Peggy M
September 2006
Sep 29, 2006
My one year re-birthday! What a ride! I cannot believe it has already been a year! I have been thru so many changes and yet have so many more. I don't even really know where to start...
First, some of the changes. My weight is now 188, down from 350+. (I quit weighing at 348 since most dr. scales stop at 350) That is a total loss of 162 pounds. In 13 more pounds I will have lost half of myself. Totally weirds me out, to tell you the truth. I just can't seem to visualize this amount. My BMI is 34, down from 64. I have lost 113.25 inches and my shoe size has gone from 8 1/2 wide to 8. (not wide). My wedding rings are falling off. Here is another stumper. I was wearing a 4x t-shirt and 28 pants and mind you, everything was stretchy. I had no jeans or fitted shirts. The closest thing I had to fitted was a 30/32 dress and it was too tight. I now wear XL tops and 16 jeans. And these are fitted tops with buttons and such. (insert Twilight Zone theme song here) I wore these sizes in high school! (minus the saggy skin...ewww) I even went downstairs tonight and pulled out my letter jacket and it fit. I could've zipped it up if the zipper hadn't been so sticky from age. This is really too much for my mind to grasp. I STILL FEEL HUGE! Occasionally if I catch a glance of myself I will do a doubletake because I still can't believe that is me. And shopping for clothes is strange, too. I always head for the big girl sizes first. Then it hits me, these are too big. I have finally moved into the Misses department and the funny things is that I look around to see if people are watching me and wondering why the fat girl is in their section. But nobody ever does. I even catch myself staring at pictures wondering if that is what I really look like. I think I keep waiting to wake up from a dream. I can use the normal stall in restrooms...I can wear seatbelts...I can run (even tho I don't want to, everything flops). I fit in chairs with arms...I could fit in a tanning bed....or an airplane seat....yet I still look at these things and wonder if I can fit. We even went to a Chiefs game and I fit in the seat and had lots of room on either side.
Yesterday was my check up with Dr. Hoehn. I asked him if it was realistic for me to lose another 40 pounds. He said possibly but definitely another 20 or 30. I really want that extra 40. That would put me at 150 and the plastics would tighten the skin. It is really disgusting to be laying in bed and feel the skin puddle around your hips and legs and I am not exaggerating! I feel my bones and then there are puddles on either side. Literally. It is almost fascinating in a strange sort of way. Ewwww. Sure makes you want to be romantic...blech. But that is a whole other story we won't embarass you all by discussing here. Suffice to say...things are amazing. OK, enough of that...I'm making myself blush.
Back to Dr. Hoehn, he came in and gave me a hug and we talked a little about my results, my vitamins and then all of a sudden he stopped and thumbed thru my chart to look at my before pic. I'm not real sure he believed that it was me. He looked at me like I wasn't the person in the picture. He just looked at it and then back at me and finally a big ol grin split his face. I guess I have really changed. Most people look at my before picture (which I carry) and say that they wouldn't have known that was me.
That's another change...when I run into people I haven't seen for a while. We went to a wedding of a friend of ours. We were standing in the hall and the groom walked up and shook Mark's hand and talked to the kids but he ignored me. Finally I gave him a hug and he started to walk away. Then it hit him. He stood back and gaped. He told me that he was hugging me and didn't even know who I was. He thought he was hugging a nice lady from his church. We saw several people there that ignored me until they figured out who I was. That was one awesome day. I actually loved shocking them. We also ran into another friend we haven't seen since Shelby's wedding and she screamed when she saw me and asked where the other half of me was. It is easier now to tell people that I had gastric bypass, especially since it has been successful.
Another thing that baffles me is that 10 pounds now makes a difference. People comment when I lose. My clothes fit looser if I lose a few pounds. I mean, it literally took 100 pounds for my clothes to really fit different and for people to notice that I was losing. Now they comment all the time, and it even becomes a little embarassing. OK, I really like it but it is so hard to take the compliments.
Finally, I find myself doing things I would have never done in the past. I am happier and healthier now than I was in my 20's. And I thank God and Dr. Hoehn for this new chance at life. The biggest thing for me to work on is that I never forget where I came from and how easy it would be to go back. I have lost 162 pounds but I refuse to forget them. They would love to become a part of me again. I also never want to forget how hard I have worked to get here. Because if I forget, then I am no longer looking to my future. And trust me, I would like to get to know my future by living in it. This has been a life changing decision and I do not regret a minute of it...even when Oscar refuses to keep that stupid chicken down.
First, some of the changes. My weight is now 188, down from 350+. (I quit weighing at 348 since most dr. scales stop at 350) That is a total loss of 162 pounds. In 13 more pounds I will have lost half of myself. Totally weirds me out, to tell you the truth. I just can't seem to visualize this amount. My BMI is 34, down from 64. I have lost 113.25 inches and my shoe size has gone from 8 1/2 wide to 8. (not wide). My wedding rings are falling off. Here is another stumper. I was wearing a 4x t-shirt and 28 pants and mind you, everything was stretchy. I had no jeans or fitted shirts. The closest thing I had to fitted was a 30/32 dress and it was too tight. I now wear XL tops and 16 jeans. And these are fitted tops with buttons and such. (insert Twilight Zone theme song here) I wore these sizes in high school! (minus the saggy skin...ewww) I even went downstairs tonight and pulled out my letter jacket and it fit. I could've zipped it up if the zipper hadn't been so sticky from age. This is really too much for my mind to grasp. I STILL FEEL HUGE! Occasionally if I catch a glance of myself I will do a doubletake because I still can't believe that is me. And shopping for clothes is strange, too. I always head for the big girl sizes first. Then it hits me, these are too big. I have finally moved into the Misses department and the funny things is that I look around to see if people are watching me and wondering why the fat girl is in their section. But nobody ever does. I even catch myself staring at pictures wondering if that is what I really look like. I think I keep waiting to wake up from a dream. I can use the normal stall in restrooms...I can wear seatbelts...I can run (even tho I don't want to, everything flops). I fit in chairs with arms...I could fit in a tanning bed....or an airplane seat....yet I still look at these things and wonder if I can fit. We even went to a Chiefs game and I fit in the seat and had lots of room on either side.
Yesterday was my check up with Dr. Hoehn. I asked him if it was realistic for me to lose another 40 pounds. He said possibly but definitely another 20 or 30. I really want that extra 40. That would put me at 150 and the plastics would tighten the skin. It is really disgusting to be laying in bed and feel the skin puddle around your hips and legs and I am not exaggerating! I feel my bones and then there are puddles on either side. Literally. It is almost fascinating in a strange sort of way. Ewwww. Sure makes you want to be romantic...blech. But that is a whole other story we won't embarass you all by discussing here. Suffice to say...things are amazing. OK, enough of that...I'm making myself blush.
Back to Dr. Hoehn, he came in and gave me a hug and we talked a little about my results, my vitamins and then all of a sudden he stopped and thumbed thru my chart to look at my before pic. I'm not real sure he believed that it was me. He looked at me like I wasn't the person in the picture. He just looked at it and then back at me and finally a big ol grin split his face. I guess I have really changed. Most people look at my before picture (which I carry) and say that they wouldn't have known that was me.
That's another change...when I run into people I haven't seen for a while. We went to a wedding of a friend of ours. We were standing in the hall and the groom walked up and shook Mark's hand and talked to the kids but he ignored me. Finally I gave him a hug and he started to walk away. Then it hit him. He stood back and gaped. He told me that he was hugging me and didn't even know who I was. He thought he was hugging a nice lady from his church. We saw several people there that ignored me until they figured out who I was. That was one awesome day. I actually loved shocking them. We also ran into another friend we haven't seen since Shelby's wedding and she screamed when she saw me and asked where the other half of me was. It is easier now to tell people that I had gastric bypass, especially since it has been successful.
Another thing that baffles me is that 10 pounds now makes a difference. People comment when I lose. My clothes fit looser if I lose a few pounds. I mean, it literally took 100 pounds for my clothes to really fit different and for people to notice that I was losing. Now they comment all the time, and it even becomes a little embarassing. OK, I really like it but it is so hard to take the compliments.
Finally, I find myself doing things I would have never done in the past. I am happier and healthier now than I was in my 20's. And I thank God and Dr. Hoehn for this new chance at life. The biggest thing for me to work on is that I never forget where I came from and how easy it would be to go back. I have lost 162 pounds but I refuse to forget them. They would love to become a part of me again. I also never want to forget how hard I have worked to get here. Because if I forget, then I am no longer looking to my future. And trust me, I would like to get to know my future by living in it. This has been a life changing decision and I do not regret a minute of it...even when Oscar refuses to keep that stupid chicken down.
July 2006
Well, it seems like it took forever but I finally reached my next goal. I have lost a total of 152 pounds! AND I got to slide the scale thingy from 200 to 150! It is so unreal to be under 200 pounds...I have not seen 200 since I was pregnant with my daughter 24 years ago. And when I say unreal, I mean unreal. I am totally baffled by my losses, my body and all this stuff. I just feel like this is all a dream. I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and think “Who is that?” Honestly, it really does catch me off-guard. I guess my brain is still sending signals that I’m a fat girl so I continue to believe it. Then when I see myself, or tie my shoes or fit in a car seat it just all seems unreal. I don’t know if my head will ever catch up with my body.
I still think I’m a slow loser. Only 8 pounds last month and 6 the month before that. But at the same time, they were losses and not gains. Sometimes that is all I can hold onto. Especially when I do all the right things and I feel like I should be losing more. There are days that if I could quit, I would. But that is the blessing of this surgery. I can’t quit, not like I did before when diets didn’t give me the results that I wanted. So...since I can’t quit...I keep plugging along, and eventually the scale starts to move. And then when I look back on the last 10 months, it really puts things in perspective. I have lost 152 pounds and I NEVER would have done that on any diet. This sounds strange, but I am glad when my pouch hurts from eating too much or when I get sick...that’s when I know that this tool is still with me and still works and that I can still use it to get to my goal.
Speaking of goals, I have decided that since I only have 48 more to go to get to my public goal, I should set smaller goals and celebrate those when they happen. So my next goal is to get under 190. And that is only 8 pounds away. Yay!!
Okay, honestly, the skin is gross. I mean, nasty gross. It puddles when I lay down and hangs when I stand. I have this arm skin that flaps in the breeze and this “thing” around my hips that used to be full of fat. It’s the part that puddles. I also have lots of extra stomach skin. I had read that skin could be an issue but I guess I didn’t realize how much of an issue until I lost enough to actually have saggage. It is yucky. But there is nothing I can do. I still need to lose the rest of my weight and then figure out which bank to rob in order to finance surgery. I am sure that my insurance would NEVER pay to get this nastiness off of me. Ick.
