2bthinatlast
4/09/07
Apr 09, 2007
It's been a little over 2 weeks since I last updated my blog. I think I am being a little more reasonable these days. My weight was down 3.5 lbs. on Friday...that's a grand total of 53 lbs. I am happy...still not thrilled. I must focus on the good things, though. We visited home this weekend, my first time to see some of my family since Christmas...I must say Mike's family is more moral boosting than some of my own....don't get me wrong. My family was very nice and complimentary, but Mike's family just seem to reinforce all my hard work....everyone was so excited for me. My MIL is great, she seemed very proud of me, even bought me an outfit for summer in 18/20 and I am thrilled....even more so when I will be able to fit into it! Everyone was very glad to see me, as I was them....it has been a very long winter( these last few months!!!!) Everything at home is getting green and beautiful...but it was so cold!!! It almost didn't seem like Easter.
How was my eating this weekend? Well, generally not too bad. It is difficult to say when a holiday rolls around how someone with an eating addiction is going to react. At home I am relatively safe with only the things I bring into the house, and the things I know I can have....but away from home is different. I can really appreciate the struggle drug addicts and alcoholics have when they first get out of rehab....it is like learning to function in a whole new way....the same is true with someone that has an addiction to food. When there are too many choices, it is easy to stumble...did I stumble...perhaps a little, but at least with control. For the first time, I had a hamburger from a fast food restaurant....and a couple fries. I feel guilty for eating that, but should I....? I allowed myself to taste a dessert...a very small portion...but I still feel guilty....now the psychology behind all this is......no food should ever be taboo...as far as I am concerned. And to never have something I really want, would be torture...the guilt comes in the form of, did I slow down my weight loss because I may have eaten more of something, or something I shouldn't have had? When I think of the size of the amount of the food I ate...there is no way! But the feeling of guilt for having stepped slightly off the path is terrific. So, what do I do today???? I eat my normal foods, walk my usual routine, and realize that there is no way for me to fail now....before with a regular diet, this weekend could have been enough to completely throw me off the program...but not so with my tool!!! The only thing I am truly concerned about is the amount of food I was able to tolerate without being ill...and if it will affect the satisfaction I will feel with smaller amounts that I have been eating...which I plan on returning to.....just something else to worry about.
Something that has hurt me, in an unbelievable way, that should have no bearing at all is....my brother that has not seen me since Christmas, said not one word to me about losing weight, or the fact that I am healthier looking or even mentioned the fact that I had surgery. My SIL did say to me before leaving that I was looking "younger"....and I told her that I was feeling much better. Why this hurts me is a mystery...since we don't seem to be very close in any way, any more....I suppose since he hasn't seen me in a long time, I expected some verification from him.....but it doesn't surprise me that he didn't acknowledge me especially if he thought that it might hurt me if he didn't. It is hard to understand why someone doesn't care about you when they are your flesh and blood, but I truly think he has no regard for me at all.....what difference does it make? None, but the hurt is still real....
My walking is great, however!!! I am walking 2 miles in under 40 minutes...quite an accomplishment for someone that couldn't exercise before surgery...I am thrilled that I can do it, even more so that I feel so good when I do it and after I finish...do I look forward to doing it...NO! But I do it anyway, because when I am finished, I feel good, energized and calm!!! I think of it as depositing money in the bank...each time I walk,sweat, and burn calories, that is another stone added to my path to make my journey more productive and effective. To reach my destination will be terrific...but my work won't end there....this will need to continue the rest of my life. Having surgery was like signing a contract....it is a binding agreement that I have made a choice to change my life. It can be broken, but at the cost of so much physical pain, and loss of accomplishment, why would I???? Just like I said before, the addiction is strong......
I have so much to think about in the next few months....Cassie's graduation, upcoming auditions for theatre, preparation for college for Cassie....almost more than I can fathom....so I an praying for strength and patience and hoping I can find my way thru the next few months........until then, I will keep doing my best, because that is what I must do.....
How was my eating this weekend? Well, generally not too bad. It is difficult to say when a holiday rolls around how someone with an eating addiction is going to react. At home I am relatively safe with only the things I bring into the house, and the things I know I can have....but away from home is different. I can really appreciate the struggle drug addicts and alcoholics have when they first get out of rehab....it is like learning to function in a whole new way....the same is true with someone that has an addiction to food. When there are too many choices, it is easy to stumble...did I stumble...perhaps a little, but at least with control. For the first time, I had a hamburger from a fast food restaurant....and a couple fries. I feel guilty for eating that, but should I....? I allowed myself to taste a dessert...a very small portion...but I still feel guilty....now the psychology behind all this is......no food should ever be taboo...as far as I am concerned. And to never have something I really want, would be torture...the guilt comes in the form of, did I slow down my weight loss because I may have eaten more of something, or something I shouldn't have had? When I think of the size of the amount of the food I ate...there is no way! But the feeling of guilt for having stepped slightly off the path is terrific. So, what do I do today???? I eat my normal foods, walk my usual routine, and realize that there is no way for me to fail now....before with a regular diet, this weekend could have been enough to completely throw me off the program...but not so with my tool!!! The only thing I am truly concerned about is the amount of food I was able to tolerate without being ill...and if it will affect the satisfaction I will feel with smaller amounts that I have been eating...which I plan on returning to.....just something else to worry about.
Something that has hurt me, in an unbelievable way, that should have no bearing at all is....my brother that has not seen me since Christmas, said not one word to me about losing weight, or the fact that I am healthier looking or even mentioned the fact that I had surgery. My SIL did say to me before leaving that I was looking "younger"....and I told her that I was feeling much better. Why this hurts me is a mystery...since we don't seem to be very close in any way, any more....I suppose since he hasn't seen me in a long time, I expected some verification from him.....but it doesn't surprise me that he didn't acknowledge me especially if he thought that it might hurt me if he didn't. It is hard to understand why someone doesn't care about you when they are your flesh and blood, but I truly think he has no regard for me at all.....what difference does it make? None, but the hurt is still real....
My walking is great, however!!! I am walking 2 miles in under 40 minutes...quite an accomplishment for someone that couldn't exercise before surgery...I am thrilled that I can do it, even more so that I feel so good when I do it and after I finish...do I look forward to doing it...NO! But I do it anyway, because when I am finished, I feel good, energized and calm!!! I think of it as depositing money in the bank...each time I walk,sweat, and burn calories, that is another stone added to my path to make my journey more productive and effective. To reach my destination will be terrific...but my work won't end there....this will need to continue the rest of my life. Having surgery was like signing a contract....it is a binding agreement that I have made a choice to change my life. It can be broken, but at the cost of so much physical pain, and loss of accomplishment, why would I???? Just like I said before, the addiction is strong......
I have so much to think about in the next few months....Cassie's graduation, upcoming auditions for theatre, preparation for college for Cassie....almost more than I can fathom....so I an praying for strength and patience and hoping I can find my way thru the next few months........until then, I will keep doing my best, because that is what I must do.....
3/29/07
Apr 02, 2007
Weigh in today.....down another 2 lbs.....Grand total is 49.5 lbs. to date.
Now, under any other circumstance, this would be wonderful. But I am having a difficult time feeling like this is a successful week. I think because my weight loss is slow....and I am feeling like I should be losing 4 or 5 lbs per week...I am feeling somewhat discouraged. Now let's be real about this....on any given week 6 months ago, I would have been thrilled just to not have gained 2 lbs. I need to stop obsessing about what the scale says and start being grateful for my physical changes. Yes, my clothes are noticeably baggy. I desire to walk/exercise...hahaha...who woulda' thunk....and I feel like I have energy to get things done. ( I am still having some difficulty with my right knee....but I don't want to have to address this just yet...) My son told me yesterday that he really could tell I was much thinner....so what has caused this feeling of disappointment????
