "friend" knows good and well  what WLS patients ought to be eating and it is NOT sweet rolls, dips, etc.  I'll bet she would not eat that as often as she brings it to you.  Tell her to STOP.  If she is really a friend, she will understand.  If not, well... I rest my case... Good luck.   Hugs, Tracy

I agree it's SABOTAGE!!   ESPECIALLY that you have said no and asked her NOT to do it and she continues. However, ONLY YOU have CONTROL OVER THIS!! I always have left over stuff and if it's stuff from holidays or whatever that I dont want around the house I take it to work. It's GONE in a heartbeat. ON the flip side, I have a 90 year old neighbor that is always giving me stuff.  Good, bad and the ugly.  She doesnt really understand the whole wls thing and I am over 3 years post op. But, I pick and choose what I want to take from her.  OF course she always asks me too.  She doesnt just BRING IT OVER and our doors are literally 8 feet away. If she is that good of a friend you can tell  her how you feel.  Tell her you feel she is trying to sabotage you even if she isnt.  Say thats just the way  it makes you feel and please dont bring it anymore, take it to the womens shelter or ANYWHERE ELSE! If it doesnt stop.  Then i'd say she REALLY ISN'T A FRIEND is she? Just my 2 cents. GOOD LUCK TO YOU on continuing to lose! Julie

Penny, I think your so called friend is not your friend, she is a NASTY B_ _ _ __!!!  I think she is cruel to tempt you when she doesn't want this stuff in her house. I wouldn't even asssociate with someone like this...trust me...this gal is not your friend she is a competitor, an enabler and is sabotaging your success, cut her loose!!