Still exercising and still hating it. But it does get easier. I get to the gym a little earlier in the mornings now so I can work with the weights again. So now I do 35 minutes on the treadmill, cross country at 3.6 mph. I just recently started doing half the routine at 3.6 and the rest at 3.8. So I get in about 2.4 miles after cool-down. Then I work the weight machines, mostly ab and back with some arms and legs. My friend and I still go the Curves but one of us usually cancels at least once during the week so we end up only going twice a week most of the time. But hey, every little bit helps.
I have also upped my water intake. I drink so much water that I am constantly running to the bathroom. A gal I work with has a friend who is a nutritionist (sounds like a bad joke) and he recommended that she drink half of her body weight in water. In ounces of course. Then he told her that if she worked out, she needed to take that amount and add 2/3 of it to her previous total. Huh? Does he realize how much water that requires? For me that ended up being 167oz of water a day. So I tried it. So far, no magic weight loss but I actually do feel a little better. Probably because I go to the bathroom every 15 minutes! Not really, but my body is using the water and I actually feel thirsty if I’m not able to drink the full amount. Now...disclaimer...I have not researched this and I don’t know if there can be problems from drinking too much water. I do know that everybody disagrees on how much water to drink. But for me, it doesn’t seem to be a problem and I will keep it up until I find out otherwise.
A lot of people now notice that I am losing. I have people at the gym comment on it and people that haven’t seen me for awhile usually say they don’t recognize me. We are going to a wedding tomorrow and I have this black dress that is figure friendly. The parents used to go to our church and I am sure they will drop their dentures when they see me. I know it sounds vain (and it probably is) but I can’t wait to see their reactions. It makes my day when I shock people.
I actually wore shorts in public the other day. These legs haven’t seen daylight since Jesus walked the earth. And as far as I could see, nobody was shocked or running to the bushes to retch, so it must not have been too scary. They are long shorts because the leg skin is so gross. (See above narrative for nasty skin issues).
We are going to Chicago at the end of the month to see our son-in-law graduate from Navy boot camp. I am so excited because I know that I can actually fit in the airplane seats and have lots of room. In case you want to know, I now wear a size 18 pant (even jeans) and an XL top. And I started this journey in 28 pants (stretchy) and 4X top. I did have a dress that was 30/32 and it was too small. So that puts it all in perspective.
Ok, enough rambling. I never want to seem like I am bragging but I get so excited about little things that I could talk forever about how my life has changed. I do tell people if they ask about the surgery and then I let them know about Dr. Hoehn and his staff. So far, two people I know have been in contact with him and one went to a seminar a few weeks ago. I wish the best for them and I hope they have great success. But I am totally honest with them, too. This has not been easy but it has been worth every minute of the hard work. I would do it again in an instant.
I still think I’m a slow loser. Only 8 pounds last month and 6 the month before that. But at the same time, they were losses and not gains. Sometimes that is all I can hold onto. Especially when I do all the right things and I feel like I should be losing more. There are days that if I could quit, I would. But that is the blessing of this surgery. I can’t quit, not like I did before when diets didn’t give me the results that I wanted. So...since I can’t quit...I keep plugging along, and eventually the scale starts to move. And then when I look back on the last 10 months, it really puts things in perspective. I have lost 152 pounds and I NEVER would have done that on any diet. This sounds strange, but I am glad when my pouch hurts from eating too much or when I get sick...that’s when I know that this tool is still with me and still works and that I can still use it to get to my goal.
Speaking of goals, I have decided that since I only have 48 more to go to get to my public goal, I should set smaller goals and celebrate those when they happen. So my next goal is to get under 190. And that is only 8 pounds away. Yay!!
Okay, honestly, the skin is gross. I mean, nasty gross. It puddles when I lay down and hangs when I stand. I have this arm skin that flaps in the breeze and this “thing” around my hips that used to be full of fat. It’s the part that puddles. I also have lots of extra stomach skin. I had read that skin could be an issue but I guess I didn’t realize how much of an issue until I lost enough to actually have saggage. It is yucky. But there is nothing I can do. I still need to lose the rest of my weight and then figure out which bank to rob in order to finance surgery. I am sure that my insurance would NEVER pay to get this nastiness off of me. Ick.
Still exercising and still hating it. But it does get easier. I get to the gym a little earlier in the mornings now so I can work with the weights again. So now I do 35 minutes on the treadmill, cross country at 3.6 mph. I just recently started doing half the routine at 3.6 and the rest at 3.8. So I get in about 2.4 miles after cool-down. Then I work the weight machines, mostly ab and back with some arms and legs. My friend and I still go the Curves but one of us usually cancels at least once during the week so we end up only going twice a week most of the time. But hey, every little bit helps.
I have also upped my water intake. I drink so much water that I am constantly running to the bathroom. A gal I work with has a friend who is a nutritionist (sounds like a bad joke) and he recommended that she drink half of her body weight in water. In ounces of course. Then he told her that if she worked out, she needed to take that amount and add 2/3 of it to her previous total. Huh? Does he realize how much water that requires? For me that ended up being 167oz of water a day. So I tried it. So far, no magic weight loss but I actually do feel a little better. Probably because I go to the bathroom every 15 minutes! Not really, but my body is using the water and I actually feel thirsty if I’m not able to drink the full amount. Now...disclaimer...I have not researched this and I don’t know if there can be problems from drinking too much water. I do know that everybody disagrees on how much water to drink. But for me, it doesn’t seem to be a problem and I will keep it up until I find out otherwise.
A lot of people now notice that I am losing. I have people at the gym comment on it and people that haven’t seen me for awhile usually say they don’t recognize me. We are going to a wedding tomorrow and I have this black dress that is figure friendly. The parents used to go to our church and I am sure they will drop their dentures when they see me. I know it sounds vain (and it probably is) but I can’t wait to see their reactions. It makes my day when I shock people.
I actually wore shorts in public the other day. These legs haven’t seen daylight since Jesus walked the earth. And as far as I could see, nobody was shocked or running to the bushes to retch, so it must not have been too scary. They are long shorts because the leg skin is so gross. (See above narrative for nasty skin issues).
We are going to Chicago at the end of the month to see our son-in-law graduate from Navy boot camp. I am so excited because I know that I can actually fit in the airplane seats and have lots of room. In case you want to know, I now wear a size 18 pant (even jeans) and an XL top. And I started this journey in 28 pants (stretchy) and 4X top. I did have a dress that was 30/32 and it was too small. So that puts it all in perspective.
Ok, enough rambling. I never want to seem like I am bragging but I get so excited about little things that I could talk forever about how my life has changed. I do tell people if they ask about the surgery and then I let them know about Dr. Hoehn and his staff. So far, two people I know have been in contact with him and one went to a seminar a few weeks ago. I wish the best for them and I hope they have great success. But I am totally honest with them, too. This has not been easy but it has been worth every minute of the hard work. I would do it again in an instant.
May 2006
Well, another month has come and gone. I am now 8 months out, down 139 pounds (25 before surgery) and am no longer morbidly obese. Just plain 'ol obese. Cool, huh?
It did happen to be a poor weight loss month tho. I only lost 8 pounds and 7 of that was in the last 3 or 4 days of the month. I always have to be the odd one. I realized I was in the middle of another "comfort" plateau and I just couldn't get it to break. I was at that weight for a few years after the birth of my daughter, so my body was comfortable there. Soooooo, I decided to join Curves with a friend of mine. She has been watching me lose and wants to lose too. She was bemoaning the fact that she didn't have anybody to workout with and it hit me...I have been wanting to shake up my exercise so why not? We now go 4 days a week after we get off work. Oh, and I still go to the gym 4 days a week in the mornings. And what's really strange is the fact that I HATE to exercise. With a passion. (Duh, I wouldn't have been so big if I LIKED to exercise)
So my exercise is: 30 minutes of treadmill in the morning (3.4 to 3.5 mph on the cross country routine-designed by Satan, I'm sure) Then 5 minutes of cool down. (I do almost two miles! gasp, pant, sweat) Then I try to get 10 minutes of ab machines or arm machines. In the afternoons, we hit Curves and go around the circuit 3 full times so that's another 45 minutes. Wow, 90 minutes a day from a gal who HATES to exercise. Nice! We've been at Curves now for almost two weeks and I can't wait to see if it helps. I'm sure it will because anything I HATE to do is usually good for me. By the way, it really is a pretty good routine. I am feeling muscles that I haven't been working at the gym.
The good news is that I lost a whopping 13.5 inches this month! That is the best loss in the last 4 months! So even if I didn't see huge amounts of pounds, I sure made up for it in inches. And I am now at the lowest weight I can ever remember after marriage. And in 11 pounds, I will be under...dare I say it....200 pounds! No more 2! I am so excited that I can hardly "weight"! OK....bad, bad joke but hey, in my world, that was hilarious. (snicker)
I see changes every day. In my clothes, in my body, in the way I can do things. It still feels strange. I think "There is no way I can sit there or do that" and I can! I even fit into normal restroom stalls. Seatbelts fit, even in backseats. I still try to pick out clothes that are too big because I just can't grasp the difference. It just boggles my poor little mind. I would really like to go to an amusement park this year and ride all the rides I've geen missing for the last 23 years of my life. And now I know I could fit, plus walking around the park wouldn't kill me like before. The rides might, but the walking wouldn't!
Guess that stupid exercise (I HATE it) really does help. I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without it. I know, know, know that it has helped me more that I can possibly imagine. And I also know that by doing it every day it is creating a habit that will help me when the weight loss slows. As much as I HATE it, I know that it is the right thing. So I preach it religiously. If you HATE it too, do it anyway. It will make a difference. Trust me. By the way, have I mentioned that I HATE to exercise?
I still have to be careful about grazing and eating too fast or too much. I learn a little more every day about controlling my impulses and becoming more aware. And I really didn't realize how hard it would be to go back to work. All those girls do is eat! And one of them only weighs 95 pounds soaking wet. It is hard for me not to nibble when stuff is out. And nibbling can add lots and lots of bad calories and carbs. Think I better start journaling again, just to get a handle on the nibbles.
I still thank God every day for this chance at a new life. And I look forward to our support group meetings so I can touch base with others and see how to get through the valleys. So many of them have advice and experience that help me. I'm especially grateful for the ones who have had struggles and kept at it. They are the ones that inspire. Thanks.