Last week we went shopping for some things for the house. Pillows, sheets, towels, etc. While at Penny's, I thought I would try on a few things to see if my size was any different...well, after losing nearly 50 lbs., you would think so, right? Wrong!!! I still look very fat in the full length mirror, and a smaller size still doesn't look good.......so why then, are my current clothes baggy? I guess I am losing "all over" and not in those areas that would significantly change. I am walking, and I expected that to help my body change greatly and tone up...but now I am thinking...maybe I need more intense exercise....or maybe I just need a shot of patience!!!!!!
So in 9 weeks, I think I should fit into a size 18??? From a 24 or ....gasp.....26. Oh Pleasssse....it certainly took longer than 9 weeks for me to pack on all these pounds, so I guess it might take a little longer to take them off!!! I just need some feed back...something visible I can see. And some patience!!!!
On a positive note, I am still tracking all my food on fitday.com I think as long as I do that, I won't be fooling myself into thinking that a bite here and there won't hurt me....I know better from past experience!
Heading into Holy week, Easter, and my favorite time of the year coming on.....it is a brand new season, and I am a brand new person with my great new tool...now don't let me forget to be grateful and patient........
Now, under any other circumstance, this would be wonderful. But I am having a difficult time feeling like this is a successful week. I think because my weight loss is slow....and I am feeling like I should be losing 4 or 5 lbs per week...I am feeling somewhat discouraged. Now let's be real about this....on any given week 6 months ago, I would have been thrilled just to not have gained 2 lbs. I need to stop obsessing about what the scale says and start being grateful for my physical changes. Yes, my clothes are noticeably baggy. I desire to walk/exercise...hahaha...who woulda' thunk....and I feel like I have energy to get things done. ( I am still having some difficulty with my right knee....but I don't want to have to address this just yet...) My son told me yesterday that he really could tell I was much thinner....so what has caused this feeling of disappointment????
Last week we went shopping for some things for the house. Pillows, sheets, towels, etc. While at Penny's, I thought I would try on a few things to see if my size was any different...well, after losing nearly 50 lbs., you would think so, right? Wrong!!! I still look very fat in the full length mirror, and a smaller size still doesn't look good.......so why then, are my current clothes baggy? I guess I am losing "all over" and not in those areas that would significantly change. I am walking, and I expected that to help my body change greatly and tone up...but now I am thinking...maybe I need more intense exercise....or maybe I just need a shot of patience!!!!!!
So in 9 weeks, I think I should fit into a size 18??? From a 24 or ....gasp.....26. Oh Pleasssse....it certainly took longer than 9 weeks for me to pack on all these pounds, so I guess it might take a little longer to take them off!!! I just need some feed back...something visible I can see. And some patience!!!!
On a positive note, I am still tracking all my food on fitday.com I think as long as I do that, I won't be fooling myself into thinking that a bite here and there won't hurt me....I know better from past experience!
Heading into Holy week, Easter, and my favorite time of the year coming on.....it is a brand new season, and I am a brand new person with my great new tool...now don't let me forget to be grateful and patient........
3/20/07
Mar 20, 2007
I really do need to update a little better...since my last update, I have lost another 6 1/2 lbs......46 1/2 lbs. going.... going....... gone!!!!!! I have returned to work now, and my folks were really glad to see me. They are the sweetest people in the world....they have also noticed that I look different, and have commented on my weight loss. My co-workers have also been very complimentary as well....and while most of them are not brazen enough to actually ask how much weight I have lost...there is always one....she actually asked me how much weight I wanted to lose....ok, the real question on everyone's mind is "How much did you actually weigh???" I'm not going there, you can see it on my ticker for those that are really curious...but my goal is to lose at least 150 lbs.....so do the math...and no wonder my back, knees and feet hurt all the time!!!
I have just gotten over a nasty bout of the flu, and haven't been able to walk like I was...so tonight my DH and I went for a drag with Benji (Benji never did learn to walk on the leash...BAD owner!!) After the first mile, though, he got the hang of it and walked like a normal dog...of course Mike got the added advantage of getting the extra "pull" the first time around the block....it actually is pretty comical to see....here's this 35 lb. dog pulling this 200 lb.+ something man....quite a feat!!!
My energy level is very good, I feel very well...and it seems like each week, my knee is hurting less...and for these things I am very grateful....an added bonus is that my work clothes are starting to get fairly baggy.....yeah!!!! Quite a turnaround from them being so tight they are ready to rip!! The last week I worked before I went to have surgery, I busted the butt out of one pair of pants and the side out of the other. I had 3 pair of pants that I had been wearing since summer that still fit...and they were starting to be pretty ragged....now I am fitting into jeans that I have had for years (only 1 pair...because like most folks here, I refused to buy more than one size bigger because I was going to lose weight!!) So, I probably have one size of each size from a 24 to an 18, boy won't it be grand when I fit into something smaller than an 18??? The strange thing is, it seems unreal that I will, but how can I not when I am losing this well? It all sort of feels like a dream, and I am hoping to wake up one day and be a 12, but even then, it will only feel like a dream. I could actually be the size my daughter is!!! She is about a 10-12.....anyone that is obese has a very difficult time thinking that they will ever see those sizes again.....but it is possible....and it will happen!! I have to reinforce my thinking and actually see it in writing to believe it......
O.K., now to sing the RNY praises....let's hear it for WLS.....here I am, 8 weeks post op (as of Friday), that's 2 months....normally on a diet, the honeymoon phase is over, and it is just plain work...sometimes boredom, and sometimes the time that some folks throw in the towel. Yes you've lost some weight, and you may be exercising, but without that iron will and resolve, it is easy to gently slip off the wagon, revert to comfort foods and quietly resume old eating habits....right? We've all done it, we know how it happens....and sometimes the resolve goes for a little longer (I know because I lost 80 lbs once with diet alone...), but it is the rare individual that actually succeeds.... to (trumpets sounding...) goal weight!!! So, here I am, 2 months out, and I have a bad day...one in which I nibble (not pig out and binge, because that is no longer possible.) And I think, wow, here I go, I've had a bad day, and it will be down hill from here on out!!! WRONG!!!!! I simply had a day that I allowed boredom to take over, and allowed head hunger to rule my eating!! Glory to God, the next day my nibble spell is over, I am busy and back to work, I have my meals planned and my lunch packed, and my RNY won't allow me to fail!!! Now that's where this tool is a wonderful thing!!!! It is the golden key that will unlock the will power to resume the journey, and let me be successful where I have failed before! I sometime feel like the richest person on the planet these days because I have something....really have something...special...that is helping me!!!!! And I'll tell you another secret....you know how folks will say, "There will be a day or time when you will think or say out loud...what have I done to myself?" I am so happy and grateful that I have done this, I don't think I have had that thought...yet. And, I don't think I will, because I needed this surgery so badly...worse than I knew...because it has saved my life!!! It honestly has! Without it, I would have continued my downward spiral to greater weight gain and declining health!!! Thank you, God, for this wonderful tool....and for the better health I have been blessed with for having the faith that you were leading me to go this direction. Maybe someone will read this and still be thinking (as I was) do I really want to mutilate my body in this way? What would be the difference in destroying myself with eating...or having something done that may be dangerous, but could be life saving? I vote for saving the life...and being healthier. Feel the fear and do it anyway...right?
Anyway, for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to spring and summer (my favorite times of the year) and I am excited about being outside, having some energy and enjoying the coming warm weather!! I hope I can get some work accomplished around the house that I have been wanting to do but just didn't have the energy to do......and I am looking forward to swimming and playing with the kids and hubby and going to amusement parks and being able to fit into the rides!!! (And they just thought I was afraid of those roller coasters...and I would rather they thought I was afraid than think I was embarrassed because I didn't fit...painful to admit, but so true.)
Enough for now....looking forward to next time and some new measurements!!!!!!
