Just in case someone's out there
Jul 14, 2013
I got a letter notifying me that it was eighth year anniversary. I'm happy to say I don't think about it very often. Weight loss surgery was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am still losing weight It sort of just happens. I am not the same weight I was in 1983 when I graduated from nursing school I am wearing the size I wore in high school. Don't give up, remember that there are hills and valleys, I believe we can do it.
Oct 26, 2006
So full of pain, I can't walk on the beach.
So terrified of flying (that I can't fit in the seat) that I give up my grant reviewer position.
Full of skin rashes.
The list goes on. It's all about perspective. Sometimes I imagine 2 hands stretched out ot me. One is an angel full of love and kindness and righeous power (my angels are always amazon warrior princess') or a demon full of shame and doubt and pessimism. I have a choice of which hand to hold. I have to remember that every day.
The night of the thousand stairs
Oct 21, 2006
Last night I went to a High School football game. My son was playing in the band. I hadn't seen him march before. We ate dinner at Jack in the Box (I had two chicken stips) and we walked to the stadium. I was overwehelmed with my ability to walk. I could have never walked that far, without excrutiating pain. I was fine. I went up and down the stadium bleachers without a thought. Well actually, with a lot of thought and joy. I never want to forget where I came from, from pain and overwhelming fear.
I was once asked what my biggest secret was, without thinking I said, that I'm fat. Like my 400 + body could be camophlaged like that. I wanted everyone to think that I was fine, I could do whatever I wanted. But I couldn't and I lived in fear that some stranger would see me attempt something and fail. Like climbing stairs or fitting in a seat. So I stopped trying.
It's amazing that I feel like I can try. I may still fail, but the shame is gone. Even though I am far from ideal body weight, I feel normal, like I fit. It is good.
I'm gonna be a blogger!
Oct 19, 2006