It did happen to be a poor weight loss month tho. I only lost 8 pounds and 7 of that was in the last 3 or 4 days of the month. I always have to be the odd one. I realized I was in the middle of another "comfort" plateau and I just couldn't get it to break. I was at that weight for a few years after the birth of my daughter, so my body was comfortable there. Soooooo, I decided to join Curves with a friend of mine. She has been watching me lose and wants to lose too. She was bemoaning the fact that she didn't have anybody to workout with and it hit me...I have been wanting to shake up my exercise so why not? We now go 4 days a week after we get off work. Oh, and I still go to the gym 4 days a week in the mornings. And what's really strange is the fact that I HATE to exercise. With a passion. (Duh, I wouldn't have been so big if I LIKED to exercise)
So my exercise is: 30 minutes of treadmill in the morning (3.4 to 3.5 mph on the cross country routine-designed by Satan, I'm sure) Then 5 minutes of cool down. (I do almost two miles! gasp, pant, sweat) Then I try to get 10 minutes of ab machines or arm machines. In the afternoons, we hit Curves and go around the circuit 3 full times so that's another 45 minutes. Wow, 90 minutes a day from a gal who HATES to exercise. Nice! We've been at Curves now for almost two weeks and I can't wait to see if it helps. I'm sure it will because anything I HATE to do is usually good for me. By the way, it really is a pretty good routine. I am feeling muscles that I haven't been working at the gym.
The good news is that I lost a whopping 13.5 inches this month! That is the best loss in the last 4 months! So even if I didn't see huge amounts of pounds, I sure made up for it in inches. And I am now at the lowest weight I can ever remember after marriage. And in 11 pounds, I will be under...dare I say it....200 pounds! No more 2! I am so excited that I can hardly "weight"! OK....bad, bad joke but hey, in my world, that was hilarious. (snicker)
I see changes every day. In my clothes, in my body, in the way I can do things. It still feels strange. I think "There is no way I can sit there or do that" and I can! I even fit into normal restroom stalls. Seatbelts fit, even in backseats. I still try to pick out clothes that are too big because I just can't grasp the difference. It just boggles my poor little mind. I would really like to go to an amusement park this year and ride all the rides I've geen missing for the last 23 years of my life. And now I know I could fit, plus walking around the park wouldn't kill me like before. The rides might, but the walking wouldn't!
Guess that stupid exercise (I HATE it) really does help. I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without it. I know, know, know that it has helped me more that I can possibly imagine. And I also know that by doing it every day it is creating a habit that will help me when the weight loss slows. As much as I HATE it, I know that it is the right thing. So I preach it religiously. If you HATE it too, do it anyway. It will make a difference. Trust me. By the way, have I mentioned that I HATE to exercise?
I still have to be careful about grazing and eating too fast or too much. I learn a little more every day about controlling my impulses and becoming more aware. And I really didn't realize how hard it would be to go back to work. All those girls do is eat! And one of them only weighs 95 pounds soaking wet. It is hard for me not to nibble when stuff is out. And nibbling can add lots and lots of bad calories and carbs. Think I better start journaling again, just to get a handle on the nibbles.
I still thank God every day for this chance at a new life. And I look forward to our support group meetings so I can touch base with others and see how to get through the valleys. So many of them have advice and experience that help me. I'm especially grateful for the ones who have had struggles and kept at it. They are the ones that inspire. Thanks.
April 2006
I just cannot comprehend what is going on with my body...I know others have been thru this, too, but it still baffles me. I still look at myself and see this huge girl but nothing is really the same, is it? Clothes are different, moving is different, going up stairs is different, riding in cars is different, pictures are differnt, it's ALL different and it freaks me out a little. I mean, it is so weird to pick up a pair of pants that fit fine two weeks ago and put them on and they are baggy. I am not used to this.
For example, the insurance company totaled my daughter's car after the huge hailstorm so we bought it back. It's a little Escort ZX2 and we took it over to some friends yesterday. Our son rode with us so I volunteered to ride in the back. Zip, slipped right in and here's the kicker....I wore the seatbelt!!! The back seat seatbelt!!! And it didn't even tighten down or choke me. It's moments like that that blow me away.
I just can't get used to these changes. Another example, we went to GNC and asked about protein. I asked the guy behind the counter (he was more of a dude) if it would help with weight loss or was it for weight gain. He looked at us and said that if really big people used it they might lose weight, but it wouldn't work for guys like us. Huh? You mean I'm not a really big people any more?
So many changes.
I have now lost 130 pounds. So my husband commented the other night that is 6.5 20lb bags of dogfood. He just looked at me kind of strange and said, "No wonder you were always so wiped out." I laughed and told him we should go to Wally and grab 7 bags and see if he could walk around while carrying them. I bet not, I can't even imagine how I managed to live. No wonder I can run up the stairs! And my husband's aunt came to church yesterday and almost started crying when I came to her to say hi. She hasn't seen me since Christmas and I guess I look different to her. Like I said, once a significant amount comes off, things change quickly. More and more people are noticing and asking questions. I choose to tell some about the surgery and others I don't.
A sweet girl that goes to church with us pulled me off to the side and asked me questions a few weeks ago. She didn't realize there were different types of the surgery. I told her about this website and filled her in on some of the types of surgery. She's leaning towards lapband and I think it would be perfect for her. She's young, no husband or kids and no co-morbidities. That way she can get control and still be able to change her restriction when babies start coming along. I told her about Dr. Hoehn and told her to go to a seminar and she would get tons of info. I feel like that if anything, maybe I can help her take control before she gets as big as I was.
I am no longer the fattest person in my family. In fact, I weigh less than everybody. I am no longer the fattest person at church. I keep repeating all this stuff to try and make it real in my mind. Maybe I should go see Dr. Sabapathy. I need to get a grip with these changes before I try to sabatoge myself (which I may be starting to do). And I know that can happen. Has anybody else struggled with this?
A few good things...my job is ok. And now they want me to work more hours. Almost full time. And, drum roll please, my husband and I stepped into the 21st century and bought a cell phone - gasp! Next thing you know, we'll get one of those phones that doesn't have a cord! Or a computer you don't have to crank to get started! Will wonders never cease?
Other than my psyco ramblings not a lot has changed. We work out at least 4 days a week, and I still don't like it. I get my water, protein and vitamins in almost every day. And I try to stay faithful to Dr. Hoehn's program. But I am starting to slip a little and I fought too hard to get where I am. I do not want to go back to where I was. I just pray that I begin to do exactly what I need to do. Now, just so you'll know, I'm not being horrible, I'm just slipping. And it needs to stop before it gets out of hand.
For example, the insurance company totaled my daughter's car after the huge hailstorm so we bought it back. It's a little Escort ZX2 and we took it over to some friends yesterday. Our son rode with us so I volunteered to ride in the back. Zip, slipped right in and here's the kicker....I wore the seatbelt!!! The back seat seatbelt!!! And it didn't even tighten down or choke me. It's moments like that that blow me away.
I just can't get used to these changes. Another example, we went to GNC and asked about protein. I asked the guy behind the counter (he was more of a dude) if it would help with weight loss or was it for weight gain. He looked at us and said that if really big people used it they might lose weight, but it wouldn't work for guys like us. Huh? You mean I'm not a really big people any more?
So many changes.
I have now lost 130 pounds. So my husband commented the other night that is 6.5 20lb bags of dogfood. He just looked at me kind of strange and said, "No wonder you were always so wiped out." I laughed and told him we should go to Wally and grab 7 bags and see if he could walk around while carrying them. I bet not, I can't even imagine how I managed to live. No wonder I can run up the stairs! And my husband's aunt came to church yesterday and almost started crying when I came to her to say hi. She hasn't seen me since Christmas and I guess I look different to her. Like I said, once a significant amount comes off, things change quickly. More and more people are noticing and asking questions. I choose to tell some about the surgery and others I don't.
A sweet girl that goes to church with us pulled me off to the side and asked me questions a few weeks ago. She didn't realize there were different types of the surgery. I told her about this website and filled her in on some of the types of surgery. She's leaning towards lapband and I think it would be perfect for her. She's young, no husband or kids and no co-morbidities. That way she can get control and still be able to change her restriction when babies start coming along. I told her about Dr. Hoehn and told her to go to a seminar and she would get tons of info. I feel like that if anything, maybe I can help her take control before she gets as big as I was.
I am no longer the fattest person in my family. In fact, I weigh less than everybody. I am no longer the fattest person at church. I keep repeating all this stuff to try and make it real in my mind. Maybe I should go see Dr. Sabapathy. I need to get a grip with these changes before I try to sabatoge myself (which I may be starting to do). And I know that can happen. Has anybody else struggled with this?
A few good things...my job is ok. And now they want me to work more hours. Almost full time. And, drum roll please, my husband and I stepped into the 21st century and bought a cell phone - gasp! Next thing you know, we'll get one of those phones that doesn't have a cord! Or a computer you don't have to crank to get started! Will wonders never cease?
Other than my psyco ramblings not a lot has changed. We work out at least 4 days a week, and I still don't like it. I get my water, protein and vitamins in almost every day. And I try to stay faithful to Dr. Hoehn's program. But I am starting to slip a little and I fought too hard to get where I am. I do not want to go back to where I was. I just pray that I begin to do exactly what I need to do. Now, just so you'll know, I'm not being horrible, I'm just slipping. And it needs to stop before it gets out of hand.
March 2006
6 months.....can you believe it has been 6 months since I chose to change my life? Wow....I have lost a total of 122 pounds with 97 of those since the surgery. ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO POUNDS!!! I just can't believe it. I still see the same fat girl in the mirror. I know I feel better, clothes fit, I can exercise and all the stuff I couldn't do before. But I still see her. And if I don't see her, I just kind of stare at the person in the mirror. Like she isn't real and I will wake up and it's all been a dream. Lord, please don't let me wake up if it is just a dream. But it's not...I am working too hard for it to be a dream. So this is reality, it's just an unknown area of reality for me. I have always gone up with my weight and clothes size. NEVER down. So this is really bizarre and 'Twilight Zone' for me. And I'm sure others have gone thru this too. I can't possibly be the only one who has felt this way.
I had my six month check up today...with Billie. She is wonderful. Answered all my embarassing questions and made me realize that everything I am doing is right. That helps so much because I wonder if I will ever lose it all and if I do, will it all come back. According to Billie, I am establishing the good habits now that will keep the weight off when I reach goal. I told her that the idea of gaining a lot back just kills me because I have struggled and sweated for every pound. This has not been easy for me....but I would do it over again in a heartbeat. Never forget that.
Back to Billie....she handed me a chart that showed where I should be with my loss and I was 100% on track. Wow! I just knew that I was super behind. But according to this, I am exactly where I should be. Whew....that makes me feel a lot better. She asked about my medications (I am on NONE), about my protein, if I eat fruits and vegetables, breads etc. According to her, I am on track in those areas too. Even with my exercise, water and vitamins. She also gave me some ideas with some issues I have been having. It was very helpful.
Then came picture time. I was actually excited to have it taken (Dr. Hoehn was right). Then she showed it to me next to my pre-op picture. That's when I cried. That side by side comparison really knocked the wind out of me. I mean, I still have over 75 pounds to lose but I have come so far. And the pictures are the proof. She is so funny, tho, she says she loves that part the most. Seeing the reactions when she shows the pictures. Now I can hardly wait for my one year checkup!!