I have just gotten over a nasty bout of the flu, and haven't been able to walk like I was...so tonight my DH and I went for a drag with Benji (Benji never did learn to walk on the leash...BAD owner!!) After the first mile, though, he got the hang of it and walked like a normal dog...of course Mike got the added advantage of getting the extra "pull" the first time around the block....it actually is pretty comical to see....here's this 35 lb. dog pulling this 200 lb.+ something man....quite a feat!!!
My energy level is very good, I feel very well...and it seems like each week, my knee is hurting less...and for these things I am very grateful....an added bonus is that my work clothes are starting to get fairly baggy.....yeah!!!! Quite a turnaround from them being so tight they are ready to rip!! The last week I worked before I went to have surgery, I busted the butt out of one pair of pants and the side out of the other. I had 3 pair of pants that I had been wearing since summer that still fit...and they were starting to be pretty ragged....now I am fitting into jeans that I have had for years (only 1 pair...because like most folks here, I refused to buy more than one size bigger because I was going to lose weight!!) So, I probably have one size of each size from a 24 to an 18, boy won't it be grand when I fit into something smaller than an 18??? The strange thing is, it seems unreal that I will, but how can I not when I am losing this well? It all sort of feels like a dream, and I am hoping to wake up one day and be a 12, but even then, it will only feel like a dream. I could actually be the size my daughter is!!! She is about a 10-12.....anyone that is obese has a very difficult time thinking that they will ever see those sizes again.....but it is possible....and it will happen!! I have to reinforce my thinking and actually see it in writing to believe it......
O.K., now to sing the RNY praises....let's hear it for WLS.....here I am, 8 weeks post op (as of Friday), that's 2 months....normally on a diet, the honeymoon phase is over, and it is just plain work...sometimes boredom, and sometimes the time that some folks throw in the towel. Yes you've lost some weight, and you may be exercising, but without that iron will and resolve, it is easy to gently slip off the wagon, revert to comfort foods and quietly resume old eating habits....right? We've all done it, we know how it happens....and sometimes the resolve goes for a little longer (I know because I lost 80 lbs once with diet alone...), but it is the rare individual that actually succeeds.... to (trumpets sounding...) goal weight!!! So, here I am, 2 months out, and I have a bad day...one in which I nibble (not pig out and binge, because that is no longer possible.) And I think, wow, here I go, I've had a bad day, and it will be down hill from here on out!!! WRONG!!!!! I simply had a day that I allowed boredom to take over, and allowed head hunger to rule my eating!! Glory to God, the next day my nibble spell is over, I am busy and back to work, I have my meals planned and my lunch packed, and my RNY won't allow me to fail!!! Now that's where this tool is a wonderful thing!!!! It is the golden key that will unlock the will power to resume the journey, and let me be successful where I have failed before! I sometime feel like the richest person on the planet these days because I have something....really have something...special...that is helping me!!!!! And I'll tell you another secret....you know how folks will say, "There will be a day or time when you will think or say out loud...what have I done to myself?" I am so happy and grateful that I have done this, I don't think I have had that thought...yet. And, I don't think I will, because I needed this surgery so badly...worse than I knew...because it has saved my life!!! It honestly has! Without it, I would have continued my downward spiral to greater weight gain and declining health!!! Thank you, God, for this wonderful tool....and for the better health I have been blessed with for having the faith that you were leading me to go this direction. Maybe someone will read this and still be thinking (as I was) do I really want to mutilate my body in this way? What would be the difference in destroying myself with eating...or having something done that may be dangerous, but could be life saving? I vote for saving the life...and being healthier. Feel the fear and do it anyway...right?
Anyway, for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to spring and summer (my favorite times of the year) and I am excited about being outside, having some energy and enjoying the coming warm weather!! I hope I can get some work accomplished around the house that I have been wanting to do but just didn't have the energy to do......and I am looking forward to swimming and playing with the kids and hubby and going to amusement parks and being able to fit into the rides!!! (And they just thought I was afraid of those roller coasters...and I would rather they thought I was afraid than think I was embarrassed because I didn't fit...painful to admit, but so true.)
Enough for now....looking forward to next time and some new measurements!!!!!!
3/2/07
Mar 05, 2007
Well alrightyyyyy then...guess who lost another 4 lbs. to bring my grand total to ****40lbs.***??? lost..forever!!! Yeahhhhh. Since Jan. 11th...
And as great as this is...I want it gone faster!!! What in the world is wrong with me??? Must be losing brain cells, too....that is the only logical explanation! Can't remember the last time I lost 40 lbs....well that is a lie, I can, but it seems like such a vague memory!
I was lazy and didn't post my measurements last week like I said I would..so I'll put them here in blue and white for the world to see. (I had to take "The Fray" off because it wasn't playing...bummer...will try to get it back up sos we can all see the beautiful boys on mine and my MIL's favorite show....) Yep...she got hooked on Grey's Anatomy, too!!!
Here goes:
1/25/07 2/23/07
Wrist---7 1/4 inches............7 inches
Bicep---17 3/4 inches..........15 1/2 inches
Neck---17 1/2 inches...........17 inches
Bust---52 inches..................50 1/2 inches (Sobb!!)
Waist--49 3/4 inches............45 inches(ughhhh!)
Hips---54 1/2 inches............52 inches(Ughhh!)
Thigh--30 inches.................27 1/2 inches
Calf----19 1/2 inches............19 inches(cankles??)
Ankle--18 1/2 inches............10 inches
**** 23 1/4 inches lost in one month*****
What folks say about taking pre-op measurements and how they will boost your self esteem is so true...who would have thought that I had lost all those inches. And that was 2 weeks ago!!! So, for anyone pre-op that is reading this...please make sure you do this...you will be so glad you did. I almost didn't do it. I was so busy the night before surgery, but something told me to make sure I recorded those measurements. It took my daughter maybe 5 minutes to help me do it...and now I am simply amazed...or maybe I am just simple, but anyway, I am so happy I did it. And as Martha says "...it's a good thing."
In one week I go back to work, and I am really going to miss seeing Martha (Stewart) every day..we've gotten to be pretty good buddies. (Although, I have been known to watch her when I should be working around the house)...but don't tell anyone, O.K.?
Oh yea...something else for the viewing...I am walking a 20 minute mile!!! (And I used to have trouble walking through the house!!!) My buddy JoLynn...God bless her heart...called me last week and said..."I found you a treadmill, are you going to be home...I'll drop it by?" Now is that a great friend or what??? Finds the treadmill, buys it....(I did pay her back)...picks it up and drops it off in my living room, ready to go. Can't get much better than that!!! She's the bestest ol' buddy anyone could ever want. My other buddy, Laurie, has been making me go to the mall and walk with her, too. I have the greatest friends in the whole wide world...they take such good care of me. I guess they want me to be healthy...so I really can't disappoint them, now can I? Like I said before, I am so Blessed!!!
So I hop on the ol' treadmill, warm up for 5 minutes, walk for 20 minutes...sweat like a pig...and cool down for 5 minutes... and I feel soooo good. Feels like banking energy for the next day...not to mention the mental aspect...my mind feels clearer, and my mood is lighter. I guess those endorphines do know what their doing!!!
O.K., next project...figure out what I am going to pack in my lunch for work...to be continued...
And as great as this is...I want it gone faster!!! What in the world is wrong with me??? Must be losing brain cells, too....that is the only logical explanation! Can't remember the last time I lost 40 lbs....well that is a lie, I can, but it seems like such a vague memory!
I was lazy and didn't post my measurements last week like I said I would..so I'll put them here in blue and white for the world to see. (I had to take "The Fray" off because it wasn't playing...bummer...will try to get it back up sos we can all see the beautiful boys on mine and my MIL's favorite show....) Yep...she got hooked on Grey's Anatomy, too!!!
Here goes:
1/25/07 2/23/07
Wrist---7 1/4 inches............7 inches
Bicep---17 3/4 inches..........15 1/2 inches
Neck---17 1/2 inches...........17 inches
Bust---52 inches..................50 1/2 inches (Sobb!!)
