4_them_2
Why is that seat empty?
Mar 14, 2011
I hate writing but I need to keep track of why I'm doing this before encountering the rough patches. Today is the first day of my 14 day liquid diet. I actually like liquid protein drinks so I'm not struggling yet. I stress yet because I haven't ever done a liquid only diet on purpose. I've had days when I have forgotten to eat but never deliberately. At least with medifast I had one lean and green a day. But my surgeon requires optifast so here i am.I spoke with my favorite cousin today and i realized i miss her. I have deliberately removed myself from being around my family and friends due to my size. And although most people say you aren't that big...i always think compared to what or better yet who? I'm bigger than I ever wanted to be and hate being uncomfortable in my own skin. My cousin stated she's gained about 30 pounds and sympathized with how i feel. She said although she didn't notice the gain, she's amazed by how far people move out of the way when she's walking down lets say a hall. And as she said that it occurred to me how often i've had a seat to myself on either a plane or other mass transportation. My husband and I typically are going somewhere every couple of months and we sit together. Well lately i have traveled without hubby and often find the seat next to me vacant. I would quickly dismiss it to luck but southwest is an open seating airline, so people choose where that want to sit and no one wants the fat lady as a partner. Same applies to the train and bus.
I've become that person we all see but try not to see
as you walk quickly by and try not to make eye contact
wondering if they feel your eyes slide across their girth
as if you are a carnival barker appraising their weight
Step right up , Step right up and win prize
condemning them withoout knowing them
condemning myself for feeling smug
condemning my children to a life without a mother
and failing to realize that life is the prize
so i am stepping up
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