Frustrated

Can I just say that I feel like no matter how much weight I lose, I will still be fat.  I know that I have lost a lot of weight, but when I look in the mirror, all I see is the fat girl.  I used to tell myself that once I had surgery everything would be ok, but I just feel down on myself sometimes.  It is hard trying to cope with the emotions that having surgery brings.  And I dont care how well you "prepare" yourself for the surgery, nothing hits home until after it is over with.  I have finally gotten to the point where I dont feel like I am missing anything by not eating. I am now eating to live, not living to eat (which is different).  I am also realizing now that by shedding my weight, I feel really exposed, almost as if my fat kept me safe, weird but true. I tried posting on the alabama board, but most of the people are older.  Does anyone else deal with these feelings, and how do I cope.

I think this is common.  I'm 2 years out and sometimes I have a hard time seeing the weight loss, because your mind takes time to register the changes.  You've changed a lot in just a couple months, and your brain has this set image of you that it has been comfortable with for probably several years now.  Try taking pictures of yourself now and comparing them to older pictures - that really helps me see the difference in myself. Now is the harder question to address - "I used to tell myself that once I had surgery everything would be ok, but I just feel down on myself sometimes." - Again, I feel like a lot of people (myself included) thought that having weight loss surgery would fix everything wrong with our lives.  Unfortunately it can magnify problems because we no longer have food as a coping mechanism.  Also remember that when you are in the rapid weight loss phase your body is being flooded with estrogen (which is stored in fat - so as your body burns the fat, all that excess estrogen is released), so it is very common for post-ops to experience chemical depression.  My surgeon perscribes lexapro as a standard procedure.  I didn't take it at first because I didn't think I needed it, but 2-3 weeks out I was so weepy for no apparent reason, I figured it would help.  It made a big difference in about 3 weeks (it takes time to take full effect).  So if you are comfortable, talk to your primary care doctor about some kind of anti depressant, to take at least until the rapid weight loss phase is over.  Now is also an excellent time to seek out some kind of counseling.  See if your surgeon's office can recomend a therapist or counselor who is experienced with people who have had experienced extreme weight loss or have experience working with people over coming addictions.  I found a great counselor this way, who helped me pre-op and post-op.   If nothing else, know that you are not alone and there are lots of people here who want to help and are willing to listen.  We understand what you are going though, and know that it is not easy.  I hope you can find some help, be it with anti depressants, a counselor or just getting some good friends who support you to listen for a while.  If you ever need to talk, PM me.  It is my joy to be able to listen or help when I can.

There is one thing they fail to tell people thinking about this surgery - skinny people have problems too. Losing weight will help some problems... but it wont turn your life into a fairy tail in most cases. Personally I didnt deal with the issue of feeling exposed post-op... I was in therapy for almost 2 years pre-op and did a lot of work on myself... I also had many close friends go thru the surgery and saw things that could happen. My best friend felt how you felt... her fat was a shield... it kept her safe, it held all her deep dark secrets. As she lost weight she felt exposed... she could no longer hide herself or her pain under all that fat.  I would suggest finding a therapist to speak to to help you with sorting out the way you feel. Definately no shame in doing so... just like the surgeon gave you a tool to lose weight, therapy can give you a tool to help you learn how to deal with the emotional side of weight loss. As so seeing the fat girl.. it takes time for your mind to catch up with the body... depending on where you started, your goal and how quickly youve been losing can change the time frame... some say months, some say a year, some say a few years. My friend personally sees herself as still being overweight at 6 years out... she says she doesnt see the 388lbs person she use to be, but she sees somebody that looks like 200lbs (shes 140ish). Dont really have any advice except for letting time pass to see if that will help your mind sync up more with your body.

i also still feel fat at times. it's sounds crazy to those who haven't gone through what we went through. spending my whole life fat and then one day not being fat is just something very difficult to deal with. i know that i am no longer fat anymore but my brain doesnt always know that. i don't see the fat guy in the mirror any longer though. it's when i cant see myself. i don't know if this makes sense. it has gotten better and i'm sure it will with you as well. it's just the next step after losing the weight.