Waist--49 3/4 inches............45 inches(ughhhh!)
Hips---54 1/2 inches............52 inches(Ughhh!)
Thigh--30 inches.................27 1/2 inches
Calf----19 1/2 inches............19 inches(cankles??)
Ankle--18 1/2 inches............10 inches
**** 23 1/4 inches lost in one month*****
What folks say about taking pre-op measurements and how they will boost your self esteem is so true...who would have thought that I had lost all those inches. And that was 2 weeks ago!!! So, for anyone pre-op that is reading this...please make sure you do this...you will be so glad you did. I almost didn't do it. I was so busy the night before surgery, but something told me to make sure I recorded those measurements. It took my daughter maybe 5 minutes to help me do it...and now I am simply amazed...or maybe I am just simple, but anyway, I am so happy I did it. And as Martha says "...it's a good thing."
In one week I go back to work, and I am really going to miss seeing Martha (Stewart) every day..we've gotten to be pretty good buddies. (Although, I have been known to watch her when I should be working around the house)...but don't tell anyone, O.K.?
Oh yea...something else for the viewing...I am walking a 20 minute mile!!! (And I used to have trouble walking through the house!!!) My buddy JoLynn...God bless her heart...called me last week and said..."I found you a treadmill, are you going to be home...I'll drop it by?" Now is that a great friend or what??? Finds the treadmill, buys it....(I did pay her back)...picks it up and drops it off in my living room, ready to go. Can't get much better than that!!! She's the bestest ol' buddy anyone could ever want. My other buddy, Laurie, has been making me go to the mall and walk with her, too. I have the greatest friends in the whole wide world...they take such good care of me. I guess they want me to be healthy...so I really can't disappoint them, now can I? Like I said before, I am so Blessed!!!
So I hop on the ol' treadmill, warm up for 5 minutes, walk for 20 minutes...sweat like a pig...and cool down for 5 minutes... and I feel soooo good. Feels like banking energy for the next day...not to mention the mental aspect...my mind feels clearer, and my mood is lighter. I guess those endorphines do know what their doing!!!
O.K., next project...figure out what I am going to pack in my lunch for work...to be continued...
2/23/2007
Feb 23, 2007
Today is exactly four weeks since my surgery. To date I have lost 36 lbs. and will post my inches lost this weekend. I am seeing numbers on the scales I haven't seen for over 4 years! I am also wearing pants that haven't fit for the last 2 years. This in itself is great! The best part about it all is that I feel so much better...and for that I am most thankful! To finally be feeling like a human being again, instead of a pain filled, huge, lumbering mass (which I know is very negative, but that was what I was feeling!!!) I just pray that I can continue to eat healthy, exercise, and use this God given tool to it's greatest capacity...
Yesterday I saw Dr. McNatt at WVU. He seemed pleased with my progress and doesn't need to see me again until 3-4 months. That will be May or June...spring time!!! I can't wait to see the changes....
2/20/07
Feb 20, 2007
Went to see my PCP today. He was very happy with how well I am doing. It was a sad visit because he is retiring and today was the last time I will see him. I credit him with saving my life...because my life as it was...was no life at all! I have known him many years, both as a patient and as a professional. He was a wonderful physician, and was always all about his patients. I had the utmost respect for him as a physician, and he has taken wonderful care of me and my husband and mother....I will miss him, even though there were times I hated to go see him knowing that he would be upset that I hadn't lost any weight. Today I was a success story for him. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him caring enough to encourage me to have this surgery. So many docs are so rushed they don't have time to really talk or think about what is best for the patient...not so with Dr. Felipa. The medical community will miss his expertise.
Today I told him I felt better than I have felt in the last 10 years. I have so much more energy it is unbelievable. I am walking 30 minutes solid, and I feel so good after I am finished (except for this knee problem...) He feels that with more weight loss, my knee pain may resolve...I sure hope so!!! When I went in, the office staff started telling me how good I looked, it really made me feel good. I wonder if people see a difference in me? I know 32 lbs. is a good deal of weight...but I still have 120lbs that I have to lose. Regardless, I feel good with what I have lost, and it has already made a big difference in the way I feel. I have only worn my C-PAP a few times since I came home from the hospital. I am snoring very little without it...I wake rested, so I think my apnea is somewhat resolved. I did have to resume my other BP med I had stopped because my pressure was up today..but Doc says that in a couple months, I will probably be able to stop it completely!!! Yeah!!!
Tonight I had chicken salad, green beans and cooked carrots...the carrots really hurt when I swallowed. I guess they weren't cooked enough...chalk that up for experience!!! They did taste good, I think I need to vary my diet more because I am getting a little bored with the same things...time to shake it up a bit!!!!
Hmmm...what to have good to eat tomorrow???...to be continued.....
Today I told him I felt better than I have felt in the last 10 years. I have so much more energy it is unbelievable. I am walking 30 minutes solid, and I feel so good after I am finished (except for this knee problem...) He feels that with more weight loss, my knee pain may resolve...I sure hope so!!! When I went in, the office staff started telling me how good I looked, it really made me feel good. I wonder if people see a difference in me? I know 32 lbs. is a good deal of weight...but I still have 120lbs that I have to lose. Regardless, I feel good with what I have lost, and it has already made a big difference in the way I feel. I have only worn my C-PAP a few times since I came home from the hospital. I am snoring very little without it...I wake rested, so I think my apnea is somewhat resolved. I did have to resume my other BP med I had stopped because my pressure was up today..but Doc says that in a couple months, I will probably be able to stop it completely!!! Yeah!!!
Tonight I had chicken salad, green beans and cooked carrots...the carrots really hurt when I swallowed. I guess they weren't cooked enough...chalk that up for experience!!! They did taste good, I think I need to vary my diet more because I am getting a little bored with the same things...time to shake it up a bit!!!!
Hmmm...what to have good to eat tomorrow???...to be continued.....
2/18/07
Feb 18, 2007
To date I have lost 32 lbs. since my pre op diet started on 1/11/07. While it is hard to believe, the scales confirm that in fact I am losing!! I must say this last week has been much better physically, not so much abdominal discomfort (pulling, aching feeling.) I have been walking as much as possible, going to the mall and walking steadily for 30-40 minutes. I have found that I have more stamina and endurance than I have had in quite some time. I am so thankful for the return feeling of well being that I don't know what to do. I feel like I have hope, again, of being successful in this journey...and I am so thankful for my family and friends that have been so wonderful to me. If I knew how to add music to my blog, I would add "I am Blessed.." for I truly am!
Mike has been great...my encourager, cheerleader, voice of conscious, nurse, housekeeper, etc. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful husband. He has supported me and loved me through so many trials in my life. I am so blessed that God placed him in my life...I am sure I don't tell him enough what he means to me...but he is the love of my life...
The kids have been good, too. They have helped me when I needed them to..especially Cass. She has been wonderful to run to the store, do errands and help around the house. Even Seth has been more cooperative...which sometimes can tough!!
As for my friends...Laurie, Kistion, JoLynn, Lori, Jamie, Phyllis...all have been wonderful lifting me up in prayer, bringing gift cards for my family to eat out on, bringing gifts, flowers, things to pass the time with.. encouraging me...helping me to get out to exercise when I couldn't drive...everyone needs friends like these.
My MIL even sent me some "jammies" to lounge around in...what a nice suprise!!! She knows what I like as well as I do...
I have also had so many friends call and email to check on me, and it has been so nice...including my friends I have made at OH. How touching that this huge life changing event brings strangers together and turns them into friends.
Friday was exactly 3 weeks since my surgery. My puncture wounds are well healed and looking good. I go back to see my surgeon on Thursday and I hope he will be satisfied with my weight loss. (He wasn't thrilled at my 2 week check up, I had only lost 12 lbs. since the morning of pre-op...)