My job is stressful but so far I am hanging in there. I was hired to do data entry but it has turned into so much more. I work about 6 hours a day, doing the billings, calling insurance companies about payments, posting payments, fixing messed up billings and all that good stuff. Quite a difference from what I was hired to do. The hardest part is when she asks me if I'm doing something and I give her that blank look. How can I be doing something (like statements) when the gal that trained me was only told that I would be doing data entry. We'll see...if I can just hang in there long enough for her assistant to take over some of the responsibilities. Then maybe she won't be there so much and I can get adjusted to my job. And not get handed 40 different things to try to get done. (But don't get me wrong....what I do, I really love. I enjoy talking to the insurance companies and finding out what the problem could be. And I enjoy getting paid ;)
I'm still doing the cross country route on the treadmill but now I'm up to 3.3 MPH. I know I need to move on, tho. They have added some new machines but I don't know if I can handle them. They make you do a skiing motion. You step on the individual foot platforms and your leg swings to the side and back. I tried it for a few minutes last week and I could feel the difference. Mainly cardiovascular. I know it's time to try something else so hopefully this will meet that need. I hope so, the elliptical and I just do not get along. (I look like a deranged bunny on it...hop, hop, hop)
I was telling my husband that in a few more pounds I will no longer qualify for this surgery. My BMI is getting close to 40 and I no longer have any co-morbities. And...drum roll, please....I finally stopped using my apnea machine!! No more gasping and snoring. (At least not when I'm asleep, I still gasp at the gym) That was difficult for me to give up....I had gotten so used to it. But the pressure was way too strong. I would either take it off in my sleep or move it so some of the pressure would leak. Then it would wake up my husband. So I just quit using it. Took some adjustment, but I'm happy it is gone.
I truly enjoy picking out clothes, now. Mark tells me I'm getting curvy. That's a lot nicer than getting rounder. I'm beginning to like myself and that's a biggie for me. (Not all the time, mind you, we're not doing THAT well, yet). I even asked if I could sing one of the solos in our church cantata for Easter. That right there tells me my confidence is growing. Yay for me and thank you God, for this surgery. It has saved my life. By the way, my cheeks hurt from smiling all the time. =)
I had my six month check up today...with Billie. She is wonderful. Answered all my embarassing questions and made me realize that everything I am doing is right. That helps so much because I wonder if I will ever lose it all and if I do, will it all come back. According to Billie, I am establishing the good habits now that will keep the weight off when I reach goal. I told her that the idea of gaining a lot back just kills me because I have struggled and sweated for every pound. This has not been easy for me....but I would do it over again in a heartbeat. Never forget that.
Back to Billie....she handed me a chart that showed where I should be with my loss and I was 100% on track. Wow! I just knew that I was super behind. But according to this, I am exactly where I should be. Whew....that makes me feel a lot better. She asked about my medications (I am on NONE), about my protein, if I eat fruits and vegetables, breads etc. According to her, I am on track in those areas too. Even with my exercise, water and vitamins. She also gave me some ideas with some issues I have been having. It was very helpful.
Then came picture time. I was actually excited to have it taken (Dr. Hoehn was right). Then she showed it to me next to my pre-op picture. That's when I cried. That side by side comparison really knocked the wind out of me. I mean, I still have over 75 pounds to lose but I have come so far. And the pictures are the proof. She is so funny, tho, she says she loves that part the most. Seeing the reactions when she shows the pictures. Now I can hardly wait for my one year checkup!!
My job is stressful but so far I am hanging in there. I was hired to do data entry but it has turned into so much more. I work about 6 hours a day, doing the billings, calling insurance companies about payments, posting payments, fixing messed up billings and all that good stuff. Quite a difference from what I was hired to do. The hardest part is when she asks me if I'm doing something and I give her that blank look. How can I be doing something (like statements) when the gal that trained me was only told that I would be doing data entry. We'll see...if I can just hang in there long enough for her assistant to take over some of the responsibilities. Then maybe she won't be there so much and I can get adjusted to my job. And not get handed 40 different things to try to get done. (But don't get me wrong....what I do, I really love. I enjoy talking to the insurance companies and finding out what the problem could be. And I enjoy getting paid ;)
I'm still doing the cross country route on the treadmill but now I'm up to 3.3 MPH. I know I need to move on, tho. They have added some new machines but I don't know if I can handle them. They make you do a skiing motion. You step on the individual foot platforms and your leg swings to the side and back. I tried it for a few minutes last week and I could feel the difference. Mainly cardiovascular. I know it's time to try something else so hopefully this will meet that need. I hope so, the elliptical and I just do not get along. (I look like a deranged bunny on it...hop, hop, hop)
I was telling my husband that in a few more pounds I will no longer qualify for this surgery. My BMI is getting close to 40 and I no longer have any co-morbities. And...drum roll, please....I finally stopped using my apnea machine!! No more gasping and snoring. (At least not when I'm asleep, I still gasp at the gym) That was difficult for me to give up....I had gotten so used to it. But the pressure was way too strong. I would either take it off in my sleep or move it so some of the pressure would leak. Then it would wake up my husband. So I just quit using it. Took some adjustment, but I'm happy it is gone.
I truly enjoy picking out clothes, now. Mark tells me I'm getting curvy. That's a lot nicer than getting rounder. I'm beginning to like myself and that's a biggie for me. (Not all the time, mind you, we're not doing THAT well, yet). I even asked if I could sing one of the solos in our church cantata for Easter. That right there tells me my confidence is growing. Yay for me and thank you God, for this surgery. It has saved my life. By the way, my cheeks hurt from smiling all the time. =)
February 2006
02/20/06 What a yucky month...I am so thankful it is over! I suffered thru what I call a mini-plateau. (Or a major stall, pick your adjective. Whatever you choose, it stunk!) I lost and gained the same 3 pounds for 4 weeks. And the last few days of the month I finally managed to lose a little weight. I ended up losing 9 pounds and only 4.5 inches. That is a little disappointing but I do know that I am doing the right things so I try to keep a positive attitude. Which is hard---grrr.
At support group the discussion was all about plateaus and boy did I need that! It sure helped me get thru this lovely little time. Seems that sometimes when you start losing weight, your body reaches a place it feels comfortable. Usually a weight that you had been before for a longer period of time. (Bingo! I was exactly at that weight!) The only thing to do is up the water and protein and shake up the exercise. So I kept doing all of that and finally broke thru. I am now the lowest I can remember since my son was born 20 years ago. Cannot wait to see that slide keep creeping down. (Sometimes just a little too slow...sigh) My next goal is to get to 222. Strange number, I know, but that is the last weight I can honestly remember. That was when I was working out with a friend of mine back in 1983 or 1984. When she quit, I quit. And the weight piled on. After that number, my next goal will be to get under 200. Is that really possible?
We also had a clothing exchange and I was like a mad woman. Some of those ladies had some beautiful clothes and I was so excited to see lots in my *new* size. I managed to get a dress, a few sweaters (which I need, I freeze all the time), and some nice dress slacks. And those came in handy because I got a job! The only problem, I am so stinking short that I had to hem every single pair of pants and jeans! Mark says I could take the extra inches I had to cut off and make myself a whole nother pair. He is sooo funny...haha. (dripping with sarcasm) He had given me a gift certificate for Kohl's for Christmas and I found some nice things on clearance. In fact, they were clearancing the clearance and I scored. It is bizarre to actually go shopping in a normal store and pick up things and they fit. I was at a point where I couldn't even find clothes at Wal-Mart any more. The 3x's were too small. Now I can even fit comfortably into 2x's. I have a 1x that I try on occasionally...it fits, but a still little too tight for me. I tend to wear things a little baggy, still. Nobody wants to know me that well. So it waits.
My job is great. 4 hours a day and I do medical billing for a physical therapy clinic in Belton. Actually they have 6 clinics and I input the billing data for all 6. It's a challenge, especially since I have no experience in that field. She hired me because I had data entry experience and the gal that does the billing had given her notice that morning. I just happened to be the first one in the door. Cool. I start at 7:30 am so I have to be up at 5 to get to the gym. I actually take my shower there and go straight to work. If I came back home, it would add at least a half an hour to my travel time. From the gym it's only 5 minutes to work. 5 am...this from a girl who used to view sleeping as my alternative lifestyle. That's all I wanted to do.
I keep trying to change my exercise. I feel that if I don't, I will stall again. But I still do the treadmill for 30 minutes and then weights after that. I do the second cross-country routine (that puppy inclines to a 9 not once, but twice...arrrggghhh) and I've upped the speed to 3.1 mph. Been thinking about going a little faster but I don't want to and you can't make me! Maybe I should go faster for a shorter amount of time for 3 days a week and then weight train the other two days. Any ideas from anybody? I'm willing to listen and learn.
I figure I have two final goals. The first goal is a realistic goal. 150 pounds. That would be 200 pounds lost. I would still be considered overweight. Maybe even obese. I would have to check that out to be sure. But I have a secret goal too. But that one stays a secret because I really don't think I could ever get there. I have always been stocky (think brick outhouse) and I just don't think that goal is truly realistic. But I want to hold on to that because it motivates me. Is that wrong?
I still struggle with food. I was sick two times last week. And I mean sick....not for an hour or two. We are talking 9 hours each time! But you know it taught me that chicken can be evil. So I tend to be a little more careful. I also struggle with wanting to eat. Especially right before that time of the month. I know some people lose all desire for food after this surgery....not me! It's still right there with me. I have to make sure that I always have my water with me and try to keep myself occupied with other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like I have said before, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. The difference is that I am seeing results. And that makes this the best thing I have ever done.
At support group the discussion was all about plateaus and boy did I need that! It sure helped me get thru this lovely little time. Seems that sometimes when you start losing weight, your body reaches a place it feels comfortable. Usually a weight that you had been before for a longer period of time. (Bingo! I was exactly at that weight!) The only thing to do is up the water and protein and shake up the exercise. So I kept doing all of that and finally broke thru. I am now the lowest I can remember since my son was born 20 years ago. Cannot wait to see that slide keep creeping down. (Sometimes just a little too slow...sigh) My next goal is to get to 222. Strange number, I know, but that is the last weight I can honestly remember. That was when I was working out with a friend of mine back in 1983 or 1984. When she quit, I quit. And the weight piled on. After that number, my next goal will be to get under 200. Is that really possible?
We also had a clothing exchange and I was like a mad woman. Some of those ladies had some beautiful clothes and I was so excited to see lots in my *new* size. I managed to get a dress, a few sweaters (which I need, I freeze all the time), and some nice dress slacks. And those came in handy because I got a job! The only problem, I am so stinking short that I had to hem every single pair of pants and jeans! Mark says I could take the extra inches I had to cut off and make myself a whole nother pair. He is sooo funny...haha. (dripping with sarcasm) He had given me a gift certificate for Kohl's for Christmas and I found some nice things on clearance. In fact, they were clearancing the clearance and I scored. It is bizarre to actually go shopping in a normal store and pick up things and they fit. I was at a point where I couldn't even find clothes at Wal-Mart any more. The 3x's were too small. Now I can even fit comfortably into 2x's. I have a 1x that I try on occasionally...it fits, but a still little too tight for me. I tend to wear things a little baggy, still. Nobody wants to know me that well. So it waits.
