My New Year

Jan 02, 2012

Wow... I have not been on this site in forever.  I posted my story from my old profile and my last entry was 12/2004!  Where has the time gone.  So much has happened in the past few years!  As I approach my 9th year anniversary  (wow), I reflect over all the time that has gone by.  Let me see if I can summarize here....Separated and divorced.  Remarried.  New Job. 3 surgeries (none WLS related), Health related issues, Menopause and a HUGE weight gain. When I started this journey, I said I wanted to get down to 135 as my goal.  I cheated from the start and my weight came off very very slowly.  I finally reached 170 and size 10 and because of my height, realized 135 was to small.  I was ok at 170 but would have perhaps gone to 160 (which is my new goal now) had I kept going in the loosing direction. I have continued to go up the scale and presently today I weigh in at 242.  I have tried unsuccessfully to get the weight off numerous times and have failed due to MY lack.  I am back at HATING my look and getting dressed.  I feel like a stuffed sausage and my clothes get tighter and tighter.  I have been BATTLING MAJOR depression lately over my weight and feel like I am in the same place I was before my WLS.  Last week it hit me and I realized my weight is not that far from where I started and I have NO ONE to blame but myself.  I REFUSE to cry because I did this!  With all this being said, I AM DETERMINED to get this weight off.  I woke this morning with a determination that since my life is being rebirthed and renewed (My Spirituality has been increased and I believe the LORD is doing a works in me) that I would start NEW and try this again. I HATE to exercise but love to walk and dance.  So to the gym I go and will do a walkout on MWFand  taking a dance class on Tuesday and water aerobic class on Thursday.  My eating is what is out of control so I have a MAJOR challenge in that area but AM determined to win this time.  Naturally, I received a NEGATIVE comment from my sister about going to the gym as a New Year's Resolution.  As I explained, it's not about a resolution, but a way of life that I need to grab hold to and do this thing.   My attitude is to use her negative as fuel to keep going to prove to MYSELF, I WILL do this thing and WILL NOT STOP this time..So...here I am again and I will journal this thing out.  Sharing my success and progress no matter what. I can only go up from here cause I am at bottom!!!!! 

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