I am tolerating and enjoying my pureed foods, especially applesauce and cottage cheese...who would have thought that could be such a treat??? I have also eaten the insides of lasagna, taco meat with cheese and sour cream, stewed finely chopped chicken, green beans, carrots,and parsnips stewed with chicken. I find it takes me a good 20-30 minutes to eat...and if I don't take my time, I feel unwell...live and learn!!!
The only problem I am having now is my right knee causing a great deal of discomfort. I am wearing a brace most of the time because it aches, and at night it will wake me up if I am laying in a position it doesn't like!!! Terrible when your joints control your life??!!!!
Something that I was greatly concerned about was being alone post op and getting the blues...well God has taken care of that so far...Mike stayed home with me the first week, the second week it snowed and the kids were off 2 days, and last week they were off for 3 days. Tomorrow they have president's day off.....so needless to say, I have had lots of company...but I am thankful, I don't get to really spend that much time with them any more, they are busy working and playing ball and doing any number of things kids do. Sometimes I just wish for an evening to sit down with all of us together to talk or watch TV together. Well, last week we all sat down and played cards together...we had a great time. I love my kids so much!!!! They are funny, bright, caring, beautiful, happy, and seem well adjusted.
I know Cass has so many questions right now about her future, but I have faith that everything will work out for her as far as college and career choices. She and I went last week to have her senior pictures done...I was watching and all of a sudden, my eyes welled up and my heart began to ache...I realized this is one of those mile stones that signal she is on her way out of the house...out into the world...onto her own life...it just seems like yesterday that she was born. Now she is grown and so beautiful and intelligent. I wish I could protect her future and make it perfect for her and make it happen just as she would like it...but I know I can't....
Yesterday, Seth sang and recorded a song on a CD for a local theatre group. Listening to him, I am amazed at his 13 year old voice being so mature and beautiful. He has so much musical and acting talent, and I am so proud of him when he performs. If I never get to act again and can only watch him, I could be happy...what also pleases me is that as biased as I am, when professionals hear him, they are impressed as well! He has raw, untrained talent...and I will say it here and now, as much as I have worked in theatre...he has what it takes to make a career of it!!! I know it and feel it in my heart....yeah, lots of people will think.."that's just the mother speaking..." It is confirmed each time he takes the stage, he has incredible presence and confidence. He has great instinct, and musical talent, he is cute now with potential to be extremely handsome....he has it all!!!! Everything that would make a great theatre, or film actor. If only I had the means or opportunity for him to try...but he has to want it too...so do I push him in that direction and risk him defying me? Or let the chips fall?? I just don't know...
Enough rambling for now...it will soon be time to feed the little pouch again....Until next time...
Mike has been great...my encourager, cheerleader, voice of conscious, nurse, housekeeper, etc. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful husband. He has supported me and loved me through so many trials in my life. I am so blessed that God placed him in my life...I am sure I don't tell him enough what he means to me...but he is the love of my life...
The kids have been good, too. They have helped me when I needed them to..especially Cass. She has been wonderful to run to the store, do errands and help around the house. Even Seth has been more cooperative...which sometimes can tough!!
As for my friends...Laurie, Kistion, JoLynn, Lori, Jamie, Phyllis...all have been wonderful lifting me up in prayer, bringing gift cards for my family to eat out on, bringing gifts, flowers, things to pass the time with.. encouraging me...helping me to get out to exercise when I couldn't drive...everyone needs friends like these.
My MIL even sent me some "jammies" to lounge around in...what a nice suprise!!! She knows what I like as well as I do...
I have also had so many friends call and email to check on me, and it has been so nice...including my friends I have made at OH. How touching that this huge life changing event brings strangers together and turns them into friends.
Friday was exactly 3 weeks since my surgery. My puncture wounds are well healed and looking good. I go back to see my surgeon on Thursday and I hope he will be satisfied with my weight loss. (He wasn't thrilled at my 2 week check up, I had only lost 12 lbs. since the morning of pre-op...)
I am tolerating and enjoying my pureed foods, especially applesauce and cottage cheese...who would have thought that could be such a treat??? I have also eaten the insides of lasagna, taco meat with cheese and sour cream, stewed finely chopped chicken, green beans, carrots,and parsnips stewed with chicken. I find it takes me a good 20-30 minutes to eat...and if I don't take my time, I feel unwell...live and learn!!!
The only problem I am having now is my right knee causing a great deal of discomfort. I am wearing a brace most of the time because it aches, and at night it will wake me up if I am laying in a position it doesn't like!!! Terrible when your joints control your life??!!!!
Something that I was greatly concerned about was being alone post op and getting the blues...well God has taken care of that so far...Mike stayed home with me the first week, the second week it snowed and the kids were off 2 days, and last week they were off for 3 days. Tomorrow they have president's day off.....so needless to say, I have had lots of company...but I am thankful, I don't get to really spend that much time with them any more, they are busy working and playing ball and doing any number of things kids do. Sometimes I just wish for an evening to sit down with all of us together to talk or watch TV together. Well, last week we all sat down and played cards together...we had a great time. I love my kids so much!!!! They are funny, bright, caring, beautiful, happy, and seem well adjusted.
I know Cass has so many questions right now about her future, but I have faith that everything will work out for her as far as college and career choices. She and I went last week to have her senior pictures done...I was watching and all of a sudden, my eyes welled up and my heart began to ache...I realized this is one of those mile stones that signal she is on her way out of the house...out into the world...onto her own life...it just seems like yesterday that she was born. Now she is grown and so beautiful and intelligent. I wish I could protect her future and make it perfect for her and make it happen just as she would like it...but I know I can't....
Yesterday, Seth sang and recorded a song on a CD for a local theatre group. Listening to him, I am amazed at his 13 year old voice being so mature and beautiful. He has so much musical and acting talent, and I am so proud of him when he performs. If I never get to act again and can only watch him, I could be happy...what also pleases me is that as biased as I am, when professionals hear him, they are impressed as well! He has raw, untrained talent...and I will say it here and now, as much as I have worked in theatre...he has what it takes to make a career of it!!! I know it and feel it in my heart....yeah, lots of people will think.."that's just the mother speaking..." It is confirmed each time he takes the stage, he has incredible presence and confidence. He has great instinct, and musical talent, he is cute now with potential to be extremely handsome....he has it all!!!! Everything that would make a great theatre, or film actor. If only I had the means or opportunity for him to try...but he has to want it too...so do I push him in that direction and risk him defying me? Or let the chips fall?? I just don't know...
Enough rambling for now...it will soon be time to feed the little pouch again....Until next time...
2/7/07
Feb 07, 2007
Well, I've made it through clear liquids, to full liquids on 2/2/07 to pureed foods on 2/6/07. I am moving right along...I think. Last night I made potato soup for dinner for my family, not knowing I could upgrade to pureed foods. I had emailed Mary Ann because I was doing well with getting most of my protein in, but it was putting my calories over 500. She called me as soon as she got my email, and said she thought I should go up to something with more consistency. So, I got to have pureed home made potato soup...yummm...but oh no....even after measuring out my 1/2 cup, and eating slowly, I still felt like "a little more.." Big mistake, I know what it feels like to be too full...not comfortable!!! So today, I had oatmeal for breakfast (what a treat!!). For lunch, I thought I would do just the 1/2 cup of soup, eat slowly and listen to my belly. I thought, why not add 2 oz of pudding just to top it off, I ate slowly.....wrong again!!! Wonder how long it will take me to learn...this time my pouch felt uncomfortable....so tonight, I made mashed potatoes high protein, 1/2 cup, mashed up a tablespoon of green beans, and had 1 oz or less of ground meat. I guess this feeling I am getting is overfull? Just not quite right...or is it just my stomach adapting to the more solid food? I'm not sure, but it doesn't feel very good...I'll have to just wait and learn...
Tomorrow I go for my 2 week follow up. Hope I am doing well, I feel pretty well. Still some pain in my belly from the puncture sites, but not so bad I can't stand it. Regular tylenol just doesn't do the trick for it, though.