My job is great. 4 hours a day and I do medical billing for a physical therapy clinic in Belton. Actually they have 6 clinics and I input the billing data for all 6. It's a challenge, especially since I have no experience in that field. She hired me because I had data entry experience and the gal that does the billing had given her notice that morning. I just happened to be the first one in the door. Cool. I start at 7:30 am so I have to be up at 5 to get to the gym. I actually take my shower there and go straight to work. If I came back home, it would add at least a half an hour to my travel time. From the gym it's only 5 minutes to work. 5 am...this from a girl who used to view sleeping as my alternative lifestyle. That's all I wanted to do.
I keep trying to change my exercise. I feel that if I don't, I will stall again. But I still do the treadmill for 30 minutes and then weights after that. I do the second cross-country routine (that puppy inclines to a 9 not once, but twice...arrrggghhh) and I've upped the speed to 3.1 mph. Been thinking about going a little faster but I don't want to and you can't make me! Maybe I should go faster for a shorter amount of time for 3 days a week and then weight train the other two days. Any ideas from anybody? I'm willing to listen and learn.
I figure I have two final goals. The first goal is a realistic goal. 150 pounds. That would be 200 pounds lost. I would still be considered overweight. Maybe even obese. I would have to check that out to be sure. But I have a secret goal too. But that one stays a secret because I really don't think I could ever get there. I have always been stocky (think brick outhouse) and I just don't think that goal is truly realistic. But I want to hold on to that because it motivates me. Is that wrong?
I still struggle with food. I was sick two times last week. And I mean sick....not for an hour or two. We are talking 9 hours each time! But you know it taught me that chicken can be evil. So I tend to be a little more careful. I also struggle with wanting to eat. Especially right before that time of the month. I know some people lose all desire for food after this surgery....not me! It's still right there with me. I have to make sure that I always have my water with me and try to keep myself occupied with other things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like I have said before, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. The difference is that I am seeing results. And that makes this the best thing I have ever done.
January 2006
1/28/06 Well....it took two weeks but I finally made it! I have officially lost 100 pounds!!! I reached several goals at the same time. That slide things on the scale got to clunk down and that is the best feeling....I just wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. My body is so strange (big surprise)...I will gain and lose the same 3 pounds for a couple of weeks and then finally, I will lose a bunch at the end of the month. But I always worry that I'm not going to lose anything for the month. That's how I feel this month. I only have a few weeks until February 12 and I'm not sure any weight is going to come off. I really struggle with that. But I am doing the right things (mostly) so I know the weight will come off eventually. But why does it have to be slow? sigh...
On the other hand, I HAVE LOST 100 POUNDS!!! That feels strange when I say that, almost unreal. Especially since I have at least that much more to lose. But there are good things happening, too. My blood sugars are dropping, they are almost normal in the mornings now. This morning it was 112 and that is on no meds at all. To me, that is why all of this is worth it. I have upped my water to over 80 oz and my protein is getting close to 100 grams. I've noticed that if I keep those numbers up and stay on top of my vitamins, B12, iron and calcium then I feel really good. Not just mentally (for just being able to remember all that stuff - I AM old you know) but also physically. I'm actually beginning to get excited about life. Weird.
Still exercising at least 4 days a week. I changed up my routine a little yesterday and I feel it today. I had been doing the easy cross-country route on the treadmill and had gotten my speed up to 3 MPH. Yesterday I tried a little tougher route and yikes! Kicked my hiney! But I did keep it at 3 MPH. And my husband didn't work yesterday so he spent a little time with me on the weight machines and showed me how to work different groups of muscles with the same machine.
I've also had to move the seat on the truck forwad to be able to reach the pedals. Cool. I just notice lots of little things like that...being able to put my leg under me when I sit in my chair (without it feeling like it's being crushed), hygiene issues are greatly improved, I don't see my belly in front of my when I walk, I can work for longer periods of time without collapsing, my feet don't hurt like they did and they don't swell as much either. Just lots of little wow moments. I even sat on my husband's lap...he forced me to. I was worried I would hurt him but I didn't. He actually kind of liked it. (So did I *blush*)
Ok, enough for this month. I really have rambled but I want people to see that sometimes it is a little tough but it is worth working for it. And I will say, I have worked harder for this loss than I have ever worked before. This has not been the easy way out....but it has been the best way out. At least for me.
1/13/06 So close yet so far....sigh. It feels strange to be so excited and yet so disappointed at the same time. I have officially lost 98.5 pounds!! (25 pounds before sugery) See what I mean? Only 1.5 pounds from losing 100 and yet 98.5 is nothing to sneeze at. That is 13.5 pounds this month (which is a little better for me...I usually only lose 12). I also lost 16.75 inches this month! That makes it 70 inches overall. That number almost floors me. I've lost 14 inches off my hips alone! That is too cool. So see what I mean? So many good things to celebrate.
I just can't wait to drop this last 1.5 and get under 250. I haven't been under 250 since my son was born 20 years ago. After that my next goal will be to get under 220, since that is the last weight I really remember and that was after my daughter turned 1 year old, about 22 years ago. I was going to a gym with a friend at that time and was actually doing pretty good until she quit going and of course I quit going, too.
Strange thing is that I still see the big, big, big me. I'm only big, big now but when I look in the mirror I still see me the way I was. The only time I really see a difference is in pictures. And they usually shock me. I'm hoping that as more comes off I will begin to see the real me. I still have so much more to lose, too. I have at least 100 more to lose and sometimes that seems so far away.
I am also shocked to see that my BMI is now under 50. I am no longer super morbidly obese. I am only morbidly obese! (Freaky to be excited to be morbidly anything!) I started this journey with a BMI of 64 and now I'm 45.9. That's almost 20 points off my BMI alone. Wow.
My hair is starting to fall out a little more. I'm not too worried yet but it is a little disturbing. I almost need to vacuum everyday to make sure I get it all up. And my skin is dry...but I knew that these were changes that were going to happen. But I am starting to see bones! My collar bones are starting to peek out from under the padding and the other day I found out that I have ankle bones!
The wedding is over. Thank God. I couldn't even enjoy the last few weeks with my daughter because of her idiot in-laws to be. If I never see them again it will be too soon. They are ugly, hateful people and they hurt my child deeply. I cannot stand them and I am thankful that I don't have to deal with them again. And it isn't just the parents...their other kids are nasty, too. Needless to say, God was in control the day of the wedding because if my husband or I had seen how they threatened my son (head usher) we probably would've landed in jail. By the way, nothing prepares a mom and dad for their child getting married. It is an adjustment that has been difficult but we've worked through it. And the change of her leaving home has brought Mark & I closer together. And she is doing wonderfully, I'm so proud of her.
My food issues are slowly getting better every day. I am still struggling with eating too fast. (Old habits die hard) But Oscar is quick to point out that I have ticked him off and that I will end up paying. Usually the rest of the night. I will normally be in pain for at least and hour and a half. And sometimes for 3 or 4 hours before he calms down. Stupid me. But each month it gets better.
Since I quit taking my insulin and other diabetes meds I have enjoyed watching my sugars work their way down. The first month they ran 200 to 220. The next month they were down to 170 to 180. Now they run 140 to 150. And I'm sure before too long (with more weight loss) they will be normal. I know my diabetes doc will have a fit but hey, my strategy is working.
Finally, I've managed to get some pictures worked out and need to see if I can get them on here. I want to be able to compare all these changes and see if this is really happening or if it just a dream.
1/6/2006 HOLY TOLEDO!!! I usually wait to update on my anniversary but I have had a lot of good things happen and I can't wait another week!
I finally broke down and bought some jeans. My family was laughing at my baggy jeans and good ol' Wally had jeans on sale. Now mind you that when I started this journey I couldn't wear jeans....at all. The biggest size I had stored away was 26W and a slightly smaller 26WP. (P = petite....I am vertically challenged) I'm sure I would've worn a 30 or 32 (yikes). After the surgery I was able to squeeze in the 26W's and a month or so later the 26WP's. I thought maybe I could now wear 24's but of course there were no 24's on the rack. I finally picked up a pair of 22's (hey, they were cheap) and decided I could hang on to them until I could shrink myself to fit into them. Of course I couldn't stand the suspense so I tried them on when I got home. THEY FIT!!! And I can even sit and breathe!! Course what was really funny is that I found out that my undies are baggy, too. The extra material got pulled up with the jeans and hung over the waistband of the jeans. After we got done cracking up I just stood there and stared at the mirror....thinking that this just wasn't possible. Part of me still believes that they are marked with the wrong size. I then put on a pretty sweater I have and it actually fit well and looked nice with the jeans. I was so freaked out and my husband and kids were excited too. Mark asked me when was the last time I wore a 22 and I honestly cannot remember. It has been over 15 years at least, if not longer. Wow.
Another cool thing...I weighed at the gym this morning....and I only have 6 more pounds to make it to the Century Club. I will hit quite a few goals at the same time when I make it there. I also was able to get on my knees the other day and they didn't scream in pain.
I want to elaborate more but I don't have time today. I need to talk about Christmas and food issues, my daughter's wedding and those issues, finding collar bones, hip bones and ankle bones, the change in my BMI, skin and hair, and finally having a New Year's where I wasn't thinking about how much weight I was going to gain that year. And it so weird to worry about not having clothes because they are too big. This whole thing is weird....I didn't realize how I was used to being huge until the weight started coming off. And I still feel huge but I'm feeling healthier at the same time. Like I said, weird, but I will have to talk about all that next week.
On the other hand, I HAVE LOST 100 POUNDS!!! That feels strange when I say that, almost unreal. Especially since I have at least that much more to lose. But there are good things happening, too. My blood sugars are dropping, they are almost normal in the mornings now. This morning it was 112 and that is on no meds at all. To me, that is why all of this is worth it. I have upped my water to over 80 oz and my protein is getting close to 100 grams. I've noticed that if I keep those numbers up and stay on top of my vitamins, B12, iron and calcium then I feel really good. Not just mentally (for just being able to remember all that stuff - I AM old you know) but also physically. I'm actually beginning to get excited about life. Weird.
Still exercising at least 4 days a week. I changed up my routine a little yesterday and I feel it today. I had been doing the easy cross-country route on the treadmill and had gotten my speed up to 3 MPH. Yesterday I tried a little tougher route and yikes! Kicked my hiney! But I did keep it at 3 MPH. And my husband didn't work yesterday so he spent a little time with me on the weight machines and showed me how to work different groups of muscles with the same machine.
