husband support
I had my RNY on Wednesday, didn't get out of the hospital until Sunday. My husband came to the hospital a total of 3 of those days for less than an hour each time. (I understand the boredom.) When he picked me up there was a bag with a donut in it, and he had to stop at Buger King to get lunch. ( he does have to eat) When I got home yesterday I found my house a mess. There where dishes in the sink that i'm guessing had been there since I left. Our bed was not made ( no sheets on it). Soda cans, dirty dishes and fast food bags everywhere. I really wanted to cry. I started to pick up the house, and he just sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. For the rest of the day he sat in front of the TV. (except when he ate dinner and a bowl of icecream in front of me). Last Nov he decided to remoldel our shower, it is still not finished, but he found energy to remove our front stairs (huge mess on our lawn). I really dont have the energy to do the house work, or the know how to fix the shower. I'm way to embarrissed to call my friends to come clean, and I don't want to nag. What should I do?
( my husband is 160, in good shape, so health is not a factor)
You can not be doing the house work this early out... you might hurt yourself. I suggest you talk to him... he needs to know how important this is to you and you need his help around the house.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this :(
*~*Jaci*~*
The more things the change, the more they're still the same.
I have found with my husband that it isn't that he doesn't want to help, it is more that he doesn't notice. Seriously, until there are no more plates or forks or until the house started to smell Kyle probably wouldn't notice that the dishes are building up - they just are not on his radar. So before you get offended, calmly talk to your husband and tell him that you need help, and then lay out specifically what you would like him to do. Then, if he doesn't help, he has no excuse because he knew what needed to get done.
And for the food in front of you - that has to stop right now. He may not realize how awful what he has been doing is, so again, calmly explain to him how hard it makes it on you to have him eating crap in front of you, and ask him to support you by being understanding.
I hope that after you talk with your husband that everything gets much better for you.
Congratulations on your surgery!
Amy 293/140 - AT GOAL!
Man, I could have written that verbatim except we also have a 3 year old. Regardless, we have had a billion fights over the messy house and such. I just wanted to offer hugs and support. You cannot be doing the housework, that is just not fair for you. You need to recover. Do you have any understanding friends who also have messy husbands, who could come and help you clean? Maybe your mom? (My mom is the one who helped me out most).
You also might be a little hormonal still from surgery so things that maybe didn't bother you before are killing you now. I know that was the case with me.
Amy is right though. I would calmy explain to him that he can't eat around you like that, not this early out. Things will go back to normal soon but right now, it is torture. I am willing to bet he just has no idea it bugs you.
What Ive found with my BF - I have to specific with my requests... I cannot expect him to do anything because if I dont point it out or ask he just wont do it. I see the house is a mess, he thinks it looks fine etc. Its just how men work.
I would talk to your hubby and let him know what you need from him at this time... also let him know the physical limitations put on you by your surgeon - its not that you are making him do things because you dont want to, but physically you cannot because you can cause major damage and possibly end back up in the hospital.
When it comes to what he is eating and when I would address that later - dont bombard him with too much at once because hell just feel attacked... you both have to understand that its just not you going thru this, its both of you... not only will you change, but he has to change with you as well.
Your friends are you friends for a reason... if you need something I wouldnt hesitate to ask - thats what they are there for right? Its hard to ask for help or admit you need it but if you are always there for your friends then allow them to be there for you as well.
First visit to surgeon - 288 ~ bmi 45.1
2 week pre-op 252 ~ bmi 39.5
Total lost - 153 Since surgery - 117!
Goal weight - 155 (mine) 180 (surgeons)
Current weight - 135 (2020 I lost 10lbs due to dedicating myself to working out more and being in better shape)
1/14/2025 still maintaining 135 :-)
Extended TT, lipo, fat injections - 11/2011
BA/BL/Arm Lift - 7/2014
Scar revision on arms - 3/2015
HALO laser on arms/neck 9/2016
Thigh Lift 10/2020
Thigh Lift revision 10/2021
Oh dear. I'm having the same issue now post plastic surgery. I had to actually throw a fit in the kitchen the other day because it was so bad I couldn't stand to be in it. I have a gimpy arm due to a complication, so I can't do all the housework myself. Hubby would rather play World of Warcraft than clean, which I understand, but this stuff needs to get done, and we both live in this house. I guess I didn't realize how much cleaning I actually did until now.
You need to rest. It'll be detrimental to your health to try to be doing physical activity right now, and you can actually hurt yourself. Make sure he knows that. And keep in mind that a lot of guys don't seem to notice messes for some reason, so you may have to nag a bit, even if you don't want to. (I HATE nagging him, but it's the only way things get done sometimes.)
Men, I swear.
You need to rest. It'll be detrimental to your health to try to be doing physical activity right now, and you can actually hurt yourself. Make sure he knows that. And keep in mind that a lot of guys don't seem to notice messes for some reason, so you may have to nag a bit, even if you don't want to. (I HATE nagging him, but it's the only way things get done sometimes.)
Men, I swear.
240 / 120 / 99 / 5'4"
Starting / Goal / Current / Height
4/20/08 - Tummy Tuck & Mini Arm Lift
Contact me on MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/webgeekgirl
Starting / Goal / Current / Height
4/20/08 - Tummy Tuck & Mini Arm Lift
Contact me on MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/webgeekgirl