Debra Adams

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I got a letter notifying me that it was eighth year anniversary. I'm happy to say I don't think about it very often. Weight loss surgery was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am still losing weight   It sort of just happens. I am not the same weight I was in 1983 when I graduated from nursing school  I am wearing the size I wore in high school.   Don't give up, remember that there are hills and valleys,  I believe we can do it. 

I had someone not recognize me today.  She worked in medical records and left before my WLS.  She saw me today and was so amazed at the new me.  I talk to others about perspective.  I was feeling a little bad today because I have lost 177 pounds and still have a BMI that would qualify me for WLS.  I will never be a size 10....so God sent me an angel that said how ravishing I look.  Wasn't that just the kindest thing.  I will never be a size 10, but let's think what else I will never be:

So full of pain, I can't walk on the beach.
So terrified of flying (that I can't fit in the seat) that I give up my grant reviewer position.
Full of skin rashes.
The list goes on.  It's all about perspective.  Sometimes I imagine 2 hands stretched out ot me.  One is an angel full of love and kindness and righeous power (my angels are always amazon warrior princess') or a demon full of shame and doubt and pessimism.  I have a choice of which hand to hold.  I have to remember that every day.

Last night I went to a High School football game.  My son was playing in the band.  I hadn't seen him march before.  We ate dinner at Jack in the Box (I had two chicken stips) and we walked to the stadium.  I was overwehelmed with my ability to walk.  I could have never walked that far, without excrutiating pain.  I was fine.  I went up and down the stadium bleachers without a thought.  Well actually, with a lot of thought and joy.  I never want to forget where I came from, from pain and overwhelming fear.

I was once asked what my biggest secret was, without thinking I said, that I'm fat.  Like my 400 + body could be camophlaged like that.  I wanted everyone to think that I was fine, I could do whatever I wanted.  But I couldn't and I lived in fear that some stranger would see me attempt something and fail.  Like climbing stairs or fitting in a seat.  So I stopped trying.  

It's amazing that I feel like I can try.  I may still fail, but the shame is gone.  Even though I am far from ideal body weight, I feel normal, like I fit.  It is good.

How exciting is this for a women who has lost 177 pounds.  I have not updated for so long, waiting for the blog to start.  Let's see.  I am now way over a year out.  I am still losing and feeling good.  I had a slight medical issue.  I had to have my gall bladder out.  My those stones feel awful.  It was the easiest surgery however and I am so glad it's over.  I am in graduate school now and as such I must go write a paper.  More later.