I've also had to move the seat on the truck forwad to be able to reach the pedals. Cool. I just notice lots of little things like that...being able to put my leg under me when I sit in my chair (without it feeling like it's being crushed), hygiene issues are greatly improved, I don't see my belly in front of my when I walk, I can work for longer periods of time without collapsing, my feet don't hurt like they did and they don't swell as much either. Just lots of little wow moments. I even sat on my husband's lap...he forced me to. I was worried I would hurt him but I didn't. He actually kind of liked it. (So did I *blush*)
Ok, enough for this month. I really have rambled but I want people to see that sometimes it is a little tough but it is worth working for it. And I will say, I have worked harder for this loss than I have ever worked before. This has not been the easy way out....but it has been the best way out. At least for me.
1/13/06 So close yet so far....sigh. It feels strange to be so excited and yet so disappointed at the same time. I have officially lost 98.5 pounds!! (25 pounds before sugery) See what I mean? Only 1.5 pounds from losing 100 and yet 98.5 is nothing to sneeze at. That is 13.5 pounds this month (which is a little better for me...I usually only lose 12). I also lost 16.75 inches this month! That makes it 70 inches overall. That number almost floors me. I've lost 14 inches off my hips alone! That is too cool. So see what I mean? So many good things to celebrate.
I just can't wait to drop this last 1.5 and get under 250. I haven't been under 250 since my son was born 20 years ago. After that my next goal will be to get under 220, since that is the last weight I really remember and that was after my daughter turned 1 year old, about 22 years ago. I was going to a gym with a friend at that time and was actually doing pretty good until she quit going and of course I quit going, too.
Strange thing is that I still see the big, big, big me. I'm only big, big now but when I look in the mirror I still see me the way I was. The only time I really see a difference is in pictures. And they usually shock me. I'm hoping that as more comes off I will begin to see the real me. I still have so much more to lose, too. I have at least 100 more to lose and sometimes that seems so far away.
I am also shocked to see that my BMI is now under 50. I am no longer super morbidly obese. I am only morbidly obese! (Freaky to be excited to be morbidly anything!) I started this journey with a BMI of 64 and now I'm 45.9. That's almost 20 points off my BMI alone. Wow.
My hair is starting to fall out a little more. I'm not too worried yet but it is a little disturbing. I almost need to vacuum everyday to make sure I get it all up. And my skin is dry...but I knew that these were changes that were going to happen. But I am starting to see bones! My collar bones are starting to peek out from under the padding and the other day I found out that I have ankle bones!
The wedding is over. Thank God. I couldn't even enjoy the last few weeks with my daughter because of her idiot in-laws to be. If I never see them again it will be too soon. They are ugly, hateful people and they hurt my child deeply. I cannot stand them and I am thankful that I don't have to deal with them again. And it isn't just the parents...their other kids are nasty, too. Needless to say, God was in control the day of the wedding because if my husband or I had seen how they threatened my son (head usher) we probably would've landed in jail. By the way, nothing prepares a mom and dad for their child getting married. It is an adjustment that has been difficult but we've worked through it. And the change of her leaving home has brought Mark & I closer together. And she is doing wonderfully, I'm so proud of her.
My food issues are slowly getting better every day. I am still struggling with eating too fast. (Old habits die hard) But Oscar is quick to point out that I have ticked him off and that I will end up paying. Usually the rest of the night. I will normally be in pain for at least and hour and a half. And sometimes for 3 or 4 hours before he calms down. Stupid me. But each month it gets better.
Since I quit taking my insulin and other diabetes meds I have enjoyed watching my sugars work their way down. The first month they ran 200 to 220. The next month they were down to 170 to 180. Now they run 140 to 150. And I'm sure before too long (with more weight loss) they will be normal. I know my diabetes doc will have a fit but hey, my strategy is working.
Finally, I've managed to get some pictures worked out and need to see if I can get them on here. I want to be able to compare all these changes and see if this is really happening or if it just a dream.
1/6/2006 HOLY TOLEDO!!! I usually wait to update on my anniversary but I have had a lot of good things happen and I can't wait another week!
I finally broke down and bought some jeans. My family was laughing at my baggy jeans and good ol' Wally had jeans on sale. Now mind you that when I started this journey I couldn't wear jeans....at all. The biggest size I had stored away was 26W and a slightly smaller 26WP. (P = petite....I am vertically challenged) I'm sure I would've worn a 30 or 32 (yikes). After the surgery I was able to squeeze in the 26W's and a month or so later the 26WP's. I thought maybe I could now wear 24's but of course there were no 24's on the rack. I finally picked up a pair of 22's (hey, they were cheap) and decided I could hang on to them until I could shrink myself to fit into them. Of course I couldn't stand the suspense so I tried them on when I got home. THEY FIT!!! And I can even sit and breathe!! Course what was really funny is that I found out that my undies are baggy, too. The extra material got pulled up with the jeans and hung over the waistband of the jeans. After we got done cracking up I just stood there and stared at the mirror....thinking that this just wasn't possible. Part of me still believes that they are marked with the wrong size. I then put on a pretty sweater I have and it actually fit well and looked nice with the jeans. I was so freaked out and my husband and kids were excited too. Mark asked me when was the last time I wore a 22 and I honestly cannot remember. It has been over 15 years at least, if not longer. Wow.
Another cool thing...I weighed at the gym this morning....and I only have 6 more pounds to make it to the Century Club. I will hit quite a few goals at the same time when I make it there. I also was able to get on my knees the other day and they didn't scream in pain.
I want to elaborate more but I don't have time today. I need to talk about Christmas and food issues, my daughter's wedding and those issues, finding collar bones, hip bones and ankle bones, the change in my BMI, skin and hair, and finally having a New Year's where I wasn't thinking about how much weight I was going to gain that year. And it so weird to worry about not having clothes because they are too big. This whole thing is weird....I didn't realize how I was used to being huge until the weight started coming off. And I still feel huge but I'm feeling healthier at the same time. Like I said, weird, but I will have to talk about all that next week.
December 2005
12/12/05 I made a mistake on my last update, I said I had lost 58 pounds since surgery but it was 48 pounds. Somehow my brain lost its math functions for a moment there. The grand total was correct but the surgery total was way off. Sheesh.
Three months today!!! I weighed myself at the gym this morning and I lost twelve pounds this last month. That makes 60 pounds since surgery and 85 pounds total! This is insane. It feels so good to worry about clothes getting too big instead of getting depressed that they are getting too small. My body is strange tho, I will go for 3 weeks and not lose anything and sometimes even gain a few pounds, then pow!...In one week I will lose 7 to 15 pounds. These 12 came off in the last week and a half. It is so bizarre. I only have 15 pounds to get to my next two goals. They are to get the scale thingy to slide down another notch and to have lost 100 pounds. That doesn’t even seem possible and it is so strange to think that I am actually almost there. 100 pounds? Lost? Weird.
I have also lost over 53 inches! That is strange too. Clothes are getting baggy but I don’t want to buy new clothes yet. First off, I refuse to pay for new clothes that I won’t get to wear for long and I don’t want to get psyched thinking I’m in a smaller size and then find out I’m not. Call me chicken, but I will probably wait until these fall off of me. The only thing I have to buy soon is my dress for my daughter’s wedding. But the rest can wait. But it does feel strange to have my underclothes getting baggy.
I still have a few food issues. Thanksgiving was a challenge. We had our church dinner the Sunday before and I ate too fast (again) and ended up in the bathroom. I was miserable and couldn’t get relief so I forced the food to come back up. I hated doing it but I couldn’t take the pain. Thanksgiving Day was better. We had everybody to our house and I cooked all the usual goodies. I only took a little and ate slow and managed to not get sick. And when the desserts came out I only tasted Mark’s and decided it was way too sweet. I’m glad for that because I’m not sure that I dump on sugar and if I find that out for sure that will be a bad thing. There are some days tho that food gets stuck no matter what I do. Other days I could (I don’t but I could!) eat all day and never have an issue. So it’s a process...and I am learning that if I’m consistent and make good choices, the good days far outweigh the bad.
The stress right now is about to kill me. Dr. S told me that stress can cause the weight loss to slow down, wouldn’t you know it? My daughter’s wedding date is less than 3 weeks away and I’m going to go to jail before then, I just know it. Mainly because I want to kill her future in-laws. For some reason, they think they need to control every aspect of the ceremony. Excuse me, but isn’t the wedding about the bride and groom? I didn’t realize it was about the groom’s parents. Now they are just getting plain ugly about the whole thing and we have to have a meeting tonight with a mediator since they are so insulted that we haven’t let them control the wedding. Gee, I thought it was all about what the bride and groom want. Guess I’m wrong. So needless to say, I am angry and stressed and just plain ugly in my thoughts. I can’t even enjoy the time we have before the wedding. Shelby cries almost every day because of something they have said or done. I almost wish I had told the kids to elope. His parents keep threatening that they won’t come. I hope, I hope, I hope. Okay, enough said.
I am finding that I have more energy and that doing things is becoming easier. I don’t get as exhausted. I actually hauled all the Christmas boxes upstairs and did everything myself. I used to have my son bring the boxes up and then it would take me at least a week to get everything out. Mainly because I would get so tired. This year I brought them up by myself and had everything done in 2 days. That felt great. And with the amount of stuff I put out, that is nothing short of a miracle! By the way, I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. We are getting ready to do our Christmas musical at church and I’m finding that I don’t run out of breath like before. I can hold the notes longer and I’m not huffing and puffing on the stage. I can’t wait to try my costume on and see if it’s bigger too. When I had it on at Easter, it was getting tight.
We still exercise 5 days a week. I keep upping the speed on the treadmill while I’m doing the incline interval. I actually tried the elliptical but I don’t think I’m ready yet. It seemed too hard. But I know I will have to try it soon if I’m going to keep ahead of my body. It kind of embarrasses me tho. My legs are so short that I look like a goof when I try it. And it almost feels like its making me run and I hate to run. But I will have to come up with something. Maybe I should join one of the aerobics classes....I don’t know. I’ve seen some of the women that go to those and there is no way I would feel comfortable. I really don’t know what to do. Hmmmm, what to do, what to do?
I need a job. Hopefully I will be able to get one after the first of the year. My husband and I want to build a house and we’ll need extra income to accomplish this. Our savings is kaput after paying for this wedding. Thank God I only have one daughter. I just need to make sure that I get something that will keep me on track with my diet and exercise. The last thing I need is to use a job as an excuse to overeat and not to exercise.
Every week and month that goes by I get more at ease with this change. Choices are getting easier (most days) and I feel encouraged. I may actually succeed at this. My next milestone is my 6 month anniversary, only 3 months away. I’m curious to see how I’m doing then.