I just did a few measurements today for kicks and giggles...my ankle went from 18 1/2 inches to 9 inches!!!! Now I know I've lost a little weight, (22lbs!!) but can't imagine 9 inches gone!! Guess I had a little fluid on board! There were other significant changes as well, most averaged out to be 2-2 1/2 inches different. Pretty awesome, wish I would have measured before I started the liquid fast!!! Anyway, despite feeling like I really messed up the last 3 meals or so, I am successful, and my hope and prayer is that my body will use the tool well until I can train my brain to be more alert to what is happening with my stomach!!! I just thank God everyday for helping me get thru this surgery, and helping me get stronger every day.
Tomorrow I go for my 2 week follow up. Hope I am doing well, I feel pretty well. Still some pain in my belly from the puncture sites, but not so bad I can't stand it. Regular tylenol just doesn't do the trick for it, though.
I just did a few measurements today for kicks and giggles...my ankle went from 18 1/2 inches to 9 inches!!!! Now I know I've lost a little weight, (22lbs!!) but can't imagine 9 inches gone!! Guess I had a little fluid on board! There were other significant changes as well, most averaged out to be 2-2 1/2 inches different. Pretty awesome, wish I would have measured before I started the liquid fast!!! Anyway, despite feeling like I really messed up the last 3 meals or so, I am successful, and my hope and prayer is that my body will use the tool well until I can train my brain to be more alert to what is happening with my stomach!!! I just thank God everyday for helping me get thru this surgery, and helping me get stronger every day.
2/3/07 One Week Post Op
Feb 02, 2007
I really should have updated a little sooner than now. However, I wanted to really think about what I wanted to say...
First, I am so thankful that my surgery went well and I am feeling less discomfort and stronger each day. It has been what I expected, for the most part. I am a good lesson in realizing that everyone is totally different, as far as the physical body is concerned, and in regards to healing...But I should journal a little so that I can get back to this point...
1/26/07
Me, Mike and the kids arrived at WVU at 5:30 a.m. Despite going through some very bad blowing snow and some covered roads, we had no problems. I should have realized that this trip was totally God blessed, simply by the fact that we were to get up at 2 a.m. and leave by 3:30 just to give ourselves plenty of time. For some reason, I kept hitting the snooze, and woke at 3 a.m.....oh, Boy! I quickly got a shower and so did Mike and Cass. We were in the car and on the road by 3:45...Unheard of!!
We were one of the first few to arrive at SSU, given a beeper, and told to wait until it went off, then go to the double doors. Seemed an awful lot like Olive Garden to me....Anyway, I thought this being a pretty major surgery, I would be one of the first to be made ready...we sat there until 6:50. When the beeper finally went off...I asked if our table was ready, the CA (Care Assistant) barely chuckled and took us back to an area where she weighed me, then onto an area divided with curtains where I was to undress. They did a pregnancy test...I told them if it came back positive, there would be more serious things happening than a Gastric Bypass that day!!! Mike was in total agreement! LOL. Had more blood taken. Did the pre op interview with El, my RN. Then they left for a few minutes...that is when the flood gate opened. I told Mike we could still make a clean get away, he chuckled and said "This is what you wanted.." But, he knew I was just kidding, and if I really wanted to bolt...he would have taken me to IHOP so quick it wouldn't have been funny!!
So, here I am, teary eyed, and apologizing to the nurses...they reassure me and tell me it's OK to be emotional, that this is a big life changing event...I really could have used some more warm fuzzy comforting, but seeing as how my surgery was scheduled for 7:30, and this was now about 7:15, not too much time for that!! (I know they are double teaming me to get me ready...I have done it before.) They came in, started my IV, (good job on the first stick), gave me some decadron and celebrax, then told Mike to get the kids, and come back to the cubical, we were about to go to the holding area... I thought good...now I will get some versed and... my kids won't see me teary eyed. Wrong...hafta' wait until I talk to everyone on my team...
There were so many people in the holding area when we got there it looked like a part going on...the only reason I was sure it wasn't, I couldn't smell any food!!! They slid me into slot 21 (always my lucky number..) to wait for my anesthesiologist, nurse for the or room, etc. People started introducing themselves to me right away, a surgical resident (that I have underwear older than,) told me she would be with me in the or...I met 2 RNs, then Dr. Shepard, my anesthesiologist ? I'm having Grey's Anatomy flashbacks....In the mean time, I am wondering where Dr. McNatt is, Mike is sure the Anesth. guy could be his brother...it's getting to be 7:30...and seeing how I am the last one into holding, everyone else is moving out and it is getting quiet and...finally... we spot Doc, taking his time, tying his scrubs, hanging out at the desk....he comes over, says hi, tells Mike we will be about 5-6 hours, asks if I am ready....Now, what do I say??? Several responses flash through my mind...did you sleep well...do you need some coffee....where have you been all morning that I am the last person into the or....where's my versed...where's my versed.....where's my versed....can you find my or room (There are 35 operating suites on that wing, alone!!!!!)??? I'm ready if he is. Everyone kisses me goodbye, my kids are being brave..I tell them to take care of their father, I know he will get lost and not ask directions...I will see them later....
Off we go, into the cold sterile OR, thankfully after being moved on to the table, Dr. Shepard finally finds his versed vial and I won't have to think about this anymore........
I wake up with so much pain in my lower back, shooting down my legs...sciatica!!!!!! They didn't position me before I went to sleep!! I realize my belly hurts moderately...I can feel myself twisting trying to get comfortable because my back hurts soooo bad...what time is it...did my surgery go ok.....why did it take so long...it is 2:30 p.m. Someone must have gotten a hammer, next thing I realize, I have a PCA pump button in my hand, and I am getting ready to be moved to my room...I think it is about 4:30 or 5 p.m. They ask me if I want to push the button before going to my room...if I'd known how many bumps they were going to hit, I'd have maxed out. I am wheeled into my room, my family sticks their head in, says hello, and is promptly run back out... I hear Kathy say, "They haven't seen her since 5:30 this morning.." they need to wait until I get into my new torture device a.k.a bed! Out they go....I guess I am being funny, the bed catches on something and makes a loud bang...my nurse(Stephanie?) and the others getting me settled are laughing at me...Maybe I should go to stand up for a living... apparently I am very funny on high powered narcotics...my family comes in and wants to know what the loud noise was...I tell them they dropped me...they realize no one removed my sense of humor...It is over!!!!
1/27/07
Did someone get the number of that truck that hit me? Sore but amazed..or is it sorely amazed. If it is possible to spit dust, I think I could. Had two great guys taking care of me last night... the "R" team...Ricky, CA and Ross, RN. Cheerful, nice, never put out and attentive. A credit to our profession. From sorting out weird IV hook ups to helping me to and from the bathroom, with very personal care that never once made me feel embarrassed. I enjoyed hearing you talk about your careers, and your lives. For Ross, I hope he finds peace about a career decision, and for that gentle giant, Ricky, I wish him the best with his career, upcoming surgery, and child...anyway, they saw me through a rough night. The family came to visit, the kids went shopping with Kathy and Steve, and Mikie, God love his heart, played nursemaid to me...I could literally see the exhaustion on his face! Send that man home, and let the staff take care of me..(.After finally getting my leak test at almost 8 p.m., I wasn't a happy camper...the radiologist looked at the film quickly...I saw a diffuse filling and asked what it was...he wasn't sure but it may be a leak.) Not to freak....not what I wanted to hear. This could be a long night....thank God for PCA pumps that also dull mental pain.
At midnight, I'm filling the double "R" team in on my plight, when a guy I've never seen before...could have been an angel, sticks his head in my door and says.."You don't have a leak... give her something to drink..." Thank God!!!!
Throughout the night, Ross gets rid of an ugly 14 g IV in my left wrist, also my catheter (does this mean we're engaged???) Ricky helps me into the bathroom, and I discover wiping one's backside is a true luxury not afforded one having bypass surgery...On a positive note, they are sticking me for accu checks every 6 hours, and they are all normal???