Three months today!!! I weighed myself at the gym this morning and I lost twelve pounds this last month. That makes 60 pounds since surgery and 85 pounds total! This is insane. It feels so good to worry about clothes getting too big instead of getting depressed that they are getting too small. My body is strange tho, I will go for 3 weeks and not lose anything and sometimes even gain a few pounds, then pow!...In one week I will lose 7 to 15 pounds. These 12 came off in the last week and a half. It is so bizarre. I only have 15 pounds to get to my next two goals. They are to get the scale thingy to slide down another notch and to have lost 100 pounds. That doesn’t even seem possible and it is so strange to think that I am actually almost there. 100 pounds? Lost? Weird.
I have also lost over 53 inches! That is strange too. Clothes are getting baggy but I don’t want to buy new clothes yet. First off, I refuse to pay for new clothes that I won’t get to wear for long and I don’t want to get psyched thinking I’m in a smaller size and then find out I’m not. Call me chicken, but I will probably wait until these fall off of me. The only thing I have to buy soon is my dress for my daughter’s wedding. But the rest can wait. But it does feel strange to have my underclothes getting baggy.
I still have a few food issues. Thanksgiving was a challenge. We had our church dinner the Sunday before and I ate too fast (again) and ended up in the bathroom. I was miserable and couldn’t get relief so I forced the food to come back up. I hated doing it but I couldn’t take the pain. Thanksgiving Day was better. We had everybody to our house and I cooked all the usual goodies. I only took a little and ate slow and managed to not get sick. And when the desserts came out I only tasted Mark’s and decided it was way too sweet. I’m glad for that because I’m not sure that I dump on sugar and if I find that out for sure that will be a bad thing. There are some days tho that food gets stuck no matter what I do. Other days I could (I don’t but I could!) eat all day and never have an issue. So it’s a process...and I am learning that if I’m consistent and make good choices, the good days far outweigh the bad.
The stress right now is about to kill me. Dr. S told me that stress can cause the weight loss to slow down, wouldn’t you know it? My daughter’s wedding date is less than 3 weeks away and I’m going to go to jail before then, I just know it. Mainly because I want to kill her future in-laws. For some reason, they think they need to control every aspect of the ceremony. Excuse me, but isn’t the wedding about the bride and groom? I didn’t realize it was about the groom’s parents. Now they are just getting plain ugly about the whole thing and we have to have a meeting tonight with a mediator since they are so insulted that we haven’t let them control the wedding. Gee, I thought it was all about what the bride and groom want. Guess I’m wrong. So needless to say, I am angry and stressed and just plain ugly in my thoughts. I can’t even enjoy the time we have before the wedding. Shelby cries almost every day because of something they have said or done. I almost wish I had told the kids to elope. His parents keep threatening that they won’t come. I hope, I hope, I hope. Okay, enough said.
I am finding that I have more energy and that doing things is becoming easier. I don’t get as exhausted. I actually hauled all the Christmas boxes upstairs and did everything myself. I used to have my son bring the boxes up and then it would take me at least a week to get everything out. Mainly because I would get so tired. This year I brought them up by myself and had everything done in 2 days. That felt great. And with the amount of stuff I put out, that is nothing short of a miracle! By the way, I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. We are getting ready to do our Christmas musical at church and I’m finding that I don’t run out of breath like before. I can hold the notes longer and I’m not huffing and puffing on the stage. I can’t wait to try my costume on and see if it’s bigger too. When I had it on at Easter, it was getting tight.
We still exercise 5 days a week. I keep upping the speed on the treadmill while I’m doing the incline interval. I actually tried the elliptical but I don’t think I’m ready yet. It seemed too hard. But I know I will have to try it soon if I’m going to keep ahead of my body. It kind of embarrasses me tho. My legs are so short that I look like a goof when I try it. And it almost feels like its making me run and I hate to run. But I will have to come up with something. Maybe I should join one of the aerobics classes....I don’t know. I’ve seen some of the women that go to those and there is no way I would feel comfortable. I really don’t know what to do. Hmmmm, what to do, what to do?
I need a job. Hopefully I will be able to get one after the first of the year. My husband and I want to build a house and we’ll need extra income to accomplish this. Our savings is kaput after paying for this wedding. Thank God I only have one daughter. I just need to make sure that I get something that will keep me on track with my diet and exercise. The last thing I need is to use a job as an excuse to overeat and not to exercise.
Every week and month that goes by I get more at ease with this change. Choices are getting easier (most days) and I feel encouraged. I may actually succeed at this. My next milestone is my 6 month anniversary, only 3 months away. I’m curious to see how I’m doing then.
November 2005
11/15/05 Two months....some days it feels like it’s been two years. I have had my ups and downs but the last two weeks have been great. I have continued on plan. Protein (70-80 grams a day), water (at least 64 oz a day), exercise (5 days a week, more on that later) and my surgeon’s food plan (ok, I basically stick to it but some days I try little tastes of things not on the plan) and the result? 58 pounds lost since surgery for a total of 73 pounds lost!! I feel so much better, clothes are getting baggy and I look better. I even have more energy. But I better start at the beginning...
After last months update, I had a three week stall. Now I know that stalls are to be expected but I knew that it was more than that. I wasn’t losing inches either, it was like my body was in rebellion and wasn’t going to let the weight go. I changed my exercise, focused on my food plan and still nothing. Then one night it hit me. I was still on insulin and insulin causes weight gain. I felt like that maybe I had this surgery in vain. I mean, in order for my blood sugars to come under control I need to lose weight. If I can’t lose weight, then I have to stay on insulin...and insulin won’t let me lose weight. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. So after lengthy discussions with my husband, I stopped taking the insulin. I know the risks, so please don’t lecture me. I figure this is the lesser of two evils. I HAVE to lose weight and if my sugars have to be high for a few months then so be it. I went for years with sugars over 300 so that and the excess weight did way more damage than this few months will do. They are a little high...between 160 and 180 but at least the scale started moving again. The result? 17 pounds in 11 days! Thank God, I was getting so depressed. And the sugars will naturally start coming down as more weight comes off. Now if I can get my endocrinologist to see things my way. I’m sure he will be upset but hey, it is my body and at least I’m trying to get healthy.
Oscar is becoming easier to live with. He is still demanding and unpredictable but I’m able to discern when problems are happening and take immediate action (i.e.: stop eating!) I have been sick once and it was too gross. Sometimes chicken does not sit well and that was one of those nights. After about 2 hours of discomfort I started feeling a little better and decided to have my protein drink....big mistake. I managed two drinks and felt the familiar elephant dance on my chest. I walked and walked, burped and burped and after another two hours the protein came back up. But I was still miserable and after another half hour or so the rest came up. Finally, relief! It was about one in the morning and I could finally go to bed.
Other than that I am learning that I still eat too fast. Jeez, you would think that after two months I would have a handle on that but I don’t. But the last week has been better. My husband reminds me to eat slow (yes, dear she growls) and it helps. I can eat a little more, anywhere from a half cup to three quarters of a cup. If the food is liquid or semi solid it’s closer to three quarters or so. But if it’s solid then it’s only half a cup. And some days I don’t even make the half cup....it can be less. Like I said, it depends on Oscar. And boy does he make noise and the intestines have joined the chorus. It is actually embarrassing if anyone but family is around. One evening Mark put his hand on my tummy and Oscar and the chorus kicked. He jumped and pulled his hand back and I died laughing. I swear he thinks I have an alien in my gut.
Ahhh, exercise. Will I ever learn to love it? Probably not but who knows. I do know that it helps and I do feel better. I have started doing ab routines in addition to the arms and back. I’ve also started incline intervals on the treadmill. By the way, in case you didn’t know, the treadmill was created by Satan...pure evil. So for my session on it, the evil thing inclines for three minutes and then declines. Thank God it stays at the same speed. I can’t imagine what would happen if it decided to go faster on the incline. Since I have a tendency to stall, I’ve been thinking about trying the elliptical. (shudder....what, am I...crazy?) And I know that if I weren’t exercising I wouldn’t have lost this much.
My next goal is to get the slide thingy to go down to 200...I haven’t been down that far since I got pregnant with my son who is 20 years old. I have 27 pounds to go to get there. And I would like to get some clothes that are in a different size but I’m too scared to go shopping. I don’t want to be disappointed. I started this journey in a size 28 (stretchy clothes only) and some 30/32’s. Now I’ve pulled out my size 26 jeans (NOT stretchy) and both pair are getting baggy...too cool. We also take pictures on my month anniversary dates. The comparisons are weird. Mark took a close up of my face and when I looked at it I told him that wasn’t my face. I am starting to get cheekbones and dimples. It looks so different than the one I use on here. And my side view shows a big difference, too. Those pictures are very encouraging. (Except for the turkey waddle under my chin...ewwww!)
My two month check up with Dr. Hoehn went well. My labs are good except for my iron, so I need to start taking that every day in addition to my multivitamin. I was a little anemic before surgery so I expected this. Dr. Hoehn is all smiles when he asks how things are going. And I loved telling him how much easier it is to do things....I fit into cars better, I fit into booths at restaurants, I fit into waiting room chairs that have arms, I can use normal stalls in restrooms, and on and on. I don’t have to go back until my 6 month anniversary and then I will see Billie. She will go over my eating plan to see if I’m sticking to it or having trouble. I can’t wait to see how I’m doing then.
All in all, things are going well. This is the best decision I have ever made for myself. I know that it doesn’t always go so well for some people but I am one that can say I would do it again in a heartbeat. (Even with the grouch pouch) But I do have to remind myself that we are not all alike and we all lose differently. So I can’t get jealous when others do better. I have quirks that make it a little more difficult (age, height, diabetes) but I can do this and it will work. I will be healthy.
After last months update, I had a three week stall. Now I know that stalls are to be expected but I knew that it was more than that. I wasn’t losing inches either, it was like my body was in rebellion and wasn’t going to let the weight go. I changed my exercise, focused on my food plan and still nothing. Then one night it hit me. I was still on insulin and insulin causes weight gain. I felt like that maybe I had this surgery in vain. I mean, in order for my blood sugars to come under control I need to lose weight. If I can’t lose weight, then I have to stay on insulin...and insulin won’t let me lose weight. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. So after lengthy discussions with my husband, I stopped taking the insulin. I know the risks, so please don’t lecture me. I figure this is the lesser of two evils. I HAVE to lose weight and if my sugars have to be high for a few months then so be it. I went for years with sugars over 300 so that and the excess weight did way more damage than this few months will do. They are a little high...between 160 and 180 but at least the scale started moving again. The result? 17 pounds in 11 days! Thank God, I was getting so depressed. And the sugars will naturally start coming down as more weight comes off. Now if I can get my endocrinologist to see things my way. I’m sure he will be upset but hey, it is my body and at least I’m trying to get healthy.