1/28/07
I get the cutest little nurse on at 7 a.m., her name is Jamie and she is still wet behind the ears, but energetic, my CA is April. Little do I know what this day will bring...I get a tray with 2 kinds of jello, CIB, and a cup of hot tea. I can drink and feel pretty well, slowly I eat the jello, and taste the CIB (I've already had enough of the stuff to float the Queen Mary!) April comes in and says "You didn't eat all that did you???) OOps....I'm not sick, it has been over a fairly long amount of time....yep...I think I did...they shouldn't send it if it isn't to be consumed!!!
Cute Jamie come in to stop my best buddy (PCA) and takes away my IV fluids...gives me Lasix and some other God awful crushed meds. Wants to know if I have peed since getting my catheter out...well, of course....but what's 100 cc between friends. Later, I brave the shower, after a gas attack that wasn't just air!!!! I feel like I am making progress. I am fairly comfortable...so I try a walk around the unit, then back to my room.
Slowly and insidiously, a thumping, pounding, nauseating headache starts to develop....I ask for pain med, but it is too soon....by 4 p.m. I am shaking and crying my head hurts so bad! Mike is here, he doesn't know what to do, I feel so bad, I don't even insist that my doc be called. Jamie calls, she gets some IV push HP narc. I get some relief and start to doze after about 15 min. This one blindsided me!!!! Never heard of any one having this bad of a headache...it was almost like a migraine/spinal headache.....By 7 p.m. it is returning, I think Jamie is at her wits end...but she comes in and says..."I never thought about leaving the IV fluids up when I took your pain med down...!!!" Well, now it all makes sense...I have a diuretic on board, I'm not drinking alot yet, I put out about 900 cc for the shift and take in <100 by mouth...My new nurse Tori comes in, I look at her and say, "How long have you been a nurse?" Ten years, I'm in better hands, as cute as Jamie is, it is no substitute for experience and good nurse intuition. Jamie hooks up the IV to gravity and leaves...Tori comes in, gets it on a pump. Gives me medicine and says, I have a feeling you'll be ok in a while after we get some fluids in to you...yep...she was right.
1/29/07
I try to be patient, but waiting 1 1/2 hours for pain medicine is beyond belief. My nurse asks if I want to go home....YES...NOW! Dr. McNatt shows up, also asks if I want to go home...don't know how many more times to answer yes, get me out of here. I talk to Mike and tell him to come get me, at 9:30. He and the kids show up at 12:00. I am not a happy camper...get me out of here!!!
The ride home is blurry, I doze, have to stop to go to the bathroom in winterland, and sleep until home. Once here, I crawl into my bed thinking I will be comfortable...nope, it hurts to lay down, sit up, or lean...but I am home, and that's all that matters!!!!
First, I am so thankful that my surgery went well and I am feeling less discomfort and stronger each day. It has been what I expected, for the most part. I am a good lesson in realizing that everyone is totally different, as far as the physical body is concerned, and in regards to healing...But I should journal a little so that I can get back to this point...
1/26/07
Me, Mike and the kids arrived at WVU at 5:30 a.m. Despite going through some very bad blowing snow and some covered roads, we had no problems. I should have realized that this trip was totally God blessed, simply by the fact that we were to get up at 2 a.m. and leave by 3:30 just to give ourselves plenty of time. For some reason, I kept hitting the snooze, and woke at 3 a.m.....oh, Boy! I quickly got a shower and so did Mike and Cass. We were in the car and on the road by 3:45...Unheard of!!
We were one of the first few to arrive at SSU, given a beeper, and told to wait until it went off, then go to the double doors. Seemed an awful lot like Olive Garden to me....Anyway, I thought this being a pretty major surgery, I would be one of the first to be made ready...we sat there until 6:50. When the beeper finally went off...I asked if our table was ready, the CA (Care Assistant) barely chuckled and took us back to an area where she weighed me, then onto an area divided with curtains where I was to undress. They did a pregnancy test...I told them if it came back positive, there would be more serious things happening than a Gastric Bypass that day!!! Mike was in total agreement! LOL. Had more blood taken. Did the pre op interview with El, my RN. Then they left for a few minutes...that is when the flood gate opened. I told Mike we could still make a clean get away, he chuckled and said "This is what you wanted.." But, he knew I was just kidding, and if I really wanted to bolt...he would have taken me to IHOP so quick it wouldn't have been funny!!
So, here I am, teary eyed, and apologizing to the nurses...they reassure me and tell me it's OK to be emotional, that this is a big life changing event...I really could have used some more warm fuzzy comforting, but seeing as how my surgery was scheduled for 7:30, and this was now about 7:15, not too much time for that!! (I know they are double teaming me to get me ready...I have done it before.) They came in, started my IV, (good job on the first stick), gave me some decadron and celebrax, then told Mike to get the kids, and come back to the cubical, we were about to go to the holding area... I thought good...now I will get some versed and... my kids won't see me teary eyed. Wrong...hafta' wait until I talk to everyone on my team...
There were so many people in the holding area when we got there it looked like a part going on...the only reason I was sure it wasn't, I couldn't smell any food!!! They slid me into slot 21 (always my lucky number..) to wait for my anesthesiologist, nurse for the or room, etc. People started introducing themselves to me right away, a surgical resident (that I have underwear older than,) told me she would be with me in the or...I met 2 RNs, then Dr. Shepard, my anesthesiologist ? I'm having Grey's Anatomy flashbacks....In the mean time, I am wondering where Dr. McNatt is, Mike is sure the Anesth. guy could be his brother...it's getting to be 7:30...and seeing how I am the last one into holding, everyone else is moving out and it is getting quiet and...finally... we spot Doc, taking his time, tying his scrubs, hanging out at the desk....he comes over, says hi, tells Mike we will be about 5-6 hours, asks if I am ready....Now, what do I say??? Several responses flash through my mind...did you sleep well...do you need some coffee....where have you been all morning that I am the last person into the or....where's my versed...where's my versed.....where's my versed....can you find my or room (There are 35 operating suites on that wing, alone!!!!!)??? I'm ready if he is. Everyone kisses me goodbye, my kids are being brave..I tell them to take care of their father, I know he will get lost and not ask directions...I will see them later....
Off we go, into the cold sterile OR, thankfully after being moved on to the table, Dr. Shepard finally finds his versed vial and I won't have to think about this anymore........
I wake up with so much pain in my lower back, shooting down my legs...sciatica!!!!!! They didn't position me before I went to sleep!! I realize my belly hurts moderately...I can feel myself twisting trying to get comfortable because my back hurts soooo bad...what time is it...did my surgery go ok.....why did it take so long...it is 2:30 p.m. Someone must have gotten a hammer, next thing I realize, I have a PCA pump button in my hand, and I am getting ready to be moved to my room...I think it is about 4:30 or 5 p.m. They ask me if I want to push the button before going to my room...if I'd known how many bumps they were going to hit, I'd have maxed out. I am wheeled into my room, my family sticks their head in, says hello, and is promptly run back out... I hear Kathy say, "They haven't seen her since 5:30 this morning.." they need to wait until I get into my new torture device a.k.a bed! Out they go....I guess I am being funny, the bed catches on something and makes a loud bang...my nurse(Stephanie?) and the others getting me settled are laughing at me...Maybe I should go to stand up for a living... apparently I am very funny on high powered narcotics...my family comes in and wants to know what the loud noise was...I tell them they dropped me...they realize no one removed my sense of humor...It is over!!!!