Oscar is becoming easier to live with. He is still demanding and unpredictable but I’m able to discern when problems are happening and take immediate action (i.e.: stop eating!) I have been sick once and it was too gross. Sometimes chicken does not sit well and that was one of those nights. After about 2 hours of discomfort I started feeling a little better and decided to have my protein drink....big mistake. I managed two drinks and felt the familiar elephant dance on my chest. I walked and walked, burped and burped and after another two hours the protein came back up. But I was still miserable and after another half hour or so the rest came up. Finally, relief! It was about one in the morning and I could finally go to bed.
Other than that I am learning that I still eat too fast. Jeez, you would think that after two months I would have a handle on that but I don’t. But the last week has been better. My husband reminds me to eat slow (yes, dear she growls) and it helps. I can eat a little more, anywhere from a half cup to three quarters of a cup. If the food is liquid or semi solid it’s closer to three quarters or so. But if it’s solid then it’s only half a cup. And some days I don’t even make the half cup....it can be less. Like I said, it depends on Oscar. And boy does he make noise and the intestines have joined the chorus. It is actually embarrassing if anyone but family is around. One evening Mark put his hand on my tummy and Oscar and the chorus kicked. He jumped and pulled his hand back and I died laughing. I swear he thinks I have an alien in my gut.
Ahhh, exercise. Will I ever learn to love it? Probably not but who knows. I do know that it helps and I do feel better. I have started doing ab routines in addition to the arms and back. I’ve also started incline intervals on the treadmill. By the way, in case you didn’t know, the treadmill was created by Satan...pure evil. So for my session on it, the evil thing inclines for three minutes and then declines. Thank God it stays at the same speed. I can’t imagine what would happen if it decided to go faster on the incline. Since I have a tendency to stall, I’ve been thinking about trying the elliptical. (shudder....what, am I...crazy?) And I know that if I weren’t exercising I wouldn’t have lost this much.
My next goal is to get the slide thingy to go down to 200...I haven’t been down that far since I got pregnant with my son who is 20 years old. I have 27 pounds to go to get there. And I would like to get some clothes that are in a different size but I’m too scared to go shopping. I don’t want to be disappointed. I started this journey in a size 28 (stretchy clothes only) and some 30/32’s. Now I’ve pulled out my size 26 jeans (NOT stretchy) and both pair are getting baggy...too cool. We also take pictures on my month anniversary dates. The comparisons are weird. Mark took a close up of my face and when I looked at it I told him that wasn’t my face. I am starting to get cheekbones and dimples. It looks so different than the one I use on here. And my side view shows a big difference, too. Those pictures are very encouraging. (Except for the turkey waddle under my chin...ewwww!)
My two month check up with Dr. Hoehn went well. My labs are good except for my iron, so I need to start taking that every day in addition to my multivitamin. I was a little anemic before surgery so I expected this. Dr. Hoehn is all smiles when he asks how things are going. And I loved telling him how much easier it is to do things....I fit into cars better, I fit into booths at restaurants, I fit into waiting room chairs that have arms, I can use normal stalls in restrooms, and on and on. I don’t have to go back until my 6 month anniversary and then I will see Billie. She will go over my eating plan to see if I’m sticking to it or having trouble. I can’t wait to see how I’m doing then.
All in all, things are going well. This is the best decision I have ever made for myself. I know that it doesn’t always go so well for some people but I am one that can say I would do it again in a heartbeat. (Even with the grouch pouch) But I do have to remind myself that we are not all alike and we all lose differently. So I can’t get jealous when others do better. I have quirks that make it a little more difficult (age, height, diabetes) but I can do this and it will work. I will be healthy.
October 2005
10/12/05 One month out and what have I learned? Tons. I have learned that Oscar is truly a grouch...I have learned not to compare myself to others because I am not them and they are not me...I have learned that the scale can quickly become my enemy...I have learned that one can lose a lot of inches in a month...I have learned that losing weight feels great...I have learned to shake up my exercise routine...I have learned that I have atrociously bad breath, I mean from the pits of hell bad breath...I have learned that I would never have lost this weight without the surgery...like I said, tons.
Good news first, I have lost 29 pounds since surgery so that makes a total of 54 pounds! 54 pounds! I have made two of my first goals...to get the scale thingy (technical term) to click down to 250 instead of 300 and to lose 50 pounds. I haven’t been under 300 for at least 4 or 5 years. I am so excited! I know from research that my loss will slow down now but if I stay faithful to protein, water, exercise and vitamins that I can maximize my loss for the next 5 months.
I have also lost 32.75 inches. That number about floored me when I measured myself. One whole inch off of my neck, 7 inches off my bust, 5.5 off my waist, 5 off my hips and even more. I was flabbergasted. (love that word) Then when we took my one month pic I was surprised to actually see the difference when I compare it to my pre-op pic. I can hardly wait to see what changes are visible at the next month and the ones after.
Oscar still rules the roost. He has now decided that foods eaten after 4 pm are of the devil. That includes chicken, turkey, tuna, refried beans, and eggs. He will tolerate cottage cheese and string cheese but only if he has to. I can eat anything (that’s on my list) before 4 and he’s ok but after 4, watch out. He growls, rumbles, hisses, rolls and then the pain starts. It is clearly a temper tantrum. I also haven’t figured out how he gets an elephant in high heels to stand on my chest but she’s there (probably in a tutu). I haven’t gotten sick yet but I have had the watery and foamy mouth issue. After about an hour, he calms down but I don’t dare try to eat. He never has a problem with liquids, just semi solid foods. Last night I tried lentil soup and he seemed to like it. It was warm and liquid...and at first he grumbled quite a bit, but after a while, he calmed down and allowed it to enter the holy place.
I have graduated to the treadmill at the gym. Wow, I had no idea how different it would be. I thought I was going great doing two miles on the track. I can only get 1.5 on the treadmill...it kicks my hiney. I guess it’s because it keeps you at an even tempo, no slowing down or stopping. But I am going farther and faster than when I started it a few weeks ago. I do know that if I hadn’t spent 9 weeks walking the track, I would have never been able to get this far on the treadmill. (A few years ago I tried walking on a treadmill at home; I could only go 10 minutes.) I have also started doing the weight machines every other day. I only do the arms and back since I don’t want to risk my abdomen yet. And of course, I don’t exactly fit on some of the machines yet...but my day is coming.
A few people at church are noticing my weight loss, but since I have so much to lose, I don’t expect many more to notice for a while. But that’s ok, that way I don’t have to decide what to tell them, or what not to tell them. Clothes are fitting looser and I’m actually wearing some that I haven’t been able to wear in a few years. That feels nice; I didn’t think I would notice changes in my clothes so soon.
I’m doing pretty well on my water, protein and vitamins. Some days are better than others. Most days I don’t struggle with food issues; food has lost its grip. It isn’t much of an obsession. I do struggle, however, with food commercials on TV and with the grocery store and Wal-Mart. And sometimes, I would just like a little something different. That’s why today is so important...it’s month two of my eating plan. I can add a few veggies and fruits. But I’m not sure why I’m so excited...I can barely eat two tablespoons and there is no way I’m going to be able to eat a vegetable after I finish my protein. Maybe it’s just the knowledge that I could have it if I wanted to.
Well, that’s my story of my first month...I’m going to try to stay off the scale until November 12th. We’ll see...sometimes I have to use the scale at the gym and give it a stern talking to before I get on it. I let it know that it does not control me...that it has no power over me...that it cannot determine whether or not I have a good day. No wonder everyone else steers clear of me at the gym...or could it be my breath? Hmmmmm...
Good news first, I have lost 29 pounds since surgery so that makes a total of 54 pounds! 54 pounds! I have made two of my first goals...to get the scale thingy (technical term) to click down to 250 instead of 300 and to lose 50 pounds. I haven’t been under 300 for at least 4 or 5 years. I am so excited! I know from research that my loss will slow down now but if I stay faithful to protein, water, exercise and vitamins that I can maximize my loss for the next 5 months.
I have also lost 32.75 inches. That number about floored me when I measured myself. One whole inch off of my neck, 7 inches off my bust, 5.5 off my waist, 5 off my hips and even more. I was flabbergasted. (love that word) Then when we took my one month pic I was surprised to actually see the difference when I compare it to my pre-op pic. I can hardly wait to see what changes are visible at the next month and the ones after.
Oscar still rules the roost. He has now decided that foods eaten after 4 pm are of the devil. That includes chicken, turkey, tuna, refried beans, and eggs. He will tolerate cottage cheese and string cheese but only if he has to. I can eat anything (that’s on my list) before 4 and he’s ok but after 4, watch out. He growls, rumbles, hisses, rolls and then the pain starts. It is clearly a temper tantrum. I also haven’t figured out how he gets an elephant in high heels to stand on my chest but she’s there (probably in a tutu). I haven’t gotten sick yet but I have had the watery and foamy mouth issue. After about an hour, he calms down but I don’t dare try to eat. He never has a problem with liquids, just semi solid foods. Last night I tried lentil soup and he seemed to like it. It was warm and liquid...and at first he grumbled quite a bit, but after a while, he calmed down and allowed it to enter the holy place.
I have graduated to the treadmill at the gym. Wow, I had no idea how different it would be. I thought I was going great doing two miles on the track. I can only get 1.5 on the treadmill...it kicks my hiney. I guess it’s because it keeps you at an even tempo, no slowing down or stopping. But I am going farther and faster than when I started it a few weeks ago. I do know that if I hadn’t spent 9 weeks walking the track, I would have never been able to get this far on the treadmill. (A few years ago I tried walking on a treadmill at home; I could only go 10 minutes.) I have also started doing the weight machines every other day. I only do the arms and back since I don’t want to risk my abdomen yet. And of course, I don’t exactly fit on some of the machines yet...but my day is coming.
A few people at church are noticing my weight loss, but since I have so much to lose, I don’t expect many more to notice for a while. But that’s ok, that way I don’t have to decide what to tell them, or what not to tell them. Clothes are fitting looser and I’m actually wearing some that I haven’t been able to wear in a few years. That feels nice; I didn’t think I would notice changes in my clothes so soon.
I’m doing pretty well on my water, protein and vitamins. Some days are better than others. Most days I don’t struggle with food issues; food has lost its grip. It isn’t much of an obsession. I do struggle, however, with food commercials on TV and with the grocery store and Wal-Mart. And sometimes, I would just like a little something different. That’s why today is so important...it’s month two of my eating plan. I can add a few veggies and fruits. But I’m not sure why I’m so excited...I can barely eat two tablespoons and there is no way I’m going to be able to eat a vegetable after I finish my protein. Maybe it’s just the knowledge that I could have it if I wanted to.
Well, that’s my story of my first month...I’m going to try to stay off the scale until November 12th. We’ll see...sometimes I have to use the scale at the gym and give it a stern talking to before I get on it. I let it know that it does not control me...that it has no power over me...that it cannot determine whether or not I have a good day. No wonder everyone else steers clear of me at the gym...or could it be my breath? Hmmmmm...