1/27/07
Did someone get the number of that truck that hit me? Sore but amazed..or is it sorely amazed. If it is possible to spit dust, I think I could. Had two great guys taking care of me last night... the "R" team...Ricky, CA and Ross, RN. Cheerful, nice, never put out and attentive. A credit to our profession. From sorting out weird IV hook ups to helping me to and from the bathroom, with very personal care that never once made me feel embarrassed. I enjoyed hearing you talk about your careers, and your lives. For Ross, I hope he finds peace about a career decision, and for that gentle giant, Ricky, I wish him the best with his career, upcoming surgery, and child...anyway, they saw me through a rough night. The family came to visit, the kids went shopping with Kathy and Steve, and Mikie, God love his heart, played nursemaid to me...I could literally see the exhaustion on his face! Send that man home, and let the staff take care of me..(.After finally getting my leak test at almost 8 p.m., I wasn't a happy camper...the radiologist looked at the film quickly...I saw a diffuse filling and asked what it was...he wasn't sure but it may be a leak.) Not to freak....not what I wanted to hear. This could be a long night....thank God for PCA pumps that also dull mental pain.
At midnight, I'm filling the double "R" team in on my plight, when a guy I've never seen before...could have been an angel, sticks his head in my door and says.."You don't have a leak... give her something to drink..." Thank God!!!!
Throughout the night, Ross gets rid of an ugly 14 g IV in my left wrist, also my catheter (does this mean we're engaged???) Ricky helps me into the bathroom, and I discover wiping one's backside is a true luxury not afforded one having bypass surgery...On a positive note, they are sticking me for accu checks every 6 hours, and they are all normal???
1/28/07
I get the cutest little nurse on at 7 a.m., her name is Jamie and she is still wet behind the ears, but energetic, my CA is April. Little do I know what this day will bring...I get a tray with 2 kinds of jello, CIB, and a cup of hot tea. I can drink and feel pretty well, slowly I eat the jello, and taste the CIB (I've already had enough of the stuff to float the Queen Mary!) April comes in and says "You didn't eat all that did you???) OOps....I'm not sick, it has been over a fairly long amount of time....yep...I think I did...they shouldn't send it if it isn't to be consumed!!!
Cute Jamie come in to stop my best buddy (PCA) and takes away my IV fluids...gives me Lasix and some other God awful crushed meds. Wants to know if I have peed since getting my catheter out...well, of course....but what's 100 cc between friends. Later, I brave the shower, after a gas attack that wasn't just air!!!! I feel like I am making progress. I am fairly comfortable...so I try a walk around the unit, then back to my room.
Slowly and insidiously, a thumping, pounding, nauseating headache starts to develop....I ask for pain med, but it is too soon....by 4 p.m. I am shaking and crying my head hurts so bad! Mike is here, he doesn't know what to do, I feel so bad, I don't even insist that my doc be called. Jamie calls, she gets some IV push HP narc. I get some relief and start to doze after about 15 min. This one blindsided me!!!! Never heard of any one having this bad of a headache...it was almost like a migraine/spinal headache.....By 7 p.m. it is returning, I think Jamie is at her wits end...but she comes in and says..."I never thought about leaving the IV fluids up when I took your pain med down...!!!" Well, now it all makes sense...I have a diuretic on board, I'm not drinking alot yet, I put out about 900 cc for the shift and take in <100 by mouth...My new nurse Tori comes in, I look at her and say, "How long have you been a nurse?" Ten years, I'm in better hands, as cute as Jamie is, it is no substitute for experience and good nurse intuition. Jamie hooks up the IV to gravity and leaves...Tori comes in, gets it on a pump. Gives me medicine and says, I have a feeling you'll be ok in a while after we get some fluids in to you...yep...she was right.
1/29/07
I try to be patient, but waiting 1 1/2 hours for pain medicine is beyond belief. My nurse asks if I want to go home....YES...NOW! Dr. McNatt shows up, also asks if I want to go home...don't know how many more times to answer yes, get me out of here. I talk to Mike and tell him to come get me, at 9:30. He and the kids show up at 12:00. I am not a happy camper...get me out of here!!!
The ride home is blurry, I doze, have to stop to go to the bathroom in winterland, and sleep until home. Once here, I crawl into my bed thinking I will be comfortable...nope, it hurts to lay down, sit up, or lean...but I am home, and that's all that matters!!!!
1/25/07
Jan 25, 2007
Well, in a little over 12 hours I will be entering the hospital to begin getting ready for surgery. My house is clean (as it will probably get), I have shopped for post op foods, I am finishing laundry and am now waiting for the beginning of the final explosion (bowel prep!) TMI!!!
My dear friend Laurie visited me today, and brought me the most lovely gift and card. The card was about prayer...something I value and believe so strongly in. The gift was a candle in a beautiful delicate container and had a note attached that said "renewal." How very appropriate. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new way of life for me. Tomorrow is the beginning of a healthier lifestyle for me. Tomorrow is the renewal of hope that I will be able to regain my health and enjoy life more fully.
When I talk with people today, they seem sort of shocked that I am up beat and not at all nervous....why should I be afraid? I have the peace I have prayed for, should this path be the one I need to take... It is here and I am claiming it as my own and I am taking this peace to be God's assurance that everything will be in His will...
I have been a little emotional with my close friends that stopped by today (Laurie, Kistion and JoLynn.) But who else can you show your heart to and not feel judged? Sometimes I look at my friends and my family and see how much they love me and I feel ashamed of myself somehow.... Ashamed that my path has come to this end.... I really hope my life and who I am is not measured by the size of my body, but by the content of my heart. But this is me judging myself...and there is no room for negativity today!!!
I am praying for strength for the time I have to say good bye to my kids in the morning. Of all the things I have to do, I think I am dreading that the most. I am afraid I will cry and upset them. I hope they understand how much love I have for them in my heart...and that is one of the reasons I am doing this, so that I will be healthier and happier, and able to do more with them. I only wish I would have found a solution to my weight problem long before now... Hindsight! For now, I will focus on the brightness of my future and what I have to look forward to...
I have had some lovely and beautiful messages from my online friends from this site. I appreciate so much their words and encouragement. It is good to know others that have been exactly where I am at this moment, and know that they are now so much happier and well. I only hope I will be able to share my experience with others that are also walking this path, and lift them up as I have been...
Time to finish my work, make a few last phone calls and settle in for my last few hours before we have to leave.
The next time I post, I will be post!! LOL!!!
More then....
My dear friend Laurie visited me today, and brought me the most lovely gift and card. The card was about prayer...something I value and believe so strongly in. The gift was a candle in a beautiful delicate container and had a note attached that said "renewal." How very appropriate. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new way of life for me. Tomorrow is the beginning of a healthier lifestyle for me. Tomorrow is the renewal of hope that I will be able to regain my health and enjoy life more fully.
When I talk with people today, they seem sort of shocked that I am up beat and not at all nervous....why should I be afraid? I have the peace I have prayed for, should this path be the one I need to take... It is here and I am claiming it as my own and I am taking this peace to be God's assurance that everything will be in His will...
I have been a little emotional with my close friends that stopped by today (Laurie, Kistion and JoLynn.) But who else can you show your heart to and not feel judged? Sometimes I look at my friends and my family and see how much they love me and I feel ashamed of myself somehow.... Ashamed that my path has come to this end.... I really hope my life and who I am is not measured by the size of my body, but by the content of my heart. But this is me judging myself...and there is no room for negativity today!!!
I am praying for strength for the time I have to say good bye to my kids in the morning. Of all the things I have to do, I think I am dreading that the most. I am afraid I will cry and upset them. I hope they understand how much love I have for them in my heart...and that is one of the reasons I am doing this, so that I will be healthier and happier, and able to do more with them. I only wish I would have found a solution to my weight problem long before now... Hindsight! For now, I will focus on the brightness of my future and what I have to look forward to...
I have had some lovely and beautiful messages from my online friends from this site. I appreciate so much their words and encouragement. It is good to know others that have been exactly where I am at this moment, and know that they are now so much happier and well. I only hope I will be able to share my experience with others that are also walking this path, and lift them up as I have been...
Time to finish my work, make a few last phone calls and settle in for my last few hours before we have to leave.
The next time I post, I will be post!! LOL!!!
More then....
